


clipped wings, broken thing

by damerons (noblydonedonnanoble)



Series: bird set free [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I promise growth and a happily ever after, and part Rey and Poe learning to face and work through their respective trauma, this fic is part damerey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 92,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28079982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblydonedonnanoble/pseuds/damerons
Summary: Cursed with the need to obey any order – even those issued to her unintentionally – Rey has spent the majority of her life on Ahch-To with only Luke Skywalker for company. When Leia sends her best pilot to ask Luke to help the Resistance, their quiet life is disrupted, and Rey must confront her place in the galaxy for the first time.
Relationships: Kes Dameron & Poe Dameron, Leia Organa & Rey, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron & Leia Organa, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey & Luke Skywalker
Series: bird set free [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109873
Comments: 74
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first inkling of this fic came to me about a year ago, when I was rereading _Ella Enchanted_ and thought to myself that a young Oscar Isaac would have been the perfect person to play the prince. That initial image snowballed into something… quite different, but after a lot of writing and revising and Wookieepedia-ing, I’ve finally reached a point where I think it’s ready to start posting. Barring any unforeseen circumstances (which there are plenty of in these Pandemic Times), I’ll be updating weekly—possibly twice a week if I can pick up the speed of my revisions, but no promises.
> 
> Most of my alterations to _Star Wars_ canon are pretty clear within the context, but I don’t really explore the inevitable implications of Rey’s absence from _The Force Awakens_ in much detail. I’m working from a version of events where Poe and Finn don’t lose track of each other on Jakku, they find BB-8 and still steal the Falcon, reuniting with Han. 
> 
> Anyway. I’m absurdly proud of this fic. It’s the biggest project I’ve ever undertaken, and I’m really, really excited to share it with y’all.

Master Luke took Rey away when she wasn’t even 4 years old, and she did not understand why.

She clutched Leia tight, tears flooding her eyes as she begged Luke to reconsider, but Luke was not the only one who was adamant—Leia and Han kindly told her that she needed to go, that _it won’t be forever_.

She looked Ben in the eye, willing him to protest, too. He’d been gone more and more, training with Luke and the other apprentices at the temple, but surely he still cared enough for her to be her ally in her moment of distress. There was a shade of unhappiness spreading across his features, but he said nothing except, “I’ll miss you, Rey.”

\--

It was only a few years later, during one of Luke’s many visits to Ahch-To, that she asked again why she couldn’t return home with him, and he sighed softly, sadly. “I suppose it’s time that I explain. I imagine you’ve assumed by now that it has something to do with your curse.”

“Yes,” Rey breathed, suddenly feeling self-conscious even though they were all alone on the island, far from the Lanais’ settlement.

Strictly speaking, they did not know whether Rey’s enchantment was a curse, although they always referred to it as such when she and Luke did speak of it. She was an infant when Luke discovered her, abandoned on the side of a river on an Outer Rim planet from which he’d sensed a strong energy in the Force. She was starving and wailing when he found her, and at first, he thought nothing of it when he told her to stop crying and she obeyed immediately. He brought her back to Han and Leia, asking them to raise her until she was old enough to train with him at his temple. But as her curse became apparent, the plan changed. Luke searched desperately for an explanation for Rey’s forced obedience, but his research revealed no leads.

He only believed that it was not Jedi in origin. At one point, Rey had posited this idea eagerly, and Luke knelt down and held her arms gently, tenderly. He rarely touched her, and when he did, it was a passing gesture, correcting her posture or battle stance. Never did he touch her with such warmth. _No Jedi would inflict this on anyone, let alone a young girl_ , he told her.

“A few weeks before I brought you here, Leia brought Ormes Apolin to dinner. He was the senator of Kuat, and he was…” Luke wrinkled his nose. “Awful. Leia didn’t like him either, it was obvious, but his planet had been a close ally of the Empire, and the Senate thought it would be a meaningful, democratic gesture if we _ate some food with him_. Breaking bread with the heroes of the Rebellion and all that.”

Luke rolled his eyes, and Rey giggled. If he could forget what a large role he’d played in the toppling of the Empire, she suspected he would.

“We were going to send you off to bed before dinner, but you sat up with us beforehand, and…” Luke’s brow furrowed. “You spilled some water on Ben. It was a complete accident, you were just excited about the story the ambassador was telling. But Ben, he wasn’t thinking, and he said, ‘Spill somewhere else next time,’ and—”

Rey finished the sentence when Luke seemed to hesitate. Ben had issued Rey a direct order, and so… “I had to spill more water.”

“None of us realized what Ben had said in time, but I have to hand it to Apolin. He had you figured out in a matter of seconds.”

It had only taken that one slip-up for Luke, Leia, and Han to realize how much danger Rey was in. How much danger the New Republic was in through them. It didn’t matter how frivolous or serious the order—if someone instructed her to do something, she had to, and there were too many people in the galaxy who were bound to take advantage.

Luke hid her away, revealing to no one where he had taken her.

Not long after telling this story, he joined her on Ahch-To for good. He would not explain why until she was nearly grown.

\--

Rey saw the ship well before Luke did. It landed near the beach, far from her hut and even further from Luke’s perch higher on the mountain, where she knew he’d gone to meditate.

Many years before, Luke had issued one of his rare orders to her. _If strangers ever arrive on this island, don’t trust them, don’t even reveal yourself to them. Not without very, very good reason._

_What kind of reason is a good enough reason?_ Rey had asked, a little bewildered. It hadn’t felt like much of an order, at the time, not with such a potentially massive caveat. She might think a person’s smile, their gait was a good enough sign that they were friend, not foe.

_You’ll know it if you see it_ , he told her.

In that moment, she peered through her window, and she suddenly felt Luke’s instructions as the imperative they had been. At the very thought of stepping outside – not even revealing herself, but simply leaving her hut – her stomach churned, her feet felt heavy and immovable.

A man emerged first. He had olive skin and dark, wavy hair that twisted and curled as the wind rushed through it.

Rey watched the man shout something into the ship before turning toward the path up the mountain; immediately, she ducked down, her curiosity about the stranger overtaken by her compulsion to follow Luke’s instruction that she not reveal herself.

Some minutes later, she heard footsteps in the grass outside her hut—first growing louder, then, slowly, fading away.

For a few more minutes, Rey crouched low on her own floor, as though the stranger might reappear at any moment, but at last, she felt her muscles relax and she allowed herself to peer down at the ship again.

As she watched, a small, spherical droid disembarked. Admittedly, she could barely remember any droids – even Artoo and Threepio were only vague memories – but she was certain this was the smallest droid she’d ever seen. And following close behind—

“Chewie?” she whispered, disbelieving. Then did that mean…

“Han?” She felt strange about how hopeful her voice sounded to her own ears, especially because she hadn’t seen him for 15 years. Especially because Han did not appear.

Lurking in the back of her mind— _was this a good enough reason?_

Her straining muscles told her _no_.

Nearby, a door slammed. She heard Luke’s irritated voice, the voice of the stranger saying, “Master Skywalker, please, General Organa needs you.”

She’d been so preoccupied with Luke that she hadn’t heard Chewbacca’s steps outside her hut, but she heard his roar, heard Luke exclaim, “Chewie?” quickly followed by, “Where’s Han?” But the tone of his voice revealed to Rey immediately that he already knew the answer.

That. That was a good enough reason.

\--

The pilot was named Poe Dameron. He could barely get complete sentences out of Luke, but it seemed to be more because Luke resented the request to join the fight, rather than because he felt any particular distrust toward the pilot himself. So Rey had no qualms about talking to their visitor.

And she did talk to him, a lot—after all, Luke had been her only true conversation partner for over a decade, the Lanais not much for everyday chit chat.

While she did not reveal the reason for her isolation – another one of Luke’s orders, although she would have kept her forced obedience a secret anyway – she explained to Poe that she’d spent her early childhood with Han, Leia, and Ben, but that she’d been on Ahch-To for a vast majority of her life and knew little about the war that Poe was trying to pull Luke into.

“I’m sorry, did you say you grew up with Ben Solo?”

Rey’s stomach dropped. Luke had told her, at last, what had happened between him and Ben, but so much time had passed since then; they had no idea who or what had become of him. “Yes, I did. Why, what’s happened to him?”

Poe grimaced. “Well, he doesn’t use that name anymore.”

\--

“I want to help the Resistance,” Rey told Luke that night, long after Poe and Chewie had given up for the night and returned to their ship, Poe vowing to come back the next day.

“Don’t-- please don’t make me have this argument,” he said, his voice faltering over the beginning of an order. “You heard what he said about Ben.”

Rey tried to brush past that as though it was nothing. “What about Ben?”

Luke rubbed his temple, exasperated. “If Ben discovers that you’re helping the Resistance, all he needs to do is reveal your curse to the rest of the First Order, and you’ll be as good as dead. The Resistance will be as good as dead.”

She stammered toward an argument that lacked any substance, and she went to sleep that night feeling useless. What had been the point in Luke training her if she couldn’t join in the fight?

\--

Rey half-expected the Falcon to be gone the following morning, regardless of the pilot’s apparent determination to stay for Luke. When she discovered they had stayed, she strode down to the beach, some bread in a sack for Poe and Chewbacca in case they hadn’t anticipated a longer trip.

Poe was already awake. He sat perched on the rocks, overlooking the tempestuous waters that stretched out for an eternity beyond the island. Tentatively, Rey clambered up to join him, reluctant to ask for permission in case he told her to go away.

He didn’t look at her, not at first, although he looked down at the piece of bread that she held out for him and she thought she saw the hint of a smile as he took it.

“Do you think he’ll come with us?” he asked.

Rey’s immediate instinct was _no_ , although she wanted to think otherwise. She thought of Chewie and Leia, mourning Han’s death, the Resistance hanging by a thread, and she wanted to believe that Luke could be convinced of his importance to the cause.

“I don’t know,” she allowed.

With what seemed like great hesitation, Poe told her, “I’m honestly still not sure I understand why the general thinks we need him so much. My parents told me about what he did for the Rebellion, and my mother even went on a mission with him once toward the end of the war, but he doesn’t seem anything like what they described. It’s like he wants the Jedi to fade into myth.”

“I think he does,” Rey murmured.

Luke had trained her, when she was younger, and she was a quick study. He swore off it after Ben. Though she gradually wore him down until he agreed to train her there on the island, they rarely talked combat strategy. Being a Jedi became – for Rey – little more than a way of looking at and feeling the world.

If Luke was to be believed, that was for the best.

Poe sat up straighter, looking at Rey at last. She met his eye and he looked puzzled. “Do you think there’s any point in asking him to come with us?”

She realized abruptly what it sounded like, that she was essentially telling Poe that Luke was useless, and she rushed to clarify. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean… If Master Luke agrees to help Leia, he might be exactly what the Resistance needs to stop the First Order. But you’re right: he’s not the man he used to be.”

“The man who single-handedly defeated Darth Vader.”

Rey smirked down at the bread in her hands. “There’s a lot you don’t know about Luke Skywalker, Poe Dameron.”

“Oh?” He was smirking too. “Tell me about him, then, Rey—”

He paused, as though leaving space for her to fill in her name, and she assumed he intended it to be playful—a lot to assume of a near-stranger, so perhaps she just wanted to believe that he’d meant his tone to match hers. But it smarted more than she could let on, both because this was the first order he had unintentionally given her and because—

“Just Rey,” she breathed, already feeling her stomach churn when she did not immediately launch into Luke’s biography.

For his part, Poe sounded regretful as he said, “Oh. Well, could you tell me about Luke Skywalker, Rey?”

Her stomach calmed at once, and something else deeper within her calmed as well.

\--

Rey tried not to feel envious as Poe recounted his time in the Resistance, how he became Leia’s right-hand man. How he became the man Leia would entrust with the mission to Ahch-To.

But oh, did she envy him.

In her years spent on Ahch-To, Rey had come to love Luke like a father, but as a child, she had always loved Leia best. She had loved her quiet warmth, loved the way that Leia was tough, but not hardened. It took a very brave, very strong person to experience what Leia had, and to come out of it as soft and kind as she had.

The older Rey got, the more she ached over that relationship, which she regarded as stolen from her by the curse.

“Do you remember her well?”

“A little.” Not enough. Looking toward Luke’s hut and trying not to think of how unlikely it was, she said, “I’d like to see her again.”

\--

Poe was trying, yet again, to talk Luke into joining the Resistance, leaving Rey to her own devices. She confined herself to her hut, still feeling odd in BB-8 and Chewie’s presence without Poe or Luke there.

She felt Ben well before she saw him—she felt a deep sadness and an anxiety that had always saturated the air around him, even when they were young.

Their eyes met, and she watched the confusion on his face, the gradual understanding as he frowned and breathed, “Rey?”

Swallowing, she whispered, “Ben.”

His expression hardened, he turned away, and his face, the feeling of him, was gone.

“Luke!” Rey exclaimed at once. She clambered further away from where it felt – where she was almost certain – Ben had just been, tumbling out the door and falling to her hands and knees in the same moment that Luke rushed out of his own hut with Poe close behind.

“Rey?”

“I just…” She felt breathless and more than a little self-conscious that she was not talking to Luke alone as she said, “I just saw Ben.”

Poe and Luke replied simultaneously—Poe, hand settling on his gun as he twisted around and asked, “What, here?” and Luke, squinting at Rey and reiterating, “You just saw Ben?”

She nodded weakly at Luke, then processed Poe’s question and clarified, “Not… not here, exactly, it was just…” Rey held Luke’s gaze and willed him to understand what she had experienced, willed him to have a coherent explanation. “I saw him. I felt him, and his energy, I know it was him. He felt… guilty about something, Luke, sadness and guilt that even hurt to feel through him.”

Luke grimaced. Casting a glance at Poe – whose eyes were filled with concern, his stance confused as he hesitated over whether to leave Rey on the ground or help her to her feet – Luke said, “Dameron, Rey and I need to talk. Alone.”

Not that there was much Luke could say. He had read about Force bonds, of course, and with what little he knew, he was inclined to believe this was the connection that Rey had experienced. But he couldn’t begin to guess why it was connecting them, or why it had just manifested for the first time.

He didn’t articulate the fear that had to be hanging over both of their heads—that if it happened again… if it happened enough… Kylo might attempt to use Rey’s curse to the First Order’s advantage. Whether such an order would hold any power over her, they had no idea, but frankly, they had to assume the worst.

All Luke could say…

_Do not attempt to develop this. Do not seek it out._ Ben – Kylo – was not to be trusted.

\--

“When you were explaining the Jedi to me, you didn’t mention that you are one,” Poe told her the next morning. They sat, once again, on the rocks beside the water, splitting more bread between them.

“Who’s to say I am?”

Poe shrugged. “How else would you explain your vision of Kylo Ren yesterday?”

She wasn’t certain how to answer, at first. “Luke and I don’t know what that was, exactly, but I don’t think it happened because I’m a Jedi.”

He chuckled as though she had somehow caught herself. “So you are a Jedi.”

“Depends on your definition,” Rey hedged. Almost in spite of herself, she was amused by both his curiosity and persistence. And she had to concede that Poe had been quite forthcoming with her and Luke; it felt unfair to keep everything from him, even if some of her secrecy was necessary. Perhaps that was why she asked, “How much has Master Luke told you about the Force?”

“Not much. He still hasn’t told me much of anything.” Poe hesitated. “I thought that I’d eventually be able to ask him about the Force tree back home, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. And my only real takeaway from _you_ is that it sounds an awful lot like magic, but you say it’s not.”

Rey glanced over Poe’s shoulder, toward Luke’s hut above them, and she considered what she should say next.

“Close your eyes,” she said at last.

Poe immediately did so, and Rey felt a twinge of joy that he’d taken her instruction – her order – so easily, even as he asked, “Why?”

“We’re meditating,” she told him, as though it should be obvious.

“Oh, I see.” Poe’s lips were curled into a wry, easy smile.

Slowly, hesitantly, Rey reached out and took his half-eaten bread from his hands and rested it in his lap. She gently set one of his hands, then the other, on the cool, damp rock.

To Rey, meditation had long been as automatic as breathing, so that trying to imagine how to walk Poe Dameron through it proved difficult—particularly because she wasn’t sure whether he would feel anything.

Quietly – so quietly that she was almost worried the sound of the waves would drown her out – she told him, “Breathe. Slow, deep breaths.”

She tried to remember the last time Luke had done this with her. For years, now, they mostly meditated separately, but they had truly grown close through meditation, through Luke training her to lean into her Force sensitivity.

Its innate intimacy only struck her as she guided Poe to sit still and straight, adjusting his posture and the tilt of his head as he breathed.

Finally, Rey was satisfied, and she settled back down beside him, closing her own eyes. She breathed slowly, aware of a shiver spreading from her shoulders and into her arms, stirring up goosebumps, but she pushed her mind past that and said, “Allow yourself to feel the rock beneath your fingers. The fabric of your clothes, settled against your skin. The wind, curling through your hair and rushing around you. The water lightly spraying your face as it strikes the rocks below.”

Poe said nothing, and Rey allowed silence to hang over them for some moments as she did think about the feeling of herself sitting on that rock, of the breeze on her face.

“Lean into your other senses. Do you hear anything? Smell anything?”

He sounded breathless. “Yes.”

“Tell me,” she prompted.

Again, his reaction was immediate, and Rey’s breath caught in her throat. “I hear the water splashing against the rocks.” Pause. “I hear the baby porgs in that nearby nest calling out for breakfast. I smell… the rocks. I think it’s the rocks. It smells hard and metallic and it feels like it’s caught at the back of my mouth.”

He trailed off and didn’t say anything else, but Rey smiled. “Good. Now I want you to take that awareness of everything around us – the water and the rocks and the wind – and try to reach out further, feel beyond it. Feel and hear and see beyond it.”

Rey fell into it easily, immediately. Turning her senses over to the Force always felt like she was submerging herself in comfortingly warm water, and she became aware of a million things at once—the clouds meandering across the sky; sprouts emerging from the grass on the other side of the island; one of the Lanais lighting a fire to cook breakfast.

“Now,” she murmured, “Tell me what you see.”

When he didn’t speak for some time, Rey expected him to say that he didn’t know what she wanted from him. That he couldn’t see anything.

“Oh,” Poe said at last. Surprise saturated his voice.

“Tell me,” Rey said again, even quieter this time.

He swallowed hard next to her. “I see… the whole island, the water churning around it. I see birds, and insects, and…”

Just as he hesitated again, Rey felt the pull of them, perched on the rocks. She watched herself from outside of herself, her eyes shut, before her gaze turned to Poe beside her. His eyelids fluttered slightly but remained closed, yet Rey felt as though he was staring at her, into her.

She felt the tips of his fingers against hers on the rock.

“This is the Force?” Poe asked.

“This is the Force.”

\--

Kylo appeared immediately after Rey had had another argument with Luke about helping the Resistance.

She’d stormed off to an isolated cave that she had found as a child, where she’d gone to pout after many a disagreement with Luke. When she was young, it had felt snug, secretive, but now that she was grown, it barely provided enough cover to shield her from the rain falling from the sky.

“I have missed you, Rey.”

She could barely stand to look at him, even though the peculiar experience of this Force bond compelled her to look his way. But his words stung, a hurtful echo of his last words before Luke took her away, so that she found she couldn’t bring herself to muster a response beyond, “Did you kill him?”

“Kill who?”

“Your father.”

He steeled his expression and stood a little taller. “Yes.”

Rey could feel the disgust on her face, strong enough that she didn’t know how to reply—not least of which because she still felt uncertainty clinging to him.

Before she could determine what to say, though, Kylo spoke up again. “I wish you would join me, Rey.”

“You…” She frowned at him and leaned forward. “You wish?”

Kylo knew what Rey was getting at without her having to say any more. “I have no interest in forcing you to join me. When I convince you, it will be your choice alone.”

She threw a stray rock at his stomach, but he was gone, and the rock soared over the edge of the cliff.

\--

“Luke isn’t coming.”

Rey had been expecting Poe to give up, but she wasn’t expecting it to hit when she arrived with breakfast.

In part because they’d developed a routine. Telling her that he’d given up… that most certainly broke their routine.

“What’s convinced you?” she asked, instead of agreeing or disagreeing.

Poe shrugged. “I don’t know. I can just feel it. He’s not coming, and I’m of more use to Leia if I can get back to the Resistance.”

“Right. Okay.” Rey blinked down at her bread before awkwardly holding it out to him.

His next words surprised her. “Maybe you could come, though. Just because the Resistance can’t have Luke Skywalker, it doesn’t mean we can’t get the help of a Jedi.”

And Rey tried not to read too much into the hopefulness that she detected in his voice, but she couldn’t exactly ignore her own anticipation.

“I’d need to talk to Luke.”

\--

She didn’t ask to leave—she told him she was going.

It seemed that he understood the futility of arguing with her, and she braced herself for potential orders.

_You will not go._

_Don’t bring it up again._

“Okay.”

Luke noted her expression, and Rey didn’t even have to prompt him to clarify. “If circumstances are as bad as Dameron says, it might not matter, soon, whether I try to protect you and the Resistance. Perhaps you’ll prove to be what they need. And who knows—maybe you’ll have better luck breaking the curse out there.”

Rey couldn’t help but stare at him, still disbelieving.

“Fine,” he said, exasperated. “Just to show you how serious I am, I’m going to give you something I’ve been holding onto for a few years too many.”

Gingerly pulling away a rock in his wall, he revealed a hidden compartment, and the light saber stored inside.

She took it from him tentatively, as though it might break in her fingers. Her anxiety was understandable—it had been years since she’d touched a saber. “This isn’t yours,” she breathed.

Not only did she know this because Poe had brought Luke’s to Ahch-To – for all the good it did him in convincing the old Jedi to join the cause – but she had seen Luke’s saber plenty as a child, admired its bright blue hue and sleek casing.

He smiled kindly. “Its previous owner gave it to me for safe keeping, but that’s a story for another day. In the meantime, I suspect that you might not be the only one who could make good use of a saber in this war.”

These words were still ringing in Rey’s ears as she reached the Falcon and told Poe the news.

\--

Rey had not been in space since Luke brought her to Ahch-To, and she initially tried to conceal her astonishment as they left the atmosphere.

But then she glanced over at Poe and saw him watching her with affection.

“I always wanted to learn to fly,” she said quietly.

Poe’s eyes shone. “I imagine we can make that happen.”

She worked very hard to refrain from laughing. “You’d just like the excuse to show off.”

“There’s a reason they say I’m Leia’s best pilot,” was all he said in response. Poe flashed a smile at Rey, and she was, annoyingly, endeared.

\--

They arrived in the middle of a massive evacuation. Poe had been prepared to cloak the Falcon as soon as they left hyperspace, yet they barely escaped the scans of the First Order’s fleet.

“Where are we?” Rey whispered, as though the First Order might hear her.

Poe glanced between the First Order and Resistance fleets, then to the planet below. “I’m honestly not sure. The general had a temporary base picked out for us, and she was hoping to be there by the time I got back, but she said it was a jungle planet, and that down there looks like—”

“Ice,” Rey said. “Are you sure we’re in the right place?”

As though the fleets weren’t a dead giveaway, Poe held up a small ornament that Rey had noticed around his wrist. She had not noticed it blinking until now. “Homing beacon guiding us back to Leia. We’re in the right place. I’m going to try to contact the main ship and figure out what we should do.”

He wasn’t expecting Leia to be the one to answer his hail, but—

“Dameron, you sure are cutting it close.”

Rey tried not to laugh as he said, “Sorry, General, we came as soon as we could.”

“Is it too much to hope that my brother is included in that ‘we’?”

Poe shook his head as though Leia could see him. “I’m afraid not, General, but I’d say we can still call the mission a success. I’ve got Rey with me.”

“Rey?” Leia repeated.

Tentatively, with an encouraging nod from Poe, Rey said, “Hi, Leia.”

Silence on the other end for a few moments, and then: “I’m sending you some coordinates on the planet below. Meet us there, and then we can discuss this.”

\--

The First Order did not catch onto the Resistance’s cloaked escape vessels until the crew had reached the base on the planet of Crait, so, after destroying the Resistance fleet above, a brief battle commenced from the old, abandoned base, giving the Resistance enough time to flee on the Millennium Falcon.

Poe complimented Leia on the strategy, but she didn’t even hear him—as she stepped onto the Falcon and reached the cockpit, she zeroed in on Rey immediately, pulling her into a hug and clutching her tight.

“I’d hoped Luke was with you,” she breathed, so quietly no one around them could hear. “I hated the idea of you on some other planet, alone, not knowing what had happened…”

Standing back slightly, Leia ran her hands over Rey’s arms, looking her in the eye. There was so much warmth in her gaze, but worry, too. Still looking at Rey, she said, “Dameron, could you leave us a minute?”

Poe looked between Rey and Leia, bewildered. “You’re seriously asking me to leave you alone on my own ship.” When Leia didn’t contradict this, he shook his head. “Why do I get the feeling I’m missing something, here?”

As soon as he was gone, Leia sat down in the pilot’s seat, gesturing for Rey to sit as well.

“So, I suppose that answers my question of whether you and Luke told him about the curse.”

Rey grimaced and shook her head. “Luke forbid me from telling anyone almost as soon as he brought me to the island. And he didn’t seem eager to tell Poe, so I didn’t want to push him.” And Poe certainly wasn’t going to deduce it any time soon, not when he never accidentally ordered her to do anything. Not once, since his very first slip-up.

What a shame that one of her favorite things about Poe Dameron was also the thing preventing her from revealing a crucial truth about herself, a truth about herself that she longed for him to know.

“Luke didn’t want to warn Dameron about the curse, but he also saw fit to send you to the Resistance.” Leia said it as a statement, but there was an implied, _Why the hell did he do that?_ in there.

“He pointed out that if circumstances are as desperate as it seems, my curse probably couldn’t do anything much to exacerbate your problems. And he… he can’t bring himself to leave the island, not after everything that happened.” Briefly, Rey allowed these words to hang in the air, and she and Leia shared a moment of deep, unspoken sadness. “So I’m the closest thing you’ve got to a Jedi to face Kylo and Snoke.”

“That’s not… entirely true,” Leia said carefully. “Before he left to find Luke, Poe was detained on a First Order ship, and he was rescued by a defecting stormtrooper. It appears that the stormtrooper – Finn – is Force-sensitive; he sensed Luke’s saber, and Poe reports that he’s fairly adept with it. But he hasn’t trained—my son’s already beaten him once, and it nearly killed him. He's spent the past several days in a coma.”

Frankly, Rey was stunned that this Finn had not been killed. She hadn’t just felt Kylo’s anxieties and regret over killing his father; she had felt his power, too, almost overwhelming even from across the galaxy.

It struck her, then, that Leia had mentioned Force sensitivity.

“Leia, the ex-stormtrooper isn’t the only one in the Resistance’s ranks whose Force sensitivity has been awoken.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With each update, I'm also going to be gradually sharing the playlist that I've been listening to as I write, which follows the general mood and narrative arc of the fic. The Spotify link is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=WrQDFhJMQoiA-q3w3iKTwA), and the playlist will be updated with 5 new songs in conjunction with each new chapter.
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Starry Eyed" by Few Bits  
> \- "People of the Secret" by The Helio Sequence  
> \- "willow" by Taylor Swift  
> \- "Feelin' For" by Hey Cowboy!  
> \- "In the Meantime" by Port O'Brien


	2. Chapter 2

It was agreed upon that, in Luke’s absence, Rey would train Finn and Poe both.

Poe was initially reluctant— “Not that I think Rey has nothing to teach me, General,” he said carefully, with a tentative, apologetic glance at Rey, “but don’t you think we should be putting my talents as a pilot to good use? Training up our other fighters, maybe, or gathering resources and intel to help us combat whatever the First Order is throwing at us next.”

“Absolutely, Poe. And I assure you that we will be using your skills as a pilot. But we can divide your time. Your Force sensitivity is a gift, and training it might prove invaluable in ways that we can’t even imagine yet.”

Finn was much more immediately eager.

“Oh, hell yeah.”

He and Rey were fast friends, too, chatting and laughing together as though they had known one another for years.

Back on Ahch-To, it had occurred to Rey that perhaps she had so eagerly taken on her friendship with Poe because he was something new and different in her monotonous routine. And, to be sure, the dynamic between them changed as they settled into the Resistance’s temporary base on Ajan Koss. Poe had a wide array of responsibilities as one of the leaders of the Resistance, and Rey was often busy with the mechanics, learning her way around the fighters to feel a bit more useful.

At the end of their long days, though, Rey would retreat to the forest on the outskirts of the Resistance base, and Poe would come and find her.

“Can I ask you something?” Poe said on one of these occasions, about two weeks after their arrival.

“I suspect I can’t stop you,” Rey retorted, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Have you seen Kylo Ren again since we got here?”

Rey’s stomach dropped. “No, actually. I haven’t.”

The question was something of a relief, if only because it made her realize that, in the frenzy of settling in along with the rest of the Resistance, she had hardly had time or reason to think about the peculiar connection that had opened between her and Kylo.

Now that Poe had reminded her of the connection, though, Rey felt the urgency of protecting the Resistance from Kylo. From herself.

Poe evidently noticed her concern, because he settled his hand carefully on her arm and asked, “Hey, that’s a good thing, right?”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure it is. Of course it is.”

“You sound convinced,” Poe murmured.

She sighed. “I still don’t know why it happened in the first place, so I can’t know whether I should be relieved that it hasn’t happened again. For all I know, he’s just closed himself off to me, in which case he might choose to initiate the connection between us again for some horrible reason. Or perhaps our connection was good, the Force connecting us to give me the ability to communicate with an old friend and bring him back to the light…”

“Rey.”

His hand was over hers, now – when had that happened? – and Rey felt her stomach flip, so reminiscent of every order she’d ever been given in her life, but she’d been issued no orders. She looked over at him, her brow furrowed.

“I’m not going to tell you it doesn’t matter, because it does. But if you don’t have an answer right now… maybe you need to give yourself permission not to worry about it. At least tonight.”

Rey smiled gently at him. “Clearly you haven’t known me long enough to see—”

“Maybe I don’t know the truth about whatever you and Leia are keeping from us, but I still see plenty.” And she believed him, which made her heart stutter. “Enough to say that you consider it your personal job to fix everything, and it weighs you down knowing that you might not be able to single-handedly save the Resistance. But you know what I think?”

“What?” Rey whispered, almost scared of his answer.

Poe bumped his shoulder against hers. “I think it would be nice if you came and played dejarik with me and Finn. The weight of the galaxy will be there for you to pick up in the morning, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” Rey was primarily utilizing the retort to conceal how overwhelmingly flustered she was; Poe had just described her so succinctly, as though he had known her for years.

And once again, he had made a request, not given her an order.

“I really, really am.”

She looked him in the eye and allowed herself to believe, for just a moment, that he wasn’t talking about her metaphorical burdens anymore.

\--

Poe clutched the saber in both hands, his knuckles white as he stood in a defensive stance across from Rey. “Y’know, I’m starting to feel like this is pointless.”

“I’m starting to wonder why you’re always on the defensive when you spar with me,” she retorted. Unlike Poe, her arms were down, the saber held nonchalantly in one hand. She rolled her wrist as she paced back and forth, assessing his stance.

“I’m always on the defensive because you always beat me.”

She frowned at him. “Every training exercise I’ve seen you run in your ship or on the ground, you take the offensive and follow your instincts. I beat you when we spar because you don’t trust yourself enough to follow your instincts with that saber.”

“Because you always beat me.” Bewildered, he looked over to Finn, who was perched on a crate at the edge of the clearing where they had taken to sparring. “What is she not getting here?”

Finn let out a laugh and shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I could swear she can read my mind when we’re sparring.”

“Wait, can Jedi read minds?” Poe asked, twisting to look back at Rey as though the thought had never occurred to him before.

“I’ll tell you after you attack me, Flyboy.”

With her needling, he did take the offensive. And he nearly pinned her once or twice, but Rey still came away triumphant, first claiming his saber and then tripping him so that he found himself kneeling in the dirt below her, his own saber already deactivated but brandished in his face.

Looking up at her, his gaze long and intense, he murmured, “Mind reader.”

Rey swallowed. Very nearly said nothing.

“No need to read your mind—it’s all plain as day on your face.” Unable to maintain eye contact after that, she looked over to Finn and said, “Your turn.”

\--

It was late one evening, and all three of them were worn out from a long day of running the training course Leia and Rey had designed, followed by countless sparring matches. Tensions were high, and Rey had nearly bested Finn once again when he said it:

“Just let me win for once, Rey.”

He said it like it was nothing—because it was, technically.

But Rey was immediately knocked off-balance as she felt the pull to meekly counter his attacks, to lose her footing or drop her saber. And Finn was mid-swing, so she was resisting, of course, she had to in order to ensure that neither of them got hurt, but that only made it worse, bile rising in her throat and her skin crawling and her head pounding even as her mind screamed _no no no no no_ —

Subconsciously, perhaps, her grip had loosened on the saber; this was the best explanation she had for how Finn’s strike sent her weapon flying from her hands.

Finn stared after it, speechless for several seconds before realizing that Rey was also so shocked that she was not attempting to retrieve it. He lunged to the ground and grabbed the saber while Rey took several rapid breaths and stared into the trees, the symptoms of an unfulfilled order already fading away.

“You know I wasn’t… serious,” Finn said carefully, glancing over toward Poe before returning Rey’s weapon. “Beating you is pointless if it wasn’t real.”

“No, it… it was,” Rey told him; gods, she hated the way her voice was trembling. “You surprised me, and it ruined my concentration. I promise I didn’t let the saber go on purpose.”

Although he was clearly skeptical, something about the emptiness of her expression kept him from arguing with her, but it kept him from saying anything else, either.

“Why don’t we finish for the day,” she told them. “You two go on to dinner. I think I left one of Luke’s diaries over at the start of the training course and I don’t want to leave it out overnight.”

Rey struck out alone, not giving Finn and Poe any time to argue.

She felt anxious about so many things—about how much she and Finn could have gotten hurt back there, about what Leia would say when she told her about it, about whether this was the final proof they needed to show that she could never be of much use to the Resistance.

More than once, Rey had imagined asking Leia to cancel out Luke’s order that she never tell anyone about the curse. She imagined explaining it to Poe, and to Finn, but each time, she reached the same conclusion: once she exposed herself to two people – even two of the people she most trusted in the galaxy – her secret would become harder to conceal, and increasingly dangerous to those around them.

Even though it had been an excuse, Rey did return to the training course, where she sat on a tree stump to calm herself before returning to base.

Perhaps she should have anticipated that she would be followed, but as it was, the sound of nearby footsteps in the darkness made her jump.

“It’s only me,” Poe said, before he had even come into view.

Rey didn’t answer, but she also didn’t tell him to leave, somewhat surprising them both. Hesitantly, Poe sat on the ground in front of her, dead foliage crunching slightly under his weight.

“We’re worried about you,” he told her softly. A pause, then: “Because you let him win.”

She swallowed and kept her eyes trained on Poe’s knee. “I didn’t-- it’s like I said, Poe. I didn’t let my saber go on purpose.”

“Okay.”

He allowed this to sit in the air for what felt like an eternity, and something about it – the silence between them, Poe tapping his fingers on his boot, a bird call above them – did make her feel calm and good.

“Am I just ignoring the fact that you’re clearly picking your words very carefully here, then?” Poe said at last.

If it were about anything else, Rey would be pleased with his attention to detail. Instead, she lifted her eyes to meet his for the first time since he had arrived, and she told him, “I really, really wish you would.” Because think about it too hard and he might ask questions that she couldn’t answer, not when the end result would be her revealing her curse.

His eyes were soft, even as he grimaced. “I wish you would tell us what’s hanging over you.” Tentatively, he added, “I wish you’d tell me.”

Feeling a twinge in her gut over a truth that she was already getting precariously close to revealing, Rey whispered, “I’d like to, but I can’t.”

“What, is it some Jedi secret that only you, Luke, and the general can know?” She’d meant to reassure Poe with her admission that she wanted to share with him, but the pain was apparent in his meager attempt at a joke; she had wounded him anyway.

“Some things aren’t about the Jedi,” Rey snapped before she could help it.

Not that she knew what her curse had to do with—regardless of Luke’s emphatic belief that no Jedi would have afflicted her with a curse of obedience, it could have something to do with the Jedi for all they knew.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, though, she regretted them; she and Poe might bicker sometimes, but she never took such a harsh tone with him, and he was visibly taken aback.

Very abruptly, Rey made a choice.

“When I debrief with Leia tonight…” she began carefully. “There’s a chance that we’ll decide I should return to Ahch-To. If we don’t… I’ll explain everything.”

“Oh.” Poe furrowed his brow. “You-- you’re serious?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Yes.” Regardless of the potential danger of revealing her secret to anyone on the base… if she was to remain there, it was time that Poe and Finn knew.

Poe considered her briefly before asking, “Are you ready to go back to base, or would you like to stay out here a little while longer?”

“I think I’m going to stay. But you’re welcome to sit with me if you like,” she offered.

Partially because she still wanted his company, but partially because, if she and Leia were to decide that she should leave, she knew that she might never be able to sit with Poe ever again.

\--

The next morning, Leia and Rey found Finn and Poe early—so early that the dining area was still almost deserted, occupied only by Poe, Finn, and a handful of others.

While Rey gave a brief greeting and sat down to eat, Leia turned to Poe, her expression serious.

“Dameron. One of our scouts received some potentially valuable information from an apparent spy in the First Order. I’m putting your training on hold for a few days and sending the three of you to do recon for us, to look into the validity of our source. Go ahead and take the Falcon.”

Poe blinked up at her, still mid-bite. “Recon? What does that—”

“BB-8 will be able to get you there with this memory stick,” Leia said, cutting him off. “So as soon as you’ve finished…”

“Yes, General.”

Finn watched after Leia as she left them alone. “What the hell. Have you ever seen Leia like that?”

“Can’t say that I have,” Poe said carefully; Rey felt as though he was pointedly keeping his eyes elsewhere, away from her. “Which I guess means we should take her seriously and get ready to head out.”

“Do you think I should grab our saber before we leave?” Finn asked, looking between them.

Poe’s jaw clenched almost indiscernibly. “I doubt that’s necessary. We’re just going to…” He hesitated. “Leia said it’s only recon.”

Rey, however, nodded to Finn. “I think you should. It could be useful anyway.”

Poe looked over at last, his gaze appraising, but Rey’s expression was neutral, mild.

“Alright.” He glanced down at her plate. “Finished?”

“Nearly.”

The three of them went back to eating, Leia’s instructions now hanging over them, and the next few minutes passed in a strange sort of amiable small talk, as though they were afraid that the slightest reference to their new mission would cause deep conflict. Even Finn picked up on it, albeit without discerning the precise reason for this new tension.

“Let’s go,” Poe said at last, taking one last drink of water.

Rey nodded and rose to her feet. “We’ll meet back up at the Falcon?”

They dispersed to collect what few belongings they needed for a multi-day trip. Within a few seconds, though, Poe had caught up with her, and under his breath, he muttered, “You’re seriously not going to tell him that we’re actually just bringing you back to Ahch-To?”

“Why would I?” Rey said, frowning at him. “Did you not hear Leia? We’re doing recon.”

“Are-- are we really?”

“Connix got the news late last night. Leia thought it might be a good opportunity for me to explain—” She cut herself off, casting her eyes across all of the members of the Resistance nearby. “I don’t remember exactly where we’re going, but it’s a mining planet in a nearby system. You didn’t think—”

Poe seemed unwilling to look at her again. “I did, yeah.”

Her hand shot out and she grasped his arm, her grip gentle as she stopped them in their tracks. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Not anywhere I plan to stay, at least. You’re stuck with me now, Flyboy.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he replied, his lips quirking up just slightly.

Rey felt her smile leave her eyes; depending on what was to come, her continued place in the Resistance could be a very, very bad thing.

Instead of pointing this out, however, she told him, “Come on, I owe you some answers, and you owe me a flying lesson.”

\--

_“You’re right, Rey. You’re placing yourself, Finn, and Poe in danger if you continue to train them without telling them everything. Now that this has happened, I realize that we should have expected it. Or something like it, perhaps something much worse.”_

_“I can tell them?”_

_“Yes. Tell Finn and Poe about the curse. For discretion’s sake, perhaps the three of you can look into this information the spy has brought us, and you can use the opportunity to explain everything off-base. Just to ensure continued secrecy.”_

\--

Finn and Poe both stared at Rey, speechless. It was Poe who finally broke the silence. “I don’t know quite what to say.”

“I understand.”

Poe actually chuckled, which took Rey aback. “I imagine that’s only partially true, since we’re the first people you’ve ever had to actually… explain this to.” He paused, glancing over at Finn, then he leaned on his arm rest and looked at her—studied her. “ _Anything_ someone orders you to do?”

“Eventually, yes. I can try to resist it, but that never works for long. I feel like I’m going to be sick, and I get a pounding headache, and my body sort of… closes in on itself, my sense of me starts to go away with the pressure of following the order.” Rey swallowed, feeling self-conscious at the concern emanating from Poe, so she steered away from the symptoms. “Sometimes, when I was young, I resisted so long that I’d nearly pass out, but living on Ahch-To, Luke was my only company, and he trained himself out of giving me accidental orders years ago.”

“So you’re out of practice,” Poe murmured.

“That’s one way to put it, yes,” and Rey couldn’t help laughing herself—there was something so comical, in such a tragic way, about thinking of her pursuit of agency as something she had to practice.

“Leia knew about this, though,” Finn said, speaking up at last. “When she agreed to let you stay with the Resistance, she knew things might happen. And yesterday, that… that was nothing. What made you think you’d have to leave?”

Rey tried very hard to keep her voice steady. “You and I both could have gotten badly hurt, Finn. All because you made a joke, but I had to listen. People let orders slip. Orders that are bad calls or a figure of speech and either of you would be able to interpret them that way, but I can’t. I have to take them literally and that’s dangerous, to me and to everyone around me. We thought that things would be safer if I trained the two of you, instead of trying to go up against the First Order myself when Kylo knows about me, but after this… Part of me still thinks that I should return to Ahch-To.”

“Come on, Rey, that’s not true,” Finn said, at the same time Poe told her, “No way, we need you with us.”

“I hope you’re right,” she said softly.

Silence hung between them for some time as they sat and looked out into hyperspace. Finally, Poe spoke, his eyes still on the controls before him. “Why are you telling us now?”

Rey looked over at him. “What?”

“Even after Finn slipped up, it seemed like you still thought you should keep this from us. What changed your mind?”

And oh, did she wish he hadn’t asked in front of Finn. Because the fact of the matter was, it might have been irresponsible to carry on with their training without revealing the truth to them both… but it had been the sadness in Poe’s eyes that made her long to be honest. And Rey didn’t want to say that in front of Finn, not when the very thought of this revelation gave her the butterflies she encountered so often when looking at Poe; the butterflies that felt so safe and good when compared to the anxiety-ridden stomachache of an unfulfilled order.

Gods, those butterflies terrified Rey.

Instead, she looked down at her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. “I didn’t like having to conceal the truth from you yesterday. I worried you both, over something that I should have told you… a long time ago.” Swallowing hard, she met Poe’s eye first. She couldn’t tell him that she’d longed to tell him even before they left Ahch-To, but as he appraised her, she hoped that he’d understand.

\--

As Rey had told Poe, Tryrti was an old mining planet. Its resources had been depleted in the early days of the Old Republic, so a vast majority of its previous inhabitants had long since left; a few small tribes of hunter/gatherers were all that was left.

Of interest to the First Order, though, was that the planet had also been a small Separatist outpost during the Clone Wars. According to the spy, the First Order had plans to scout Tryrti in order to determine whether it would be a useful site from which to launch a portion of their attack on the galaxy, although they evidently remained oblivious to the planet’s proximity to the new Resistance base.

“I’m not liking how close this place is to Ajan Kloss,” Finn murmured as they came out of hyperspace.

Rey could have reeled off a billion points—for example, that they’d intentionally set up shop on a planet that had never been used by the Resistance or by the Rebellion before them; or that their operations were so low-tech that, within that vast, dense jungle, First Order trackers would be unlikely to identify them unless the Resistance was already geared up for a fight.

But Finn knew those things, and he was anxious anyway. She couldn’t blame him.

The Separatist base was high on a cliff. According to their source, it was only barely reachable on foot, but needless to say, they didn’t want the Falcon to be a beacon revealing their presence if the First Order scout arrived while they were there, so they planned to land further down the cliff and make the climb.

“Damn,” Poe muttered. As they drew nearer to their destination, they watched as a small ship came from the other direction, headed straight toward the base.

“I guess it’s safe to say our source is good,” Rey offered.

He cast her a small smile, but his focus was on the ship as it landed atop the base. They watched with rapt attention as a lone figure emerged.

“Was that—” Finn started.

“I couldn’t quite tell from this far away, but… yes, I think that was Kylo Ren.”

“There is no damn way that Kylo Ren is doing simple recon for the First Order.” Poe glanced between Rey and Finn, then back toward the base. “So what the hell is he doing down there?”

Even before she spoke, Rey knew that Poe wouldn’t like her suggestion. “We could… go and find out.”

“Please tell me you’re not serious. That transport ship is small, but it’s hard to believe that Ren would come out here without some back-up. We’re probably outnumbered.”

“I know.”

“And you just told us exactly why I shouldn’t let him near you. Even if he didn’t capture us, who knows what he might order you to do.”

“I know.”

Rey had a rebuttal to this, which she kept to herself—she still had not told anyone – not Leia, or Poe, or even Luke – that Kylo had pointedly issued no orders in their last Force-bond interaction together. She wanted to believe that the same would be true if they met like this, outside the confines of a full-on battle.

“I agree with Rey,” Finn said.

“You what?” Poe threw up his arms, exasperated. “Why is it suddenly my job to be the sensible one?”

“Either the spy gave us false information on purpose,” Finn pointed out, “and this is meant to be an ambush, or Ren is on a mission secretive enough that most of the First Order has been lied to about it, including our spy. That difference matters, Poe.”

“I know, I know.” He stared down at Kylo’s ship, his jaw set as he assessed the situation.

Finally, he nodded. “I’ve got an idea. I don’t like it, but I think it’s the best we’ve got.”

They wouldn’t have much time. Finn would man the Falcon’s guns while Poe goaded the First Order ship away from the base, to ensure that destroying the ship would not unintentionally destroy the base beneath it. After destroying the First Order ship, they would land, and Finn and Rey would have ten minutes to figure out what Kylo was up to while Poe waited in the Falcon.

“Ten minutes? That’s not enough time to search an entire base.”

“It’s all we can risk. As soon as that ship sees us, they’ll inform the First Order that we’re here, and we don’t know how close their nearest cruiser is. If there were more of us, it’d be a different story, but…” Rey felt a twinge of regret over her selfishness, using this mission to tell her friends about her curse. Chances were that an entire squad from the base would have been sent otherwise.

Either Poe noticed her concern, or he simply anticipated it, because he added, “I’m not mad about your choice. I’m just trying to be realistic about how to do this when there are only three of us.”

Which led to the final – in some ways the most crucial – piece of his plan.

“Can you keep this on at all times?” he asked, passing her a commlink. “That way, if you do find him, I can hear anything he says to you.”

“In case he orders me to do something and then orders me to lie about it,” Rey said softly, almost to herself.

Poe frowned and couldn’t quite bring himself to look at her as he said, “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s smart. It might be necessary.”

“Are we not going to talk about the fact that by giving Rey that commlink, you’re anticipating the possibility that Ren will kill me?” Finn asked, looking between Poe and Rey with great skepticism.

“Or make Rey do it,” Poe offered. At Finn’s expression, he asked, “Sorry, was that not what you wanted to hear? You’ll probably be fine, buddy, okay?”

“We’re just trying to be cautious,” Rey agreed. Finn took a deep breath before nodding.

Finn retreated to get into the gunwell, and Rey was following close behind to wait by the hatch when Poe called after her. “Hey, Leia will kill me if I let anything happen to the two of you. She might kill me anyway. Please be smart about this.”

Rey’s lips quirked up into a smile. Thinking simultaneously of every request he had ever given her, she said, “Thank you for asking.”

“I’ll always ask,” he told her softly.

With Finn secure at the guns, Poe uncloaked the Falcon and went to say hello to the First Order ship.

\--

The Falcon had barely touched down before Rey and Finn had opened the hatch and stepped out onto Tryrti. The wind rushed around them, cold and harsh compared to the temperate warmth of Ajan Kloss. She ran toward the entrance to the base, Finn following her lead; it was partially due to her hurry but partially in the hopes that she could stop shivering.

They were mere steps from the door when it opened. Kylo Ren stood there, a tattered, leather-bound book under his arm, and as Rey registered to him, his expression shifted to one of complete shock.

“Rey? Are you… actually here?”

His appearance at the door had taken her so much by surprise that she said nothing at first, long enough for Kylo to notice Finn and say, “You’re the traitor I left for dead on Ilum.”

“I got better,” Finn retorted. Rey was impressed—considering his concern on the Falcon, he sounded comfortable. Nonchalant.

But Kylo was unfazed, his attention already shifted to the Falcon behind them. “What the hell are you doing in that piece of garbage?”

“What are you doing here, Kylo?” Rey asked, rather than give him an answer. She clutched Luke’s saber tightly, although she refrained from activating it. Her eyes trained on the book in his hand; what single book could be worth this trip?

Kylo’s gaze lingered on the Falcon for a few seconds more. Anger hung over him, but Rey felt his pain, too—so much pain over his father, amplified well beyond what she had felt in the moments of their Force connection. She wasn’t sure whether it was because they were face-to-face or because Han’s old ship was right there, but she suspected it was both.

“What else could bring me to this skeleton of a base? I’m trying to learn about us, Rey. About you.”

She felt her jaw go slack. “What are you talking about?”

“You can’t expect me to just explain everything because you asked nicely,” he scoffed. “I’d be happy to tell you if you returned with me to my cruiser.”

In spite of herself, Rey felt it again—the absence of an order. The choice. “You know I won’t.” Even so, she felt Finn inch closer to her, preparing to grab her at any moment.

“Do I? If you’re here, now, I imagine that you’ve joined up with the Resistance, but what stake do you have in their fight? Loyalty to my mother? I don’t believe that that alone is enough of a foundation upon which to build your allegiance.”

“First Order troops destroy any people who won’t submit to them, and they tyrannize every place they conquer. What foundation is _your_ allegiance built on?”

“This one,” he whispered, holding the book aloft. “Rey, the best thing that Luke taught me is that the Jedi were a joke, and the more I learn of the Sith, the more I believe that. The Jedi were hypocrites who tried to suppress the power of anyone stronger than them, just because they didn’t understand it. Luke did it to me, and he did it to you.”

Rey scowled at him. “My curse isn’t a power. Luke protected me by doing what he did. He protected everyone.”

“No. If he had trained you properly, you could have grown strong enough to break the curse by now. But with that much power… He wasn’t protecting everyone from the curse. He was protecting everyone from what he was frightened you would become after saving yourself.”

Anger boiled in her blood over Kylo’s accusation toward Luke, but before she could contradict him, she realized that there was a more important thread that she needed to pull on. “Why do you think that I could have broken the curse by now?”

There was an insufferable quirk to his lips, a crinkle at the corners of his eyes, as he smirked at her. “Will you come with me?”

Rey stared; her eyes lingered on his face, the features of a boy she’d loved and trusted as a young girl.

“Rey…” Finn breathed, his fingers circling her arm tentatively.

She wanted to trust Kylo.

Or rather, she wanted to trust that boy from long ago.

“The Jedi were wrong about a lot of things, Ben.” He just barely flinched at the sound of his name. “Luke was trying not to repeat their mistakes, but he made his own mistakes, too. That doesn’t mean that the Sith have the answers you’re seeking.”

Before he could respond, she was off and running back toward the Falcon, pulling Finn along with her. She saw BB-8 waiting for them at the top of the hatch, and seconds later, Poe appeared as well, watching the events unfolding with concern.

“Wait!”

Her legs stiffened immediately. All of a sudden, it felt as though she was trying to run waist-deep, first in water, then in sand. In spite of herself, she turned back to face him, desperately straining to keep walking backward. Finn looked between Kylo and the Falcon, panicked, and tried to pull Rey along, but even with his help, she could barely budge.

“Tell my mother something for me,” Kylo said, nonchalantly strolling closer.

Rey grimaced. “What’s that?”

“The Jedi weren’t the only ones with prophecies.”

She felt a panic, deep within her gut, over how much this had piqued her interest, only intensified by the increasing agony coursing through her body as she took step after labored step toward the Falcon.

“Rey!” Poe’s voice came from the Falcon, reaching into her, through the resonance of Kylo’s order. “Get back here and yell until you’re inside!”

She was all too happy to comply; the sudden freedom of motion almost made her trip, but Finn helped her stay on her feet, and then they were off, sprinting and shouting wordlessly, desperate to tune out the potential sound of Kylo issuing further orders. Even so, it felt like too little, too late; Rey couldn’t shake the sense that he had been toying with them.

Finn was onboard first, so the moment her foot hit the ramp, it was closing. Her next motion came before she quite realized what she was doing—she flung her arms around Poe when she reached him, and the momentum of her run knocked him backward, against the wall.

Rey breathed rapid, shallow breaths in his ear, felt the way he clutched her tight for a few long, intentional seconds.

“That was quick thinking, Poe,” Finn said, still breathless from the run. “Canceling out Ren’s order with one of your own. I can’t believe I didn’t think to do that.”

Poe loosened his grip on Rey and gently clapped Finn on the shoulder. “Things were tense out there, buddy, don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s why we make a good team all together. Now, let’s prove it by getting out of here without dying. Finn, you got the guns?”

“On it.”

Curled up in the co-pilot seat, Rey watched the landmarks on the planet grow smaller and smaller. “I think Leia’s going to kill all three of us,” she murmured.

High above them, a First Order cruiser emerged from hyperspace.

“She really, really is,” Poe sighed.

\--

“It’s not just that your recklessness could have easily gotten you all captured, or killed,” Leia told them sternly. “If the First Order had overpowered the three of you and gotten ahold of BB-8, they would have all of the information they could need to find and destroy the Resistance in one fell swoop.”

“Yes, General.”

“That’s not even to mention the countless orders that my son could have issued to Rey if he weren’t feeling quite so _chatty_ ,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “Plenty of which Finn and Poe could not have counteracted in time.”

“Yes,” Rey said softly.

Up to this point, Leia had been pacing before them, but now she stopped, leaning on the back of her chair. “And the three of you made this decision alone, without consulting me. You will have to make calls without me sometimes, I know, but this was supposed to be recon. When my son showed up, you should have reached out to me.”

“Even if it meant not finding out valuable information on why Kylo was foraging in a Separatist base?”

“But what information did you learn, exactly, Poe? Because based on the way you describe it to me, it sounds like he was being quite opaque.”

Finn spoke up here. “We learned that he’s seeking out traces of the Sith, but he’s concealing his true intentions from the rest of the First Order. And we learned that it has something to do with…”

He faltered over the last word, but Rey filled in the blank. “Something to do with me. And even though he didn’t say so… I think we can assume that his comment about prophecy was about me as well.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s right,” Poe said, pointing to Rey and frowning. “What did he mean by that, General?”

Leia sighed heavily and sat. “Long ago, there was a Jedi prophecy that foretold the fall of the Sith. Before the fall of the Republic, a Jedi Master and apprentice discovered Darth Vader and came to believe that he was the Chosen One described in the prophecy. When he killed the emperor and died himself, Luke concluded that it was true, although I must admit that I’m somewhat skeptical whether the Sith will ever truly fall.”

“So he’s found a Sith prophecy that might be relevant now?” Finn asked.

“Perhaps. Or perhaps he’s simply goading you, Rey.” Leia’s voice was tinged with sadness. “It seems that he thinks he can turn you to the dark side.”

Rey nodded, at a loss for anything else to say. Now that the adrenaline of Tryrti was wearing off, she found herself exhausted and, for some reason, on the brink of tears.

Poe glanced at Rey, and she saw his fingers twitch toward hers for a brief moment before he curled his hand into a loose fist. “Well, General, if we promise to never be so stupid again…”

“Yes, yes, you can go. The three of you can resume training tomorrow.”

“Maybe we should take the day,” Poe said carefully. “BB-8 got pretty worried, having to watch Rey and Finn out there with Ren. It might need some time to de-stress.”

Leia looked between them before saying, “Alright. Rest up tomorrow. Don’t do anything else stupid. Etcetera.”

For the majority of the Resistance, it was still dinnertime, but Rey passed up the meal and went directly out into the trees. When she could no longer hear the chatter, she leaned against a tree, wrapping her arms around herself.

Now that the dust had settled, it was some of Kylo’s most unnerving comments that hung over her—that Luke was scared of her, that he’d purposely stopped her from becoming strong enough to break her curse.

They seemed so extreme, but they were also so specific—Kylo had truly seemed to believe that Rey should have been able to free herself.

Rey could not remember the last time she’d cried, but in that moment, she did, tears streaming down her face over Kylo and Luke and some deep, oppressive feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t quite name. But oh, did it ache.

She expected Poe this time, and when she heard the sound of his footsteps, she sniffled quietly and wiped half-heartedly at her eyes; it was nearly dark, but she knew there was no way he’d miss her tear-stained face.

“It’s only me,” he said, echoing his words from just the night before.

Rey swallowed and nodded, more to herself than to him. “I know.”

“I’ll leave right now if you tell me to,” he said as he reached her. “It just seemed like you were a bit shaken by what happened on Tryrti, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that alone if you don’t want to.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to.” She heaved a shaky sigh and stepped away from the tree, looking out into the open forest beyond them. “I’m wishing I had the privacy of my hut on Ahch-To right now, but I don’t want to be alone.”

With a few more strides, Poe was at her side, looking out at the forest with her. “The things they don’t warn you about when you decide to run off and join the Resistance,” he said.

They stood in silence for some time, Rey wiping away a few more stray tears as they fell.

“So, BB-8 was worried about me,” she offered at last.

“Oh, yeah, incredibly worried. Inconsolable, frankly. Wouldn’t stop chirping away about it the whole time you were gone. B-- both of you, I mean.”

Rey smiled, just slightly. The strength of Poe’s affection for her in that moment was nearly overwhelming. “That’s nice to hear. I like that droid a lot.”

“I’ll make sure to pass that along.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=rYWbrKZfTHWpbiTNkxgmwg). 
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Andromeda" by Weyes Blood  
> \- "May You Be the Road" by Bedouin Soundclash  
> \- "Crime" by Real Estate  
> \- "Back to the Wind" by Sea Wolf  
> \- Thunder and Lightning" by Joseph Hein


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly a week passed with Finn, Poe, and Rey avoiding all discussion of the events on Tryrti. In part, it was because they had agreed it was best to never discuss Rey’s curse on Ajan Kloss, not even away from the base—there was no way of knowing if someone would stumble upon the conversation. The closest they came was in finding small ways to override any unintentional orders that she received from others within the Resistance.

But, despite not saying anything further about it to anyone, Rey also remained shaken by everything that Kylo had said about Luke, and about her. She couldn’t help wondering whether Luke had somehow sabotaged her ability to break the curse, even if it was unintentional. After all, she knew that Jedi could control weak minds, so perhaps she could have somehow harnessed that power to counteract orders that she received. Sometimes, when she was younger, she had resisted an order for long enough that, through the unpleasantness of it all, she had been almost certain that the agony was about to end.

As she’d told Finn and Poe, she’d always assumed that she was about to pass out, but maybe if Luke had trained her to harness the Force properly through the discomfort… Maybe if he hadn’t avoided giving her orders for years…

Perhaps they didn’t discuss this new preoccupation, but it manifested in Rey avoiding them more frequently. It also led to closer spars against Finn and Poe, both of whom seemed to know that their increased success was about Rey’s distraction, rather than their own skill. More than once, she found them in whispered conversation, which ended abruptly when she joined them, so that she had to assume it was about her.

Finally, she spoke up one day as they rested for lunch in the solitude of the forest.

“I might still be a bit preoccupied with what Kylo said on Tryrti.”

It was out of the blue, but neither Finn nor Poe seemed surprised.

“We’d noticed,” Poe replied, raising his eyebrows at her.

“I don’t like that he got to me the way he did, and I know that he has every reason to deceive me, but I think… I think there was some truth to what he said. I’m convinced of it.”

The two men shared a look before Finn said, “Lies are the most dangerous when there’s some truth to them.”

“And the most compelling,” Poe added.

Rey swallowed nervously and nodded. She wanted to feel better, hearing these words from her two closest friends in the Resistance, but it was nothing she hadn’t told herself a thousand times since their so-called recon mission.

\--

That night, Rey had her first nightmare. It was as though, by naming her fears aloud, she’d welcomed them to weigh on her more heavily, more vividly.

Her world was on fire. Or-- no, not on fire. Her world was dark, and painful, and lit bright, bright red. She wanted to hate it, but instead, she felt invigorated—the most energized she’d ever felt. She felt powerful. She felt free. She felt a hand reaching out to her from the shadows, and she wanted to take it.

She awoke in a cold sweat, grasping for her saber as though to somehow face the vision in combat.

She didn’t sleep another second that night.

\--

“What’s the statute of limitations on allowing someone to avoid you after her childhood adoptive brother told her that her mentor was terrified of her because she has powers connected to the Sith?”

Rey jolted, looking up to see Poe leaning his elbows on the back of the Falcon’s co-pilot seat.

“I wasn’t…” she began, but he grimaced and shook his head just slightly.

Fair. She didn’t bother to finish the lie.

“Just for future reference, my ship is probably not the best place to hide from me, even if I am scheduled to be in a command meeting.” Poe gave her a hint of a smile as he sat down.

“I know. Maybe subconsciously I wanted you to find me.”

This was probably the most vulnerable thing Rey had said to him since the night of their return to Ajan Kloss, and she saw the way his features softened at once.

“Finn and I didn’t really say the right things yesterday, did we,” Poe offered. It was not a question.

“No, it’s… it’s more complicated than that. You didn’t say anything I hadn’t thought before, but you both said it with so much _certainty_ … And I think the exact thing that scares me right now is that nothing is certain—we have no way of knowing whether Kylo told the truth, but we have no way of knowing whether he lied, either. And if he didn’t lie…”

If he didn’t lie, then the previous night’s dream terrified her.

“If he didn’t lie…” Poe said gently, giving her space to continue.

Rey realized abruptly that her fists were clenched so tight that her nails were digging into her palms; she straightened and flexed her fingers self-consciously. “I spent so many years feeling angry about my curse for taking me from the only family I knew and setting me up for a life away from everyone and everything, but I’d finally made peace with it. If Kylo didn’t lie, then I’m just scared of what that means for the darkness in me. I don’t know how to make peace with that.”

“Yeah,” Poe breathed.

In that moment, he didn’t try to comfort her. But Rey felt like he heard her, and that was exactly what she needed.

After a pregnant pause, she added, “I haven’t even been able to meditate since we got back. I’ve been too scared that I’ll open up my connection with Kylo if I do.”

“We can meditate now, if you like.”

Rey hesitated. “Finn will be waiting for us at the training course.”

“He’ll understand.”

She considered this for a moment before nodding. “Okay. But can I ask you something first?”

Poe nodded. “Anything.”

“Even disregarding what Kylo said… I’d like to be better at resisting orders. He and Finn were both able to get to me so quickly, and I think I wouldn’t feel like such a danger to the Resistance if I could just get more practice, but I don’t think Leia would like it. She’d be too worried that it was because Kylo was getting to me.”

“You’re not wrong…” Poe considered Rey, his gaze focused. Attentive. “But you’re sure it’s _not_ because Kylo is getting to you?”

She sighed, exasperated. “I’m sure.”

“Okay. Then I’ll help you, if you’d like me to,” he promised her, answering the question that she hadn’t yet voiced.

Wordlessly, they shared a smile and sat back, closing their eyes.

Rey opened herself up to the Force, and Poe was right there, holding and uplifting her.

\--

Ostensibly, Poe began to give Rey flying lessons whenever they had a free afternoon.

And to be sure, they were flying together. Poe found her to be an irritatingly quick study, even as he was pleased with her progress; she quickly became comfortable with the quirks of the Falcon, navigating the ship with ease until she could fly it nearly as well as Poe.

But they spent just as long grounded further south on Ajan Kloss. On their first flight together, they found a clearing at the edge of a lake, and once Rey tired of navigating the ship through space, they took to landing there. Sometimes they remained on the ship, but they ventured outside, too, lounging beside the lake as Poe issued her low-stakes orders.

“Stand on one foot,” he instructed her one day.

Another day, it was, “Radio the base.”

“Fill my canteen in the lake.”

It was unpleasant and sometimes downright miserable—there was a lot of sitting or standing in place while her stomach churned, and her head pounded as she tried to develop a higher tolerance for the unpleasant symptoms of an unfulfilled order. But she found other strategies, too, for delaying her worst reactions. She might complete a task incorrectly or do something only tangentially related, like calling Poe on his commlink when he instructed her to contact someone else, and other times, she talked through it, telling Poe of her childhood with Luke and the Lanais, as though she might be able to make Poe forget about the order and thus erase the obligation.

Her tricks would make him laugh, sometimes until his sides hurt. Rey began to devote extensive energy to coming up with new, creative ways to improperly follow his orders, just to surprise and delight Poe.

But then, inevitably, she would give in, or he would decide that she’d pushed herself long enough, and he’d change his order to a request that she could ignore.

They didn’t go back to the base, once that happened. Instead, they settled in on the Falcon, or laid back beside the lake, and Poe told her stories of his time fighting for the New Republic or the Resistance—an unspoken reciprocation of Rey’s trust and vulnerability through this whole exercise.

“Would you tell me about the chain around your neck?” Rey asked, on one such occasion.

He leaned in close, secretive even though they were quite obviously alone. “What makes you think there’s a story to it?”

“Because I’ve never seen you without it. And because you fidget with it sometimes when you’re stressed, so I got the sense that it gives you a lot of comfort.”

“Aha, so you’re using _reason_ ,” he replied. It was an obvious moment of deflection, but Rey didn’t point it out, because he offered an answer after a pause, pulling the chain out from under his shirt as he spoke. “It’s, um, my little way of carrying around my mother’s wedding ring.”

Poe held the ring in his hand, reaching out to Rey, and she peered down to get a better look at the silver band. It was simple, appearing quite smooth to the touch, and, Rey thought absent-mindedly, the size looked just right to be at home on her own hand.

“That’s lovely,” she murmured.

“Maybe,” Poe replied, clearly self-conscious. “I’m afraid it’s not much of a story, though. She’s gone, so I’m holding onto it until—” He hesitated. “Until I don’t, I guess.”

Rey bit her lip, trying not to wonder about the anxiety coming off of him in waves; trying not to peer closer into his heart to find out its cause. “You’ve mentioned before that your mother was wonderful. I’d say there’s a story there, to keep her with you like that.”

“I guess there are a few,” Poe allowed.

She smiled.

\--

“You seem less preoccupied,” Leia told Rey one day as they made a trek deep into the forest. They had not spoken privately as of late, with Leia’s focus primarily directed toward the other operations on the base—most notably, more updates from their First Order spy. But Poe was running drills with the other pilots, so Finn took the day to work with Rose, and Leia turned the day’s operations over to some of the Resistance’s other commanders.

“I think I am, a little bit.”

“Is it too much to hope that you’ve finally forgotten the encounter with my son?”

Rey had disregarded Kylo’s words, for the most part, though no doubt Leia wouldn’t be thrilled to hear why. The fact of the matter was that she no longer felt inclined to believe that Luke’s training – or possible lack of – could have anything to do with her curse. She was more powerful with the Force than ever before, but it seemed to have no impact on her ability to resist orders.

At this point, her sense was that either Kylo _had_ lied to her maliciously, or he had been mistaken. Perhaps he had been lied to himself.

“I’ve been trying my best,” she told Leia.

“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” Leia stopped in her tracks, glancing around before saying, “This seems like as good a place as any.”

Rey frowned, looking around them as well. They were still some distance from the training course. “As good a place as any for what? Am I not running the course today?”

“You can if you like, but after your visit to Tryrti, and based on your reports of Finn and Poe’s stagnated progress, I decided to consult with my brother.”

“Wh-- with Luke? How?”

Leia smiled gently. “There’s more than one way of sharing a connection through the Force. It might not be a conversation, in the sense that you’ve experienced with my son, but we can still hear each other, in a way. Feel each other. He closed himself off to it when he went into hiding, but he opened up again after Poe brought you here.” Her eyes glinted. “He’s keeping an eye on you, in his way.”

As small as this gesture was, Rey felt choked up, all of a sudden. She gave Leia a shaky smile. “I see.” She took a moment to let this sink in before saying, “So what have you and Luke decided?”

“It’s time you and I spar together. For your sake, as well as for Finn and Poe’s. I think it was short-sighted of us to think that we could keep you out of danger, especially since my son seems to think that you would be useful to the First Order.”

Rey’s jaw dropped slightly as she looked between Leia’s face and her hand, which reached into her pocket to retrieve what looked to be Finn and Poe’s shared lightsaber. “I didn’t know that you’d trained with a saber.”

“Of course I have. Who did you think yours belonged to before it ended up with Luke?”

“Oh,” Rey breathed. Her hand hovered lightly on the saber hanging at her side, thinking, admittedly for the first time, of the life that it had before Luke gave it to her. He’d mentioned that someone had given it to him for “safe keeping,” but she hadn’t imagined…

She found herself at a loss for words, but Leia grinned wide, looking down at the saber in her own hands and tracing her finger over the activation switch. “You should have seen Finn and Poe’s reaction when I asked them if I could borrow this one. I imagine they’ll have quite a few questions for you this evening.”

“Why did you set aside your Jedi training?” Rey asked hesitantly.

“Questions like that one, yes,” Leia replied, an elegant, if irritating, hedging around an answer. “Why don’t we train first, and we can discuss it when we take a break.”

\--

Leia described her vision of Kylo’s death, and Rey felt a chill rush over her. She thought of Luke, all alone on Ahch-To, and of her own recent anxiety about the potential for darkness within her.

She thought, too, of the nightmares that had persisted, even as her thoughts of Tryrti had begun to fade.

“Why is so much about the Force so frightening?” she asked softly. Because it was easier than asking, more specifically, why she, Luke, and Leia were all so frightened.

Her mentor gazed at her with gentle, concerned eyes. “Why does the Force frighten you, Rey?”

Rey exhaled slowly, looking down at the ground. “I meant what I said earlier, that I’ve been trying to forget what Ben said. But the darkness that he wants to goad out of me—I think that it’s there. It frightens me that it’s there, and it frightens me that he sees it.”

Leia nodded thoughtfully before reaching out and pulling Rey close. Rey fell into Leia’s touch immediately, feeling, all of a sudden, as though she was very small again, having run to Leia after a tumble down the steps or a disagreement with Han. Her eyelids flickered shut, and she took a deep breath while Leia spoke. “How much has Luke told you about the dark side of the Force?”

“Not much, except to say that the old Jedi underestimated it.”

“That sounds like my brother,” Leia muttered, and Rey got the sense that this was meant to be somewhat disapproving. Raising her voice, Leia continued. “Luke felt the call of the dark side, when we were young. From everything that Luke and I have read, it seems like many, _many_ Jedi have been pulled toward the darkness, for so many reasons. For some, it was fear, or pride, but just as many were led astray by a misguided sense of love, or duty, or loyalty to a legacy.” She faltered just slightly. “The dark side of the Force is so dangerous because its pull is unique to each of us, but even though it preys on your weaknesses, that doesn’t mean that a turn to the darkness is inevitable, or irreversible. It certainly doesn’t mean that anyone can ordain your path with the Force besides you.”

She fell silent, and neither of them spoke for quite some time while Rey lingered in the comforting warmth of Leia’s embrace. Finally, she whispered, “Do you believe that Ben has a chance, then?”

“I have to believe it,” Leia said, her voice just barely louder than Rey’s.

“I want to,” Rey replied.

\--

Rey was struck by an unpleasant bout of insomnia, tossing and turning while everyone else on the base slept. Finally, at some unknown hour, she sat up and crept away from the encampment, thinking that perhaps she would get some water or look for some company among the night watch.

But she looked up and found herself face-to-face with Kylo, who also looked quite fatigued.

She let out a small gasp, even though she knew, in that moment, that she had felt him already, that the sight of him should not have been a surprise. For his part, there was no alarm—in fact, the corner of his mouth quirked up, as though he had been waiting to see her. “Rey.”

“Why are you doing this?” she breathed. Without thinking, she backed into a nearby tree behind her, as though she could somehow put more distance between herself and the phantom Kylo.

“Oh, I don’t have any control over this connection. If anything, I’d say we’re here right now because of you. I’ve been reaching out since you found me on Tryrti, but you’ve been completely closed off to me.”

Rey swallowed hard. Could he be right? She certainly had been dwelling on Leia’s hope that he could be brought back to the light, but could that have manifested a renewed connection between them? “What could you possibly want from me, or I from you?”

Kylo’s smirk grew. “There _is_ a connection between your curse and the strength of your connection to the Force, Rey. I can feel it. I can feel that _you_ feel it. And my uncle and my mother aren’t equipped to help you harness that power, but I am. I know the future that’s waiting for you, if you’re brave enough to claim it.”

Here he was, attempting to lure her with prophecy again. “I don’t want it, whatever you think lies ahead of me.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

For a brief moment, he stared at her, his gaze intense and certain.

Then he turned away, and Rey was alone.

\--

“Are you going to tell Leia?”

Rey looked at Finn like he was crazy, but when she turned toward Poe, she saw that he, too, was watching her with concern that suggested, _Leia needs to know_ , were going to be the next words out of his mouth.

“I didn’t want to worry her,” she told them lamely. As it was, the general was fretting over one of their pilots, who was two days late returning from a planned rendezvous to get an update from their spy.

“I think she’d want you to make an exception for this,” Poe retorted.

No doubt she would. But when Rey awoke that morning, her stomach twisting with anxiety, she knew how bad it looked, for her connection with Kylo to resurface the same day that she and Leia discussed him extensively.

“Fine. But it can wait until we find out whether C’ai is alright.” Looking between Finn and Poe, she asked, “Who wants to spar first this morning?”

“I’m letting that subject change fly with great reluctance,” Poe said. “But I’ll go first, if Finn doesn’t mind.”

“Go for it, buddy.” Finn handed over the lightsaber.

Rey and Poe faced off, igniting their sabers, and for a few long seconds, they considered each other. Gods, the things she would give for this to be one of the days they could steal away from the rest of the Resistance… not to _forget_ about Kylo, and the dark side, but just to take the space to breathe for a few hours, first. And for just a moment, she could feel Poe craving it too—longing for it.

He took the offensive.

She bested him, but only barely.

\--

Delaying the news didn’t do much to help, because a search and rescue for C’ai found him stranded on the deserted ice planet where he’d been scheduled to meet with the spy’s contact. He’d been severely beaten and left for dead, his engine destroyed and comms sabotaged.

It didn’t appear that the First Order knew who the spy was—the stormtrooper unit who ambushed C’ai knew that there was a spy in their ranks, but they attempted to work out of him who it was, beating him until it was clear that he had no idea.

“Chances are it’s going to be even harder for the spy to contact us, now,” Leia lamented to Rey when she relayed the news. Looking up at Rey with stern eyes, she added, “And whatever it is that you’re reluctant to tell me, it might be best to just get it over with.”

\--

“Just so we’re clear here: this has only happened when you’ve been alone. Completely isolated and alone.”

Rey nodded.

Leia hummed. “Well, I’m still at a loss for a long-term solution to something that we don’t understand, but the short-term response seems obvious.”

Did it? Rey blinked at her, oblivious.

“I think it might be best if you limit the time that you spend by yourself as much as possible. Obviously you don’t need to be joined with other people at the hip—regardless of how this Force bond works, I doubt my son will be showing up while you’re eating breakfast or in the fresher.” She smiled slightly, and Rey let out a light chuckle. It was sincere, but she couldn’t exactly stomach a heartier laugh. “But when you’re meditating, or sleeping…”

“You’re probably right,” Rey murmured.

“I’m glad you agree. You’re welcome to stay in my quarters, if you’d like; there’s plenty of room for an extra cot. But I’m happy to consider alternatives, if you have them.”

This offer immediately triggered vivid memories of Rey’s early childhood with Leia and Han, and she felt, with absolute certainty, that that was not what she wanted; as comforting as it was to have Leia in her life again, she didn’t want to feel like she needed Leia to be watching her so closely.

But there were so few people on the base who knew about Rey’s connection with Kylo. She and Leia had agreed to keep it quiet, knowing that some members of the Resistance would likely be skeptical of Rey for being able to communicate with him directly. As such, her excuses for why she would need company while she slept were also few and far between.

“I could sleep on the Falcon.”

Leia took this in. There was a trace of concern in her eyes. “I’m fine with that. I should warn you that people might talk.”

Rey flushed; there was no need for Leia to be more specific. Although she worked very hard to ignore it, the fact of the matter was that people talked already, whispering about how frequently she stole away with Poe. Even Rose had asked her about it once, point-blank: _what do you and Poe really do when you disappear together?_ Perhaps Rey had grown up on a rock of a planet, but she had heard enough talk during her time in the Resistance to understand the implication. “Flying lessons” was taken by most to be a lie.

“That doesn’t bother me,” Rey replied.

At least, she felt no shame in the assumption. But when she didn’t know herself how to sort through what her desire to be close with Poe may or may not mean, it was frustrating that so many onlookers felt certain about it.

“Alright. Go ahead and discuss it with Poe, although I doubt that flyboy would be able to refuse anything you ask of him.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “ _Leia_.” She was so flustered that she barely even registered any annoyance at the accidental order, or at the nausea that began to strike her the moment she didn’t immediately leave in search of Poe.

The general smiled, completely unabashed. “No need to look so alarmed, Rey, that’s the last I’ll say on the subject. I stand by what I said the other day—it’s not my place or anyone else’s to steer you down one path or another, even if your curse might sometimes make you feel otherwise.”

\--

Leia was right—the moment Rey broached the subject, Poe was all too happy to oblige. “I’ll even give you first pick of the bunks,” he told her with a grin.

So after dinner, Rey tucked her meager possessions into her satchel and brought them back to the Millennium Falcon.

Poe had been using the captain’s quarters ever since he got ahold of the Falcon, but the crewmates’ bunks were in disarray, likely neglected since Han lost the ship. Poe was in the middle of assessing the damage to the bunks when Rey arrived, standing on the edge of one of the lower bunks so that he could survey the top.

“What’s the prognosis, Commander?” she asked, leaning against the door.

He spoke to the wall, rather than to Rey. “Well, we’re lucky. Two of these sleep mats have been torn to shreds by I’m not sure I want to know what, but the other two still seem just fine. The pillows, on the other hand, have so little cushion that they’re essentially useless, so I’ll grab the extras from the captain’s quarters. And we can run the mats through the sonic, if you like, since cleaning options are kind of few and far between out here.”

Rey, who had only just barely become accustomed to having _any_ machines to speed up the process of washing and cleaning, was unfazed by this. “That sounds just fine to me.”

“Great. Grab--” Poe faltered, turning around and looking down at her with a frown. “Uh, could you grab the mat from the bottom bunk over there?”

“It’s okay,” she said kindly. He gave her a slight nod. “And yes, of course.”

They exchanged few words as they removed the mats and strode to the fresher to wash them. Poe was preoccupied by his slip. This was only the second time it had happened since Rey had explained her curse, and the first was when they’d nearly run into an ion storm in the Falcon and he’d been rushing to direct her through an urgent escape.

And there seemed to be little point in trying to reassure him further, because there wasn’t exactly much she could _say_ , but he was projecting remorse outward with such force that it hit Rey and filled her, until she felt that she might burst with it.

Leia’s comment about Poe ran through Rey’s head, and Rey swallowed nervously before making a decision.

She couldn’t have been more than ten years old when Luke began to train her to block her thoughts and feelings so that she would _not_ unintentionally project them to him, or to the Lanais. At the time, he’d made a dry joke of it— _We’ll be sick of each other if we can hear and feel each other all the time_.

As with meditating, it had become as automatic as breathing.

Tentatively, she let down the wall, leaning into her feelings of care and understanding.

“Kriff!” Poe exclaimed, slamming the door to the sonic a little too hard as he spun around to look at Rey. “Wha-- did you just do that?”

She nodded. Should she not have? “You were still feeling guilty, so I just… wanted you to know I meant it, when I said that it was okay.”

“I was still…” he echoed, trailing off as his gaze shifted away from Rey. “You could feel that?”

“Yes.” Now she felt as though she’d done something wrong, which she realized only belatedly that she’d _also_ projected to Poe when his focus returned to her in an instant.

“No, hey, you didn’t… gods, I am _so_ confused right now. You could _feel_ that I was feeling guilty, so you _let me feel_ that you weren’t feeling hurt.” When Rey nodded, he continued. “Was that the _Force_? I’ve never felt anything like it.”

Rey hesitated. “I think you’d be surprised, Poe. I did it on purpose, so it might have hit you stronger than anything that you’re used to, but it’s probably part of what makes you such a good leader, and such a good pilot. It’s the same general principle as when you reach out to the Force when you’re meditating. You just feel what other people are extending to you, instead.”

His next question came more slowly. “Do you feel what the people around you are feeling all the time?”

There was a hint of anxiety behind the question, which Rey quickly pushed to the back of her mind. “It’s happened more and more while I’ve been here, since my connection to the Force has gotten stronger, but I usually ignore it. It’s exhausting to have everyone else’s feelings and ideas swirling around all the time, and it feels pretty invasive.” Her nose scrunched up as she grimaced.

“All I’m hearing is that you _do_ read our minds when we’re sparring.” Now that he’d worked his way through the initial surprise, Poe mostly seemed amused.

“Okay, I know you’re joking—”

“Mind reader.”

She spoke over this, although she couldn’t tune out his wry smirk. “But battle is different. This part of the Force is about learning when to listen to it, and a lot of Jedi combat training was actually about subconsciously feeling _with_ your opponent without being overtaken by that feeling.”

Poe took this in. Raised his eyebrows and paused for dramatic effect. “Right. Mind reading.”

Rey rolled her eyes and turned around, leaving the room to go… nowhere in particular, but she needed to not look at him for a moment. She was too annoyed and endeared and exasperated and just…

“How come it’s not part of our training?” Poe asked, trailing behind her.

“Leia and I agree that you’re not ready yet.”

“Shouldn’t Finn and I get a say in that?”

When Rey turned around to look at him, she nearly tripped against the hologram table, so she gave up and fell into one of the seats. Poe leaned his shoulder against the wall and crossed his arms, still gazing at her with amusement.

“If I promise that we can talk about it some more tomorrow, will you let it go?” He mimed sealing his lips, so she sighed and shook her head in exasperation. “Fine.”

Satisfied, Poe grabbed a crate and pulled it up to the table, perching beside her. There was a new cheerfulness to his demeanor that Rey couldn’t quite decipher. “I’m going to hop in the shower before bed, but maybe we can play dejarik until then?”

\--

At first, a distant part of Rey’s consciousness thought that she was having another nightmare about the dark side.

But her dreams of the darkness filled her with an unnerving sense of power and freedom, and in this moment, she felt impossibly trapped. Her face, her chest, and her arms felt as though they were on fire, a burning, pulsating agony unlike anything that she’d ever experienced. Her head, too, was pounding; it was as though someone had shoved a knife into the back of her neck and was slicing through her skull. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out--

No, that wasn’t true. The scream jolted Rey awake in an instant, and she shot up in bed, looking frantically toward the source of the noise.

Poe was sweaty and panting in the bunk across from her, and his body was unnervingly still, save for his chest, rising and falling with his rapid breaths. His scream had subsided, but he was still making noises, soft whimpers of a man in horrible pain.

Rey scrambled out of her bunk at once, grabbing Poe and shaking him. “Poe, wake up. Please, Poe, come on, _please_ wake up.”

His eyes burst open, and for one horrible, agonizing moment, he stared up at Rey in terror. It was as though she was a stranger. But then his mind caught up with his body, and he gasped, rolling over and tumbling out of bed. Rey just barely caught him and kept him on his feet, slumped against the edge of the bunk.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” she breathed as she helped him to sit back down on the bed and tentatively joined him. His breaths were still too shallow, his expression blank. “You were having a nightmare, but whatever it was, it’s gone now. It’s just us here.”

Poe nodded, meeting Rey’s eye. Even in the near-darkness, with the Falcon powered down as it was, she saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. When he spoke, his voice was rough, making Rey wonder whether he’d also been screaming before she awoke. “Does Leia really think there’s hope for him?”

Oh, she did not like this. A shiver went down her spine. “Kylo?” she whispered.

“She saw me, after Finn helped me escape, but I never told her what it felt like to lie there, helpless, while he--” Poe faltered, then redirected. “Part of me doesn’t want him to come back from the dark side because it’s easier to hate him for what he did.”

Rey felt the weight of these words at once—words that Poe kept buried so deep that he likely had never voiced them aloud, not even to himself.

“Do you dream about it often?” _It_ – the torture. It felt awkward to dance around the subject, but Poe had avoided the word, so she would, as well.

He shrugged vaguely, wrapping his arms around himself. Rey’s hand had been on his bicep, an attempt at comfort, and Poe’s hand settled over hers, making her skin hum ever so slightly. “I did at first. Not so much anymore.”

Gods. It was bad enough that she had Kylo in her head. Now she was bringing him to haunt Poe, too.

“This isn’t your fault,” Poe said gently.

“Now who’s the mind reader?”

And he was certainly still shaken, but he let out a weak laugh and squeezed her hand. “Still you, I think. It felt like someone was there with me, at the end, trying to make it easier.”

Rey nodded, and he took this in. Neither of them said another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=fDoYslt9Qd6nXvxIYODQoA).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Until I Am Whole" by The Mountain Goats  
> \- "Hey Daydreamer" by Neil Halstead  
> \- "Metal" by Second Person  
> \- "Free Around You" by The Dove & the Wolf  
> \- "Still Sleeping" by Noel Wells


	4. Chapter 4

Rey awoke well before Poe the following morning. He had warned her that he was quite an early riser, but his dream of Kylo had left him unsettled; more than a few times after returning to her own bunk, Rey had regained consciousness enough to feel his anxiety as he struggled to fall back to sleep. It was frankly a relief, to return from the shower to find that he was still out, his features softened and lips quirked up into the slightest smile.

So she was alone as she left the Falcon, instructing BB-8 to let Poe sleep as long as he needed, and then to let him know that she had gone on ahead to get breakfast.

Finn was eating breakfast with Rose and Connix when Rey found them. She settled into the empty spot beside Connix, only giving them all a quick _hello_ so as not to interrupt Rose’s elaborate description of the strange dream she’d had about leaving the Resistance to become a singer in a bar on D’Qar.

“Hang on,” Rey said, frowning thoughtfully. “Even without the damage the First Order did while you were evacuating, I thought there weren’t any settlements on D’Qar.”

“That’s right, yeah,” Connix nodded, chuckling. “It’s just jungle filled with ruins, unless our favorite mechanic found a hidden civilization she forgot to mention to us.”

“Oh no, it was a bar _in_ the ruins. All of the patrons were these weird faceless phantoms of the species who lived there millennia ago.”

“I feel like we’re missing the most important problem,” Finn jumped in. “Rose can’t sing to save her life.”

“Hey! I can sing alright. You’re one to talk, though, Stormtrooper. I hear you struggling to carry a tune with the pilots when they break out the hull stripper.”

Finn feigned outrage as all three women laughed, but he was a good sport, immediately pressing on with questions about what sorts of music Rose performed in this dream world.

Rey was with three of the people she knew best in the Resistance, but, as she sat listening to Rose’s story, she felt more than a little self-conscious about the fact that it had been at least a week since she last shared a moment with them like this without Poe present. His absence was tangible; she half-expected him to arrive at any moment, squeezing in between her and Connix with an eager grin as he asked to be brought up to speed on the conversation.

He did not arrive, but Rey was not the only one who was aware that he was missing. With a lull in the conversation, Rose turned to Rey and asked, “Is Poe on his way?”

Rey hesitated. “I’m not sure. I think he was still asleep when I left.”

Finn was watching her strangely, as though he knew that something was wrong. Rey realized abruptly that he probably did; she hadn’t noticed until that moment that she still hadn’t quite closed off her emotions after Poe’s accidental order the night before.

“Does that mean I have some extra time to play with my friends before training today?” he asked.

Rey smirked, endeared by her friend’s attempt to inquire after Poe without letting on to Rose and Connix that something was amiss. “A little bit, yes. But we should be back on track in no time.”

Connix met Rose’s eye and they scoffed over the secrecy. “Jedi…” Connix muttered.

“She called me a Jedi,” Finn whispered in delight, ostensibly for Rey alone, but clearly intended for their friends as well.

\--

Nearly everyone had cleared out for their daily duties when Poe arrived with BB-8, unshaven and slightly disheveled. Rose and Connix were both long gone, leaving Rey and Finn to chat with the other members of the Resistance as they filtered in and out for breakfast. Rose had been only the first of five to ask Rey where Poe was. Each time, she felt increasingly embarrassed, both at the assumption that she’d have an answer, and at the fact that she did.

But her discomfort began to dissipate as soon as he slid into his seat beside her.

“I can’t believe you told my droid not to wake me,” he said by way of greeting.

“You needed it,” Rey replied with a shrug.

Poe turned to Finn, exasperated, but the ex-stormtrooper shook his head at once. “Sorry, buddy, I’m with Rey. She told me you had a dream about Ren. You needed to sleep it off.”

“What, a fella can’t have a nightmare about torture and be trusted to walk it off the next morning?”

Rey and Finn’s eyes met. In unison, they said, “No.” From the floor, BB-8 spoke up as well, chirping its own irritation with Poe (littered with quite a few more swear words than either Rey or Finn was inclined to use).

There was no question of whether Poe was exhausted, but rather in how deep that exhaustion went. As Rey watched him picking at his food, she could feel it in his bones, weighing him down.

But there was some relief there, too. And gratitude. She glanced at him sidelong and saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye, as well. The moment Rey caught him looking, Poe redirected his attention toward Finn, asking him about the scouting mission they were both due to go on in a few days.

Rey considered both men for some moments before rising to her feet. “I need to find Leia. Let’s meet at the training course, alright?”

“Is something wrong?” Finn asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

“No, I don’t think so. I just wanted to get her go-ahead on something.”

She allowed herself to make eye contact with Poe one last time before she left, and in response to his questioning gaze, she gave him the slightest smile.

\--

“Since we began training, we’ve been focusing on how we’re situated in the Force. Using it to ground us, guide us, and move with us. I’ve discussed it with Leia, and she and I agreed that it’s probably past time for us to… complicate things a bit.”

_“Is this just because Poe asked?”_ Leia had asked, after Rey explained the previous night’s conversation.

Rey tried to ignore the blush creeping up her neck as she explained, _“Only in that I think he has a point. There’s more and more talk of the First Order preparing to mobilize again, so it’s probably right to give Finn and Poe a say in how we’re developing their understanding of the Force.”_

Was it also because Poe asked?

She was trying to sort that out, in between everything else she had to worry about.

It seemed like Poe, too, was pondering that question as Rey tried her best to describe the meditation exercise she would be walking them through that morning—he watched her just a little too intently, as though trying to prove that he was listening.

“I’m going to make it easy at first,” Rey told them as they settled in to meditate. “Master Luke has trained me for years to protect my thoughts and feelings from the Force, but I’m going to open myself up to it, to make it easier for you both to sense me. When you do… lean into the way that it feels, and seek each other out, too.”

The moment she closed her eyes, Rey steadied her breath and turned her thoughts quite pointedly from either of the men beside her. Having just mentioned Luke, her mind went to him at once, thinking of how much of her life had been spent on Ahch-To with only Luke for company. He had been, for all intents and purposes, a very good mentor—he had pushed her, and cared for her, and made no claims of being perfect and all-knowing.

But she had felt his faults anew since coming to Ajan Kloss, as much as she tried to ignore it. She had lain awake on several occasions, wondering whether there might have been another solution to her curse besides near-total isolation. Wondering whether Luke, and Leia and Han along with him, had made the choice that inconvenienced them the least, rather than prioritizing the needs of a frightened young girl. She didn’t want to resent them for that choice, but it was difficult to avoid.

“Oh.”

Finn’s voice brought Rey back to herself, making her realize that her mind had strayed down a path that… she would have preferred not to share with them that way. She opened her eyes and saw that Finn and Poe were staring at her, both speechless and a little shell-shocked.

She nearly started speaking three times before finally saying, “Would you give me a few minutes?”

“Absolutely,” Poe said, at the same moment that Finn said, “Yeah, of course.”

Rey nodded and rose to her feet, rushing away from the two men with no particular destination in mind.

\--

She’d been gone for a bit over thirty seconds when Finn turned to Poe and asked, “Should… one of us go after her?”

Poe grimaced. “I’m not sure. After what happened with Kylo the other day, I think that now is probably the worst time possible for her to be alone, but after that…”

He was trembling just slightly, an after-effect of the depth of the pain and resentment that Rey had just accidentally revealed to them.

“Right,” Finn agreed softly. “Maybe we just give her a few minutes?”

“Yeah, let’s… let’s do that.”

Neither of them spoke for a few more seconds, still trying to process Rey’s panic. It was Finn who finally put an end to the silence. “Are we gonna talk about what other feelings were hanging around in the air just now?”

“Hmm? What was that, buddy?”

Poe’s feigned innocence didn’t faze Finn, who looked at him with a mixture of skepticism and amusement. “Not that it was _news_ ,” he said, pointedly skirting around exactly what _it_ was. “Like the rest of the Resistance, I have eyes. But _damn_ , Flyboy. You’ve got it bad.”

“Do we really need to talk about this?” Poe felt his face heating up, and he was suddenly relieved that he had woken up too late to shave, so that his blush was less obvious.

“Yeah, I think maybe we do, since it was obvious from the moment you got back from Ahch-To that you liked her. And Rey’s hard to read, but she’s not _that_ hard to read.”

Finn was right. Poe had cautiously refrained from making any assumptions about Rey’s feelings about him at first, because for all he knew, she just liked having the company of someone new and different. But as the Resistance settled in on Ajan Kloss, and Rey developed friendships with more and more people, it became clear enough that she truly liked him. Gods, the only way he’d gotten back to sleep after his nightmare the night before was by thinking of the love and affection radiating off of her as they’d argued about whether he and Finn should be learning to connect to other people’s feelings in battle. He _knew_.

But it was also so abundantly clear that she was trying to work out what her feelings meant for her, and for her relationship with him, while _also_ dealing with her curse and trying to create a life and identity for herself outside of the insular world where she’d grown up. And in that respect…

“After that just happened,” Poe said, pointing after Rey. “You’re trying to tell me that I should make her life _more_ complicated?”

Finn shrugged. “Yeah, if she wants you to, then maybe you should. Not least of which so I don’t have to deal with the weird energy when we’re training anymore.” Upon receiving a glare from Poe, he continued. “I’m serious, man, it says something that even though she’s dealing with all of that, she _trusts_ you. And Leia and I and at least ten other people would beat you up if you proved her wrong, but I don’t think you’re gonna.”

Poe took this in, looking down at the ground rather than meet Finn’s eye.

“We should probably go look for her now,” he said.

“You’re probably right.”

As he rose to his feet, Poe patted BB-8’s side. “C’mon, buddy, let’s all fan out.”

\--

Rey only barely got out of earshot before she froze, sliding down against a tree and running her hand over her face.

She wasn’t sure which part hurt more—that she had finally allowed herself to feel the full force of her sadness, frustration, and anger over every facet of her life prior to her arrival on Ajan Kloss, or that she had put it on display for Finn and Poe.

No, that wasn’t true. It was certainly the truth about her upbringing that hurt, but revealing it to her friends made it hurt all the worse.

The fact of the matter was that her presence within the Resistance had proven to Rey that her childhood of absolute solitude was unnecessary; she certainly received her fair share of unintentional orders, but they were small things, easy to skirt around or conceal. And because of that, it felt… so cruel. Even if it was only a retrospective cruelty, even if she had no doubt that her mentors had the best of intentions, she resented it. It was no wonder, perhaps, that Kylo’s accusations about Luke had hit so hard, because even in a discomfiting, half-truth sort of way, they resonated. And Kylo had probably known it.

“Interesting.”

She had known that Kylo was there before he spoke, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Instead, her forehead remained in her hand. “What’s _interesting_ , Ben.”

Perhaps she was feigning disinterest by making it a statement, but she could tell that Kylo didn’t believe it. The continued use of his given name, however, stung, making him breathe in just a bit too abruptly. “I heard you calling to me, Rey. As clear as if you were across the room.”

“No,” she whispered.

“I have no interest in lying to you. Perhaps you didn’t call for me aloud, but something in you opened this connection. Something in you wanted it.”

“I don’t want this!” Rey burst with anger; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d shouted quite so loud. Her head shot up, and she prepared to meet his gaze with fury in her eyes, but he was gone.

But a voice came from her left seconds later. “Rey?”

She took in a long breath and rose to her feet before speaking once more with a raised voice. “Over here, Finn.”

The sound of footsteps drew nearer, followed by a gentle squeal from BB-8 and then, in the distance, Poe’s call: “Rey? Finn? Is that you guys?”

“Yeah, buddy, we’re over here.”

Finn and BB-8 reached her first, but Poe was quite close behind, running from somewhere to her right.

“Is it too much to hope that you were shouting about what happened back there?” Finn asked, as Poe reached them.

But Poe only had to look at her face to say, “No, it was Kylo.”

“Yes.” Finn and Poe glanced at each other, uncertain of how Rey might want them to proceed, but she carried on before either of them could speak. “It was my fault, I shouldn’t have run off when we’ve agreed that I shouldn’t be alone like this. And I shouldn’t have shown you those things either, I’m so sorry. It was a complete accident.”

“Hey, no.” Poe reached out and smoothed his hand over her arm—his fingers lingered there as he said, “You don’t have to apologize for that. If you didn’t want us to see that stuff, then we can forget about it, but…” He paused for a beat, face contorted as though he was thinking quite hard. “I hope that you never feel like you have to keep anything from us. We will always want to know anything that you want to share.”

Rey realized that he was picking his words carefully so that nothing in them sounded _remotely_ like an order, which, after encountering Kylo – whose every word seemed intended to coax her into something without issuing any orders at all – nearly made her cry.

“Could I have a hug, please?” she asked instead, surprising even herself with the request.

But they both pulled her into their arms within an instant, enveloping her tightly between them.

\--

Originally, the plan had been for Rey to spar with them through the afternoon, but Poe – quickly backed up by Finn – insisted that Rey had dealt with enough that day, and her decision not to argue spoke for itself. It was strange to think that just that morning, she had had to argue with him over whether _he_ should be taking it easy—but he seemed newly energized, saying how eager he was to have another go at sparring with Finn, anyway, with new combat strategies in mind.

Nothing was said about what Rey had shown them, or about what Kylo might have said to her. And as she pointed out weaknesses in their technique from the sidelines, there were patches of time when Rey was able to forget about it.

That said, as their training drew to a close for the day, she found herself dreading the prospect of returning to the larger crowd for dinner. It would have been difficult on a normal day, but the whole Resistance was buzzing in anticipation of the upcoming scouting mission to check out the moon that housed what might become their new, more permanent base. The energy and enthusiasm weren’t exactly conducive to Rey’s present headspace.

During their trek through the forest, though, Poe said, “Hey Rey, the Falcon is due to be refueled tomorrow. What if we went for a little flight tonight?”

Some of the tension left her shoulders at the very thought of getting up into the air. “Don’t you have a command meeting?”

“I do, but that won’t take too long.” He looked down at her hopefully. “We can debrief with Leia about the day, and then just take a quick trip.”

Oh, yes. Debrief with Leia. Rey had truly forgotten. She had agreed to inform the general immediately if she had any more encounters with Kylo.

There was nothing she wanted to do less.

It wasn’t until the command meeting was finished and Rey was trying to explain what had happened that the exact reason for her discomfort seemed to dawn on Finn and Poe.

“How exactly did you end up alone, Rey?”

The mood in the room shifted in an instant, Poe shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other while Finn coughed. If she weren’t feeling so on edge, Rey might have laughed. “While we were meditating, it brought some… unpleasant thoughts and feelings to the front of my mind. I unintentionally shared them with Finn and Poe, as well. I was uncomfortable, and upset, so I asked them to let me leave, and they did. Maybe I should have anticipated that my connection with Ben would open up in that moment, but I wasn’t thinking.”

Rey could see and feel Leia considering her thoughtfully, but she had her guard up. She wasn’t ready to share with her mentor that she’d been overwhelmed with bitterness toward her and Luke. If Leia got any sense from the two men, then so be it, but she wasn’t going to get a read from Rey herself.

“Your emotions were heightened, and your guard was down. Of course you should have anticipated it. Why didn’t either of you go after her?” Leia asked, turning to Finn and Poe.

“We did,” Finn replied at once.

“Yeah, she just asked for a few minutes,” Poe rushed to add. “She needed to be alone, General, and it wouldn’t have been right for us to stop her.”

“It wouldn’t have been right?” Leia echoed. She looked between the three of them, exasperated. “Rey, we agreed _yesterday_ that you should try to avoid contact with my son. To that end, we also agreed that time spent alone seemed particularly dangerous. You can’t decide to ignore that and go off by yourself whenever you’re uncomfortable.”

Rey’s eyes widened, but Poe and Finn also caught the slip, and both men’s expressions immediately turned stern. “Take that back,” Poe snapped.

“I don’t particularly like the tone you’re taking with me, Commander.” That said, Leia closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning her attention back to Rey. There was concern and affection in her gaze, and Rey’s throat tightened. “I’m sorry. Disregard that order, although it seems like Dameron would have instructed you to ignore it the moment you all left this room anyway. But Rey, I don’t think I can stress enough that it _would be best_ for you to be consistent. I understand that something upset you, but, based on this and your last encounter with Ben, it seems like that might only exacerbate the strength of your Force bond.”

“Yes,” Rey agreed softly.

Leia took one final look at Rey, her gaze penetrating. Rey kept her jaw set and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to accumulate in her eyes. In that moment, she couldn’t have said why she was on the verge of crying, and she didn’t want to focus on it too much out of fear that she would be inviting Leia into a conversation that she wasn’t ready to have, not yet. Certainly not in front of Poe and Finn.

“Alright. You three can go,” Leia said at last.

\--

“You can talk about it, if you want.”

They were reclining together beside the lake, enjoying a view of the stars that was far less obstructed than that on the base. This was their first time visiting after nightfall, so they had marveled, for some time, over the different view of the sky—in particular, here, more than at the Resistance base, they had a decent view of Yavin, which Poe pointed out to Rey eagerly.

“Talk about which part?”

“Whatever you wanna talk about.”

Rey bit her lip, fixing her attention on a particularly bright star. “I imagine this won’t surprise you, after meeting Luke, but I don’t really have much experience with talking about my problems. Not something so big.”

“Yeah, that… makes sense.” Poe looked over at her. Even though her eyes were still on the sky, he tried to smile reassuringly. “Obviously you don’t have to, but it can be nice to tell someone what you’re dealing with, even if you’re just thinking out loud. Or so I’ve been told.”

She smirked up at the stars. “I was going to say, you’re not exactly forthcoming.”

“I’m trying, Jedi. But I don’t think you need to hear from me right now.”

Rey considered arguing with him for a moment; after all, she had not forgotten the sleepless night he’d had because of his own bad memories. But she understood what he was getting at.

For some time, she remained silent. Poe deferred to her, humming lightly to himself but also saying nothing.

“I’ve never been able to have a life of my own,” she told him at last. “My curse has dictated everything about who I am, even with the people closest to me trying to avoid giving me direct orders. It gave me a _lonely_ childhood, Poe, taking me away from the closest thing I had to family all because they were afraid that I could be used as a weapon. From the moment Luke explained why he hid me away, I felt like I had to stay on Ahch-To forever or risk being used to hurt anyone who cared for me. And I love Luke, of course I do, but he wasn’t equipped to raise a scared little girl who had all of that weight on her shoulders. I think it only got worse after what happened with Ben, because he began to second-guess all of his decisions. He was convinced that he’d broken Ben and that he was going to break me too, but I don’t think he realized that I already _felt_ broken.”

Quite abruptly, she sat up, startling Poe, who’d been intently focused on the side of her face as she spoke. She rose to her feet and began to pace around, and if the tone of the conversation weren’t so serious, Poe might have smiled—she was on a roll, now. He sat up to follow her movement with his eyes.

“And when I left Ahch-To, I guess I expected things to be different, because things felt so much easier with you. I felt like an actual person.” She faltered for a moment before redirecting—no, this wasn’t about him, not right now. “But Leia isn’t much better than Luke. In some ways she’s worse, since at least Luke doesn’t see me as a child anymore. I swear, half the time, she looks at me and sees that little girl that she thought she had no choice but to send away. She still thinks that she has to make those choices for me. Kriff, I think she still sees herself as a mother to me, which I _want_ to feel, but I _can’t_ , and that just makes me feel guilty because I know she was only doing what she thought was best.”

Rey was startled out of her thoughts when Poe suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder to still her pacing; she hadn’t even realized that he’d stood up. But before she could ask him why, he’d held a handkerchief in front of her face. Gods, she hadn’t even noticed that she was crying, but now that she saw the handkerchief, she realized that her cheeks were damp and her nose sniffly.

“Sorry, you can keep going, it just… seemed like you needed this.”

While Rey blew her nose, Poe smoothed his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping a stray tear away.

“I think I’m done for now,” she said softly.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you want me to say anything, or should we just leave it for now?”

Rey breathed deeply. “I’d rather leave it for tonight. I’m trying to feel a little _less_ broken, over here, not lean into it.”

“We can make that happen. BB-8, buddy, let’s get back to the Falcon. I think Rey might need to do a little flying.”

“Flying? We need to get back, it’s getting late.”

He grinned and walked backward toward the ship, shrugging innocently. “I don’t know about you, but I’m wide awake.”

“You hardly slept last night!” Rey retorted, even though she followed after him with a laugh.

“And I won’t sleep a wink tonight if I think that you’re going to think about your curse all night. From someone who’s taken his fair share of reckless trips, I promise you that it can be a _great_ way to let off some steam.”

She wasn’t sure whether it was her heart bursting or his as she asked, “How the hell did you get to be a commander, Dameron?”

Poe’s laughter was giddy and contagious.

\--

Maybe it was because Rey was already in her own state of fitful semi-consciousness, but when Poe was overcome by another nightmare, it woke her almost at once. As she sat up to look at him, he was just barely squirming or showing any physical indication of discomfort, but Rey felt the fear and pain of the nightmare as clearly as though she was experiencing the torture herself.

She rushed to his side and, as she had the night before, shook him awake.

Poe’s reaction was not so frenzied this time, but he still blinked up at Rey, bewildered, while her words hit him— “You’re having another bad dream, Poe.”

He groaned, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “Kriffing hell,” he muttered.

“I thought you said you haven’t been having nightmares as often.”

“I haven’t, but a bad night’s sleep usually… does make the next night worse.”

Rey stared down at Poe. His eyes were tired, his forehead already glistening with sweat from the anxiety of his dream. His stress intermingled with her own in her gut, leaving her feeling fatigued beyond anything she could quite articulate.

“Slide over,” she said at last.

“What?”

“Move over.”

Poe’s eyes widened slightly. “Rey…”

“I’ve barely slept tonight, Poe. And if last night tells us anything, you’d be lucky if you fall back to sleep before daybreak. It might help us both to just have someone else right there.”

As if the conflict wasn’t already clear on his face, she could feel him fighting with himself; his desire to immediately embrace her clashing with a feeling of obligation.

Rey was on the brink of arguing with this concern despite the fact that he hadn’t voiced it aloud. _We’re just sleeping_. But whatever shame he felt, he talked himself out of it. Letting out a soft groan, he laid down and backed further into the bunk until he was against the wall. “These beds are not made for two,” he said in weak protest, even as Rey climbed in with him.

“If you can honestly say that you have the energy to walk right now, we’ll move to the captain’s quarters.” He could not say that, and they both knew it, but Rey did not say _I told you so_. Instead, she reached up and used her thumb to brush a strand of hair from his eyes. “Sweet dreams, Poe Dameron.”

Neither of them could have said the last time they’d slept so soundly.

\--

Poe awoke well before Rey the following morning. They’d fallen asleep with Poe on his back and Rey on her side, facing him, but Poe had rolled over at some point in the night; his hand had settled on her back, pulling her close, and their foreheads were pressed together. It was an alarmingly innocent sort of intimate, filling his stomach with butterflies as though he was a damn teenager.

Speaking of feeling like a teenager, it hit him in that moment that his body had _not_ gotten the memo that this was a _platonic_ sort of cuddling, and he groaned as he rolled over onto his back, hoping not to disturb Rey as he tried to create some distance between them while he willed his desire to dissipate.

Luckily, she continued to snore softly in his ear.

The moment was near-perfect. Poe had never felt so settled and comfortable during the quiet parts of his relationships, but the fact of the matter was that in most of his relationships, there hadn’t been much in the way of quiet.

So when it happened, he’d always felt like he was bluffing his way through.

Part of it was that he’d been young and stupid and scared of anything serious, but it wasn’t until he landed in the Resistance that he found himself in the company of many, many people who’d encountered trauma and loss from the First Order either first- or second-hand. And plenty of those people didn’t want to talk about it, but plenty did. That sort of openness had never really occurred to Poe, and with it came a different sense of intimacy more generally.

Intimacy that made him close his eyes and exhale deeply and know that he wouldn’t mind if he woke up with Rey beside him forever, albeit maybe not squished into a bed that – he still maintained – was not meant to be shared.

\--

After lunch, the scouting crew was scheduled to begin preparations for their mission in earnest, so that morning marked Rey’s final training session with Finn and Poe for – if all went well – about two standard weeks. She and Poe were both lively after their good night’s sleep, and their enthusiasm was contagious; the clearing hummed with energy from all three of them as they prepared to spar.

“Can I go first?” Finn asked. “I’ve been waiting to spar with you again since yesterday.”

“Fine with me,” Rey agreed, and Poe shrugged his assent.

And alright, maybe she toyed with him a bit, committing to moves and attacks only to change them at the last second. This was absolutely how she managed to trip him up, but he held his own against her better than he ever had before, and he looked quite pleased with himself even after she disarmed him. Proud of a job well-done.

“My turn?” Poe asked, rising to his feet while Rey drank from her canteen. “Unless you need a minute.”

Rey grinned. “Need a minute? I could beat you in my sleep, Flyboy.”

“Did you hear that, buddy?” Poe looked over to Finn with exaggerated shock. “I think Rey’s trash-talking me.”

“I think she is!” Finn agreed, laughing eagerly. He tossed Poe the saber and asked, “Are you gonna take that from her?”

“Absolutely not. Let’s do this, Jedi, come on.”

They squared off across from one another in the clearing. Rey felt a shiver go down her spine as her eyes met Poe’s; she felt Poe’s stomach flip as his fingers tightened around his saber, and he took the first swing.

Rey’s saber shot up to meet the strike, and the impact made Poe laugh with glee. The day before, when sparring with Finn, he’d sort of felt it, what Rey meant when she said that the Force probably made his instincts so good in battle. But this was… his mind was racing so fast that he couldn’t keep up. All he could think about was Rey’s delight as she made a countermove which Poe parried in an instant.

Her heart pounded in his chest, his breath caught in her throat, and they moved in close as one, as if the Force was pulling them. (Perhaps it was.) Just as quickly, though, they came apart, Rey spinning away from Poe to get the leverage for another attack.

Poe thought, distantly, that this felt like dancing—as part of the lively crowds at the annual festivals on Yavin, or peeking in on one of Leia’s functions, goading Ben into discarding his glum facade for long enough to spin until they felt like they might vomit. No, part of that was wrong, although he couldn’t have said in the moment _which_ part. He was thinking and feeling and _knowing_ too much to parse through it all.

But in that knowledge was Rey from the other day: _I usually ignore it. It’s exhausting to have everyone else’s feelings and ideas swirling around all the time._ And trailing just barely behind: she was tuning out nothing. She was right there with him, her heart and her head bursting.

The dancing came to an abrupt stop as they tripped, their stomachs dropping away in surprise and an abrupt dizziness overtaking their vision for a few alarming seconds. _Frag_ , his ass hurt.

“Oh my gods.”

It wasn’t until he heard Finn’s voice that the reality of the moment hit—Poe had not fallen at all. He’d cornered Rey, and as she tried to dodge his attack, she’d stumbled backward, tripping over a stray branch. Her saber had flown out of her hand, rolling to a stop near Finn’s feet.

“Oh,” Poe breathed.

Rey was staring up at him, a peculiar expression on her face.

“Wow, look at that, I just realized that I left… something back at the base.” Finn scrambled to his feet, drawing Poe’s eyes. “I’ll be back.”

Poe frowned and mouthed, _What—_

Finn frowned back and waved him off – waved him toward Rey – before retreating.

“That was weird,” Poe muttered. He turned back to Rey and held out his hand to help her up; she took it, and they both let go quite belatedly once she was on her feet.

“Which part?”

Ah. Poe swallowed hard. “I mean, I meant Finn, but I guess the… the other thing too.”

“It felt good though, didn’t it?”

He felt his breath catch in his throat. “Yeah, Rey, it felt really good.”

Rey nodded slowly. She could feel it again, the same conflict that had nagged at him when she told him to make room for her in his bunk the previous night. She couldn’t quite sort out the best thing to say or do to put an end to the tension in the air, but from the back of her mind, she felt a tug toward: “You want to know something that I noticed even before Luke brought me to Ahch-To?”

Poe’s expression remained neutral, although his blank stare still betrayed some confusion. “What?”

“Leia and Han seemed to feel so guilty about my curse that when they weren’t slipping up with orders, it was like they felt like they couldn’t _ask_ me to do anything, either. Tidy my room, or clean up after myself after dinner, things like that. Luke was the same way. You and Finn are the same way, a little bit.”

“Yeah?” he asked weakly.

She nodded once more. “But that’s not-- especially after what I said yesterday, I don’t want you to be so afraid of ordering me around that you convince yourself that you can’t want anything of me, or ask me for anything, or—”

And finally, it clicked. His eyes shone as he asked, “Are you telling me to come on to you?”

“Maybe a little bit, yeah.” Gods, the blush creeping across her cheeks was lovely. “But I’m trying to say it now because it’s not just that, you know? Like if you need help fixing up the Falcon, or you want me out of your hair for a few hours now that Leia’s decided I need constant supervision…”

“Or if I want to kiss you,” Poe offered, his lips quirked into a smile. His body was _so_ close to hers, so that all he needed to do was lean in and…

“Or that,” Rey agreed, biting her lip to hold back her own smile. “You can ask for those things, okay? I don’t like feeling like you’re overcorrecting. I promise I can say ‘no’ just fine.”

Poe hummed thoughtfully. “I think I might need to practice. Just to make sure I have it down.”

“Go for it, Dameron.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=Z9Rhk0fnR0-M49D-tUn_Aw).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Morning Ghost" by Long Beard  
> \- "Bad Apple" by Billie Marten  
> \- "Space Song" by Beach House  
> \- "Don't Worry" by The 1975  
> \- "Born Like" by Hazel English


	5. Chapter 5

“There’s been a change in plans.”

Rey was eating lunch with Rose when Finn and Poe sat down, Poe jumping into conversation immediately.

“Oh, by all means, we weren’t having a riveting discussion already,” Rose said.

Poe’s eyes widened, and he looked between them apologetically. “Oh, gods, sorry, sorry, I didn’t—”

“She’s teasing you, Poe,” Rey told him with a gentle smile. “Mostly.”

“Mostly,” Rose agreed. “But you do both look like you’re about to explode, so what’s up?”

“Two _very_ big things. Our latest reconnaissance suggests there’s _tons_ of tech in the base on Ilith, so Leia’s decided it’s worth it for us to bring an engineer along to appraise it all. Even if we decide not to set up there, we might still find some useable gear.”

Rose’s eyes widened eagerly. She would not have said as much aloud, and of course Rey would keep the secret for her, but just twenty minutes before, they had discussed Rose’s frustration that she, the Resistance’s top engineer, was being excluded from so much of the most important work. “I get to go on the scouting mission?”

“Yes ma’am!” Poe’s own delight was palpable. “Unless you have more exciting things to do here that I don’t know about.”

“Only babysit me,” Rey replied, trying not to come off as dejected as she knew that sounded. Although they had not yet explained Rey’s curse and Force bond to Rose, she had reassured her friend that she would explain everything soon—the plan had been for Rey to do it that evening, in fact.

But Poe sat up higher and turned to look at her, now, and _oh_ —“It’s like you knew where I was going next, Jedi.”

“Don’t say it,” she retorted at once, but Poe contented himself with pressing a kiss to her temple – he’d been doing that a lot the past few days to imply a truce when he’d been on the verge of teasing her, and Rey was growing quite fond of the gesture – before continuing.

“Snap broke his arm this morning while getting out of his X-Wing.”

“He what?” Rose’s jaw dropped in surprise. “Is he alright?”

Finn sighed. “He’ll be fine, but the general doesn’t like the idea of him trying to heal up away from the base if it can be avoided.”

“So it looks like we’re one body short,” Poe concluded.

Rey hummed. “That sounds like a problem.”

“It really, really is.” He settled his chin on her shoulder, peering up at her while she smiled innocently at their friends across the table. Rose was working hard not to laugh. “I don’t imagine you’d want to step in.”

Her eyes widened in feigned shock; the corners of her mouth quirked up. “Oh, is _that_ what you were getting at? I had no idea.”

“We all know that it was ridiculous for you to be excluded from the mission in the first place,” Finn told her.

This was not the first time that Finn and Poe had suggested that Rey _deserved_ to be on the scouting team. And part of her wanted to, truly, but as she had reminded them once or twice, the plan had always been for her to train the two of them, but to sit on the sidelines of the Resistance herself; the only reason she’d even gone to Tryrti had been the opportunity to get away from Ajan Kloss for long enough to fully discuss her curse. If anything, the events on Tryrti should have only solidified for them all that even the most straightforward missions could be dangerous.

She didn’t have to point this out; she furrowed her brow, on the verge of speaking, but Poe kissed the bare skin on Rey’s shoulder and added, “I’ve already cleared it with Leia.”

“Clearing it is different than thinking it’s a good idea.”

“I was _very_ convincing. What was it I said, Finn? Something about… not overcorrecting by assuming that… various things would be a hindrance to the mission?”

Rey raised her eyebrows and turned to meet Poe’s eye while Finn said, “Yeah, that sounds about right. I was _very_ convinced.”

“You guys are doing that talking-in-code thing again…” Rose muttered.

She was right. It was unfair for them to be having this conversation in front of her. Rey sighed heavily and stood up, taking Poe’s hand. He got the message. “I’m sorry, Rose, you’re right. We’ll explain… so soon, I promise. But this one and I need to talk.”

Poe was on his feet at once, and she pulled him along; they filtered through Resistance members leaving and arriving for lunch, and as they wove through them all, Rey told him, “You had to have known that I’d think it would be a bad idea.”

“I did, yeah.” He hesitated. “I was kind of hoping that you’d take it to mean something that I even got the general to agree, just based on… what you’ve said before.”

Just based on how overly cautious Rey sometimes felt Leia to be.

Rey felt discomfited by the number of people still around them, even though almost no one was paying them any mind. (A few _were_ openly appraising them—it had quickly circulated amongst the Resistance that the pair – assumed to be in a relationship for so long – were suddenly seen holding hands at dinner a few days before, and had been incorporating more public displays of affection into their interactions in the days since. The blatant staring had had some time to tone down, although Rey and Poe were both amused by the whisperings of confusion that lingered; _if this is happening now, what was going on before?_ )

But she’d been so spoiled by the privacy of the vast majority of their conversations that the recent scrutiny had been more than a little frustrating, and that was without trying to candidly discuss whether it was safe for her to venture away from Ajan Kloss again.

“What would I bring to the mission that someone else couldn’t? I’m not a pilot, so I definitely don’t think I’m a very good substitute for Snap.”

“Like you don’t know that I’d trust you with the Falcon as much as any pilot in the Resistance. If not more.” He stopped in his tracks, turning to face her with his arms crossed. She was trying not to smile at the compliment, and this made him smile in turn. “So I think if we needed you to test out fighters or speeders, you’d take to it in no time.”

Rey looked into Poe’s eyes and felt the warmth and pride radiating from him, and gods, she could feel her concern dissipating, even against her better judgement. “Maybe you feel that way, but how did you convince Leia that you weren’t just _a little_ biased?”

“Me? Biased?” Poe made a brief show of looking affronted before shrugging. “She _definitely_ thinks I’m biased. But she also knows that your instincts would be a great asset to a scouting team. And she thinks you’ll be safer and happier with people who know about…” He allowed the pause to speak for itself. Then his features softened. “ _And_ I think she feels bad about what happened the other day. She’s trying, Rey.”

“Hmm.” Rey looked down and crossed her arms, curling her hands around her own waist. “And you’ve taken our conversation from the other day to heart as well, I see.”

“I’m trying, too, yeah,” Poe agreed, his tone kind. “And I’ll drop it if you tell me to. No resentment at all. I’d miss you like crazy the whole time, but I’d respect your choice.”

She squinted up at him with a soft frown. “I feel another ‘but’ coming, Flyboy.”

He smirked. “ _But_ I don’t like the idea of you hiding in a corner of the Resistance because of things that may or may not go wrong. I don’t think that’s what you wanted for yourself when you decided to leave Ahch-To.”

“Remind me never to talk to you about my feelings ever again,” Rey replied, biting her lip.

“Absolutely not.” Poe tilted his head to the side. “I’m serious, though. It’s your call. Leia’s already told me to bring Karé on if I need to.”

She considered him for quite some time, fretting over the fear in her gut for what felt like an eternity. And she could feel him, reaching out to her, but he made no assumptions. He listened and waited.

“I’m really scared that something will happen again,” she murmured at last. “Maybe something worse.” He nodded. “I don’t want to be the reason that something happens to you. Or to Finn and the rest of the team. Or, gods forbid, to the entire Resistance.”

“I know.”

But she thought, too, of her conversation with Leia about fear—of Luke on Ahch-To, and of Leia turning away from her Jedi training. And as afraid as she was – of her curse, of her continued dreams of the dark side that she knew Poe felt, even if he hadn’t ask about them – she was feeling, increasingly, that it was not enough to hide fear behind well-meaning inaction.

Shaking her head, Rey muttered, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Yeah?” The glee on his face was unparalleled.

“Against my better judgement, yes.”

Poe yelped with joy and pulled her into a tight hug, lifting her up into the air and spinning her around. Rey giggled and closed her eyes, trying to tune out her anxiety about everything that could go wrong.

\--

Two days later, they left for Ilith bright and early. They made the short trip in the Falcon, Chewie serving as Poe’s co-pilot while Rey, Finn, Jess, and Rose lingered in the main hold. After prodding from Jess and Rose, Finn had agreed to give them a glimpse of what Jedi training looked like when they weren’t sparring, so Rey pulled out the decrepit remote that she had used in her childhood. She’d brought it along not knowing that Leia had one of her own, which meant it had sat unused since her arrival on Ajan Kloss, and it pleased her to see it getting some use. Their friends gasped delightedly at the sight of Finn’s skill with the remote even with his vision obscured.

“All three of you can really do that?” Jess asked in wonder. “Not that I didn’t… know about your training, obviously, but I don’t know if I fully believed it until now.”

“Hell yeah, we can.” Finn’s eyes lit up as he looked at Rey proudly. “Poe and I don’t have anything on Rey, though, she’s something else. Although Poe did beat her when they were sparring the other day.”

“Thank you, Finn…” Rey muttered.

But not content to leave it there, he rolled his eyes and said, “It was their weird way of flirting,” in a loud whisper.

“ _Thank_ you, Finn,” Rey said louder. Her cheeks flushed bright red while Rose and Jess laughed, even though she knew that it was all in good fun. She wished she were up in the cockpit with Poe. “Now if you really want to impress them, you should make some things move.”

Rose scoffed. “Oh, please. Every time he’s working on the ships with me, he finds _any_ excuse to use the Force. A part or tool could be barely out of reach and he’d insist on pulling it over with his mind.”

Rey looked to Finn with a fond smile. “Somehow I’m not surprised.”

Finn jumped in and added, “In all seriousness, though, that’s nothing. Poe got the best of her once, but Rey can still run circles around us. Some of the things that she can do…”

“Are we embarrassing Rey in here?” Poe’s voice came from the direction of the cockpit, and they all turned to see him leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

“Just a little bit. Mostly bragging about her.”

“I can’t believe you can do that stuff too,” Jess told Poe. “The whole time I’ve known you, I never would have guessed that you had anything in common with Luke Skywalker and the other Jedi that we’ve heard all those stories about. No offense.”

Poe laughed. “None taken. I still find it a bit hard to believe myself. But, um, I came to give you the heads up that we’ll be coming out of hyperspace pretty soon. And to check in to see why Rey was so uncomfortable.”

“Check in on Rey?” Rose echoed. She looked between them, her eyes wide. “Don’t tell me you knew that we were teasing her.”

“K-- kind of, yeah.” Poe looked to Rey, immediately worried that he had said something wrong. Rey just shook her head slightly—he wasn’t making the Force into any more of a spectacle than it had already become during this conversation.

“I can’t _believe_ how cool Jedi are,” Jess said, more to herself than anything else.

Rey nearly argued; it still unnerved her a bit, to have that word applied to her own experience quite so liberally. But Poe and Finn preened at having the word applied to them, and she found herself too endeared to shut it down.

\--

Because of Ilith’s orbit around its planet, one day on the moon was nearly two standard hours longer than a day on Ajan Kloss. At this particular moment, the difference felt huge: day and night were displaced so that the sun began to set not long after they landed, even though they were just barely hungry enough to eat lunch.

That said, the base on Ilith was primarily located underground, so they didn’t feel a need to pay the time difference much mind. More of concern to Rey was the cold. She had thought that the winds on Tryrti were unpleasant, but they did nothing to rival the bone-chilling temperature as they disembarked from the Falcon. Each of them was bundled well because, as soon as Ilith began to seem like a feasible new base for the Resistance, Leia had accumulated a stock of cold weather clothes from one of her old friends from the New Republic. Still—anywhere that Rey’s skin was exposed, she felt the most peculiar burning sensation, which lingered even after they filtered into the near-darkness of the base.

“Well, it looks like the medbay is up ahead,” Poe said, pointing a flashlight at a sign on a nearby wall and squinting to make out the words. “Which is a good sign, since that means those maps should be accurate. Let’s get to admin and set up shop.”

They walked slowly and quietly. Before landing, they’d scanned for lifeforms one last time and had come up empty, but they remained cautious about the possibility of other First Order surveillance. Until they could sweep the entire base, they wanted to leave as little of an impression as possible.

However, they were tentatively optimistic. The Rebellion base had been built using the bones of an old settlement—the native inhabitants had had to vacate in the time of the Old Republic, when the animals that served as their main hunting source migrated in perpetuity in response to the moon’s shifting climate. Now, nearly all sentient life occupied the northern region of the moon, while the area around the base was cold and barren.

Meanwhile, the Rebellion had used the small base almost exclusively as a storage and medical facility once people no longer needed the more focused services of a medical frigate, as well as a temporary refuge for anyone they could evacuate from planets and villages before the Empire could destroy them. Since it had never been the source of much combat, all signs pointed to the base having remained completely under the radar for the Empire as well as the First Order.

“Gods, this feels so wrong…” Rose muttered as she bypassed the lock on the admin door. “We’re having to break into our own base.” The lock beeped, and Rose grimaced before glancing toward Rey, who was nearest to her. “Rey, hand me the chip with the red and blue wires.”

Rey felt herself instinctively trying to resist the pull in her gut, but then she nodded and reached into the bag.

“Not our base yet,” Jess pointed out. “But you’re right, this feels… more than a little creepy.”

“I’m just hoping that no one from the Rebellion forgot anything sentimental. I don’t know if I can handle finding someone’s old photos or letters knowing that they bothered to save them even while their lives were falling apart, and then managed to lose them anyway.” Poe realized that they were all staring at him, and he frowned. “What, had that not… occurred to anyone else?”

After a pregnant pause, Jess shook her head and reiterated, “So creepy.”

The door to admin slid open, and they filtered inside.

\--

When their sweep of admin came up clean, they turned on the lights and settled in at last, removing their layers to eat lunch. They ate quickly, wanting to begin their work as soon as possible.

Jess hung back in admin with BB-8 while the rest of them cleared out—it was her task to go through the base’s records, to ensure that everything matched their intelligence and to find out whether there was any information they did not yet have about old Rebellion facilities that could be scavenged. Meanwhile, Finn and Chewie left to begin a careful, room-by-room sweep of the base, and Poe, Rose, and Rey headed toward vehicle storage.

“This is the first building I’ve been in since I was a child,” she told them as they walked. “Besides the little huts on Ahch-To, I mean.”

“Oh my gods, I didn’t even think of that.” Poe squeezed her hand gently. “Not too weird, I hope.”

She shook her head. “No, not too weird.”

“Do you mind if I ask about that?” Rose said tentatively. “You always seem to avoid talking about it back on the base, but I can never tell if it’s because there are too many people or if you just don’t want to talk about your life before the Resistance.”

Rey and Poe glanced at each other. She took a breath, leaning into the warmth in his eyes. “Actually, Rose, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you about it.”

\--

Among other things, Finn and Chewie cleared the first block of barracks so that they wouldn’t have to crowd into the Falcon or sleep on the floor of the base that first night. But Rey, still feeling more than a little bit out of place in the unfamiliar underground structure, told Poe that she thought she might feel better sleeping in the ship, and he obliged at once, promising to the rest of the crew that he’d leave his commlink on in case anything came up.

When he came out of the fresher, showered and ready to sleep, Rey was sitting in the middle of the floor in the captain’s quarters, her eyes closed as she meditated. At the sound of him, her lips quirked up, but she did not speak or open her eyes.

“Feeling a bit less jinxed now that the bad guys still haven’t paid us a visit?” he asked.

“A bit,” she allowed, cracking one eye open to look at him. “They still have some time.”

Poe held out a hand to help her to her feet, which she took. “You doing okay?”

“You ask like you don’t know the answer.”

“I know the gist of the answer. But I’d still like to hear the full story.”

Rey inhaled slowly and sat down on the bed. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about Ben-- Kylo. Since telling Rose about my curse and the Force bond, I mean. Every time I think about it for too long, I end up thinking about all of the things about myself that I still don’t understand, and Kylo swearing that he had the answers.” She looked up at Poe, her brow furrowed with worry. “So I guess I was meditating while you were in the fresher because I was nervous that I’d provoke our connection otherwise.”

Poe nodded, taking this in. “But no Force bond Kylo Ren?”

“No Force bond Kylo Ren.”

“And are you feeling any better?”

She smiled softly. “A little bit. I think I actually felt Luke out there, meditating too.”

“Luke? Seriously?” Poe eagerly sat down beside her. “This can’t have been like the Force bond, though.”

“No, it felt totally different. With Kylo, I can see him as though he’s right in front of me, but Luke… it was a feeling. It was like he was just out of sight.” She thought back to how Leia had described communicating with Luke from afar, and it put a smile on her face—regardless of her persistent frustration with Luke, it felt comforting, that he had opened himself up to her to feel him in the Force after staying closed off for so long.

They allowed this information to hang there for a few moments. Poe reached up to adjust some strands of hair that had escaped from her bun, and he brushed them behind her ear, even though he knew that she’d be letting her hair down shortly to sleep.

But he wanted to an excuse to touch her, tender and kind as the gesture was, and it made her smile.

“I’m glad you asked me to come, Poe.”

He couldn’t have said for sure whether she was talking about coming to Ilith, or joining the Resistance, but as her fingers curled between his, he believed it was both.

\--

There were several starfighters and a handful of speeders that seemed useable, and after Rose was confident that the guts were fine, it was Poe’s job to test them all out. Rey watched the tests with amusement, smiling over Poe’s excitement each time another machine roared to life under his fingers.

The tests ran up almost until they agreed to meet up with Finn, Jess, and Chewie for lunch, but when Poe peeled back into the hangar just a little too fast – “Careful, Flyboy,” Rose said into her headset – he seemed to have no interest in going to eat. Instead, as he hopped out of the cockpit, he caught Rey’s eye and asked, “Your turn?”

“Wh-- my turn?” Rey twisted to look at Rose, who shrugged. “You’ve been flying for hours. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Hell no. I could do this forever. Or watch you do it.” He walked toward them, his helmet under his arm, and _oh_ , was he handsome with his hair mussed from his helmet and his eyes shining with joy.

Rey hesitated; admittedly, a little thrill went down her spine at the thought of getting up in the air in one of those small ships, which seemed so compact and maneuverable compared to the Falcon. “Would you come out with me? I know that we only have one droid…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Poe said, smiling softly. “You can take BB-8, and I’ll just use the Spearhead, there’s no room for a droid in it anyway.”

Before Rey could reply, Rose interjected. “Is it safe to guess that you two will be a little while?”

“Not too long,” Poe promised, looking at Rose very seriously. He’d told Rey that he privately thought of it as his commander face. _For when I want to feel like I’m not making it all up as I go_. “I noticed that they didn’t leave much of a fuel reserve when they abandoned this place.”

“Alright, Dameron, you’re the commander. You two have a nice joyride.”

“Flying lesson!” he called after Rose, but she just laughed and shook her head. Turning his attention to Rey, he took her hand and began to pull her along. “I know exactly which fighter you should try out. C’mon BB-8! Z-95s look ancient, but they age great. And BB’s flown with me in more than one, so it knows the drill.”

Rey smiled. She _was_ eager to get the feel for flying a starfighter, but she was mostly delighted by Poe’s excitement; as much as he loved their Force training, he was _truly_ in his element around these ships, and it was a joy to see.

He looked over, as though suddenly realizing that he was under Rey’s scrutiny, and his face went red. “Sorry, I know I’m getting a little worked up.”

“Don’t apologize. I like this side of you.”

Poe nodded slowly, as though he needed a moment to digest.

While Rey sat in the cockpit, Poe stood on the ladder so that he could lean in and make sure that she was comfortable with where everything was positioned on this smaller control console. Once she felt ready to fly, he gave her a peck on the lips and dropped down to the floor so he could run over to his own fighter.

After closing the hatch, Rey shut her eyes and took a long, slow breath. Then she glanced around, taking in the rest of the cockpit. Poe wasn’t kidding when he said that the fighter looked old—the seat was frayed all over, and the floor was worn where countless feet had rested during flights. Many of the controls, too, were discolored where pilots had touched them over and over.

If she weren’t taking in every detail quite so closely, she might have missed it—but just barely sticking out between the seat and the wall, a small gray object caught her eye. It took a bit of finagling – and, it was so tightly stuck, perhaps a little invocation of the Force – but finally, it came out.

Her stomach dropped as she realized that it was a holopad—precisely what Poe had said that he hoped not to find.

“You and BB all set?” Poe’s voice came in over her headset.

She tucked the holopad away in her satchel. Regardless of Poe’s reluctance, she found herself curious to get a glimpse at the lives of those who brought about the end of the Empire. But it could wait.

“Mhm. Let’s do it.”

\--

Rey forgot about the holopad until after they had eaten dinner, when the whole crew was lounging in a recreation room off the mess hall. It housed some sofas that circled around a no-longer-functioning holodisplay, as well as a few tables with demesne boards—after some searching, Jess found a box with the pieces in a nearby cupboard, and although some were missing, they managed to make do with a few bits and bobs from their toolkit. She and Finn got into a heated game of Moebius against Chewie, which Rose and Poe watched with great interest.

Meanwhile, Rey lounged on one of the sofas, having gotten quite absorbed in a book that Finn found in one of the barracks the day before. She’d never seen a book besides the Jedi texts that Luke had passed on to her, and her understanding from the others was that there weren’t very many around. So she perused this one with great interest, struggling a bit with the unfamiliar dialect but very invested in what appeared to be a handwritten story about the Clone Wars.

She knew it had to be fantasy – no doubt the daydreams of a Rebellion solder who had heard tales of the Jedi but not witnessed them firsthand – because the descriptions of the Jedi Knights’ adventures were fanciful and involved far too little death.

But at a time like this, when she knew that the Rebellion had eventually come out triumphant, but a Resistance victory felt far more impossible, she could use a bit of fantasy. She could use a little less death.

It was when Rey reached into her satchel to grab her pen – intending to make a note in the margins – that her hand found the holopad instead.

She pulled it out, turning it over in her hands a few times. Luke had had one, back on Ahch-To, and she’d seen a few among the members of the Resistance who wanted to hold onto sentimental messages or photos, but she hadn’t held one herself in years. It had been so long that it took her several moments to find the switch to turn the thing on.

For a second, she didn’t quite believe what she was looking at. She squinted at the image projected from the pad, appraising it.

“Poe,” she said softly. “Come look at this.”

He turned away from the game at once, although no one else paid Rey’s summons any mind. “You found a holopad?” he asked as he drew nearer.

“Yeah, back in the fighter. I know you felt weird about the idea of finding something like this, but it’s…” She pointed at the hologram, as though he might not realize what she was talking about otherwise. “I can’t believe how much this man looks like you.”

Poe blinked down at the image mutely; took in what must have been a father and mother, holding an infant between them who couldn’t have even been a standard year old.

It hit Rey a split second before he spoke, as a deep sadness overcame Poe and flashed before his eyes. As his muscles tightened in preparation to—

“You found this in the fighter?”

She clicked the holopad off as she stood up. “Yes, but Poe—”

—in preparation to run. And he did, taking off immediately. He was out the door before everyone else’s attention could even shift completely from the Moebius game.

“What’s up with him?” Rose asked, staring at the doorway in confusion.

“I just did something very stupid,” Rey told them softly. She replaced the holopad in her satchel and pulled it over her shoulder, frowning at her friends. “I really need to go after him.”

Finn hesitated, reluctant to argue with her in front of Jess, whom Leia had _not_ given Rey permission to tell about the curse or the Force bond. “Rey, after last time…”

“I know, I know. Would you just come with me? Until I find him.”

He nodded, looking to Jess apologetically. “I’ll be back soon, alright? Don’t let Chewie clobber you too hard while I’m gone.”

“No promises,” she replied.

And in an instant, Finn and Rey were off.

“Where are we supposed to start?” Finn asked as they rushed down the hall. “He didn’t grab his coat, so I doubt he’s going back to the Falcon.”

“He’s going back to the hangar.”

“You’re sure?”

She nodded. “I think I found a picture of his parents in one of the fighters.” A picture of his parents holding him, although she felt inclined to keep that part to herself for now.

“Oh. Frag.”

At a loss for any more to say, Rey just replied, “Yeah.”

When they reached the hangar, Poe was sitting on the floor beneath the Z-95, staring up at it. Neither Finn nor Rey drew closer at first.

“Do-- do you want me to stick around?” Finn asked.

In case Poe wanted her to leave.

But after considering the pilot for a moment, she shook her head. “No, I think we should be fine from here. But I have my commlink, so I’ll call if I need you.”

“Sounds good.”

Rey could no longer hear Finn’s footsteps by the time she was close enough to Poe that they could hear each other without raising their voices. She knew he could hear her coming, but she was trying to decide whether she should speak up when he suddenly asked, “Can I show you something?”

“Of course.”

Poe rose to his feet as Rey reached him, and he took her by the hand, leading her over to the spot where one of the wings met the body of the fighter. He pointed up at what, at first glance, looked like a rust spot. “Right there.”

She stood on her tip-toes to look closer, and barely – just barely – she could make it out.

“S. B.” Poe murmured.

“Your mother,” Rey said softly.

He nodded. “She did this on every single fighter she ever flew. When she was learning to be a pilot, she just did it as a way of reminding herself that she wanted to change the galaxy. Then she became a big-shot pilot for the Rebellion, but it didn’t ever occur to her to stop.” He smoothed his hand over the cool metal of the fighter. “Any time I see a Rebellion-era fighter, I still check for those initials.”

“What made you miss this one?”

“She only ever really flew A-wings. I’ll check other ships, too, just to see, but I’ve never really bothered with Z-95s. I think I was 5 when she first told me that they were only fit to be scrap metal.” Poe shot Rey a smile. “Her team prided themselves on being able to take down an Empire squadron faster than any other team in the Rebellion. She didn’t really care much about how reliable a fighter was long-term.”

Rey smirked. “I feel like I’m gaining so much insight into another pilot I know.” He scoffed, but he didn’t even bother to pretend to argue with her. Instead, he sat back down on the ground, and Rey joined him. It was only after a stretch of silence that she asked, “Did you know that she’d been here?”

“No, I had no idea. I knew that my parents got into an accident at the Battle of Hoth, and my dad was pretty severely injured, but it honestly didn’t even occur to me that they might have been brought to Ilith. Maybe it should have, but it… didn’t.” Poe frowned at the floor. “I guess I could look at the records if I wanted to.”

“See how long they were here, where they stayed…” Rey offered.

Poe swallowed hard, and it was one of those moments when Rey wished that he was better at concealing his feelings from the Force; that she was better at tuning him out specifically, even though the depth of their relationship obviously made her _particularly_ attuned to changes in his mood. She felt like she shouldn’t know this before he discussed it aloud.

Because he suddenly felt so very sad. For an instant, there was a flash of a memory—of a small boy running toward the same man and woman from the photo, though their features were a touch rougher. Sadder.

“It took a few years for me to understand why my parents were gone for so long when I was small,” he told her. “My grandfather didn’t know how to explain how important the war was without scaring me, so I spent a lot of my early childhood wondering what was more important than being back home with me. And it’s-- obviously I don’t feel that way anymore, but it’s just something different, knowing that they were _right_ here while I was just…”

“A sad and lonely kid waiting for his parents to come home.” The pain and sadness coursed through her as Poe nodded. Gently, Rey pulled the holopad out and set it in his lap. “I hope you know that I know this doesn’t just fix it, but… I think the fact that I found this _in_ a fighter just goes to show how much your mother wanted to keep you with her.”

He sighed heavily and nodded again. Leaning in close, he pressed a soft kiss to Rey’s jaw before tucking his head onto her shoulder, forehead against her neck. She breathed long and slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=3BIgLoRpSYuAYClTd7iS3g).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Dread in My Heart" by Mother Mother  
> \- "Landfill" by Savera  
> \- "Flume" by Bon Iver  
> \- "As If By Design" by Dawes  
> \- "This is the Place" by Sure Sure


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s official.” Poe was shivering when he returned from the Falcon, rubbing his hands together to get some warmth into them. “Leia’s going to begin preparations to shut down operations on Ajan Kloss. She wants all of us back to help with packing and loading our supplies, so we’ll want to head out soon. She also was hoping that we could bring at least one fighter back with us to make transport easier, which complicates things a little bit.”

“How is that going to work?” Finn asked.

Poe gestured between himself and Jess. “Either of us can take one. Obviously we haven’t tested them in hyperspace yet, but Rose has checked the systems and they look to be working just fine, so I’m not too worried.”

Rey took this in. “I could get the Falcon to Ajan Kloss. If it means that you can each bring a fighter back.”

Everyone turned to look at her in surprise, except for Poe, who just grinned. “Yeah?”

“Sure, I think I can do it. Especially with Chewie there to co-pilot.”

With an approving nod, Poe looked to Rose and Finn. “I’m assuming neither of you have any problem with that.”

“Fine with me,” Finn said eagerly, while Rose shrugged her approval.

“Great. Then let’s head out. I told her that we should be on our way within an hour.”

Rey fell into step beside Poe as they left admin. She slid her hand down his arm, reaching his fingers and touching them ever so lightly. “So were you going to _ask_ me to bring Finn and Rose back if I didn’t offer, or were you just going to send hopeful energy my way until I said something?”

He smiled but kept his gaze fixed ahead of them. “I hadn’t decided yet.” After a pause, he added, “We’ll want you to stick around just in case the hyperdrive on either of the fighters fails, but then you’ll just be a few seconds behind us. It’ll be one of your easiest flights yet.”

\--

It wasn’t that something was wrong. But when the Falcon came out of hyperspace, Rey immediately knew that something on Ajan Kloss had _changed_.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Poe’s voice came over Rey’s headset, startling her. He and Jess were some distance away but growing closer as they all began to make the descent into the planet’s atmosphere.

“Do you feel that?” she asked, rather than reply.

“What, is something wrong?” Alarm saturated his tone.

“No, no, not wrong, just… off. I can’t quite place it. Have you checked in with Leia yet?”

“Yeah, right before you got here. She didn’t let on that anything had happened. You’re sure that everything’s alright?”

Rey searched her feelings and then nodded before remembering that Poe couldn’t see her. “Yes. I guess we’ll just… see what’s happening once we’ve landed.”

But they didn’t need to wait that long. Much of the Resistance was waiting to welcome them back after they landed, and as Rey drew closer, she was gradually able to make out individual faces within the crowd.

It hit Rey and Poe at the same moment, but his audible reaction was faster. “Kriff, is that—”

Although she knew that he didn’t actually need an answer, she gave it. “Yes.”

Luke stood within the crowd beside Leia. He stared up at the cockpit of the Falcon as though he knew that Rey was there, looking down at him.

Well. He probably did know.

\--

“Commander, I’d like you to oversee everything here for the time being. Lieutenant Connix can get you up to speed on the plan that we’ve developed in your absence.”

Poe barely had a chance to agree before Leia gestured for Rey to join her and Luke; Rey glanced back at him once, and it seemed as though she was on the brink of asking whether he could join them. But instead she smiled at him softly and waved, leaving him and their friends behind.

The three of them cleared away from the landing site, and Poe, Finn, Rose, and Jess converged on Connix at once.

“When did Luke get here?” Poe asked.

“So that was actually Luke Skywalker?” Rose asked, looking between Poe and Connix in awe.

“In the flesh.” Connix directed her focus on Poe and raised her eyebrows. “He got here two days ago. We’ve barely seen him, though—when he’s not in some secretive meeting with General Organa, he’s been going off into the jungle. We don’t even see him during meals.”

“Do we have any idea why he’s here?”

“None.”

Poe swallowed, looking toward the caves. It seemed odd for Leia to keep this from him; he’d checked in three times over the past few days, and she’d given no indication of Luke’s arrival. But he had no clue what the secrecy might mean.

Gods, he hoped Rey was going to be okay.

\--

She couldn’t figure out whether she was happy to see him.

Her first instinct was that she must be—that she had to be. He’d been the most constant feature of her life, and she’d gone from having him as her only company to leaving him alone, with no sense of if or when she would see him again. _Surely_ she was glad that he had followed her and Poe to the Resistance.

But she sensed some uncertainty in him that she didn’t understand, and it left her feeling more than a little anxious.

“Master Luke, how long have you been on Ajan Kloss?”

“Just a few days.” He scrutinized her closely but said no more.

Leia, however, spoke up. “You had him worried, Rey.”

Rey frowned. “Worried? B-- but the other night, when I was meditating, I felt you in the Force. I didn’t sense any real concerns.”

“That’s actually why I’m here.” He hesitated, looking toward his sister. “I want you to understand that I nearly didn’t come. And after I spoke with Leia, I nearly left. But I’ve made so many mistakes as a Master because I was afraid of what would come from an honest conversation. Some of them awful, unforgiveable mistakes.” His gaze dropped to the ground, and the specter of Ben hung over all three of them. “I’m trying to make that right.”

“I don’t understand.” Rey’s gaze darted from Luke to Leia and back, longing for them to give some hint of what they were thinking, but their expressions were frustratingly neutral, and they’d closed their feelings off to the Force.

“It wasn’t right of me to let you leave with the pilot. Not because I think you should have stayed on Ahch-To, but because I wasn’t thinking of you at all when I refused to leave, and I am… so sorry for that, Rey. You’d only just discovered this strange Force bond with Ben, and it had been years since you’d really had to navigate anyone issuing you orders, accidental or otherwise. Not to mention the fact that I responded to my mistakes with Ben by limiting your experience with combat and your understanding of the dark side of the Force, rather than truly giving you room to grow and learn as a Jedi in your own right. I failed you in so many ways, just by trying _not_ to, and you deserved better.”

As he spoke, Rey’s jaw had dropped gradually. She stared at her mentor, feeling… Well. She _still_ wasn’t quite sure what.

Catharsis, perhaps.

And it was largely because of that catharsis that Rey found herself able to say, “Yes, I did.”

Luke seemed unsurprised by the fact that she agreed with him. Instead, he left her a moment to say more, but she didn’t take it, so he continued. “When I felt your presence in the Force the other day, there was so much uncertainty in you, Rey. So much confusion and frustration. And I suspect that a lot of it is my fault, both directly and indirectly. I’m not sure the best way to go about fixing it, but I knew that I needed to come so that I could try to make it right. If you’ll let me.”

“So you coming to Ajan Kloss had nothing to do with the Resistance.”

“I will say that my sister’s gone to great pains to convince me that resisting the First Order isn’t as futile as I still think it might be,” he said, flashing an apologetic smile to Leia. “But I don’t believe this is my fight. I _do_ think they have a better chance with you, and that gives me hope.”

Rey digested this. “I’m not sure what to say,” she told him at last. Her voice trembled slightly. “Because I’ve been angry with you – with both of you – for the childhood I had. And it means something to hear you apologize, but I-- Did Leia tell you about what happened the first time I left Ajan Kloss?” Luke nodded mutely. “Ben suggested that you’d kept things from me, and for all I knew, you had. I wouldn’t have been the _least_ bit surprised, because you kept things from him, too. Sometimes I still wonder whether he was right. And I’m not sure what it’s going to take to fix that.”

Gods, she was on the verge of crying, and she _could not_ cry right now. She refused.

“I understand,” Luke said softly.

“I want you to come with us to Ilith. I do.” _Keep it together, Rey_. “I think you have a lot to teach me, and Finn and Poe. But I’d like you to help me look for answers about my curse, too. There’s so much about myself that I don’t understand, and I think it’s time I figure it out.”

Luke smiled just slightly. “You’re right, it is. I’m happy to do anything I can.”

Rey nodded. “Good. Okay. I… I’d like to leave now, if that’s alright.”

“Of course it is. Unless Leia has any objections.”

“No, no, no objections.” Rey looked back toward Leia and felt her heart in her throat; the general’s eyes were sad, and a few tears dampened her face. Rey hadn’t even heard her crying. “For what it’s worth, Rey, I’m also so sorry. If I haven’t said as much, it’s only because I’ve had no idea where to start.”

Again, Rey found herself at something a loss, so she just nodded once more before turning to leave.

“I’ll be right behind you, by the way,” Leia called after her. “In case Dameron’s not sure whether he can leave his post.”

Well. She wasn’t wrong.

Rey wove through the crowd of the Resistance and found Poe not far from where they’d left him, supervising the sorting of supplies. He saw her coming through the trees from a way’s away, and whatever he processed from her expression, there was no need for Rey to tell him that Leia had given him permission to stop his work—he came to her at once.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” he whispered, stretching out his hand to brush her hair out of her eyes as they reached one another.

“Today is a very strange day.”

Poe grimaced. “They’ve already started to load boxes into the Falcon, but we… could go to the training course to talk about it.”

“Yes, please.”

Nearly the moment they sat down in the dirt, Rey began to cry, but Poe’s arms were around her at once.

\--

It took the better part of a standard week for the Resistance to complete the move from Ajan Kloss to Ilith; there were very few habitable planets anywhere near the new base, but if a wayward First Order patrol did come close, they still didn’t want to risk attracting too much attention. Trips were staggered, and it was peculiar, to see indications of the Resistance dwindling on Ajan Kloss as the base on Ilith flickered to life.

When they were flying one of the last loads of soldiers and supplies to the base, Poe asked Rey, “Have you thought about whether you want to stay in the barracks once the Resistance is all moved in?”

She had thought about it. Quite extensively.

It still felt strange, to think of sleeping underground when she’d always felt as though she slept inches from the stars—albeit in a different sense, since she’d begun to stay in the Falcon with Poe. But she didn’t hate the idea of having a little piece of the Resistance that she was able to make her own.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, and her lips quirked up. “Maybe Rose would like a bunk-mate.”

“Oh, yeah. Maybe.” A wave of disappointment swept over the cockpit.

Rey giggled, swatting at his shoulder. “I’m only joking, Flyboy. You don’t think I could really leave you to the mercy of those nightmares.”

“The nightmares. Right, right.” He held out his hand for her to grab and said, “Could you come over here real fast?”

She took his hand and allowed him to pull her out of the co-pilot seat—pull her to him, into his lap, so that he could press a soft, slow kiss to her lips. Rey’s fingers smoothed over his jaw and curled into his hair.

“Guys, there are 20 people in the next room.”

Finn’s voice came from the doorway, and Poe and Rey pulled apart at once; Rey sprang to her feet, grimacing.

“Like half of them aren’t assuming that worse is going on in here,” Poe replied. Rey barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes— _as though it’s any of their business_. Poe cast her a sympathetic glance – oh, she hadn’t meant to telegraph her irritation like that – but he quickly looked to Finn and raised his eyebrows. “Is something up?”

“Just wanted to tell you that some panel in the hallway is beeping. It didn’t look like anything serious, but we figured you might want to know.”

“Beeping…” Poe squinted at Finn for a few seconds, then his eyes widened. “ _Beeping_. Oh gods, okay, I’ll be right back. Please don’t let the Falcon crash while I’m gone.”

Rey glanced outside and smirked. “Right, we’ll get into so much trouble in hyperspace.”

While Rey returned to her seat, Finn claimed the spot that Poe had just vacated, leaning back to watch the waves of light stream by.

“I still kind of can’t believe that I’m here right now,” he breathed. “I was a part of the First Order less than a year ago, Rey. I thought I was going to be stuck there forever.”

She chuckled, tilting her head to look at her friend. “I know what that’s like.”

“Yeah, I thought you might relate.” They shared a smile. “It’s funny, because when I helped Poe escape, I was mostly thinking of myself. He just seemed like my best chance at getting out in one piece. But now I actually think the Resistance has a chance. Partially because of you.”

“I’m just one person, Finn.”

“I said partially.” He raised his eyebrows. “It gave a lot of people hope when Poe showed up with you. And I’m sure that you’ve felt the change in energy since Luke showed up, too, but you said he made it pretty clear that he wouldn’t have come if not for you. So that hope’s because of you, too.”

Rey was at something of a loss. She knew that Finn was right—the thought of Jedi helping the cause had done a lot to energize the members of the Resistance after the Battle of Crait left them feeling adrift and unsupported throughout the galaxy. But she also couldn’t help but think of the danger of people putting their hope into an ancient religious order that they didn’t understand. An order that had quite a lot to do with their current position.

Of course, Finn knew this.

“Someday, I’d like people to think of Force sensitivity as just another skill. Like flying, or code-breaking, or…” She trailed off.

“You’re right, that’s how it should be. But certain skills are better for certain jobs. I saw Kylo Ren take out an entire village trying to get his hands on the map that led us to Ahch-To, which tells me…”

“The Resistance needs the Force if we truly want to have a chance against him. I know. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to like what?”

Poe was back, looking more than a little frazzled with a streak of grease across his nose and cheek.

“Being one of a handful of people equipped to stop the First Order just because of a skill that most of the galaxy thinks of as a mystical superpower.”

“Oh, that, sure.”

Rey perched up on her knees and reached out to Poe; he took her hand at once, and she pulled him closer. With her handkerchief – with his handkerchief, which he’d asked her to keep the night after her last confrontation with Kylo – she wiped the grease away. His eyes fell closed, and an easy smile spread across his face at her touch. “Crisis averted?” she asked.

“Yep. The galaxy is saved.”

“What a relief.”

\--

“I’d like to go to the lake one last time,” Rey told him. They were in the process of unloading the final portion of the Resistance’s rations from the Falcon, two of many in a group of soldiers hefting boxes through the base. “Is that… can you do that?”

Poe seemed surprised at the request, but she _felt_ it as it hit him; as he sank into the shared wanting of it. “I think I can figure something out.”

“Without seeming like you’re completely abusing your power as a commander,” she added.

A pause. “I think I can figure something out.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Poe…”

“No, no, I can. Karé and Snap were supposed to go back, just to make sure that we didn’t leave anything behind that the First Order could use to track us down. But there’s no reason we couldn’t go instead.”

“Do you ever worry that you’ll try to change a plan for _slightly_ selfish reasons and Leia will tell you no?”

He frowned. “Not until right now.” A much longer pause. “I don’t do it for the things where it really counts. She knows that, right?”

“I’m sure she does. Mostly because I don’t think she’d tolerate you if she thought otherwise.”

Poe flinched; Rey wasn’t wrong. Even so, he said, “I think it’s only fair to point out that I’m offering to change a plan for slightly selfish reasons purely because you asked.”

Rey kept her eyes ahead, but she was beaming. “The irony is not lost on me.”

\--

The jungle was eerily quiet.

Or rather, the hum of ships, of soldiers was gone. It had taken almost no time for the creatures of the planet to realize that the Resistance had vacated, and as Poe and Rey walked through the Klosslands, animal calls sporadically came from the trees and the ground. Neither of them were bothered—on the training course, they’d encountered plenty of wildlife and become quite familiar with many of the species that called the Klosslands home. But alone on the planet, without the occasional fighter passing overhead, it felt as though they were hearing it all anew.

They chatted only sporadically, enjoying the companionable silence. As Rey had realized the day before, this was likely the last time for a while that they’d be in such solitude; their solitude would likely be limited to their room in the barracks, a small but private living space that Poe had received due to his rank. Ilith was too cold for them to venture from the base on their own, and the bulk of their Jedi training was going to take place in the base’s training facilities, where other Resistance members would always be a few rooms away.

As Rey thought of their new training set-up, she asked, “Are you looking forward to training with Luke?”

“I’m honestly not sure.” Poe knelt down abruptly, sweeping some fallen leaves aside to discover a discarded cigarra butt. He rolled his eyes at Rey and tucked the trash into his pocket before they continued on. “Every time I spoke with him on Ahch-To, he seemed so certain that his time as a Jedi had passed. And it’s not that I think he’s insincere about being willing to help us now, but I have a hard time imagining what that’ll look like.”

“He’ll probably kick your ass,” Rey told him, smiling to herself. “I go easy on you two, compared to him.”

“No, you’ve gotta be joking. Don’t you think you might be more of a match for him by now? You said it’s been years since you really trained together.”

She shook her head. “That’s not exactly what I mean. It’s more… every time I see him handle a saber, it’s so obvious that he’s _used_ it, in a way that none of us have ever had to. For all of his talk about balance and peace, he came to see the Force that way because it means something different to him.” Tracing her thumb down Poe’s exposed forearm, she said, “So he’ll kick your ass. But he’ll be very polite about it.”

“Reassuring, thank you.” Poe allowed this to hang in the air for several moments before tilting his head to look at Rey. “How are _you_ feeling about it? Now that you’ve had some time to digest.”

Now that she could talk about her conversation with Luke without tearing up again.

“I feel like I should be happier about it. But I’m trying to be okay with the fact that I’m not.” She bit her lip. “But when you and Finn are busy with other work, he and I will be studying the Jedi texts, and whatever history is archived in the computers on Ilith. And that’s good.”

“That’s very good,” he agreed, his voice encouraging. “Who needs Kylo Ren to tell you who you are when you can figure it out yourself.”

“Right. So that’s-- I’m glad for his help.”

They fell into silence again.

\--

“Remember how I mentioned the Force tree back home?”

“Vaguely.” Rey smirked; it certainly wasn’t like he brought it up in his very first conversation with her, when remarking that Luke was nothing like what his mother had described when she told Poe the story of her mission with Luke to retrieve the fragments of the Great Tree. He had also recounted many a tale about playing in the branches of the tree on Yavin, climbing higher and higher while his parents fretted over his safety.

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Poe laid back in the grass, tucking his hands behind his head. “I know this is sentimental, but this place just reminds me of how it felt to be near that tree. Everything around it was so peaceful. It was like even the wind and rain knew that it needed to be protected.”

Rey’s smile grew wider. As a child, Poe had accidentally singed the Force tree with a pair of old podracer engines. He’d spent the next year nursing it back to health. “But someone forgot to tell Poe Dameron.”

“I cannot believe I told you that story…” he muttered.

“You were saying something about feeling peaceful,” she noted, rather than continuing to tease him for youthful mistakes.

Poe hummed and closed his eyes. “Yeah, that’s right. Just thinking about how some of that was probably Force sensitivity, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe. It would make sense. I don’t know for sure without seeing it for myself, obviously.”

“We’ll fix that eventually.” Poe spoke matter-of-factly.

Her heart stuttered just slightly. “Oh?”

“Sure. The second this is all over, we’ll hop into the Falcon. Maybe pay my dad a visit first, since I think he’d kill me if he found out that he wasn’t my first stop when I set foot on Yavin again. And then he’ll make us eat an obscene amount of food, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Rey agreed, trying not to let out a laugh.

“But then the Force tree.”

“Alright, Flyboy.” What an idea—the First Order defeated, the war over, and Rey and Poe, dropping everything to visit his childhood home just to see a tree.

She quite liked that idea.

Poe’s thoughts, however, had already strayed, and Rey felt a shift in him as he sank into a deep and sudden sadness.

No—it wasn’t that they had strayed. The problem was that he suddenly found that he couldn’t stop turning over—

“If he wants to see me,” he qualified. “He’ll make us eat an obscene amount of food if he even wants me there.”

This was not something that Poe had discussed at much length with Rey. Although he never said as much, she got the sense that he felt like it wasn’t a worthwhile problem compared to Rey’s tension with Luke and Leia. She disagreed, but since he had been cautious to avoid talking about his father at much length, Rey didn’t feel like she could be the one to bring it up.

Yet again, it made her wish that Poe was better at closing his emotions off, and that she was better at pushing them away, so that when she knew he felt something, it was because he wanted her to know.

But here, he had broached the subject, so she went with it at once.

“It’s been a long time since you left,” she pointed out. “Even with everything that happened when you were younger, you’d still like to see him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, of course, but he wasn’t the problem. I was a little shit. Even ignoring the messes that he had to bail me out of, I was so determined to get off that moon and do big things for the New Republic, Rey, and he _hated_ it. It took me _years_ to figure out that he just didn’t want me to have to fight for my future like he and my mother did.”

Rey ran her fingers along his jaw, smiling at the way Poe leaned into her touch. “You’re one of the commanders holding the Resistance together. Even if he didn’t want you to have to carry that weight, he’d be proud of you.”

Poe hummed. “I’d like that to be true.”

“I guess we’ll find out when this is all over.”

“I guess we will.” His eyes eased open, and he turned to meet Rey’s gaze. They shared a soft, sad smile. “Once or twice I’ve thought about running away from all of this. Stealing an A-wing and heading back home, just leaving the First Order to do their worst to the galaxy. I could never do it, of course, but, you know… Stuck on that table while Kylo Ren broke into my head, running away didn’t sound too bad.”

She was surprised; she’d assumed that the agony she’d felt through him during his nightmares had been the memory of his torture, but she’d felt none of that fear. None of that desire to give up. “Even after everything you’d done for the Resistance?”

“Even after everything. It was weird, because when I first joined up, I was convinced that I’d never be in that place. I hated _everything_ the First Order stood for, and I wanted to do my part to protect the galaxy and be like my parents in the Rebellion. Stop the First Order or die trying.”

“But you found your hope again.”

“Is it really fair to call it hope when I was lying there after Ren tortured me and trying to come up with the worst thing I could do to get back at him? Even knowing full well that the general would welcome him back in a heartbeat.”

Rey murmured, “I think her feelings are more complicated than that.” _Clouded with disappointment that Ben had followed Vader’s path, and concern that he also wouldn’t return to the light until his death_ , she didn’t say. Because that was beside the point. The point was that Poe knew it was more complicated, but Rey felt like she needed to say it aloud.

“Yeah, they are. I just mean that in the moment, that’s where my head was at. And where it kind of goes again, a little bit, when I-- with the nightmares.”

Oh, so he was going _there_ , too. Another conversation he had largely skirted around.

“Wanting to go home?” she asked softly.

“No, no, not exactly.” Poe rose to his feet abruptly and began pacing back and forth, and Rey sat up quite straight to watch him. Her heart felt full—a familiar scene playing out in reverse. “Dreaming about what Ren did to me reminds me of what my mindset _was_ in the _moment_. And I don’t like that person. I don’t like the person who wanted to abandon the Resistance, and I don’t like the person who only wanted to stick around for the sake of revenge.” He froze in place and met Rey’s eye. “Frag, Rey, I’m so sorry. You asked if we could come to a really special place and for some reason I decided it would be the perfect time to talk about all of the things that make me feel like a bad person.”

She took this in for a moment, then stood – _a familiar scene playing out in reverse_ – and took his hand. “I like how close I feel to you here. That’s what makes it special. Which makes it seem like the perfect time to talk about this. If you want.”

“I’m not really sure what I want,” he confessed, looking at her shoulder, rather than meet her eye.

“Alright,” Rey said kindly. “Do you mind if I say something, then?”

Poe shook his head, so Rey sat down again and pulled him along with her. He followed her lead at once. “I know you’ve sensed my dreams, too. And I haven’t talked to you about them because I haven’t really known how to tell you, but if I’d known this was what you were struggling with…” She ran her hand through his hair, lingering at the nape of his neck. Again—he leaned into her touch, blinking long and slow. “I see myself as a Sith every night, Poe. It started not long after our trip to Tryrti, and at first it was sporadic, the images vague. I’d hoped that they would fade if I could put Kylo’s words out of my mind, but the darkness is still within me. Festering.”

“I thought that might be what you were dreaming of,” he admitted. “The other night, just before I woke up, I saw this flash of-- I knew it was you, even though I barely recognized you. You were so hardened. It was terrifying.”

Rey grimaced. “I’m sorry. Especially after what happened the other week, I try to shield my thoughts and feelings, but it’s getting more difficult with you. Luke trained me to protect my mind from other Force users, but I don’t… Why are you smiling?”

“Because unless I’m wrong, I think you’re trying to apologize for caring for me.”

“I’ve got a newfound understanding for why the Jedi texts argue against forming emotional attachments, that’s all,” she told him, blushing. He smiled wider, but she carried on. “Luke decided that was nonsense after what happened with Ben, but this… what’s between us, it’s different, in ways that I don’t think Luke or I could have predicted. I didn’t even realize how much my relationship with the Force has changed until I took that wall down with you on purpose. It’s challenging and confusing, and I’m trying my best to be okay with that for the time being, but I’d rather you not have to see me like that. The way I am in those dreams, I mean.”

Poe leaned in close, pressing his forehead against hers. “My main takeaway here is that you like me.”

“What I _want_ your main takeaway to be,” Rey said, giggling. “Is something that Leia said to me when I told her that I was scared of the darkness in me.”

“Hmm?” His thumb traced circles on the back of her hand.

“She said that the dark side of the Force is dangerous because it calls to us through our individual weaknesses. But those weaknesses don’t make us bad. Wanting to set aside the weight of the Resistance when you’re scared, wanting to get back at someone who _just_ tortured you… those things don’t make you bad. I think it says a lot more that, shortly after you escaped, you took the mission to seek out Luke.”

He swallowed, and Rey felt warm inside at the way that both of their hearts were pounding. “Maybe so.”

“You’re right, Rey. What wonderful insight, Rey.”

Poe chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You’re right, Rey.” A kiss to the other cheek. “What wonderful insight, Rey.”

She glanced over his shoulder, noting that the sun was on the verge of sinking below the tree line. “We should probably head back to Ilith soon.”

“Soon,” he agreed. “I’d like to stay just a little longer.”

“Okay.”

Poe laid back down on the ground, Rey following his lead. She closed her eyes, now—trying to take in the sounds of a planet that she doubted very much that she’d ever see again. Even so, she felt Poe reaching out to her before his fingertips touched her waist. “Thank you. Really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=2K_gkPTLRNuNDYmEyQmdjg).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Helpless" by Buffering the Vampire Slayer  
> \- "The Closest Thing to Living" by Wild Nothing  
> \- "By Ourselves" by Seiichi  
> \- "What's on Your Mind" by Swimming Tapes  
> \- "Unfair" by David Vivian


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn’t that Finn and Poe had _expectations_ about what training with Luke would be like—save for Poe’s recounting to Finn that Rey had said, quite confidently, that _Luke would kick their asses._ But over breakfast, Finn gushed eagerly about his desire for Luke to teach them maneuvers and tactics that they couldn’t have ever dreamt of. “He defeated the Emperor, and Darth Vader, and he’s had decades to train since. I can’t even imagine how skilled he is.”

And it didn’t take too long for the enthusiasm to rub off on Poe; he, too, got starry-eyed, pondering over what their first day would entail.

Rey said little on the matter. She ate and listened and kept her expression quite neutral, and Finn and Poe were lively enough that it took them some time to notice.

Finally, though, Poe seemed to register something in the energy coming off of her. He turned to squint at Rey—she held his gaze innocently. “Why does it feel like you know something?”

“I don’t know anything,” she replied. “I have some guesses, though. Probably some pretty good ones, since I grew up with him.” Poe continued to stare, and she could feel him, reaching out to her. Trying to prod at her brain. “Don’t wear yourself out before we even start today’s training, Flyboy,” she teased.

He huffed and looked away, shaking his head at Finn. “I think she’s calling me inexperienced.”

“I think you are inexperienced,” Finn whispered. “But I am too, there’s no shame in it.”

Poe scrunched his nose up. “I feel very shamed.” As though to make up for it, Rey leaned in close and pressed a kiss where his jaw met his ear. Poe’s skin flushed while Finn smirked at them. “I feel slightly less shamed.”

“I just don’t want the two of you to get your hopes up too much,” Rey told them gently. “Master Luke is… I just almost guarantee that he won’t give you what you _want_ out of training. Certainly not at first. He’s going to make you stronger, absolutely, but probably not in the ways you’re expecting.”

“Hang on, if this is because of how he trained you…” Finn furrowed his brow. “Didn’t you say that he intentionally didn’t do much sparring with you because of what happened with Ren? If he’s changed his mind now and has agreed to train us in combat…”

Rey shrugged. “Maybe I’m wrong. It’s just a hunch.”

\--

They should have been suspicious when they reached training room and Luke said that they’d start off the morning with some sparring, _To get on the same page_.

He kicked Finn and Poe’s asses summarily, and it was as an outsider, observing the matches, that Rey realized how good it was that they had Luke’s help.

Finn held his own against Luke well enough. When introducing them to the idea of _feeling_ through the Force in combat, Rey had warned them that it would feel different when sparring than it would if they ever faced an enemy for real. _“With practice, we’ll be… quite aware of each other, but against strangers and enemies, it’ll be different. It’ll be the difference between_ knowing _where I plan to swing or just having a sense of what your combatant is doing.”_ And she was pleased to see how Finn had internalized that—he trusted in the Force, but he didn’t seem at all shaken by the fact that he couldn’t read Luke as well as he could Poe or Rey.

Sure, he was still disarmed and on the ground in what felt to them all like an instant, but Rey could tell that Luke was relatively impressed.

But Poe.

It became abruptly clear to Rey that Poe was _completely_ unprepared to take on someone whose skill with the Force exceeded his. Not that he was untalented—but Rey felt him, reaching out to the Force and reaching out to Luke and struggling to react to what he felt in response. She hadn’t realized how much of his skill had been built up around _their_ relationship. There was nothing combative about their sparring; perhaps there never had been. They fought like partners who were meant to be in sync, rather than enemies meant to overpower one another.

Finn and Poe both seemed shell-shocked by the speed with which Luke defeated Poe, but even in that short amount of time, Luke realized what Rey hadn’t noticed in months of training with them. As he held out a hand and pulled Poe to his feet, Luke’s gaze drifted to Rey thoughtfully, but he didn’t address it.

“I think that’s enough sparring for today,” he said instead.

“For the _day_?” Poe said, at the same time Finn asked, “Wait, don’t we get to see you go up against Rey?”

Luke was genuinely startled by the question. Turning to Rey, he raised his eyebrows. To her surprise, she heard his thoughts in her head as though they were her own. _If she’d like to._

She’d been on the verge of agreeing, until he bridged that gap between them. Years of intentional shielding, and he’d just let her in as though it was nothing.

It felt unearned. It felt like just another instance of Luke and Leia deciding how much to give her, and when, and how.

“Not today,” she murmured.

The energy in the room shifted with her words. All three men knew that, somehow, Luke had miscalculated, although only Luke knew his specific mistake.

“Not today, Finn,” Luke agreed, smiling kindly. “Instead, I’d like you to go back to your quarters and retrieve your canteens, your coats, and anything else you might need to cope with the weather outside.”

Poe and Finn looked at each other, bewildered, before looking to Rey almost in unison. _Not in the ways they were expecting_ , indeed. “Outside?”

Luke hummed his confirmation. “And Dameron, if you could collect whatever Rey needs, I’d appreciate it. We’ll meet you both in the hangar shortly.”

Another pause, during which Poe seemed on the brink of pushing for more information, but Finn grabbed his friend by the elbow. “Thank you, Master Skywalker. We’ll see you soon.”

With slight hesitation from Poe, the two of them left the room, and Rey and Luke were alone.

She stood at once, crossing her arms—but Luke reached out, holding Leia’s saber for her to take, and Rey claimed it quickly before wrapping her arms around herself once more.

“It’s a shame that we don’t have another saber.” He spoke to the door. “I think you and the pilot would be a force to be reckoned with if we could truly train you to battle as a pair. I’m not sure whether the First Order has left Ossus alone, but perhaps I could talk to Leia…”1

He trailed off when he looked back into the room and saw Rey frowning at him.

“I don’t want to discuss Poe or lightsabers right now, Luke.”

“You’re right. I apologize.” He tucked his hands behind his back and strode closer to Rey, though he left several feet of space between them. “In the interest of being as straightforward with you as possible, I thought it would be best if I took my defenses down with you. I want you to feel like I can be truthful even without my mind being open to you, but I haven’t really done much to earn that trust from you, so for now…”

Rey bit her lip. “That’s different from landing in my head.”

“It is. But I hate to say that it isn’t just my combat skills that have gotten rusty. Seems I need to figure out how to keep my mind unshielded without projecting anything to you unintentionally. I won’t let it happen again. Even then, I think it only happened because—”

When he faltered, Rey almost allowed the words to hang there. But her curiosity came out above all. “Only happened because?”

“I was looking forward to seeing how much you’d grown.”

She swallowed and nodded. “We have time.”

“We do,” Luke agreed. He held out a hand, gesturing for her to follow in Finn and Poe’s wake, and she did.

Tentatively, she said, “I can’t wait to see how Finn and Poe react when they realize that that was you sparring when you were _rusty_.”

He smiled.

\--

Luke led them on a trek around the plateau that housed the base; it must have taken the better part of an hour. Luckily, the wind was cooperating with them: the landmass largely shielded them from its biting cold, so their main quarrel with the cold was with the persistent _freezing_ feeling that was gradually spreading across Rey’s nose, lips, and fingers and toes.

But finally, they came upon a cave. Luke led them inside mutely, and they followed him unquestioningly as the cavern broke off into a smaller tunnel, which grew tighter and tighter as they walked. Rey was on the brink of complaining – for Finn, who was short-breathed from stress and felt uncomfortable saying as much on his first day of training with a legendary Jedi – when the path opened up again to another, smaller cavern.

“Is this what you were up to while we were busy with the transfer?”

He smiled at them all. “I assumed that your crew hadn’t had time to venture outside of the base on foot during your recon, so I took it upon myself. Partially to find a place of true solitude on this rock…” Rey felt Poe’s eyes on her, and when she met his gaze, she saw the amusement that crinkled the corners of his eyes and made him smile—a contagious smile. No, her own craving for solitude didn’t exist in a vacuum. “But I also suspected that, at first, our exercises in meditation and focus might benefit from isolation. You’re still new to the base, it’s churning with people and tech, and I don’t want you to underestimate what that might do to your experience of the Force when you try to turn yourself over to it completely. Don’t worry, boys, I brought a heater unit.”

These last words, he said with raised eyebrows, looking toward Finn and Poe while he pulled the portable unit from his satchel.

“Rey, I’m officially less freaked out by what you can do,” Finn said. His eyes were still on Luke.

She smirked. “Thanks Finn.”

“Around the heater, come on,” Luke told them. He set the unit on the ground, and Finn, Poe, and Rey settled in close to it. All three of them breathed a little easier as it came to life; almost at once, the feeling began to return to Rey’s face and fingers.

Luke didn’t sit, instead leaning his back against the wall of the cavern and taking a few slow, deep breaths. Rey waited patiently for him, and Finn and Poe tentatively followed her lead, although Poe made a face at her. _What are we waiting for?_

Her eyes widened slightly. Oh, Rey had become accustomed to others’ feelings washing over her as though they were her own; and with increasing frequency, _particularly_ with Poe, she experienced the peculiar sensation of _feeling_ memories and thoughts, too. Getting flashes of images, the gist of an idea. Enough that she’d stopped arguing when Poe teased her about mind reading.

But there was his voice, just as clear in her mind as Luke’s had been an hour before.

That was new.

Poe registered her surprise at once, and he frowned, mouthing, _What?_

She shook her head just slightly and mouthed back, _Later_.

Again: as Luke stepped off from the wall and began to pace around them, musing aloud about what he wanted them to get out of this meditation, Rey could feel her mentor appraising her.

\--

“You’re jealous of Luke.”

Finn said this quite matter-of-factly, calling Poe out almost as soon as Luke and Rey left the mess hall together for their first day of working one-on-one after nearly two standard weeks of training with Finn, Poe, or both.

Poe had been watching after them with a dazed look on his face, but he twisted back to look at Finn at once. “Jealous? Of him? Where in hell did you get that idea?”

“Just one of my many keen insights that I didn’t need the Force to pick up on.” He raised his eyebrows. “You get snippier with him by the day.”

“Snippier?” Poe repeated. After digesting this for a moment, he said, “I mean, so do you.”

“Yeah, because Rey was right: he can be a pain in the ass. But I don’t think that’s why he’s getting to you.”

They stared at each other in silence for some moments. Poe tried to assess the likelihood that he could get Finn to drop the subject, but based on Finn’s neutral, patient expression, his chances weren’t good. “You know, _you_ can be a pain in the ass, too, buddy.”

“Get to talking, Dameron.”

Poe groaned and leaned back in his chair, tilting his head up to stare at the unnaturally white lighting fixtures on the ceiling. “I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s totally irrational and part of me knows that. I’m trying to make all of me know it. It’s not like I’m jealous of her friendship with you, or with Rose.”

“Luke’s not me or Rose,” Finn reminded him.

No. No he wasn’t. He’d known her for her entire life. And regardless of the complexity of Rey’s feelings towards Luke, it was clear to Poe how much she cared for her mentor, and how much joy it gave her to have him back in her life and taking her training so seriously. Poe should have been pleased for her. With just a hint of wariness, perhaps, since he knew that Rey was still slightly wary.

But…

“It’s like they have their own language,” he told his friend at last.

“Now you know how I feel,” Finn teased.

Poe scoffed up at the ceiling. “That’s different. I can’t stop feeling like I’m missing something. Like I’m missing _big_ things, because I can feel her getting stronger by the day. And she tells me about it afterward, the things that we missed because we’re so busy learning to crawl that we can’t see her and Luke running laps around us. But I just still… can’t shake the feeling.”

Finn said nothing for some time, until finally Poe straightened up in his seat so that he could look at his friend questioningly. “Sorry, buddy, I’m just thinking. I’m not sure that it’s as different as you think it is. And I kind of wonder whether that’s part of the problem.”

“What are you getting at?”

“ _Maybe_ …” Finn began carefully. “You thought that you and Rey had a really unique connection, and now you’re worried that it might not be so special.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Finn, that is…” But he trailed off, unable to find an end to his sentence. Because Rey’s relationship with Poe was blatantly stronger than with anyone else. She had even continued to hold Leia at arm’s length over her months in the Resistance. So yes, perhaps Poe had thought that he was unique.

“Incredibly insightful?” Finn offered, leaning forward and settling his chin in his hand. The smug expression on his face was – if Poe could say so – incredibly insufferable.

Another long pause while Poe stared at him. Another moment of Poe realizing that Finn was not going to budge. “Let’s _imagine_ that you’re right. Why would that bother me now? I saw how isolated they were on Ahch-To, and Rey’s told me _plenty_ about him training her as a child, so it’s hardly news to me that she’d be close to him.”

“Honestly, I don’t think that’s true. I’m assuming you know more about it than I do, but I _felt_ her resentment toward him and the general that day when we were meditating. And Leia’s trying to build an army, so things between them haven’t really changed, but Luke came to repair their relationship and he’s _doing_ it. I don’t think there’s any way that _Rey_ could have anticipated what that would mean for them, so _you_ have _every_ reason to be surprised.”

Rather than answer, Poe squinted at Finn and hummed thoughtfully.

Gods, for a man who’d been around a bunch of brainwashed First Order drones until several months ago, Finn had an annoying, uncanny ability to get right to the heart of the things that Poe was reluctant to discuss even with Rey.

Speaking of which—

“Just talk to her about it. I’m sure she can probably tell that you feel this way, and she’s probably feeling crazy torn between wanting to make you feel better and wanting to let you bring it up in your own time.”

Poe bit the inside of his cheek. “I should have never saved you from that star destroyer.”

“ _Oh_ , is _that_ what happened? Funny, I didn’t realize your restraints undid themselves.”

“Shut it, buddy,” Poe laughed, throwing a wadded-up napkin across the table. “I’ll talk to Rey tonight.”

Finn’s eyes softened. “Good man.”

\--

“You told me that you pored over these texts for years looking for clues about my curse. I’m happy to look at them again, but what makes you think there might be anything to find?”

Luke looked up from the computer monitor and met Rey’s eye—she sat at a long table with the Jedi texts and Luke’s journals spread out before her. Given the layout of the room and its location on the base, Poe and the rest of the scouting crew had speculated that it was meant to be an archive room of sorts for the peoples who occupied the settlement before the Rebellion. With this seemingly impossible task before her, Rey felt some comfort in the idea that she and Luke were returning the room to its original purpose.

“Honestly, I think you might be more creative in your search than I was. I was so focused on words that had _anything_ to do with obedience, but I suspect you’ll be better suited to read between the lines.”

Rey smiled slightly and nodded. “Alright.”

“I’ll be here if you want a second opinion on a translation.”

Her smile grew wider. “I think you’ve prepared me well to handle that part.”

And Luke smiled, nodded, and redirected his attention to the computer to begin his deep-dive into the records of the base.

In her childhood, Rey learned to read all of the languages in the Jedi texts. She had hated it at the time; the books were largely incomprehensible, history blurring with myth and proverb until it was difficult to parse through where one began, and another ended.

That much had not changed, but she was more patient now. Frankly, she was also more curious, not only to see whether she could learn anything about herself but also to revisit everything that made the Jedi Order what it was.

She read at an agonizingly slow pace, sometimes rereading pages several times over to make sure that she was not missing any hidden meanings. At some point, Luke put a new cup of tea in front of her—she hadn’t even realized that she’d finished the first, but she thanked him softly and continued with her work.

Rey had no clue what time it was when she jolted straight up in her seat, blinking to adjust her eyes to the room now that she wasn’t staring with her face inches from the page.

“I may have found… something. Not an answer, but something.”

Luke was on his feet at once, rushing over to peer down at the page she’d stopped at. “In the _Rammahgon_?”

It wasn’t that he was skeptical, but it immediately became clear why Rey was carefully skirting around saying that the text offered anything of value. The _Rammahgon_ presented several conflicting origin stories of the Force and the Jedi Order, which the Jedi traditionally took to be little more than allegory or parable. Even without the internal conflicts of the book itself, there were too many factual inaccuracies, such as an elision between the words for “dark Force user” and “Sith,” despite the fact that the Force had existed for millennia, but the Sith Order had only been around for about 1000 years when the _Rammahgon_ was written.

“You told me this story was meant to describe the creation and first conflicts of the oldest Jedi temple,” Rey said, gesturing toward the book. She tilted her head to look up at him. “But do you see this phrase here that you translated as ‘outcast dark Force user’? Kli the Elder uses that Coremaic word to mean ‘outsider’ several other times in the text. Which makes me think that he might actually be building in some history about a conflict between the Jedi and the Sith.”

Luke squinted at the page, absorbing the sentence in context for a few moments before murmuring, “Kriff, Rey, I think you might be right.”

“That’s not even the best part,” she told him. She was feeling energized, now, and excitement saturated her voice. “Based on your notes from the old translation, this story describes an ‘outcast dark Force user’ who tries to repair the relationship with the other Jedi by bringing a Force-sensitive child who he promises will be an ‘instrument of great power.’ But it says that the child’s power was ‘broken’ and ‘malleable to light and dark both according to their will.’ That’s… you see where I’m going with this, don’t you? If we interpret the outcast as a Sith instead.”

He nodded eagerly. “I think I do. If it was a Sith… that child might have been given to the Jedi intentionally, as a weapon for the dark side.”

“And do you think I’m reading into it too much, to think that child…”

“Might have been like you?” Luke asked kindly. Rey nodded. “No, I don’t think you’re reading into it. This is an _excellent_ find, Rey. Does it tell us anything else?”

She grimaced and shook her head, looking back down at the text. “Not really. He mostly uses this story to encourage Jedi to work together as a collective against threats to their Order, so his description of the conflict itself is vague. The child proved to be a threat, so they killed him, and then the outsider. The only other thing…”

“Hmm?”

“It’s strange. He included the outsider’s final words, something about the Jedi not—” Rey hesitated, puzzling slightly over the Coremaic. “‘Walling in the dark Force user any longer.’ But the language is peculiar. It doesn’t have the syntax of Kli the Elder, and a lot of these words are just a bit off. ‘Walling in’ feels so clunky, and this odd spelling for ‘dark force user’…” She pointed to the messy scrawl. “I don’t know it, do you?”

Luke leaned in close, squinting. “I only recognize it because it’s used here. I’ve never quite understood its meaning, either. Honestly, I always wondered whether the scribe just made a spelling mistake.”

She hummed thoughtfully, trying not to allow the feeling of disappointment to sink into her gut even though she’d been hoping for more.

“You’re doing very good work, Rey,” he told her, and she blushed at the realization that she’d let her anxieties peek out. But no, this was good. His tone was kind, and this was good.

“Thank you. I’ll keep going, alright?”

“Would you like to go eat lunch, first? Most of the base has probably finished eating by now.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at the clock for the first time since she began reading. He was right—the mess would likely be almost completely empty by the time she got there. It wasn’t until he said something that she even realized her stomach was rumbling.

“Lunch first,” she agreed.

\--

Poe was sitting up in bed, dozing, when Rey got to their room that night. A holofilm was playing quietly in front of him, and Rey smiled to herself as she shut it off.

The loss of background noise jolted him awake, and he looked around with wide eyes for a moment before he softened. “Oh, hi.”

“Hi.” She sat down on the edge of the bed beside him and reached out to brush his hair to the side; while he was sleeping, several strands had fallen into his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I got a bit carried away with my ancient religious texts.”

“Sure, I’ve heard that excuse before.” But Poe smirked and captured her hand, kissing it softly before pulling her to him so that he could give her a long, slow kiss. “Did you learn anything exciting?”

Rey nodded. “A few things. It looks like Luke was right, and my curse is somehow connected to the Sith. And I’ve only gotten through about half of the books so far, but the Jedi documented at least two other examples of children who were likely cursed with forced obedience. Luke completely missed them in his own research when I was younger.”

“That’s… good news, I guess?” Poe smiled hesitantly. Strange to think that a definitive connection to the Sith could be _good_ news, but as Rey had reminded him multiple times, any knowledge of the curse’s origins might help to point them toward a solution.

“Absolutely good news. Or at least the closest thing to good news that we’ve ever found.”

Poe’s smile grew wider. “Luke must be proud.”

She held his gaze, trying to assess his tone. Because the thing was, she knew that he didn’t know what to make of Luke. He seemed perpetually willing to follow her lead, but she felt his uncertainty—persistent with each day of training. And beneath it, just a hint of anxiety… in a way that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. But it worried her.

In this moment, something in the air felt different, and as Rey frowned and opened her mouth in question, Poe asked, “Could we talk about something real fast?”

“Yes, of course. Anything.” Rey pulled her feet up onto the bed, and after a moment’s hesitation, she crawled over him to get to her side of the bunk. She leaned back against the wall and settled in perpendicular to Poe, her legs across his lap, which had become something of a habit for them in even the short period of time they’d been in the base. Their go-to position to debrief at the end of each day.

They liked being able to sit so close while still looking at each other.

Poe’s hands moved absent-mindedly to Rey’s feet, massaging them slowly. This, too, was something of a habit.

“Finn has this way of pointing out when I’m being a little… unreasonable. Foolish. He’d probably say foolish. And he kind of did that today, so I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“What is it?”

“He pointed out that I might have given you the impression that I feel… a little bit weird about Luke.”

Rey nodded slowly, trying to match his tone. “Now that you mention it…”

“Yeah, I feel stupidly weird about him. But Finn also pointed out that there’s almost no way that you haven’t noticed, so it might be better to talk about it.”

“I like that guy…” Rey murmured. Poe pinched one of her toes in response, and Rey let out a yelp that turned into a laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m listening, Poe, go on.”

He swallowed hard. “Even though I feel ridiculous about it, I’ve been a bit bummed to see how quickly you and Luke have started to find a new rhythm. Not because I’m not happy for you, because I am. You know I’ve said so, and I meant it. It’s just… I miss being the first person you came to for everything. I miss feeling like I could read you better than anyone else around.”

“Oh, Poe…” she breathed.

“It’s so petty, I know it’s stupidly petty,” he rushed to add.

Rey reached out and settled her hand on Poe’s shoulder. Her fingers fell quite comfortably at the nape of his neck, and she lightly traced through his curls. She smiled at the way that he immediately leaned into her touch. “It’s not petty. You’re right, you started to become that person for me even before we left Ahch-To. And I’ve tried not to let that change too much since Luke came, but it _has_ changed some. Partially because if you thought _I_ was a mind reader, he’s even worse, but also because he’s known me since I was little. He doesn’t really need the Force to know what I’m thinking.”

Poe took in a slow breath as he nodded. “Right.”

“But neither do you, Flyboy. You _see_ me, and I know that. I can feel it. And with Luke… well, he’s practically my father and he’s also a Jedi Master. Meanwhile, there’s Poe Dameron, who… might not be the first person I come to for some things anymore, but who do you think is the only person I want to share everything with, no matter how small? The only person who I’ll miss if I have to go from breakfast to bedtime without seeing him?”

“You’re embarrassing me!” he exclaimed, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No, hang on, I’m not finished.” Rey sat up and repositioned herself, straddling Poe’s legs and cupping his face in both hands until he eased his eyes open to look at her. “I love how well you can read me, Flyboy. I love that your feelings are kind of an open book, even when it takes you a few weeks to say them aloud. But what matters most to me is that we _talk_ , instead of making any assumptions about what we suspect the other person is thinking. And that I feel like we could talk to each other about _anything_ —about my fears about the dark side, or about your frustration with a call that Leia made, or about how you left your coat hanging on the chair overnight…” He laughed softly. “And I get the sense that you feel that way, too.”

“Of course I do,” he breathed.

Rey nodded definitively. “That’s only you. Period.”

\--

They’d spent nearly two standard months on Ilith, and Luke was at something of a loss for further avenues of research when he muttered, “I wish I knew what Bey did with that kriffing tree fragment…”

“I know.”

He looked at Rey abruptly, frowning. “You know?”

“She was Poe’s mother, Luke. Of course I do.”

“Dameron’s mother… I’d forgotten she had a kid. Why the hell didn’t he tell me when he came to Ahch-To? I might have liked him more.”

No, he wouldn’t have, but Rey didn’t bother to point this out. “He didn’t want you to agree to join up with the Resistance out of some weird sense of obligation to the past.”

“Oh, but coming on behalf of my sister was fair game?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Not the point, Luke. Shara Bey planted the Great Tree fragment near her home on Yavin 4. As far as Poe knows, it’s still growing. Why does it matter?”

“I think it might be time to make a pilgrimage.”

\--

When Poe sat down to join Rey for dinner, she was on the verge of sharing the news with him until she realized that he, too, was bursting.

“Black Squadron’s got an actual mission,” he told her eagerly.

“That’s amazing, Poe, oh my gods!”

He’d been agonizing about his desire to fly for nearly a month, lamenting the fact that he hadn’t really seen action since their unintentional brush with the First Order on Tryrti. As much as he liked his Jedi training, the fact of the matter was that he missed getting into the sky for more than a quick rendezvous with a trader or an informant, and he and Rey both knew it.

“I know. We should be gone for about a week. There’s some espionage involved, gunfights likely, probably a high-speed chase from the top-secret facility that we weren’t supposed to be in…”

“You’ve been watching too many holofilms,” Rey teased. “How soon do you leave?”

“Two days.”

Rey’s heart sank. “Oh.”

“Oh? What do you mean? This doesn’t ruin whatever you were excited to tell me, does it?”

She grimaced. “I’m afraid it does, a little bit. After we eat, Luke and I are going to talk to Leia about going to Yavin to see the Force tree. He thinks that, if I meditate there, it might strengthen my abilities enough to find out more about where I came from and who did this to me.”

Poe’s eyes shone. “Here I’m talking about some boring old espionage while you were waiting to tell me that you’re going to my home to see one of my favorite things in the galaxy?”

“Yes, I am.”

He nearly started and then stopped his next sentence three times before jumping in. “Do you think Leia would let me come?”

Rey frowned hesitantly. “If you’ve just been assigned a mission that you’ve been begging for? I’m not sure.”

“Would you like it if I were there?”

Now, that was a drastically different question. Because of course she would; save for a few runs off-planet that had always brought Poe back by the next morning, they had not really been separated since they’d met. And even more than that… not a day went by that she didn’t think about his little fantasy of returning to Yavin with her after they defeated the First Order. It cheered her even on days when little else did.

“Of course. I’d feel strange going to Yavin without you. I was going to ask you to come before you mentioned your mission, and Luke even gave it his okay already.”

“Then would you mind if I asked Leia whether I could join you?”

She hesitated, biting her lip. “If she says no, will you listen? I don’t want it to provoke a fight with Leia, and she’s been so irritable lately with the spy being out of communication…”

“Yes, I’ll listen.”

“Alright. Then… yes, I’d like you to ask.”

\--

“—and Black Squadron managed just fine without me while I was on Ahch-To, so I was wondering whether maybe…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dameron.”

His jaw dropped. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Commander, I’ve known you for quite a while. I know what you were going to say.” Leia continued on even as she looked down at the holopad on her desk. “You are my best pilot and a great leader. You’ve been begging for an assignment. I’m not letting you off the hook just because you’re a bit homesick.”

“I—” Poe was on the brink of fighting her, but he stopped himself, staring down at the general for a few moments before wilting. “Rey made me promise not to argue if you told me no.”

“Smart girl.” Leia smiled down at the holopad. For a long beat, Poe thought that was going to be it—he nearly turned around to move toward the door. “I promise, Poe, the week will fly by. No pun intended.”

\--

Neither of them said as much, but Rey and Poe were reluctant to go to sleep because they were both due to leave shortly after breakfast the next morning.

They laid in their bunk together, lights low, foreheads pressed together, talking about pointless things to stay awake. But then Poe’s gaze grew unfocused and he bit his lip thoughtfully, and it wasn’t pointless talk anymore.

“I’d like to give you something. Before we leave.”

“What is it?” His anticipation had both of them buzzing, and she searched his eyes questioningly. As with everyone else in the Resistance, they didn’t have many belongings that justified the excitement he felt at the thought of sharing something with her.

It didn’t even occur to her—

Since he was lying on his side, his mother’s ring was nestled between his chest and the sleep mat beneath them, but he picked it up with one hand and held it tentatively between them. “Maybe it can bring you luck.”

“Poe…” Rey’s voice trembled just slightly, and she swallowed before trying again. “You’ve never gone on a mission without it.”

“I know. But I’ve wanted you to have it for ages. You’re going to look for answers about your curse, and this is the first time we’re really going to be separated… It seems like the perfect time to turn it over to you.” He paused. “Besides, when you find my dad, he’ll see it and understand how much I like you. He’ll probably like you in spite of that, honestly, not because of it. Even so, that’s more than I can say about how _someone else_ feels about _me_.”

Rey chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Luke likes you just fine.”

“He tolerates me. He still refuses to call me by my first name, Rey. Sometimes he still insists on calling me ‘the pilot.’”

“If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t have agreed that you could join us on the trip to Yavin. Also, you forget that I _know what’s in his head_. It annoys him how much he likes you.”

“Does it?”

Poe perked up at this, and Rey laughed. “That’s exactly why it annoys him.”

“Fine, your surrogate father likes me. But my dad…”

Rey smiled softly. “I’d love to have your mother’s ring with me, Poe. And like you said: maybe it’ll bring me some luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1Ossus is a planet in the Adega system, believed to be home to the very first Jedi temple. Even if it was not the first home of the Jedi, the Great Jedi Library was once housed there, although it was destroyed long before the Clone Wars. Luke discovered a long-lost Jedi text called the _Rammahgon_ in the ruins of the planet, as well as (in this story) a massive cave system of crystals that had been left alone and forgotten by the Jedi. [BACK]
> 
> \--
> 
> My fic [(as if you were a) mythical thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727322/chapters/70435605) contains a missing scene that fits into the timeline of this chapter. I chose to keep this fic at a Teen rating for the pacing and story that I wanted, but I could not get a certain ~spicier~ scene out of my mind, so I decided to write and share it as a separate work. Please enjoy, if that's something you're interested in. :)
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=XBDhE1J2SUyEVsX0MrMdxw).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Hoo" by Right Away, Great Captain!  
> \- "The Closer I Get" by Rogue Wave  
> \- "Guiding Star" by Benjamin Gibbard  
> \- "Enough Fire" by Dehd  
> \- "Specks" by Matt Pond PA


	8. Chapter 8

That first glimpse of Yavin Prime took Rey’s breath away.

She had never seen a gas giant up-close, and with its dozens of moons, the scale was… humbling. She’d never encountered something in the galaxy that made her feel quite so small. The reds and oranges of its stormy clouds were stunning, bringing to mind Poe’s tales of gazing at the planet in his youth, longing to venture out into the galaxy and see more just like it.

Over the radio, Luke marveled at it as well, albeit for different reasons. “I haven’t been here since Rebellion days.”

Rey feigned surprise. “Oh, did you fight in the Battle of Yavin? I’d forgotten.”

“Very funny.”

Although she giggled, she didn’t reply. Instead, her focus was ahead of her—they orbited the planet, and as she watched, Yavin 4 emerged from behind the gas giant, covered in vibrant blues and greens. This sight, too, left her breathless.

_It’s everything you said it was, Poe_.

“Just wait ‘til you see it from the ground, kid.”

“Luke…”

_Fragging figures of speech. Easier to avoid when I only talked to one human._ “Sorry, Rey, sorry. Ignore that.”

“It’s alright,” she murmured.

“I know.”

\--

Poe’s village was small, a smattering of farms spread out within a thinner area of the tree line that was slightly visible almost as soon as Rey and Luke entered the atmosphere. Much more eye-catching, perhaps, was the ancient temple that sat far off toward the horizon when Rey and Luke set down in a clearing on the outskirts of the village. Given that it was the only ancient structure that seemed even to still be standing, she supposed that that was the abandoned Rebellion base.

“It may not look that hospitable, but it was cozier than the dreary underground tomb that we’re currently living in.”

“You’ve just been spoiled by how wide-open everything was on Ahch-To.”

“Doesn’t that mean it should feel unnatural to you, too?”

Rey smirked down at the console. “It does. You’re just being a grumpy old man about it.”

She turned her headset off before he could argue with her (out loud), and after closing her eyes and taking a breath, she popped her fighter open and climbed out of the cockpit, dropping lightly to the ground.

“I miss how nice you were when you were still trying to decide whether you liked me,” Luke called from his own fighter.

But Rey’s attention was already elsewhere—a few people had emerged from the tree line, led by a man who _had_ to be Kes Dameron.

It was uncanny; his hair had gone grey, and his face was sterner than it had been in the picture that she discovered on that old holopad, but otherwise, he looked about the same as he had decades before.

_Oh, I’m an old man but the pilot’s father might as well still be in the Rebellion._

She looked back to Luke, who was walking toward her, and she shushed him aloud, rolling her eyes.

“Welcome to Yavin.” Kes reached Rey almost precisely when Luke did, giving them a large, diplomatic smile. “I received word from the general that we would be receiving two visitors, and although her messenger didn’t have any further details… you remind me of… that is to say—”

Luke put him out of his misery. “Hello. I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m not sure whether we met during the war, Sergeant Dameron, but I _do_ remember your wife. She was brave and resourceful and I was sorry to hear that she died so young.”

Kes’s eyes widened as Luke spoke, and while Luke reached out a hand to shake, Kes pulled him into a tight hug the moment the Jedi stopped speaking. Rey had to work very hard to hold back a giggle. “You _are_ the Jedi who stopped the Emperor. Master Skywalker, I’ll never forget what you did for Shara. Her decision to leave the Alliance gave us precious years here with our son.”2 He released Luke, clapping him on the shoulder once. “And please, call me Kes.”

Luke nodded. “This is my apprentice, Rey.”

Rey swallowed hard as Kes’s eyes shifted to her. She’d been so certain that, upon meeting Poe’s father, she’d put on her most gracious expression; she’d tell him that she knew Poe well, that he missed his father and would have given anything to be there with them in that moment. She wanted to make a good impression, the _best_ impression, for Poe’s sake. Since it had been so long since they last made any contact.

“Hello,” came out, and from there, she faltered.

But when jumping from her fighter, it seemed that Shara’s ring had come free from within her shirt without Rey noticing, so it hung from its chain around her neck for Kes to see. She _felt_ it, the moment of recognition when the jewelry registered, and she flinched slightly—regardless of what Poe said, she hadn’t wanted that ring to be the first thing his father learned about her.

“I honestly wasn’t sure I’d ever see that ring leave my son’s neck,” he said softly.

“Poe’s full of surprises,” Rey told him with a tentative smile.

Kes laughed, loud and full. Honestly, Rey should have seen it coming when he pulled her into a hug, as well.

“You two will come and dine at my house while we discuss what you might need from us here on Yavin,” he announced. Matter-of-fact. His arms still wrapped around Rey.

It wouldn’t be bad, she thought absently. To find herself here more permanently someday.

\--

They talked for several hours, Kes eager to hear news of the Resistance and, more importantly, news of his son. (Rey found herself thinking of Poe’s anxiety that his father still resented him for how they’d parted when he was a teenager, and while she’d doubted it immediately, it was striking, to see how little reason he had to worry. Kes shone with pride upon hearing of his son’s accomplishments.)

He also explained that the First Order was working hard to convince the galaxy that the Resistance had ended with the Battle of Crait, which, to some degree, Leia’s network of contacts had explained to her. However, it was something different to hear it coming from someone sitting on the sidelines—Kes confessed that, save for his certainty that he _would_ have received word if Poe died, he’d begun to fall for the lie that the Resistance was, if not dead, then dying. Until hearing from Leia.

At this, Rey’s heart sank. More than likely, her and Luke’s presence on Yavin would do _nothing_ to help the Resistance as a whole. It was just a wild guess that it would even help Rey.

But Luke, who had sat in near-silence for much of their visit, picked up the slack. “The Resistance isn’t dying. It’s getting stronger by the day, because people like you are holding out hope that the First Order can be defeated.”

_You hardly believe that._

_I’m trying to. Mostly because Leia believes it, and the only person I trust as much as her is you._

Sap, Rey thought to herself, or to Luke, or both, as though it would somehow make less obvious that she suddenly felt quite emotional.

“I’m trying my best to believe that,” Kes said with a sad smile. “I only wish that I could be of more help; I’m not the soldier I was during the Rebellion, and even though the base has been out of operation for decades, it would be foolish to offer Yavin’s services to the Resistance beyond the occasional hot meal. Which is not to say that I resent your presence, Rey; Master Skywalker. I may not possess your awareness of the Force, but I suspect that your visit is meant to leave as little of an impression on our moon as possible.”

“That’s right, yes.” Luke smiled graciously. “We were hoping to pay a visit to the tree that Shara planted from that fragment we rescued together. That’s assuming that nothing has happened to it since Poe left.”

Rey tried hard not to smirk. _You just called him ‘Poe.’_

 _Extenuating circumstances_. ‘Talking to his father’ being the extenuating circumstance.

“No, it’s still thriving. We may each run our own farms, but we all see the Force tree as our collective responsibility. I’d be happy to guide you there. Or point you in the right direction, if you’d rather go alone.”

“You’re very kind,” Rey told him.

Kes waved this off at once. “I’m helping a legendary hero of the Rebellion and the woman my son loves. I think this sort of hospitality is what you might call ‘common sense.’”

Luke chuckled, both because of Kes’s words and because of Rey, whose heart stuttered at the word _love_. Because she knew that Poe loved her; knew it from the way that his emotions ignited at the sight of her; knew it because he _thought_ it with some frequency and saw no point in even trying to hide it from her. And if there had been _any_ doubt, she knew it when he put that chain over her head the night before. But he hadn’t said it aloud, likely because he knew that she wasn’t sure whether she’d be able to say it back. Not because she didn’t mean it, but because…

Well. He knew she loved him.

“Perhaps one more cup of koyo juice from our gracious host,” Luke suggested.

“Oh, I should hope so! The crop has been excellent this season, so I’m happy to have some help finishing it off. Rey, would you like another cup as well?”

The rich sweetness of the juice – like the rest of the food Kes had put in front of them – was in such striking contrast to their usual rations that she was somewhat skeptical that she’d be able to stomach any more. But she craved it anyway, so she nodded. “Yes, please.”

Kes claimed both of their cups and the empty pitcher of juice, heading to the storehouse off the main building to retrieve more of the drink. “I’ll be right back.”

“Here I’m still learning about the mistakes I’ve made,” Luke said, once Kes had been gone a few moments.

“What do you mean?”

Gesturing after Kes: “The way you reacted to what he said about Poe.”

Their exchange went by quite quickly after that, Rey’s mind racing to process faster than she could truly think in _words_ , but Luke kept up the pace.

It had been years since Luke told her that he loved her. Instead, it had always been there behind sentiments like the one he’d expressed moments before— _the only person I trust as much as Leia is you._

“Poe loves you,” he said quietly. “Leia and I love you. Finn loves you. But I’m sorry that you’re not used to hearing it aloud.”

“I know.”

The corner of Luke’s mouth quirked up, and a world of memories flashed through him. _Han and Leia would be proud._

\--

Upon learning that they didn’t know how long their visit would be, Kes offered to house and feed Luke and Rey until they were ready to leave. He didn’t ask about what would keep them on Yavin so long when they were just there to see a tree. He was curious, but he didn’t ask.

In fact, he seemed to sense the secrecy of the mission to such an extent that, of his own accord, he didn’t walk them all the way to the tree. As they neared the grove, he cleared his throat awkwardly and said, “Well, I think I’ll leave you to it. If you don’t return before dark, I’ll make sure to leave some things in the kitchen for you to eat and drink. And I showed you the rooms, so don’t be embarrassed to come in and sleep even if I’ve already gone to bed. I will be _very_ unhappy if I discover that you’ve remained on our planet overnight but have not taken advantage of my hospitality to the fullest.”

Gods, that sure was Poe’s father.

As they drew nearer to the tree, Rey couldn’t help but remember how Poe had described it— _like even the wind and rain knew that it needed to be protected_.

She understood what he meant at once. A sense of calm swept over her the moment they entered the grove and the Force tree came into sight. A stone path led right up to the tree, but otherwise, much of the surrounding area was covered only in low grasses and brush. Rey felt certain that the plants were somehow aware that it needed room to flourish.

“That one fragment you saved has already grown into this?” she marveled as they approached. It already towered over most of the trees in the area.

“Like Kes said: it’s been well cared for. And we both know the Force responds well to nurturing.”

Rey was struck by the sudden image of Luke’s temple, where he had lovingly planted his own fragment of the old Great Tree. Sad visions of young Jedi tenderly trimming its branches and checking that its water levels were consistent. Visions of fire and smoke as the temple crumbled.

The nurturing had not been enough to keep the tree from turning to ash.

“Hey,” she told him softly. “There’s a reason the Force led you to share the other fragment with Poe’s mother. It means that this tree is still thriving, even if you lost the one at the temple.”

Luke sighed heavily, but he nodded. “Shall we?”

Removing their cloaks, they sat down at the base of the tree.

“What am I hoping for, here?” Rey whispered.

“Nothing. Whatever comes, will come.”

\--

_She was drowning._

_No. She was at a river, and her mind felt it as though she was immersed in it; felt the water rushing around her, threatening to carry her away—_

_She was alone, drowning-but-not-drowning, until she_ felt _a body beside her. Once she was aware of it, Rey didn’t have to move to see them; her vision shifted of its own accord, settling on a hooded figure with a slight frame, a basket under their arm._

_The figure was sobbing silently. Rey tried to ask what was wrong, but she lacked the strength to even open her mouth. If she had a mouth._

_It proved unnecessary. The figure turned to meet her gaze, and Rey found herself looking into the eyes of a terrified young woman._

_“You weren’t supposed to be here,” the woman said. Accusatory. “He’s getting closer, and I need you to be gone before he finds you.”_

_Rey strained to reply, to ask,_ Who’s coming? Who is he?

_But her voice still failed her._

_Meanwhile, the kriffing basket wouldn’t_ shut up.

_No, not the basket. The thing inside the basket. Rey’s vision adjusted again, closing in on the wailing form._

\--

It had just begun to pour rain when Rey came back to herself. She inhaled sharply in surprise, nearly choking on the water that came into her mouth and nose.

“Rey, hey, it’s okay.”

Luke grabbed her from the side while she doubled over, coughing aggressively to get the rainwater out of her throat; it was probably the only thing that prevented her from landing face-down in the underbrush.

“That was…” she stammered as she sat up a little higher.

“What is it? What did you see?”

Carefully, she said, “I don’t know.”

It was a half-lie. Because there was so much about what she had just seen that she didn’t understand.

But that image of the river lingered in her mind, and she’d already suspected that she’d been there before, but when she felt recognition from Luke, she knew it to be true—she’d just seen the place where he found her. And that made at least a few other details of her vision, if not clear, then at least… quite likely.

“Do you think I just saw my mother?” she whispered.

“Do _you_?”

Luke’s question felt evasive, but she understood it; it had been her vision, so of course she was the best one to decipher what she had felt and understood about her surroundings.

_Yes_. Rey felt it with a certainty that surprised her.

Grabbing her cloak from nearby and pulling her hood on to shield her head from the rain – perhaps too late, as her hair was already drenched – she told him, “She can’t have been much older than me, Luke. And she was… so terrified of something. I need to try to figure out what scared her so much.”

“It can wait,” he told her gently. “It probably won’t hit you for a few minutes, but after that, you’re going to be exhausted. We should get you back to Kes’s house so that you can eat and get some rest, and then we can come back tomorrow.”

“But Luke—”

“Rey. Please trust me.”

They were only halfway to Kes’s house when the exhaustion hit her.

\--

Kes had very apologetically told Luke and Rey that he only had one guest room – _We don’t exactly get many visitors on Yavin_ – but he encouraged Rey to make herself at home in Poe’s childhood bedroom. After eating dinner that first night, she barely even made it through the door and to the bed (the _actual_ bed!), but she woke up quite early, when the sun was just barely beginning to peek through the window. She tried for an indeterminate amount of time to fall back to sleep, to no avail, so finally, she rose from bed and began to explore the room.

One wall of the room was almost completely lined with shelves of holobooks. Poe reminisced quite fondly of his childhood as an avid reader, since his father wouldn’t let him watch too many films. So long as his chores on the farm were done, however, reading was always fair game. He’d escaped into countless worlds in those novels.

She peered into his dresser, which Kes had also encouraged her to have free range in upon learning that neither she nor Luke had brought a change of clothes. It was clear that Poe had mostly left behind the clothes he’d grown out of or worn to threads. Rey ran her fingers over the soft shirts, selecting one at random. This one was clearly more of the “worn to threads” variety; it was frayed at the neck and at the hem of one sleeve, and there was a small hole singed in the shoulder, which made her smile. The fabric was blue, so pale that in the soft morning light, it almost looked gray. It would have looked beautiful on him.

Tentatively, she pulled it over her head.

Poe had left the desk a mess, which wasn’t much of a surprise. It was covered in notes and doodles, and on one corner, a picture of him as a child with his parents. He was still young in this image but, based on his apparent age and what little he had said about his mother’s death, this photo couldn’t have been captured very long before she passed.

Rey’s heart went out to him. She wished she could give him a hug, right in this moment. She wished she could kiss him and share what she had seen while meditating beneath the Force tree.

Not that she really understood what she had seen, but she always found comfort in talking through things with Poe. Perhaps he would have had some idea of who posed a threat in Rey’s vision.

“I was beginning to think you’d figured out a way to sever this connection.”

She jumped in surprise. Her eyes widened and she found herself speechless as she looked to see Kylo Ren standing across the room. He had appeared right beside the holobooks, where she’d been standing only a minute before.

“Of course, I was at a loss for how you might have grown strong enough to sever our Force bond yourself, but it had been so long that it seemed like the only explanation. I assumed that I would have felt it if you had died.” He paused, assessing her. “Is someone there with you?”

Rey frowned, taken aback. “What?”

“That shirt doesn’t fit you properly, so I assume it’s someone else’s. Are they there with you?”

She tried to keep her expression neutral. “I’m alone, Ben.”

Kylo hummed, strolling a few steps closer. “Interesting. That seems to support my other theory.” He paused, as though waiting to see whether Rey had a response, but she was still staring at him, too taken aback by the fact that their connection had opened again. “That you’ve manufactured ways to never feel isolated enough for our connection to return. Why are you alone now, Rey?”

“You think I’ve purposely avoided privacy for over two months for the sake of keeping you out of my head? I remember you having something of an ego when I was young, but this is a new level.”

His lips curled into a mocking smile. “Does it bother you, to receive more confirmation that, in your loneliest moments, your mind calls out to me? It doesn’t matter how long you ignore me, or the dark side: it will fester, and it will wait. I tried to resist its call as well, but I came to understand the truth in it, as I know you will.”

Rey stared at Kylo. He sounded so cold, and so certain; he didn’t feel like the same person who had appeared to her on Ahch-To, mourning his father’s death. Could this still be the son that Leia hoped would be able to realize the error of his ways?

In the wake of what she had seen beneath the Force tree, as well as the worst nightmares of the dark side that she’d had in months, she had little patience for him.

“We’re not the same, Ben. I’m trying to understand and repair my past. You’re hiding from yours. From your father. From Leia. From Luke.”

Kylo took in her words, appraising Rey’s expression. Anger lurked beneath his neutral expression, although he was working hard to conceal it from her. “You’re wrong,” he said at last.

And then she was alone.

Rey turned around and kicked the desk so hard that it shook, knocking the picture of Poe and his parents over the edge and toward the ground. She just barely managed to use the Force to stop it from shattering.

\--

_Rey found herself positioned behind her mother. The young woman stooped over the river, her basket beside her feet on the shore. Her shoulders shook with sobs._

_This time, Rey was able to move closer; she walked through air, stopping with about two meters of distance between them._

_And finally, she managed to speak._

_“Are you my mother?”_

_The woman looked up, and her hood fell back, off her head. The resemblance was startling; same small nose, her dark brown hair shoulder-length, hanging down as Rey had taken to wearing it to bed. They even had the same eyes, although there was a warmth to them that seemed far more innocent, less complicated than the gaze that Rey was faced with when she saw her own reflection._

_“It told me that you would be special,” she whispered. “That a man was going to come here to take you away from me, and I should agree, because you were going to do things I couldn’t_ imagine _. But I didn’t… it deceived me. It clouded my mind to gain my trust. That_ thing _…” Her voice trembled. “I think it has horrible plans for you.”_

_Rey’s stomach churned. “What thing? What plans?”_

_Her mother continued as though she hadn’t heard the question. “This is… this is what’s best. This will protect you. This will protect everyone.”_

\--

“Stop saying that!”

Rey didn’t even realize that she’d pulled herself out of her meditation, that she’d shouted _out loud_ , until she looked around and realized that Luke was sitting in front of her, staring in alarm.

“Saying what, Rey?”

She clambered to her feet and began to pace around the tree. Anger was bubbling up in her gut. “She said that she left me for dead to _protect_ me. She made me an _orphan_ and left me by a river because she thought that some _thing_ wanted to use me. She didn’t even understand the Force, or my curse. I felt how lost and confused she was. She made the decision to _throw me away_ purely because she had a _bad feeling_.”

_That bad feeling might have been Force sensitivity that she didn’t understand_.

“It probably was,” Rey snapped. “That doesn’t mean it’s an excuse. I was her _child_ , Luke.”

“What would you rather she have done?” Luke asked. “Give you over to me? Even with the harm that she thought you might cause?”

“Han and Leia did.”

Rey stopped pacing abruptly, her eyes trained on the ground directly in front of her. Neither she nor Luke spoke.

There was a lot swirling around in Luke’s head, though, and Rey felt it all. Namely—

_You’re not angry with the woman who left you on a riverbank._

_I don’t think there’s anything left for you to learn here._

She leaned back against the tree and slid down to sit, exhaling slowly. The exhaustion of her effort was hitting her again, even stronger than the day before. Tears had been welling in her eyes while she paced, and finally, they began to fall. “I _am_ angry with her. But you’re right, she’s not-- I’m not yelling at her, am I.”

It was not a question.

Luke rose to his feet and moved to sit beside her. Tentatively, he held out his arms. “Come here, Rey.”

She eyed him sidelong. “Order, Luke.”

“I’d just like to give you a hug, if you’ll let me.”

Rey let him. She leaned into his embrace and softened as soon as his arms were around her.

They fell silent for some time, but Rey couldn’t silence the thoughts that were churning beneath the surface as she sniffled. _Whoever scared my mother wanted you to find me. For all we know, everything that’s happened to me has followed that plan._

_We’ll worry about that later. You don’t need to be weighed down by all of this at once._

_Promise?_

He held her even tighter.

\--

Luke suggested they remain on Yavin one more night so that Rey could rest up before the trip back to Ilith. She agreed easily, as much to give her more time to sit with her visions of her mother as anything else.

Again, she woke too early. (How much easier it was to have a long, restful night’s sleep with Poe, warm beside her and pulling her to him whenever she stirred.)

But she was anxious about what would happen if she rose from bed early again. Would Kylo appear before her, smirking and taunting her with knowledge of her curse that, frankly, her Force visions of her past had done little to provide?

She laid on her side, facing the wall with her eyes squeezed tight, until Kes knocked on the door to ask whether she wanted breakfast.

Luke didn’t join them. Kes saw Rey’s puzzled expression when she came downstairs to discover only two table settings, and he offered an explanation at once. “Master Skywalker wanted to spend some more time at the Force tree before you left, but he said you should still be able to leave before lunch.”

Neither of them spoke while Kes loaded their plates high with food, but as he settled in to eat, he said, “I wish I could give you some of this to take back, but I suspect that it won’t keep well in a trip through hyperspace. I _will_ have to make sure to at least give you a jug of koyo juice, though.”

“I’d like that very much.” She smiled softly. “Poe isn’t due back from his mission for a few days, but I imagine he’ll be thrilled to come back to a little taste of home.”

Without Luke there, discussing Poe felt quite different. Sure, Luke _liked_ Poe just fine, even if he wouldn’t admit as much to Poe himself (or to Rey out loud). But Rey felt the sadness and loss in Kes’s heart at the thought of his son; he might not be resentful, in the way that Poe was worried he would be if they ever encountered one another again, but he was troubled by the time that they had lost together. Both the time during the Rebellion, and the time since Poe left to become a pilot in his own right.

Luke was aware of that undercurrent, but he felt no obligation to address it outright. Rey, on the other hand, did.

“He talks about Yavin all the time. About you, and Shara, and…” She faltered. “He wanted to bail on his mission to come here with me and Luke. Leia told him no.”

Kes hummed, raising his eyebrows at Rey as he took a drink. “Good, I imagine he still needs to be told that not everything can go his way all the time.”

Rey chuckled, nodding. “He absolutely does.”

Quietly, he amended, “It would have been nice, though.” For a few moments, these words hung in the air. Raising his voice to a normal volume, he asked, “You’ll tell him that I expect him to get his ass back here as soon as the Resistance puts an end to the First Order, won’t you?”

“Those will be my first words to him. No ‘hello,’ no ‘I missed you’…”

“Excellent.” Kes’s lips quirked up. “And if he brought you back, so that I could host you under less serious circumstances than whatever brought you and Master Skywalker to our little corner of the galaxy…”

She bit her lip before mustering a smile. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

\--

Leia was waiting near the entrance to the hangar when Rey pulled in after Luke. By the time Rey had extricated herself from the cockpit, Luke was already strolling toward the general, and while he had given no indication of the events of their trip when he radioed in, something about his expression or general demeanor seemed to clue Leia in to the fact that he and Rey had returned with something quite serious.

Rey hastened to catch up with Luke so that they could reach Leia at the same time. Once they were close, she said, “I’m so glad to see that the two of you made it back safely. I have to go to a command meeting in a few minutes, but I thought we could take a few minutes to check in first.”

“I think you should postpone that meeting for an hour or two,” Luke told her. Gods, it was the most decisive that Rey had ever heard him get with his sister; the two of them seemed to have an unspoken agreement – or perhaps a spoken agreement, decades old – to refrain from even making suggestions about what their sibling should do.

And indeed, Leia was taken aback. She frowned and began, “An hour or two? Luke—”

“I know, I know, you’re doing very important work to save the galaxy, but right now, I need you to trust me when I say that this is more important.”

“Than the entire galaxy,” Leia said, raising her eyebrows.

“At this very moment? Yes.”

Rey tried to jump in, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. “Luke, it can wait if she’s—”

He crossed his arms. “No, I don’t think this should wait. I will pull the ‘I’m your twin and deserve your trust’ card if I need to.”

Leia and Luke stared at one another for a few moments.

“Alright, we’ll go to my office.”

Rey trailed after them, feeling very small. On their way out of the hangar, they crossed paths with Finn and Rose, who eagerly reacted to the sight of Rey, but she shook her head slightly and mouthed, _Later_ , before pointing to Luke and Leia. They wilted but nodded their understanding.

The Resistance’s commanders were waiting outside of Leia’s office, and Rey awkwardly shuffled her feet while Leia explained that she needed to debrief with the two Jedi. Luke, meanwhile, was unfazed.

After Leia closed the door, she turned to look at Luke and Rey, and her eyes betrayed a great deal of concern. “Alright. What did you learn, Rey?”

Rey wasn’t quite sure where to start, but in the corner of her mind: _Could I say something first?_ She looked up, meeting Luke’s eye, and she knew he would acquiesce at once if she said no.

But instead, she nodded just slightly. Hopefully it would give her enough time to find her bearings.

“Leia, she discovered that, whoever the source of this Sith curse was, they _intended_ for me to retrieve her. She discovered that her birth mother realized this and abandoned her in the hopes that Rey – an infant – would be taken by the river before I could find her. But after learning this alarming and potentially _devastating_ information, she cried over _you_.”

“Over me?” Leia echoed, taken aback. “Rey, wh—”

“Because you’ve directed all your focus toward the Resistance so that you don’t have time to properly mourn Han or Ben, but that means Rey’s been with you for about six months and she still doesn’t feel like she can be honest to you about her childhood. About how you were her favorite person in the world, not me or Han, and it _devastated_ her when you sent her away. And she’s too scared to tell you that she still needs you, which is honestly _my_ fault, but the least I can do is speak up for her now.”

The general took this all in. She looked remarkably shell-shocked, but when she finally spoke, it was to Rey. She looked at the young Jedi and softly asked, “You cried?”

Rey bit her lip. “I did, yes.”

A pause. “In front of Luke?”

She nodded.

“Gods, Rey, I…” Leia stammered. “I heard what you said to Luke on Ajan Kloss, but clearly I wasn’t listening. I haven’t given you reason to believe that you can trust me to open up about this, and I’m so sorry. We can talk about it now, but if you… if that’s not what you want, I am here _whenever_ you want me.”

_What if I cry again?_

_Is that the worst thing in the world?_

Rey looked up at Luke hesitantly. For a beat, they blinked at each other. Then Luke gave Leia a soft smile. “I think I’ll give you two some time.”

\--

When Rey found Finn eating dinner in the mess hall, her face was still a bit damp, but her heart was full.

“You look like you’ve been through another war!” he exclaimed when he saw her. He jumped out of his seat, pulling Rey into a hug, and she giggled into his ear.

“I think I have.”

They sat down, and Finn leaned forward so that he could speak low. “Maybe I can hear about it later?”

She swallowed hard. Thought of Poe, out on his mission, and of Kylo’s taunt the other day: _you’ve manufactured ways to never be isolated enough for our connection to return_. She didn’t want it to be true, but the nights without Poe stretched ahead of her as one long threat of a Force connection that she did not want.

“Would you mind if I stayed with you until Poe comes back? Because of the… Force… thing,” she said vaguely. Finn understood. “We can talk about it then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 During Luke and Shara Bey's mission to retrieve the fragments of the Great Tree, Shara revealed that she was reluctant to remain in the Alliance. Luke helped her make the decision to leave. [BACK]
> 
> \--
> 
> In case you missed it, don't forget that I posted a separate work with a missing scene from the timeline of chapter 7, which you can read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727322/chapters/70435605).
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=Ek73RPnbRqqp5dJB8k50RA).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "The Threshold" by Alela Diane  
> \- "Dig Into Waves" by Freelance Whales  
> \- "This Is What You Did" by This Is The Kit  
> \- "Dark Days" by Local Natives  
> \- "Half Gate" by Grizzly Bear


	9. Chapter 9

Rey and Finn were in the middle of a long morning of meditation with Luke when her eyes snapped open abruptly. “Luke—”

“Yes, I think you’re right.”

She scrambled to her feet, grabbing Finn’s hand to pull him up as well. “I think Black Squadron is back.”

Finn, who was only just consistently sensing mood shifts of people when they were in the same room, went from looking confused to exasperated. Luke had explained to him and Poe that it was possible their own connections with the Force would never allow them quite as much insight into the feelings of those around them, but it was different for Finn to abruptly be reminded of the drastic difference between their abilities. “I swear the two of you forget how not normal that is when you’re both doing it.”

“Don’t you want to go and welcome them back?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course I do.” He looked over to Luke. “Can we pick back up after lunch?”

“If you’d like, Finn. I think the rest of Rey’s day might be a wash.”

They were already nearly out the door when Finn stopped, startling Rey, who was trying to pull him along. But Finn grinned at Luke and said, “Hell yeah, I’m so ready for some one-on-one training.”

“Sounds good,” Luke called after them, chuckling.

While they jogged through the halls of the base, Finn asked, “So how _do_ you know that they’re back?”

It was odd, because Rey wasn’t quite sure herself. All she knew was: “I just… sensed Poe again. I’m not sure whether it was him coming out of hyperspace, or coming in to land on the moon, or getting to the base, but I know he’s back.”

“Weird,” Finn said. Rey simply swatted his arm in response.

The hangar was buzzing with activity when they reached it. Aside from the mechanics and pilots milling around – many of whom were eagerly watching outside for the fighters to appear – a medical crew caught Rey and Finn’s eye. They stood waiting with an empty stretcher, and they, too, were watching the hangar door.

“Is that for—?”

Rey swallowed and shook her head. “I don’t think so. Let’s go ask them about it.”

But they reached the med crew only seconds before the first fighter zipped into the hangar, and everything moved in a rush after that as Black Squadron flew in, one after the other.

It felt like everyone else was hooked up to headsets, communicating with one another and with Poe and his team, which left both Finn and Rey feeling particularly lost. But Rey’s eyes fell on Poe’s X-wing the moment it arrived, and as it eased to a halt, she began running toward it.

She was in Poe’s arms the moment his feet hit the ground. He laughed eagerly, clutching her tight and lifting her up. “How’d you know we were back? We only just came out of hyperspace ten minutes ago.”

Finn had reached them by this point, and he supplied the answer. “She and Luke _felt it_.”

“You _felt_ it?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh, I’ve missed you, Jedi.” He gave Rey a soft kiss, smiling against her lips. As they pulled apart, he set her down and said, “Finn, get over here, c’mon.” And the two men, too, embraced.

“Did something happen on the mission?” Finn asked. “We noticed the med team and we were worried.”

Poe frowned and nodded; as he and Finn pulled apart, he stood back a bit, putting his hands on his own hips to survey the scene. “We were caught in a slight shoot-out and Jess came out of it pretty bad. Nothing a bacta tank won’t fix, though.”

“Is that where this came from?” Rey rested her fingers on his shoulder, where his flight suit was singed and coated in dried blood.

He made a show of looking down at it as though noticing the wound for the first time. “Kriff, that _is_ new, isn’t it?”

Rey and Finn rolled their eyes at each other. She linked arms with Poe and led him away from the fighter, accompanied by Finn. “I think maybe we should get _you_ to the med bay too, Flyboy.”

“But we’ve got to debrief with Leia…”

“She wouldn’t like it if you bled all over her floor, would she?”

Poe bashfully offered, “The bleeding’s mostly stopped.” But despite his weak protest, he leaned in close to Rey, and she could feel him wanting nothing more than to hold onto her—to follow her back home, to follow her anywhere.

Gods, she loved him.

He settled his chin on her shoulder. “I thought I remembered what it felt like to be with you, but kriff, Rey, my head is spinning right now from… all of this.”

“Me too,” she told him softly.

Because this was different from the quiet way that Rey and Luke orbited each other’s thoughts and feelings through the Force. After a week of separation, it felt like Rey and Poe’s hearts and minds were colliding.

It felt good.

\--

“Is that my shirt?”

Rey was trying to steer him toward their bunk when Poe got distracted by the top that Rey had left discarded on the desk with the rest of her things when she brought it all back from Finn’s room that morning.

“Oh, that? It might be, yes.” Poe veered off-course to look more closely, and Rey sighed as she followed him. “Kalonia only let you leave medical because I promised to make sure you got rest after you finished with Leia.”

“I’ll do that in a second, I promise.” He unfurled the shirt, looking over the threadbare fabric. “I made that hole in the sleeve when I was lighting candles for our village Life Day celebration. I leaned over one I’d already lit and didn’t realize how close I was getting until it was too late. It was one of the stupider ways I managed to ruin my clothes.” Reaching out to Rey, he found her hand and knotted their fingers together. “And you brought it back here.”

“I thought it might help me sleep a bit better.”

“Yeah?” Poe’s eyes shone as he turned to look down at her. “It’s almost like you missed me. Did it help?”

She sighed and pulled him away from the desk. “I don’t think so, but it made me happy to have a piece of you close by.”

“Sounds like I’m not the only one who needs some rest.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. He’d sat down in their bunk and patted the empty space beside him. “You’re just trying to get me into bed with you.”

He turned flustered at once, making Rey’s heart swell. “Just… You know I sleep better with you. Just like I know you do with me. And my arm is hurting, and I’ve missed holding you, and I’d really like to get the best sleep I’ve gotten in a week.”

Well. Who was she to say no to that?

Poe’s arm settled across Rey’s waist, he pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck, and she felt a sense of calm wash over them both as one. The only thing lurking was a question at the back of Poe’s mind; it was not urgent that she answer it at once, but she still felt it weighing on him that she had not yet brought up _her_ trip, considering that she’d been present while Black Squadron debriefed with Leia and already knew about the specifics of his mission.

“Your dad misses you so much.”

His breathing got shallower, although he tried to downplay his abrupt intake of breath. “Really?”

“Mhm. I didn’t mean to let him see your mother’s ring right away, but it slipped out of my shirt while I was getting out of my X-wing, and the way that he lit up when he realized that you were alive and happy…” She wove her fingers through his again. “I told him so many stories about your missions, he couldn’t get enough. And he forced me and Luke to stay with him while we were there.”

Poe hummed. “I think that might have more to do with his awe over two Jedi visiting Yavin than with him missing me.”

“I think you’d be surprised.” She hesitated. “He had me stay in your room. I haven’t slept on an actual mattress since I lived with Leia and Han.”

“Gods, I miss mattresses…”

“And I brought some koyo juice back with me. For you. Stop, Flyboy, you can have some later,” she added, clutching his arm tighter when he moved as though to get up.

He giggled in her ear and then kissed her neck lightly again. “I swear sometimes I dream of koyo juice, I miss it so much.”

“You do, I’ve seen it,” Rey teased. Another pause. “Because of him, Luke and I had a conversation about you.”

“During which he no doubt referred to me exclusively as ‘Dameron’ and ‘the pilot.’”

Rey rolled over onto her other side so that she could look Poe in the eye. “No, I distinctly remember that he said, ‘ _Poe_ loves you,’ not ‘Dameron’ or ‘the pilot.’”

Poe propped his head up on his wrist, newly alert although his eyelids had been drooping slightly just seconds before. “What was this conversation, exactly?”

“About how you love me. And how I love you, too, but I’m not great about actually saying so.”

The corners of his mouth quirked up. “Could you try that again but pretend that it’s a surprise when I say it back?”

“I love you.”

He squeezed Rey’s hand. “I love you, too.”

She bit her lip to keep from laughing. “I’m so surprised.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Poe’s expression grew more serious, and his gaze shifted across her face, taking her in. “I know that took a lot to say, so I don’t mean to suggest otherwise, but… should we talk about the harder stuff? Because I feel a lot of… a lot, coming off of you from this trip, but I can’t really piece through it all on my own.”

“I was trying to work up to it,” she murmured. “I don’t quite know where to start.”

Poe’s voice was low as he spoke. “Wherever you’d like. Or it can wait, and we can get some sleep.” He smiled gently.

“No, I’d like to tell you. I’ve been bursting to tell you.”

\--

Weeks passed.

Rey and Luke spoke very little about what she had learned on Yavin, because the fact of the matter was that they were concerned it was a dead end. Luke had little understanding of what the dark side had become since the Empire fell, so even though they knew that the “thing” that frightened Rey’s birth mother might very well be the First Order’s Supreme Leader, they had no way of knowing for certain. And even if it _was_ Snoke who had done this to Rey – which seemed feasible enough – their research of the Jedi Texts offered little in the way of an explanation for _why_.

These fragments of information had shaken Rey to her core, yet she was no closer to understanding what had been done to her. No closer to understanding how to repair herself. Frankly, it was beginning to set in that she was going through the motions, preparing for a confrontation that she couldn’t – or shouldn’t – have any part in.

Her lingering questions about her curse did nothing to diminish the fact that she began to spend more time with Luke and Leia together, and it made her feel a little more whole. She curled up with Poe at night, sparred with Finn, worked on engines with Rose, argued with the rest of Black Squadron over the merits of different fighters, and she felt whole.

She was beginning to feel that she truly had a family in the Resistance, and in turn, the sense that something had been stolen from her began to fade.

Poe and Rey sparred one afternoon, and then there was Luke, while Rey was helping Poe to his feet and still trying to get her breath back: _It’s time to go to Ossus._

Rey snapped her head up to look at Luke. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“They’re doing the thing,” Poe muttered to Finn, at the same moment that Finn said, “I swear they don’t realize whether they’re talking out loud or in their heads.”

(This was not true. When communicating between themselves, they spoke aloud for the sake of decisiveness and precision.)

“Sorry, boys, I meant to bring it up to Rey later, but sometimes things slip through.” Luke grimaced at Finn and Poe. “I think Rey is ready for her own saber. She probably has been, but it seems foolish to wait any longer, when all available intelligence suggests that the First Order has temporarily slowed down their activity and Rey’s strength is only growing with each day.”

“It seems _foolish_ to go through that process while we still don’t know what was supposed to happen after you found me.”

Luke took this in, his frown deepening. The other two men in the room saw the next thing coming: “Could you two give us a moment? It’s about time for a break anyway.”

Not because there was anything secretive about this conversation. They just didn’t need to sit through Rey and Luke arguing.

“We’ll go get some tea,” Poe offered, with a nod of agreement from Finn. Within moments, they were gone.

Rey crossed her arms and kicked at the floor, wishing that she didn’t feel so much like a petulant child. “It does mean something to me, that you want me to build my own lightsaber. But something about it feels dangerous in a way that your training me to _use_ a saber just… doesn’t.”

Behind this sentiment hid a million fears that she felt reluctant to put words to, as though acknowledging them aloud to Luke would bring them to fruition.

And he could feel it, she _felt_ him feeling it, but he had no interest in prying through her mind to pinpoint the origin of these anxieties. That said, he had his suspicions. He tilted his head to the side and spoke quite gently. “I don’t know what a Sith had planned for you, Rey. I don’t know what my role in that plan was meant to be. But when you were young, I reacted to that uncertainty by sharing only fragments of the Force with you, and that was a mistake. Because Ben was able to point to that as proof that I was afraid of you, just as I was of him. Perhaps he was essentializing the truth, but there was truth _in_ it. And if he trusted me to love and guide and support him, and I feared his turn toward the dark side, what chance was I giving him to overcome that darkness? What chance was I giving you?”

Luke faltered here. He was closer than he’d ever come to articulating something that Rey had realized only since their trip to Yavin: he had been worried about her proximity to the dark side when he felt her presence in the Force from Ahch-To. He had been worried that she was on the same path as Ben.

“I understand and appreciate your caution,” he continued. “But we still know so little. You rightly pointed out that I’d allowed that uncertainty to instill a dangerous fear in me, and I just-- I wish you’d see that you’re being as unfair to yourself as I was to you.”

Rey gazed up at her mentor’s face. She wanted to argue with him; it wasn’t that easy, she wanted to say. Seeking out the kyber crystal that was most suited for her seemed to have _such_ potential for danger. For whatever power or purpose was lurking inside her.

“So we know that I’m not even the first child that the Sith have cursed with obedience and put in the hands of Jedi for some evil purpose. We know that my birth mother was so afraid of that Sith that she left me for dead. We know that if I faced a Sith in battle, there would be nothing to save me from an order to turn over my saber, or to kill myself with it. And you’re suggesting that you train me as though nothing is wrong.”

“Yes, I suppose I am. Trying to protect you from your curse didn’t work. And after our visits to the Force tree, I feel more certain than ever that I need to do the most I can do prepare you.”

“Which includes a saber.”

He shook his head just slightly. “Which includes _your_ saber. And the meditation and the work that you’ll have to put in to find the crystal and construct it.”

This sank in slowly, and Rey bit her lip while she considered Luke’s words.

Against her own wishes, she saw a flash of the phantom version of herself from her nightmares; another Rey with a devilish smile, black world awash with a red glow that emanated from her saber.

“Your crystal won’t tell you anything about yourself that you don’t already know to be true,” Luke murmured.

Maybe this didn’t quell her anxieties entirely. But with these words, the vision of Rey in the darkness felt a little further away.

\--

It took them several days to scavenge for the other parts necessary to construct the saber, but with Leia’s blessing, they began to plan their trip. That said, “Leia’s blessing” had… quite a number of conditions.

“Am I to understand that my little brother—” _We don’t even know which one of us is older_. “—thinks that the need to construct one lightsaber is so great that he wants to risk seeking out kyber crystals when we know that the First Order has harnessed them as a power source and plundered multiple moons and planets, stripping them dry to obtain the necessary resources?”

Luke frowned. “The last scout trip to the Adega system was less than a month ago, and they reported that Ossus appeared untouched and unmonitored. It’s likely that the planet’s terrain is too dangerous for the First Order to see any use in scavenging for crystals there, if they even know about the presence of the crystals at all.”

“How about my son? Would he have any reason to suspect that you or Rey might someday arrive on Ossus?”

“That’s not where I brought him for his own crystal, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Well, that is something of a reassurance.” Leia’s lips were a hard line, her expression appraising, but Rey felt the worry lurking underneath. “I wasn’t particularly worried about your visit to Yavin. According to our spy, the First Order believes that we consider ourselves ‘too good’ to risk innocent lives by building up our forces again on a planet with human inhabitants. But a planet of kyber crystals… I can’t shake the feeling that it would be incredibly risky. If you were discovered and, gods forbid, _captured_ …”

She trailed off there, but all three of them knew where she was going.

Both Rey and Luke could point them directly to Ilith, and thus to the very best of the Resistance’s fighters, mechanics, doctors… To be sure, they had been accumulating allies all over since the Battle of Crait, but if everyone on Ilith was lost, it was questionable whether those allies would have the resources to mobilize. It could take years for the Resistance to build up its strength again after a hit like that.

And Rey wouldn’t be able to refuse if she was simply ordered to reveal the location of the base. It didn’t matter that she’d gotten better at resisting—she would have to give in eventually.

Leia inhaled slowly, her expression thoughtful. “A report came in from the spy this morning. I haven’t delivered the news to the commanders yet, but I think it provides us with the knowledge we need to plan our final strike on the First Order. Based on that information, we should be able to start mobilizing in about… three weeks. At that point, if you were captured, this base wouldn’t be operating with much more than a skeleton crew anyway. It’d be much easier to evacuate, and at that point, we would have cleared out of here soon anyway.”

“So you’re giving us the okay,” Luke said. “As long as we time the trip to coincide with the change in operations.”

“Yes, I think I am.” Leia contemplated this for a few moments longer, and then another thought struck her, which caused her frown to deepen. “In your training, you’ve spent some time teaching Finn and Poe to shield their minds from other Force users. How is that going?”

“They’re more capable than they used to be.”

Rey knew, though, that this wasn’t what Leia was asking. She could shield herself from the thoughts and feelings from everyone else on the base no problem, but Poe… “I’d probably know the plan within a day.”

“Mhm.” The general took this in, glancing over at her brother. “Then I suppose we have two options.”

\--

“So either I need to be demoted for the next three weeks, or I can’t see you? For three weeks and then for however long you’re gone, on top of that?”

Rey heard the hint of frustration in Poe’s voice, even though he was trying hard to hide it—went so far as to turn and take a few steps deeper into their room and away from Rey. Gods, this was just reaffirming what she already knew, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. “Yes. Which I know puts you in a difficult position.”

He looked back at her, grimacing. “It’s not a difficult _decision_ , if that’s what you mean. Obviously I can be out of the loop for a few weeks. Hell, I’ll pick a fight with Leia in front of half the base if she feels like it gives her a better excuse to suspend me besides, ‘Poe can’t keep secrets from Rey even to potentially save all of our lives,’ since I don’t think that would go over well.”

“No?” Rey asked. She smiled fondly and reached out, rubbing her thumb over the stubble on his cheek. “I think people would be more uncomfortable knowing that I can…” she hesitated, and Poe offered, “Read minds?” under his breath, which she ignored with a slight smirk. “Pick up on their general thoughts and feelings than they would be with you not being able to conceal them.”

“Maybe so, but still, I don’t think any of my squad would let me hear the end of it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, considering her. “I’m not bothered about a temporary demotion, Rey, but it worries me that Leia thinks it’s necessary. She cleared you to go to Yavin at the _exact same time_ she sent us to take out a First Order outpost, and that went over fine. So if she only thinks we need to be this cautious _now_ , is it really a good idea for you to go to Ossus in the first place? It feels like she thinks your capture is almost inevitable.”

Well, that wasn’t quite what she expected his reaction to be, although the moment he said it, Rey understood where he was coming from. “You and I both know that the First Order doesn’t see Yavin as a threat. Leia’s just being cautious since she knows that kyber crystals are invaluable to them right now.”

“So you couldn’t just… wait to get one until the end of the war?”

Rey felt irritation building in her gut—Poe’s or her own or both. “This isn’t just about me, Poe. If I can build my own lightsaber, that’ll completely change the way that we can train. You were excited about that.”

‘Ecstatic’ might be a more appropriate word. Ever since she told him that Luke wanted to train them to duel as partners, he had wanted to do so, and they had done quite a bit of sparring with wooden practice sabers, but they all knew that there was only so much they could do with only two real lightsabers. This meant that, before Rey and Luke talked to Leia, Poe had been just as eager as Rey for her to go to Ossus; perhaps more.

“I know, I know I was. But it’s not… obviously _you_ need to be in top form, but when our final showdown with the First Order happens, I’m probably going to be in the air, not going head-to-head with you against Snoke and Ren.”

Her voice was quiet. “I know that.”

Whenever the hell that happened. Because Leia had high hopes for whatever she was planning against the First Order, but she was also quite frank with Luke and Rey that this full-fledged confrontation might end in a stalemate, or worse. Or, to put it in her exact words, _“I want you to be aware that after you leave, there might not be much to come back to, if the Resistance remains intact at all.”_

At least if she was trying to construct her own saber, Rey would feel like she was doing something meaningful. In every other respect, she was beginning to feel like she had no use to the Resistance at all.

“Hey, no.” Poe grabbed for her hands and held them between his own. “That’s not true.”

“Really? It might mean something to everyone else that Luke and I are here, but you and I both know that I couldn’t actually _confront_ Snoke and Kylo. One of them knows about my curse and the other probably inflicted it upon me. I don’t stand a chance. You and Finn have Luke, now, so he can teach you more about the Force than I ever could. And he wouldn’t want to face Kylo, but if he had to… he would.” She held his gaze tentatively. “That was you just now, by the way, not me.”

Poe seemed to realize only belatedly that he had responded to something that she had not said aloud, and he tilted his head in surprise. But he shook his head slightly, as though to catalogue that thought in the back of his mind for later. “You’ve spent a lot of time working on resisting orders. You’ll hold your own against Snoke and Kylo better than you think you will.”

“Sure. Just… not well enough for Leia to feel safe with me wandering the galaxy looking for kyber crystals.” Her eyes fell to the floor, and she dropped into the nearby desk chair. Her body felt heavy with Poe’s worry and with her own underlying uncertainty. “Maybe you’re right, and I should just wait. I don’t-- What the hell is even the point of me trying to prepare myself for a fight? What’s the point of me _being_ like this and trying to have any sort of a place in this fragging war?”

He followed her lead and moved to sit down, but rather than grabbing the other chair, he settled on the floor, from which he peered up at Rey. “What do you think the point is?”

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at, Dameron? Are you trying to trick me into saying nice things about myself?”

“Maybe.” Poe stroked the back of her hand. “If you’re having a hard time, though, I’m happy to jump in.”

“I wouldn’t mind some inspiration.”

“Alright. Then I wanna say something that I’ve wanted to talk through with you for a little while. Could you promise that you’ll let me finish without arguing with me, though?”

She hummed. “Not at all suspicious.”

“Rey.”

“I promise, I promise.”

“Very good.” Poe scooted closer to her. “I’ve been thinking about what Kylo Ren said on Tryrti. Obviously we have to take it all with a grain of salt, but I do think you were right when you said it felt like there was some truth to it, just in… a bit of a different way. If you’ll hear me out.”

“You made me promise to hear you out,” Rey whispered.

“Mhm, yes, so I did.” Poe shifted to sit on his knees so that he could lift himself up and press a kiss to Rey’s cheek. She smiled softly and closed her eyes when his lips grazed her skin. “We’re agreed that he probably zeroed in on pushing you not to trust Luke because he sees _his_ distrust of Luke as a big reason for his turn to the dark side, yeah?”

Rey nodded. She had confessed as much to Poe one evening with more than a little bit of anxiety—Luke’s betrayal of Kylo was the most final, although not the only, indication of his failure as a Master. If Luke hadn’t poured himself into a renewed relationship with Rey, would she be on the path toward the dark side, too? Would she have turned by now?

_There were a million factors in Kylo’s turn, even if he doesn’t see it that way_ , Poe had pointed out. _Just like there are a million factors in your not-turn. In you choosing the light every day_.

“But if that’s the case, I don’t think he would want anything that he said to be a lie. Not technically. Shrouded behind half-truths, maybe, but he would have wanted you to find your way to the dark side believing that _he_ could offer you the honesty that Luke hadn’t given you. So if you looked back on that conversation, he’d want it to feel honest.”

“What’s your point, Poe?”

“Do you remember what he said about your curse? Whatever Sith prophecy he thinks you’re connected to, whatever purpose he and Snoke think your curse serves, Ren said that your strength in the Force was meant to help you break it. I think they _want_ you to break it.”

Rey began to speak, but then paused, holding off to see whether Poe had more to say. But he gestured her on. “Why would anyone do this to me if the purpose is for me to overcome it?”

“I… don’t know,” Poe confessed. “But you told me that it wasn’t just the Jedi that were proud. That the Sith were blinded by pride, too. Maybe Snoke thinks that only the power of the Sith is enough to liberate you.”

“That’s a comforting idea…”

Her sarcasm was a poor attempt to cover up the extent of the anxiety she felt at this thought, but Poe saw through it at once, as Rey knew he would. He squeezed her hand tight. “As weird as it might seem, I think maybe it _should_ be comforting. The Sith can’t imagine a way for you to save yourself through the light side, but _you_ are _very_ imaginative and _very_ stubborn. If the power is in you to break this curse, I think you’ll find it, without the dark side.”

She raised her eyebrows. “But what does that mean for me right now? Luke thinks we’ve done as much for me as we can right now, and if it’s too risky for me to seek out a kyber crystal…”

“That’s not quite what I said, Jedi, thank you very much.” Poe cleared his throat. “It doesn’t bode well that Leia is worried about what’ll happen if you go to Ossus. I’m scared _for you_ , as much as or maybe more than I’m scared of what’ll happen to the Resistance if the First Order captures you. I asked whether it could wait because I don’t want anything to happen to you for the sake of building one saber, but if you and Luke think this is the next step in strengthening your relationship with the Force, I want that for you. So does Leia, or she wouldn’t have agreed to let you go.”

Rey took all of this in. Then, without speaking, she slid out of the chair and sat down on the floor beside Poe, where she mutely wrapped her arms around him.

“I still kind of feel useless to the Resistance,” she told him at last. “But I do think you’re onto something with Kylo and Snoke. And Luke actually said something similar about the importance of my own training, and when the two of you agree on something…”

He giggled into her ear. “I’m allowed to worry about this, though, right?”

“You better.” Rey extracted herself from their hug and tilted her head to the side, taking in his warm eyes. “You should tell Leia that you’ll pick a fight with her to justify a fake suspension. I think she’d enjoy the excuse to publicly tell you off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh, there's so much I love in this chapter but I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for the upcoming arc. Strap in, pals.
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=twceeZLdQf2rPrNiL73zFg).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Somethink" by Fazerdaze  
> \- "Who You Are" by CASTLEBEAT  
> \- "Don't Shy Away From The Light" by Neulore  
> \- "always learning not what to do" by Surf Rock is Dead  
> \- "Wasteland, Baby!" by Hozier


	10. Chapter 10

Even before Rey and Luke entered the atmosphere of Ossus, she understood why the First Order wanted to steer clear. The planet seemed to be teeming with volcanoes, some reaching high into the sky, some collapsed calderas, and everything in between. They flew past a pair of mountains that had clearly erupted quite recently—smoke and ash made the visibility poor, but Rey could see that lava was still streaming down the cliffs and across the ravaged ground below.

Luke led her through the smoke, until finally the sky began to clear. From here, they continued to fly for what felt like an eternity. Rey was discomfited by how unpleasant everything appeared.

“There really used to be a Jedi temple here?” she asked over the headset.

“There’s a more hospitable region on the southern part of the planet where the temple used to be, but even so, this place looks a lot different than it did then. A Sith Lord attacked the temple and rendered the entire planet toxic for centuries. Now the air is breathable enough, and the temperature will be hotter than you’re used to but nothing dangerous.”

_You told me I wouldn’t need a coat, but I didn’t expect this._

He chuckled.

\--

They landed near one of the tallest mountains they’d come upon, on rock that was a deep shade of black—it must have been lava centuries, perhaps millennia before. Rey stumbled as she jumped from the fighter, taken aback by how uneven the ground was, but as she steadied herself, she made a face at Luke, who was strolling toward her with an amused expression on his face. _Can I help you?_

_I didn’t say anything._

“You think you’re pretty funny, Skywalker, don’t you?”

“I _know_ that I’m funny.” Luke nodded to her satchel. “Do you have your canteen? The caves will be cooler than the surface, but you’ll still want to stay hydrated.”

Rey sighed heavily and gestured him onward. “Yes, _father_ , I have my canteen.”

“Just checking.”

\--

Luke had been on Ossus once before, not long after the end of the war. At the time, he was still trying to learn everything he could about the Jedi, which was what led him to the remnants of one of the oldest Jedi temples… and to the _Rammahgon_ along with it, the text buried under disintegrating rubble in a cavern near the land where the temple once stood.

On that journey, he discovered a map on some remnants of tile in the temple. He followed it into the treacherous region of volcanoes and was astonished by the caverns of kyber crystals that he found there. He’d known that several planets in the Adega system had a wealth of crystals, but he could find no accounts of Ossus among the planets that the Jedi went to in order to retrieve them.

It wasn’t until years later that he learned the truth—after the Sith attack, Ossus was considered bad luck. No Jedi wanted to rely on a weapon whose crystal came from the ravaged planet.

Eventually, the planet’s crystals were practically forgotten, lingering only in the recesses of history.

“Do you think it’s a bad idea for me to get a crystal that the Jedi thought was bad luck?”

Considering that they’d been trudging deeper into a cave for the better part of an hour, it seemed a strange time to ask. But Luke took the question seriously. “I think the danger with kyber crystals is that you get what you’re expecting. And after what happened to the temple… I doubt they would have expected much good to come out of the crystals here. No wonder their sabers disappointed them.”

Rey glanced over at Luke in the dim light of their lanterns. When talking with Finn and Poe, he tended to soften his tone, so she forgot, sometimes, how matter-of-fact he could get about the Jedi.

“When this is over, are you going to try to reestablish your school? Not as Jedi, but as… something new. Whatever you think that is.”

Luke scoffed. Rey thought at first that he was going to reiterate that the Resistance’s win was not set in stone, but she’d noticed that he hadn’t really said that as of late. In fact, more and more since they returned from Yavin, he’d talked about _after_ as an inevitability. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still disillusioned. “Maybe I didn’t react properly to what happened with Ben, but I stand by one thing: my Jedi Master days are over. Or, I suppose, whatever arbitrary equivalent of Jedi Master role I tried to step into.”

_Except for this._

_You don’t count._

She bit her lip and nodded, more to herself than to him. “What about all of the Force-sensitive people out there? That’s not going to go away even if you don’t try to train them.”

“I know that,” Luke agreed softly.

“But that doesn’t frighten you? Countless generations won’t benefit from what you’ve learned. They might recreate the mess of the Jedi Order. Or they might build something even worse.”

“Oh, is that so?” He raised his eyebrows. “I have a hard time believing that you would let that happen.”

Rey let out a laugh before processing the sincerity that radiated from him. It sank into her bones, and she swallowed hard, looking down at the ground. “I wouldn’t know where to start, Luke. It’s one thing for you to tell me, Poe, and Finn that the old system was broken. It’s another to even think about rewriting all of the myth and legend around the Force.”

Luke hummed. “But you think this old man could do it?”

Her voice was quiet. “You’re not such an old man.”

For a few moments, he allowed those words to linger in the air. “You won’t be doing it alone. I think Finn will be an excellent teacher. Dameron will probably be busy filling Leia’s shoes, but he’ll make sure that you’re respected and have the resources you need. And I’ll still be there to support you, in my way.”

“You really have it all figured out, don’t you?”

“Enough, yes.”

She was inarguably pleased by this vision that he had for the future of the not-Jedi; as long as she, Poe, and Finn pulled through this war, she would be happy. That said, it didn’t escape her notice that Luke seemed to see little place for himself in this post-Resistance world.

Just as she was on the verge of calling him on it, they emerged from the tunnel into a massive cavern, which took Rey’s breath away. They stood near the edge of an underground lake that stretched off into the darkness. Despite the lack of light from anything save the lanterns, the surface of the water seemed to shimmer, and it only took an instant for Rey to understand why—she looked up and saw that, high above them, the ceiling of the cavern was speckled with hundreds, perhaps _thousands_ of crystals. “Oh, my stars,” she whispered.

“There are countless more in the connecting tunnels,” Luke told her, gesturing to their right. Rey looked over and saw two apparent off-shoots from the cavern, leading deeper beneath the surface of Ossus.

“Somehow I’m supposed to find _my_ crystal amongst all of these?”

He smiled gently; his eyes were warm in the dim light. “I guarantee you will.”

Neither of them spoke for a few long moments. Luke’s gaze shifted from Rey’s face to Leia’s saber at her side, and then to her satchel. She had two days’ worth of water and food with her—the plan was for Luke to check in with the Resistance every six hours from his fighter, rest in the main cavern, and make sure that she got more food and water after two days if she was not yet ready to leave.

“I’m not sure how well the commlinks will work once we’re separated,” he warned her. As though they hadn’t already been over this four or five times. “We’re pretty far underground now…”

“You’re not allowed to be worried, too,” Rey said sternly.

Luke tried to brush her off. “I’m not _worried_ , I’m just—”

“You’re going back up to the surface to reassure Leia that we’re not in the First Order’s clutches. I have plenty of water and food, and I’ll see you back here once I’ve found my crystal.” She raised her eyebrows. “At this point, that’s the best we can hope for, isn’t it?”

He let out a long breath and nodded.

“And here I thought you were here to give _me_ some emotional support.”

“Gods.” Luke set the lantern down at his feet, then he reached out gingerly and settled his hands on her arms. An echo of her childhood hit her, hit them both, and something in Luke’s expression… “As convoluted as the Jedi Order was, they were right: finding your crystal is incredibly personal. There’s no place for me at your side through this. So I just-- I want to remind you that trusting yourself is the most important thing. Trusting your heart and your strength and…” He trailed off, before weakly reiterating, “Just. Trusting yourself.”

Rey’s brow furrowed. His words warmed her heart, but it also unnerved her, for him to be talking so solemnly. That said, she felt moved, as she knew Luke did, by the fact that he was sending her off to find her kyber crystal where countless Jedi had searched for their own crystals millennia before. “Of course I’ll trust myself, Luke.”

_Something is off about you_ , she didn’t say.

“I’m just proud of how you’ve grown,” Luke told her.

Sap, Rey thought to herself, or to Luke, or both. Then, out loud, “Give me a hug before I venture into the mysterious underbelly of Ossus?”

Luke didn’t need to be asked twice.

\--

The caves on Ilith were home to their fair share of small insects and rodents, seeking refuge from the bone-chilling cold of the surface. But _nothing_ about this region of Ossus seemed particularly hospitable, and as a result, Rey encountered very few creatures as she wandered the caves. She was more isolated than she had ever been.

She had been nervous about what this solitude would mean for her Force bond with Kylo. Would he appear to her again the moment Luke left her alone?

Kylo did not appear. And in Rey’s heart, in the back of her mind, she felt a pull—not to their Force bond, but deeper into the caves. Her crystal guided her feet effortlessly, and eventually, she realized that its call filled her until there seemed to be no room for Kylo’s voice to reach her.

A number of times, she found herself at a crossroad. At one point, she knew at once that she needed to veer to the left; at another, she knew she needed to follow the tunnel that almost seemed to double back on the direction from which she’d just come. But she also needed to pause several times. She sat down in the grime and closed her eyes, breathing slow.

There. It came from that way.

Rey would rise to her feet, marking a tick above the passage from which she had come, and she would continue onward.

Her feet ached, and she continued onward.

\--

She found herself in another cavern. This one was far less impressive than the one that they’d entered through, but here, too, the walls and ceiling of the cave were adorned with countless crystals.

It was here that Rey felt, with absolute certainty, she needed to stop. The cavern seemed to be vibrating – humming – singing with energy. It felt like the voice of everyone she loved, calling out to her at once.

“Where are you?” she whispered, turning round and round in place as she took in all of the crystals. Again, she experienced a moment of skepticism, and her words to Luke crossed her mind again: she was meant to find her crystal amongst all of these?

But there was Luke’s voice in the back of her mind: _Trusting yourself is the most important thing_.

Taking a long, deep breath, she closed her eyes. She focused on the call, and her heart pounded as it got stronger. Clearer.

Rey’s eyes popped open, and it was like she was being pulled by a magnet. She skirted around stalagmites and holes in the ground until she arrived at a stalactite; the ceiling on this side of the cavern was so high up that she could hardly make out the crystals in the darkness above her. And there, just barely out of reach, was one kyber crystal.

Nested into the side of the stalactite and pulling her closer.

“Hi,” she breathed. As though it might say something back.

(It would. Not in that moment, obviously, but she knew it would, that that was the point of meditating with it.)

And standing on the tips of her toes, her fingers found purchase on the crystal and pulled.

“Luke?”

For nearly a minute, she received no response.

“Hey, kid. I was just wondering about you.” His voice was scratchy and far away.

“I found my crystal.”

The smile was audible in his voice. “That’s great news, Rey.”

“I’m coming back to the cavern where you left me. I figured it’d be better if I did my meditation closer to the surface.”

“Sounds good. I’m about to head up to call in to the Resistance. I have to nearly clear atmo for it to go through, the volcanoes distort the signal so much. It’s a pain in the—”

The signal briefly went out, and Rey smirked to herself. “Promise me you’ll get some sleep while you’re waiting on me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it. I assume there’s no point in asking whether _you’ve_ slept at all.”

“I’ve been busy, Luke,” Rey scoffed.

“Thought as much.” Pause. “I hope you give yourself a moment to feel excited about this.”

“Can’t you tell I’m excited?”

“Believe it or not, it doesn’t transfer too well through voice and commlink.”

She felt her heart pounding. The crystal pulsed gently in her satchel. “I don’t even know how to say how excited I am.”

“Good. I’m… I’m really glad.”

To herself, Rey murmured, “Me too.”

\--

As promised, Luke was asleep when Rey arrived. He’d curled up on a travel mat near the entrance to the cavern, his cloak bundled under him as a pillow.

Rey heard him snoring before she saw him.

She smiled softly as she approached. This was the youngest that he’d looked in years; Rey had never noticed just how tired he appeared during waking hours. From feeling as though he needed to carry the weight of the galaxy. She could just hear Poe’s voice in her head: _I knew you must have gotten that from him_.

On the hike back to the cavern, Rey had lost track of time completely, so she had no clue how long Luke had been sleeping or how long it would be until he had to leave to contact the Resistance again. So, with great reluctance, she decided not to risk waking him. Instead, kneeling in the ground beside him, she traced her fingers through the dirt and ash that had filtered into the cave over centuries.

_Didn’t want to wake you. Say hi to the Resistance for me._

Creating quite some distance between herself and Luke, Rey sat down. She reached into her satchel for her canteen and the crystal. After taking a swig of her water, she tucked the canteen away and looked down at the crystal in her fingers, taking a deep breath.

“It’s time for us to get better acquainted,” Rey said softly.

More pulsing from the crystal. Her heart raced. Sitting up quite straight, she eased her eyes shut.

\--

_“Where are we?”_

_Ben stood before Rey, not a day older than when Luke took her away, but adorned in the black robes of the Sith. His eyes were wide, anxious; yes, he’s always been such a serious, cautious boy. Leia teases him for it sometimes. He didn’t like it. Rey feels like the only one who notices that he doesn’t like it._

_“Can’t you tell?” She gestured toward the temple, the mountain towering above them. It looks uncannily like one of the volcanoes of Ossus. “Luke’s told us so many stories of Ahch-To.”_

_Her sight adjusted with Ben’s as he gradually understood what was happening._

(What _is_ happening?)

_Yes. There was the temple. Standing tall, although Luke informed her that he had burned it down._

_“I can’t be here.” Ben turned away, squinting his eyes shut. “The voice in my head doesn’t want me here.”_

_Rey feels incensed. “I want you here. Aren’t you looking forward to your training?”_

_“Like it’ll be any different from last time.”_

_She settled her hands on her hips, feeling stern. Gods, she hadn’t realized how small her fingers felt—how small all of her felt. Glancing down, she flexed them before her eyes._

_“Is this what you see me as?” she asked, pulling on Ben’s hand. She has to crane her neck to see him. He always has towered over her._

_Ben smiled slightly in surprise. “You still don’t realize that this is all you.”_

_With his words, Rey’s vision unfocused and refracted abruptly, turning back in on itself to reveal her as a small child, clutching a small toy saber that she had forgotten about. How often has she nagged Ben to play with her, to reenact the duels of the great Jedi Knights that came before them? And never, not once, has he ordered her to_ leave me alone _, no matter how tired, how irritable he was._

_“This is me?” she repeated softly._

_“It doesn’t have to be.”_

_At once, they were standing in the cavern on Ossus. Kylo was at his full height, now, pacing back and forth precisely where Luke was supposed to be. His features were cast in the red glow of his lightsaber, ominous and more than a little frightening._

_Rey stood outside of herself. Gods, did she really still look so young? She sat on the ground, meditating, the crystal clutched between her fingers. She can just barely see the bags under her eyes in the soft light of the lantern._

_She’s tired. So very tired._

_“Is it worth it?” Kylo was still on the other side of the cave, and he spoke in a whisper, but Rey hears him as though he is inches away from her ear. “Trying to fix something so broken.”_

_“Yes. If we can create something less harmful than the Jedi Order—”_

_Kylo’s voice rang through her. “I’m not talking about the Jedi Order.” He took a few strides closer, and then suddenly he stood beside Rey, stood over her. A shiver went down her spine as she watched him smooth a hand over the top of her head—lightly, his fingers combed through her hair. Rey watched it and she felt it and her throat compressed in on itself. He speaks slowly. Precisely. “Is it worth it to try to fix something this broken.”_

_Rey’s heart pounded; she could hear her blood coursing through her. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to do?”_

_“Maybe I don’t believe there’s anything to fix.” Kylo begins to pace around the meditating Rey. “Maybe I believe my uncle and my mother showed you their true colors, showed you something that is_ integral _to the light, not a bug in the system.”_

_The meditating girl – the meditating Jedi – hummed. “But the dark side can fix me?”_

_His exasperation was palpable. It burned. “Who the frag said anything about_ fixing _?” He pointed across the lake, and Rey feels herself moving over the water to a distant corner of the cavern. She stood in the same deep red glow as Kylo, and she took herself in—steely eyes and unpleasant curl to her lip. Rich black robes. “Does that look like someone that needs fixing?”_

 _And oh, was Rey’s heart racing. A feeling of dread began to sink into her gut. She looked away, not wanting to see herself like that. Instead, her eyes fell on her soft reflection in the water. They focused in—on those same bags under her eyes, the smile lines that Poe had pointed out the other day with great affection._ The best proof I can think of that you’re happy _, he told her._

_“Yes, it does,” she said softly._

_When she looked up, they were on Ahch-To again. The young Ben stood there, irritable as though Han just left for another smuggling trip without saying goodbye. “But I didn’t say anything about fixing anyone._ You _did. Why is that, Ben?”_

_Ben looked down at Rey’s hands, which hold her crystal. His gaze strays across the island, across the temple in ruins, the mountain towering above them. “I’ll see you soon, Rey,” he tells her at last._

\--

_“You want to practice levitation today?”_

_Luke’s hands are clasped behind his back. He purses his lips and raises his eyebrows. “Is that a problem?”_

_“No, it’s just-- since Finn and Poe aren’t with us, I’m surprised. We stopped focusing on levitation when I was about ten.”_

_“We just did levitation yesterday, Rey.” He strides across the training room, standing close so that he could scrutinize her. “Are you feeling alright?”_

_She stammered through a reply of, “Yes, of course I am, I must have… forgotten.”_

_“It’s alright. I almost forgot too.” Luke gestures for her to sit in the center of a large assortment of rocks that he’d collected from the surface of Ilith. “I have to go back to the temple tonight, and I don’t think I’ll be back for a week or two.”_

_Rey frowned. “Already? You just got here.”_

_“The children have me worried. Ben… Ben has me worried.”_

_And this was the moment where Rey felt a pull to rise to her feet. She looks over toward the path down to the small cave where she hid herself away when Luke angered her. All she had to do was tell him that she was too tired, that she didn’t want to train today. That_ is _what she did, years ago._

 _But it’s not what she does. She swallows hard and asks him, “Don’t_ I _worry you?”_

_His head tilts to the side. “Why would I be worried about you, Rey?”_

_“Look at me, Luke. Why_ wouldn’t _anyone be worried about me?”_

_The Jedi Master stares at her. He’s bewildered. Kriff, Rey is bewildered. “No one can harm you here. No one can use your curse against you. You’re safe.”_

_“What does it matter if I’m safe when I’m this alone? When you took me away from my parents and don’t know how to be a dad? So we meditate together and make rocks float and spar with sticks. I don’t feel like I can tell you when I miss Leia and Han and Ben. I can’t remember the last time you hugged me. If that’s the way of the Jedi, I don’t want it.”_

_It felt as though Luke’s heart was enveloping hers, or hers his. No, it had to have been hers enveloping his, because his features softened, contorting into hers. She was small again—so very small. On the ground cross-legged across from Rey, fingers tracing over the smooth rocks in the way that Rey always liked to do._

_And in the most tentative voice, the child asks, “Why couldn’t I say that?”_

_“A lot of reasons,” Rey whispers._

_“Are you… are you mad that I didn’t say it?”_

_“No,” Rey rushes to say. “Gods no. How would you have known how to tell him?”_

_“You did.”_

_Rey thought of that first time talking to Luke on Ajan Kloss. She thought of countless conversations they’d had since, and all of the things that she still struggled to say aloud—that she relied on the Force to tell him instead. She thought of how she loved him like a father and only recently found the strength to say so._

_“It’s taken a lot of practice.”_

\--

_“I just got word from Finn.”_

_Rey opened her eyes as though from a long sleep. Poe knelt on the floor, his eyes at her level. The sight of his face made her smile. “Good news, I hope.”_

_“Mhm. Everything is running on schedule, so the kids will be going home soon. You know he was worried about giving them a full month off, but he says those kinks have worked themselves out.”_

_His thumb was on her cheek, and she turned her head, pressing her lips to his palm before taking hold of it. “Why aren’t you under the covers with me yet, Flyboy?”_

_“Bossy,” Poe murmured with a grin. But he obeyed at once, climbing into bed while Rey scooted to the side to make enough room._

_“Will he come back here? Or does he want us to come to Coruscant?”_

_“He’s coming here. He says he’s tired of the city.”_

_“Like you,” Rey said softly. Her fingers gently stroked the stubble on his jaw. “You don’t want to go to the treaty signing.”_

_Poe sighed and closed his eyes, grimacing. “I was trying not to let that muddle my thoughts, I’m sorry.”_

_“No need to apologize. I thought you and Leia felt good about this. Should I be worried? Do you want to try to renegotiate the terms?”_

_“That’s not it, really. We’ve been negotiating for almost three years, so it’s about time we got everyone committed to something in writing. I just…” He faltered, holding her gaze while he puzzled over what to say next. Rey got the gist, but she waited for him. “Leia said they felt good about where they landed after the Civil War. She tried not to mention it, but I felt it weighing us both down so much that I had to get her to talk about it. I’m having a hard time imagining that we won’t just be back here in another 30 years.”_

_Rey nodded slowly. “I’m going to say something you already know.” He gestured her on. “They tried too hard to recreate the Old Republic. They_ literally _called it ‘the New Republic.’ I think it’s a marvel that it lasted as long as it did.”_

_“I know,” Poe told her. “You’re right, I know. So why the hell shouldn’t we be the ones to fix it.”_

_“That’s what Luke thinks.”_

_Sadness passed through Poe’s eyes. “I wish he’d talk to me like he talks to you and Leia. I could use a kind word from him sometimes.”_

_“Why don’t you tell him that?”_

_Poe squinted at Rey, puzzled. She felt a hint of confusion over not being able to pick up on what was nagging at him. That wasn’t normal. He didn’t close himself off to her about anything—certainly not about Luke. “Do you think that’ll work? There’s only so long that I can talk into the ether before it starts to feel like he’s never going to show up. Finn doesn’t see him, either, so it’s not like I take it personally.”_

_“Into the ether?” Rey sat up in bed. She felt unsteady, Poe was blurry in front of her—_

_They’re standing beneath the Force tree together, Poe’s arm around her waist. Both of their heads are down, their eyes on the small wooden marker. Rey can’t remember whether anyone else on Yavin even knows who it’s for._

_“I know you thought he’d be here,” Poe says. “To help you share the Force with the galaxy.”_

_Rey nods. She leans in closer to Poe, suddenly feeling like she can’t possibly stand close enough to absorb all of the affection and love that he is sending her way. “Can I tell you something strange, though?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“I think he knew. That he wasn’t going to be here.”_

_Poe hums thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t_ you _have known, then? He told you he wasn’t going to keep anything from you.”_

_The air positively vibrates around them. “I think I might have known. Or missed it on purpose.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because we finally had something good, Poe. I felt whole for the first time in my life. Why-- how was I supposed to believe that that was going to end?”_

_“Maybe you were scared of feeling broken all over again.”_

_Rey tilts her head so that she can meet Poe’s eye. “Did I?”_

_“You knew he was with you the whole time.” His voice pours into Rey and fills her._

\--

Rey inhaled abruptly as her eyes popped open. The crystal, previously cool to the touch, now felt pleasantly warm, humming against her skin. Rey loosened her grip and looked down—a golden glow emanated from her hands. “ _Oh_ ,” she whispered. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

Before leaving for Ossus, Luke made sure that she practiced binding a crystal in wire, as Jedi had done for millennia when the need arose to carry a crystal outside of a saber. Now, she retrieved the wire from her satchel and affixed it to her own crystal. Gingerly, she removed Poe’s necklace – the first time she’d taken it off since he put it on her neck – and affixed the wire. It slid down, settling perfectly within Shara’s ring.

She grabbed her lantern and her satchel, and she rose to her feet, turning around expecting to see Luke still there—perhaps still asleep, or perhaps waiting quietly for Rey to stir.

He was not there. She rushed across the cavern, and as she got nearer to where he’d been asleep, she saw that he’d written an addendum to her note on the ground. _Going up to do my check-in. I’ll see you soon._

Immediately, Rey fumbled for her commlink, heading toward the surface—scattered remnants of her Force visions hung over her and left her fraught with anxiety. “Luke? Are you there?”

Again, temporary silence. But this time it only took twenty seconds or so before his voice came over the line and relief filled her. “I’m here, Rey. You all done?”

“I’m all done.” She hesitated. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

Perhaps this surprised Luke, but if it did, he went along with it gracefully. “It’s good to hear your voice, too. I’d wait for you to catch up, but I’m actually late for my check-in. I was supposed to call about an hour ago. So I’ll let them know that we should be out of here in about an hour?”

“Sure.”

Rey thought, briefly, about bringing up what she’d just seen and felt while meditating. Already, her sense of the vision was beginning to fade, save for inklings of feelings, of moments. But she had been certain that Luke was going to die. She’d been certain that Luke _knew_ he was going to die. Was there truth to that feeling?

“Can I ask you something, Luke?”

A pause. “--t’s tha-- --ey?”

_Kriffing signal distortion._ Fine. It could wait. Hoping that he would be able to hear her clearly enough, she said, “Never mind. I’ll see you soon.”

\--

Rey emerged from the cave to discover that night had fallen. There was still a hint of smoke and ash drifting across the sky and a fair smattering of clouds filling out portions of the sky, but she could still make out a brilliant scattering of stars. The sight put a smile on her face; they had not had many occasions to see the night sky in her time on Ilith.

It hit her belatedly—the bad feeling in her gut.

The realization that Luke’s fighter was nowhere to be seen, closely followed by the fact that, concealed behind the smoke and ash and clouds, the night sky was occupied by a dark, menacing ship. Unsettling in its size even from so far away.

Rey’s heart raced, her breathing grew rapid, and she spun around, thinking frantically that perhaps she could hide away in the caves.

“Don’t I even get a ‘hello’?”

She tried to steady her breath and suppress the anxious tears that were already threatening to brim over in her eyes as she looked to her right and saw Kylo Ren and a few stormtroopers towering over her from a nearby ridge. With these words, several other troopers revealed themselves from nearly all sides, blocking her way to her own fighter. Save for the tunnel underground, she had nowhere to go.

“H-- how?” Rey stammered.

“Please, Rey. Do you really need to ask?”

It took what felt like an eternity for his meaning to register, mostly because she didn’t want to believe it possible. But the truth sank in—she felt it from deep within her heart, from deep within him. Perhaps their connection had not emerged while she was searching for her crystal, but her vision of him had connected to their Force bond. And in that vision, she’d shown him enough of Ossus that he was able to find them.

“Where’s Luke?” she asked. _Gods_ , her voice was trembling.

Kylo strode closer. His hair tossed around in the sharp wind of the planet’s surface. “We didn’t hurt him, if that’s what you mean. The Supreme Leader wants you both alive.” His lips curled into an uncomfortable smile. “So. Are you going to come willingly, or do I have to resort to… less honorable tactics?”

Rey’s brow furrowed as she assessed the situation that she was in. She could conceivably ration her food for some time, but in order to avoid getting dehydrated, she realistically only had a day’s worth of water left, if that. Even if she could somehow get to her fighter and get away, she would have nowhere to go—not when the Resistance was already clearing out of the base on Ilith, and would no doubt be evacuating for good now that Rey and Luke were suspiciously out of communication.

Just as importantly, she absorbed the implication of how Kylo phrased his question: he was trying not to allude to her curse in front of the troopers.

She looked up at the boy she’d once known, in his dark robes; saber in his hand; troopers flanking him. She turned over her thoughts of broken things, broken people.

“I’ll come with you, Ben.”

Kylo’s expression soured, and he moved into her space, reaching into Rey’s satchel and retrieving Leia’s saber. “Just to make sure you don’t get any ideas,” he breathed. His eyes still on Rey, but loud enough for the troopers to hear, he said, “Come with us.”

Rey moved at once, as though she was being pulled by a magnet, but the stormtroopers were none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=nDZcAiDZR1eLDSxldy8Zfg).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Buffeted By Wind" by Arbouretum  
> \- "Whisper Away" by Jason Molina  
> \- "Reflection" by Six Organs of Admittance  
> \- "Buzzing in the Light" by Dr. Dog  
> \- "Starwatcher" by The Decemberists


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, this one's a doozy. I've been sitting on it since a little before Christmas, so I'm excited to finally be sharing it with y'all.

Rey assumed that one of two things was about to happen: either she would be brought aboard the star destroyer and immediately led to Snoke, or – and this was far less likely – Ben was going to talk to her. Perhaps try to share what he had been so eager to tell her about that prophecy when they found him on Tryrti.

Perhaps that was foolish to imagine. (To hope for?) But when meditating with her kyber crystal, Rey had felt certain that the dark side’s hold on Ben was tenuous. She’d assumed, when she came out of it, that it was simply wishful thinking, but knowing that in some sense it had been _him there_ , with her… Well. It brought her the closest she had ever been to sharing Leia’s hope that Ben even _could_ return to the light.

He did not talk to her, but he didn’t take her to Snoke, either.

Instead, after they landed in the hangar, he led her down several hallways, past troopers and First Order commanders who looked on with curiosity. Kylo didn’t speak, and flanked by stormtroopers as they still were, Rey didn’t feel like she could say anything, either.

She and Luke had felt discomfited by the sanitized feeling of the base on Ilith, but it was nothing compared to this star destroyer; at least the Resistance base was full of life, people laughing together as they walked down halls, chatting idly in corners while they took breaks from their work. But save for the steady hum of machinery that came from being in a ship, Rey’s surroundings felt unpleasantly subdued. Every body looked to be carrying an oppressive weight on their shoulders.

They reached the detention center, and the guard at the door jolted at the sight of Kylo. “W-- welcome back, sir,” he stammered. “Is she going in with the other one, or would you like her in her own cell?”

Kylo hesitated for a brief moment, but when he spoke, he sounded decisive. Authoritative. “Put her with Skywalker.” 

After receiving a nod of assent from the guard, Kylo turned on his heel, and he was gone.

Luke jumped to his feet when the door slid open, his expression shifting from hesitation to open concern as soon as his eyes met Rey’s. “Rey—” he began softly.

“Stay back, Jedi,” the guard snarled as he ushered Rey inside.

“I’m not moving, I’m not moving,” Luke rushed to reassure him—and the troopers crowding the doorway with their guns pointed into the cell.

“Wait, what about these?” Rey held her hands aloft when she realized that the guard seemed to have no plans of removing her restraints.

“Oh no. I’ve seen what you people can do. I think we’ll all feel a bit safer if those cuffs stay on.”

And then, in an instant, Rey and Luke were shut in and alone.

He rushed to her at once, reaching out at the same time that she took a long breath and sunk down onto the hard bench. Luke followed suit, fumbling to give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze despite the fact that his hands were bound together. “Gods, Rey, are you alright?”

She nodded blankly. Now that she’d slowed down, it suddenly sank in that she had no idea how long it had been since she slept—between the flight from Ilith, her trek through the caves, and her meditation, though, it had to have been more than a day. The fatigue of it all hit her in one fell swoop.

Luke took this in for a moment, but her exhaustion seemed to register, because he continued without waiting for her to speak. “I was in the middle of my check-in when the destroyer came out of hyperspace, and I didn’t stand a chance—they had me in their tractor beam almost immediately. I don’t understand how this could have happened; it was like they knew we were here.”

“They did,” Rey murmured.

“What do you mean?”

Rey turned her head so that she could meet Luke’s eye. She almost expected him to look mad, but there was nothing even close to anger in his gaze. He just looked confused. Even so, she couldn’t shake the shame she felt as she told him, “When I was meditating with my crystal, I saw some things. Flashes of conversations, things that only made a little bit of sense. And Ben… Ben was there. For a while. I was fretting over the dark side, and I had a conversation with him, and when I came out of it, I thought it was like the Force visions I had of my mother, but I-- I don’t know, Luke.” She shook her head, her frown deepening. “Since I was trying to share myself with the crystal, my guard was down, and I must have opened up to our Force bond. With everything that I was seeing and thinking and feeling… it was enough. I led him straight to us.”

“I see.” Luke digested this. After months of working together so closely, it felt strange for Rey to be unable to intuit precisely where his head was at, but without having discussed it, they both seemed to think it best to keep themselves closed off to the Force even now that they were alone. She watched his face closely, waiting for him to say something—anything. “I don’t want you to be angry with yourself over this.”

“How could I not be?” Rey retorted. “We were so worried about a First Order scout _discovering_ us, but I managed to call out directly to Kylo Ren. Maybe if I had anticipated it, trained myself to keep our Force bond closed instead of just trying to avoid solitude at all costs…”

“You had no way of knowing that this could happen. If there’s anyone at fault, it was my decision for us to come to Ossus in the first place. You and Leia both argued against it. Perhaps I should have listened.”

Rey sighed and nudged her shoulder against Luke. “Don’t be ridiculous. You couldn’t have known—”

“What was that?” There was amusement in his voice.

She opened and closed her mouth to speak, faltering a few times. “Point taken.”

“Good.”

“For the record, though, I hate you.”

Luke smiled slightly. “Noted.”

The fatigue of their trip still weighed heavily on Rey, and she was on the verge of telling Luke that she wanted to at least try to shut her eyes and get some sleep before… whatever was coming next. But then she frowned to herself as she began to think of a number of other questions that came with the knowledge that her Force vision of Kylo had been, in some sense, real. “Did you see anything? Of what I saw.” Did Poe?

“No, I didn’t.” Luke hesitated. “I appeared to you while you were meditating?”

Rey nodded. Her voice was quiet as she told him, “Yes. You, and Poe.”

Another pause while Luke considered this information. “Are you relieved that I didn’t see it?”

“No, that’s not-- I don’t think anything that I saw would have been a surprise to you.” Rey kept her gaze on her hands, twisting in her lap. “I’m mostly wondering because…”

 _Say it, Rey. Just ask him whether he believes that he’s going to die_. After knowing him her whole life, and after building up so much honesty since he arrived on Ajan Kloss, it should have been… if not easy, then at least _possible_. To express her fear to him. But she wasn’t certain she could say that Luke was the one she was afraid of being honest with when she altered course.

“I don’t want Poe overthinking what I saw. Not while the Resistance is busy doing… whatever it is that they’re doing without us.”

Maybe Luke believed her, and maybe he could tell that she was initially going to say something else. But either way, he chose to take her words at face-value. “I can’t promise you that Poe didn’t see your Force vision, but from everything that I understand, sharing a Force vision like you did is essentially unheard of. If it weren’t for your Force bond, I doubt very much that it would be possible.”

“Alright.”

When she didn’t say anything further, Luke jumped in again. “Could I ask you to do something?”

“If I can do it before we’re brought to Snoke and probably killed, then sure.”

He exhaled through his nose—Rey was quite familiar with this being the closest thing to a laugh that she might sometimes get from her mentor. “I don’t know how long we’ll be in this cell, but would you try to get some sleep? It’s been over a day and a half since we left Ilith.”

_Kriff_ , over a day and a half? No wonder she was exhausted.

Slowly, sleepily, Rey nodded.

\--

Rey felt herself being shaken awake by Luke a questionable amount of time later, and she quickly became aware that an escort of stormtroopers stood over them in the doorway, as well as the main guard of the detention center instructing Luke to, “Get her up, come on.”

She groaned as she rose to her feet, squinting at the bright lights of the cell and grimacing just slightly at the unpleasant taste of sleep, but the guard rolled his eyes, unfazed by how disoriented she was. “Come on, kid, let’s get moving.”

“Wait, Rey,” Luke said automatically. Her stomach, which had already begun to squirm, quieted at once. Then he added, softly, “Take as long as you want.”

But Rey, not wanting to see Luke get in trouble for trying to gently override an order, rose to her full height at once and shook her head to clear it. “It’s fine, I’m ready. We can go.”

“Smart girl.”

As they were led from their cell, Rey cast Luke an irritated glance—the condescension from the guard was incredibly grating, and she wanted nothing more than to snap back. If only she and Luke had kriffing lightsabers. If only their hands weren’t cuffed. She was skeptical that they could take on the whole ship, not from the depths of the detention center, but the least she could do was wipe that smirk off of the damn guard’s face.

The thought made her flinch slightly as she processed exactly what it was that she was itching to do. Just over one snide remark.

She was too exhausted. Too irritable. That was the place those thoughts had come from. But at least Luke didn’t know what had occurred to her, even if only in passing.

\--

It appeared that they’d been locked away so that Kylo’s ship could rendezvous with Snoke’s, because Rey and Luke were transferred from one destroyer to another. Led down more winding hallways, until finally, they reached a dead end. They were ushered through a door by their stormtrooper escorts, and then the door closed with a menacing clang.

They stood in a massive throne room. Most of their surroundings matched the stark black and gray look of the rest of the ship, but the hall still seemed awash with a rich, bright red from the far wall. Directly ahead of them, against that wall, was the massive throne, on which a menacing figure – _that must be Snoke_ , Rey’s brain offered – sat quite still. His gaze on the new arrivals. Several imperial guards surrounded the throne at some distance, and standing close at hand…

“Ben,” Rey said softly.

Luke hummed, but he didn’t bother to reply aloud. Rey hated this—she hated not knowing what was going through Luke’s head.

“Welcome, Jedi.” Snoke’s voice rang through the hall, unnervingly calm. “How good of you to join us. But I’d rather we not talk with all of this distance between us. Come closer, both of you.”

Rey stood her ground despite the immediate pull in her gut to follow his order. Luke, too, didn’t move, and he turned his head toward Rey to speak—

Snoke interrupted him before he could get a word out. “I have no interest in exchanging orders with you, Skywalker. Unlike the soldiers outside, I understand what’s at stake with my words. Now _come closer_.”

Her heart raced, and as she stared ahead, unmoving, the muscles in her legs began to ache as though desperate to step forward of their own accord. The beginnings of a headache pounded behind her eyes. Luke didn’t take a single step—perhaps she couldn’t feel or hear him the way she had grown accustomed to, but she knew that he was waiting for her. Supporting her.

And then she thought of Poe, lounging on the side of the lake on Ajan Kloss. Laughing and fondly telling her, _You can be such a pain in the ass_ , when he ordered her to fetch him some water from the lake, and she brought back barely enough to dribble back out of his canteen.

Inhaling deeply, she took the smallest of steps forward then halted. The tension in her body quieted at once. She heard Luke make the slightest noise of amusement.

The Supreme Leader hummed. “I thought that might happen. Very well. Rey, come and stand here.” He pointed at a spot on the floor directly in front of him. “I suspect Master Skywalker will follow suit.”

Frag. He must have been testing her to see whether she’d try to game the curse, but no doubt this meant that he would be intentional with his orders, now.

Rey took slow, agonizing steps forward, Luke moving at her pace. As they drew closer to the throne, and Snoke’s face became more visible, a chill went down her spine; the Supreme Leader’s features were grotesque, emphasized by a cruel smile on his face that seemed to saturate the energy of the entire hall. It kriffing _delighted_ him to see her fighting him like this. To see her having to obey his instruction.

Meanwhile, Kylo stood by Snoke’s side and just… stared blankly at Rey. She saw the way that his eyes fell on her, pointedly looking away from Luke. She could have sworn she saw a hint of concern on his face.

“Good,” Snoke murmured, once Rey had reached the spot where he had instructed her to stand. “Doesn’t that feel better, young Jedi?”

She scowled up at him. “What do you want with us?” _With me_ , she nearly said instead, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to say the words. The moment that she suggested Snoke had some plan for her, it would become too real.

“Oh.” His voice was soft. He tilted his head back slightly, taking her in. “She has such spirit, Skywalker. Is that the product of a Jedi Master actually caring for his apprentice?”

“I have no interest in defending my mistakes to you, Snoke,” Luke said, echoing Snoke’s words from moments before. He stared at the Supreme Leader as he spoke, and Rey watched Kylo carefully—saw the way that his head just barely turned toward his uncle before he refocused his eyes on Rey. “And I _have_ made mistakes, plenty of them. I’ve been able to make amends with Rey, but with Ben…” He faltered. “I led him to believe that I saw no hope for him, and that’s my greatest regret. But only a Sith would suggest that those errors in judgement meant that I don’t care for my nephew. Only a Sith would willfully distort the truth that way.” Quietly, he said, “Because I do love you, Ben. I hope that someday you believe that. I still see the good in you, just as I did in my father.”

“Don’t talk about him,” Kylo snapped at once. He took a step forward, but he stilled when Snoke held up a hand.

“Patience, my boy,” Snoke told him. Rey trembled, despite the fact that she had been issued no orders. It was unnerving, how much the condescension in his tone reminded her of how Kylo had spoken to her on Tryrti, and through their Force bond.

From Kylo, it was ill-fitting, but Snoke… his words were intentional. Practiced. And they gave Kylo pause immediately, so she supposed they did their job.

Snoke was still going, but he’d raised his voice; he was talking to Luke now. “I was concerned at first, when I lost track of the girl. I will admit that your decision to exclude her from the temple was… not something that I had anticipated. Not that anything in the prophecy explicitly suggests that the child _needs_ to be raised within a Jedi temple, but that’s traditionally been interpreted to be one of the metaphorical elements of the child’s ‘freedom from limits.’”

Glancing at Kylo, Snoke ushered him toward Rey and Luke. Kylo hesitated for a beat, but then he nodded and began to walk. Snoke continued: “But then, at last, young Kylo was wracked with guilt over the death of his father. I was convinced that their Force bond could not be triggered when they’d been separated so long, until I realized that he was reaching out to the only person he thought would _understand_. And that she was reaching back. Just the girl’s restraints,” he added, almost as an afterthought. Kylo had reached Rey and Luke, and he tentatively triggered the release on her cuffs. She noticed that he could no longer look her in the eye.

Was that true? Had Ben thought that Rey would understand his conflict over killing Han?

“Finally, I began to discern for myself that, even outside of the confines of your temple and the structure of the Jedi Order, you manufactured a life of misery for this girl beyond anything that I could have foreseen. You gave her everything she needed to claim what is destined to her. Now, she need only muster the strength to take it.”

Rey inhaled—rapid, shallow breaths. What in hell was he _talking_ about? And _gods_ , what was going through Luke’s head?

“Take the saber.”

It hit her that Snoke, now, was speaking to her. Kylo was holding Leia’s lightsaber out with an indiscernible expression on his face.

Something was coming. It had to be, for them to turn over the saber again like it was nothing. But Snoke wasn’t speaking, and Rey was terrified to look at Luke; all she could sense from him was his breathing, so measured compared to hers. This was the version of her mentor that she remembered from her childhood: guarded and appraising. And she knew that he wasn’t guarding himself against her, not really, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t make her ache.

Well. It did make her ache, although that feeling was quickly being overridden by discomfort, and then pain, as she tried to resist Snoke’s instruction. Because if he was ordering her to take that saber, she knew that she didn’t want it.

Kylo, then, issued the order. His voice was unnervingly gentle. “Take the saber, Rey.”

Her head spun. Her fingers trembled from the effort of keeping them clenched in fists at her sides. As her body felt smaller and smaller, Rey could sense nothing but her heart racing and her stomach twisting. Her vision blurred, her limbs were contracting in on themselves. She _needed_ to claim the lightsaber. She felt with increasing certainty that if she didn’t just reach out and accept the gleaming object before her – the only thing that still registered in her vision – she was going to wither into nothing and die.

“Good,” Snoke said again.

Oh gods. Only then did she realize that she’d wrapped her fingers around the cold metal, that her vision was returning and her heart rate beginning to slow. A few stray tears clung to her face. Rey stared down at her own hand and was _horrified_ at the fact that she now held the saber. Horrified at the fact that she didn’t know what was coming next.

“I’m going to give you two options, Rey.” Snoke’s voice rattled through the throne room even though it felt like he was whispering directly beside Rey’s ear. “As soon as you follow one order, I will rescind the other. Do you understand?”

Rey didn’t answer, didn’t even look at him, but Snoke was unbothered. If anything, it seemed that he took her absolute unwillingness to respond as an indication that she understood _exactly_ what he was asking of her.

“Tell me the location of the Resistance base,” he began. “Or… kill Luke Skywalker.”

Rey’s jaw dropped in protest, but it struck her at once that, instead, it was _Ilith_ bubbling up in her throat, and she snapped her mouth shut to keep it in.

It didn’t matter that the Resistance was undoubtedly clearing out of the base already. She had no idea how long the evacuation would take, no idea who or what might still be there when the First Order arrived. For anyone who _was_ left, she knew from the stories of the Battle of Crait that Snoke’s ship would be able to track them anywhere. That single word would likely be a death sentence—who _knew_ for how many.

But then there was Luke.

Luke, who… raised her. Disappointed her. Guided her. Loved her.

The saber felt heavy in her hand. It would be so easy to ignite it. Her arm longed to do it, to raise the saber from her side and strike—

She could barely see, but it wasn’t because she felt that she was going to black out yet; instead, her eyes were tearing up again… from anxiety or from the orders overtaking her or both. She pulled her hands closer to herself, clutching the saber tight against her stomach and squeezing her eyes shut.

No no no. Rey felt like she was going to throw up, and she couldn’t tell whether it was vomit or the location of the Resistance threatening to burst from her lips. Her heart pounded against her chest, in her ears, all over her skin.

This was… a far crueler weaponization of her curse than anything she could have imagined. Because Snoke had given her a kriffing _choice_. Or rather, the cruelest, most horrible illusion of choice. Words pounded against her mouth, begging to be set free; her finger itched against the trigger mechanism of the lightsaber.

Rey wanted nothing more than to _die_ , because then at least Luke and the Resistance might both be safe. Safer than what she could bring upon them.

To think that her entire adolescence had been a product of Luke’s attempt to protect himself and everyone else from her curse. But it hadn’t been enough.

It hadn’t been enough.

She was on the floor, suddenly. Curling in on herself, free hand clasped against her mouth while she hugged Leia’s lightsaber to her chest. Tears streamed down her face. She could see, feel nothing save for the urgency of Snoke’s mandate, the urgency of passing out or dying so that she need not complete it.

Distantly, she heard the voice of her mother from her Force vision on Yavin: _That_ thing _… I think it has horrible plans for you._ Ben, on Tryrti, insisting that _Luke was protecting everyone from what he was frightened you would become after saving yourself._ Luke’s voice, telling her, _Trying to protect you from your curse didn’t work._ _And after our visits to the Force tree, I feel more certain than ever that I need to do the most I can to prepare you._

And louder and clearer than all the rest of them combined, Poe. Kneeling before her as he said, _The Sith can’t imagine a way for you to save yourself through the light side, but_ you _are_ very _imaginative and_ very _stubborn._ _If the power is in you to break this curse, I think you’ll find it, without the dark side._

Just reveal the location of the base. That was all she needed to do. Or ignite the lightsaber and swing. Maybe if she didn’t look up, didn’t look Luke in the eye, she could stomach it.

That was all she needed to do to obey. _Obey_. **_Obey._**

Her mouth opened and in a moment of sheer terror, Rey thought she was about to blurt out the location of the base, but instead… “No!” She shrieked it, the word coming out of nowhere, and she clutched herself tighter. Blinked up through blurry, tear-filled eyes at Snoke as she shouted, “I can’t do it! I won’t!”

Rey scrambled to her feet in a frenzy, turning to look at Luke for the first time since they’d reached Snoke’s throne. He was blinking down at her with such love and affection and the strangest expression on top of that, but she couldn’t parse through it in her desperation to tell him, “I’m not going to hurt you, Luke. I can’t do that, I won’t ever do that.”

“I know, Rey,” he whispered. His words were far away in her ears—she’d already turned on Snoke, anger boiling in her blood. “And I’m not telling you a thing about the Resistance. I’m going to keep them safe from me if it’s the last thing I do. It doesn’t matter what you think you have planned for me; I’m not doing it.”

Somewhere in there, amidst her shouting and her labored breaths and her slowing tears, it hit her.

All at once, her body stilled. Oh, her heart was still pounding, but no longer was she trembling. Slowly, Rey processed the measured expression on Snoke’s face; Ben’s slack jaw; and finally, Luke, who looked… so proud. But not just proud, and that was the peculiar thing about his expression. He was surprised and proud of her but a little sad, too.

“Isn’t this good?” she whispered, frowning.

“Yes,” Luke replied softly. “Of course it is.”

The hall rang with the sound of the throne creaking. Rey spun around, watching the Supreme Leader rise to his feet and slowly – agonizingly slowly – stride closer to her. When he was near, he began to pace around her and Kylo and Luke; his figure towered over all of them.

He hummed. “I’m impressed, child. I was not certain that even those instructions would stir your anger enough to break the curse. Of course, I would have been satisfied if they had not; you’d have had your uses to us, like the others before you. But no—you’ve proven yourself to be precisely what the Sith need you to be. I daresay you’ve learned enough.”

And then, before Rey, Kylo, and Luke knew quite what was happening, Snoke stretched out his hand, summoning Leia’s saber from Rey’s loosened grip. He ignited the blade and drove it directly into Luke’s gut.

Kylo inhaled sharply, taking a step back in surprise while Rey let out an agonizing scream.

Luke’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped, and the noise he let out… gods, he was in pain, but he could barely gasp out a sound of distress as Snoke’s lip curled. He twisted the blade deeper, drawing out a heavy groan from the older Jedi.

Snoke shut off the lightsaber. Rey watched Luke crumble as if in slow motion. Save for the sound of his body striking the floor, all she could hear was the sound of her own heart pounding.

It felt as though Snoke had wrenched her heart from her chest and crushed it in his bare hand. And still, in slow motion, she watched him gazing down at her mentor’s body, watched him reveling in a murder that could have served _no_ purpose save to upset her. Luke had been defenseless, unguarded.

What came next happened without forethought, without calculation.

Rey grabbed the saber that hung at Kylo’s waist. Her gaze met his for a flash, and his eyes narrowed… almost imperceptibly.

She swung around in one fluid motion.

The saber crackled in the air, then sizzled as it sliced through robes and skin. There was the sound of Leia’s saber clattering to the floor, followed shortly by Snoke, whose torso toppled to one side while the bottom half of his body fell in place.

“I didn’t…” Ben began. Rey’s head snapped up to look at him, and she saw that his eyes were wide, as though pleading with her to understand.

Distantly, they each saw that the Imperial Guard had finally reacted to Rey’s attack, surging forward from their posts. After staring at Rey for another beat, Ben stretched out his hand, drawing Leia’s saber to him from where it had fallen beside Snoke. Igniting the blade, he turned away from Rey, and the two began to rebuff the guards’ attacks as one.

\--

They stood surrounded by bodies, yet after the battle was over, Rey’s first instinct was to run to Luke. She knelt down on the floor, and a few fresh tears trickled down her face as she took in the sight of him.

Her mentor’s eyes were still open in shock. His pupils were surprisingly large, but in no way did Rey mistake that for life; his energy and spirit had faded, somehow. It was strange, now, to realize just how much she had still _felt_ him even when he was closed off to the Force. Comparatively, he, the space around him, was now… empty. There was nothing left. Her lips trembled as she reached out a hand and slowly smoothed her fingers over his hair and down his cheek, which was cool to the touch.

Once, after much prompting from Rey, Luke had described the funeral that he gave to his father—a Jedi funeral. Would she be able to do that for him? Get him off of this kriffing star destroyer and back to… somewhere, where she could stop and breathe and burn his remains? Or – if she got off this ship at all – would she have to deliver the news to Leia without even being able to say that she’d put him to rest properly?

It was the thought of Leia that shook Rey from her laser focus on Luke. She looked up from his body, and she saw Ben, standing a short distance away and looking on as though reluctant to disrupt the moment. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he told her. “I didn’t know that he was going to do that to you.”

_Do that to Luke_ , Rey thought to herself, but she didn’t say as much. Instead she shook her head and told him, “It’s-- I don’t know how I’m going to tell Leia. Not with all that she’s already lost.” Her gaze softening on Ben, though, she offered, “It will mean something to her, that you betrayed Snoke for Luke.”

Ben’s brow furrowed, and he opened and closed his mouth once, then twice, before speaking. “This wasn’t for Luke Skywalker.” He gestured to the bodies strewn around. “I don’t believe that Snoke should have killed my uncle, not like that, but that’s not why I allowed you to kill Snoke. I did this for you.”

“For me?”

“Yes.” Ben took a few cautious steps forward, but it seemed that he realized Rey was receiving his words with great reluctance, because he stopped moving. “Snoke was proud. He believed that he could guide and shape us and emerge unscathed, but he was a fool. If he thought there was a place for him beside us, he was willfully misunderstanding the prophecy.”

Rey felt anger rising in her gut again, and she rose to her feet abruptly. “Luke is _dead_ and you’re still trying to talk to me about some kriffing _prophecy_? I don’t want to _hear_ about it, Ben. You’re truly not sorry that he’s gone?”

“Snoke killed my uncle _because of_ the prophecy, Rey. I should have seen it coming. Now that you’ve broken your curse, he saw Luke as nothing more than an obstacle to you achieving your true purpose.”

“Which is _what_? What do you think my _purpose_ is?”

He barely spoke above a whisper. “The Sith have a legend of a savior called the Sith’ari: the perfect being, who will destroy the Sith only to bring the Order back to life and rebuild it stronger and better than ever before.3 Countless Sith Lords tried to claim the title out of… pride. Vanity. But the prophecy was passed on through oral tradition for millennia before being recorded, and its truth was lost to all but a select few. When you discovered me at the base on Tryrti, that’s what I was looking for—I was still reluctant to believe Snoke, at least entirely, so he sent me to find the last remaining text of the full, unaltered prophecy. The Separatists discovered a book of Sith legend while looking for ways to defeat the Jedi, and it had been concealed in that base ever since.”

Something about the word “Sith’ari” resonated with Rey, and she realized with a jolt that it was likely the peculiar form of “Sith” that she and Luke had discovered months before while scouring the Jedi texts for other references to children cursed with obedience. Which meant that… yet again, it seemed as though there was at least some truth to what Kylo was saying.

And it was with this knowledge that Rey’s voice trembled as she said, “Tell me the prophecy, Ben.”

“‘The Sith’ari will be free of limits.’” He began to walk again, but not towards Rey anymore; instead, he strode around her—circled her. “‘The Sith’ari will lead the Sith and destroy them. The Sith’ari will raise the Sith from death and make them stronger than before.’ For millennia, that was how Sith understood the prophecy. But it’s less important that the Sith’ari is ‘free of limits’ than it is that they’ve _broken free_ of limits. Of _all_ limits. Limits of the Jedi, and of legacy… and of the ancient Sith curse of limitation, which warps the mind of a person to compel them to obey any instruction they receive. Cursed Force-sensitive children were placed into the hands of the Jedi a number of times over the millennia, attempting to satisfy the conditions of the prophecy, but none of them have broken free of their limits before. None but you.”

Rey turned in place, following Kylo with her eyes. Even as she was discomfited by the possibility that her entire life had been shaped by Snoke’s attempt to fashion her into a tool to match the description from a Sith prophecy, she found herself morbidly fascinated. After so many unanswered questions, she was finally learning the truth.

_Part of the truth_? came to the back of her mind, but the question was distant and quickly left her focus.

“I’m nobody. I have no legacy. Why did he think there was even a possibility that I could be the one to fulfill this prophecy?”

“Don’t you remember what I said on Tryrti? This isn’t just about you, this is about both of us.” Ben’s eyes shone as he stepped closer again. “From the moment you were born, Snoke sensed our Force bond. He realized the strength that we could have when united as one through that bond. It was through us _combined_ that it was possible to break free of all limits: not only the limits of the Jedi Order, but the limits of my family and your obscurity. He saw your curse as the final piece of the puzzle.”

She didn’t miss the intentional phrasing of that last sentence; Kylo had shifted from recounting the prophecy as truth to describing what Snoke understood the truth to be. “You disagree.”

“Yes. Not at first, not after I’d read the prophecy for myself, but…” He nodded his head toward Rey’s feet—toward Luke’s body. “Snoke killed Luke, and I realized what else we needed to grow beyond. What Snoke refused to see.”

“What was that?”

He hesitated. “Snoke thought that my uncle’s death would sever your attachment to him, but I don’t believe that’s true. That alone could never have solidified your connection to the dark side, not in the way that I solidified mine through the death of my father.”

“Killing Han nearly broke your spirit, Ben. I felt it.”

“But it didn’t!” he retorted. This whole time, his tone had been relatively calm and even. Now his anger rose sharply, and he glowered at Rey for a few moments before composing himself. “You, though… You just needed to lean into your anger. You needed to feel the strength of that impulse. That darkness.”

Rey looked down at Luke, taking in his vacant features. When she looked up at Kylo, he was closer again; they were only a few feet apart now. “What do you mean?”

“Please. You can’t honestly tell me that Luke would have wanted this.” He gestured to Snoke, and to the guards around them. “You did this because you needed to. Because you _wanted_ to. The first decision you’ve truly been able to make of your own accord, and you _chose_ to slaughter everyone in this room.”

Oh.

Oh gods.

Kylo’s lightsaber clattered to the floor; Rey had barely even been aware that it was still clasped in her hand. She fell to her knees again and looked down at Luke. He had stared at her with such pride and such love when she successfully refused Snoke’s order, and Snoke had cut that moment short. But Kylo was right: Luke wouldn’t have wanted her to kill Snoke. He wouldn’t have wanted her to kill anyone.

“In killing Snoke, you destroyed the Sith, Rey. And together we’ll rebuild them. Through our shared power, we can shape the galaxy and make it better. Better than what the old Jedi Order wanted, or the Sith.”

Her heart pounded in her chest.

For the first time since she left the cave on Ossus, she felt hyper-aware of her kyber crystal against her skin, warm and inviting.

“No,” she blurted. Yet again, the word bubbled up and out of her mouth before she knew quite what she was saying.

“What?”

“I said no.” Rey turned her gaze upward, meeting Ben’s eye and seeing the sincere confusion and disappointment there. “I don’t care about a Sith prophecy. I don’t care what Snoke _intended_ for me to be. I don’t want it. The dark side can’t fix me.”

She pulled the words from her vague memory of her Force vision on Ossus. It was a small attempt to gauge how much of her dream conversation with Kylo had actually happened. Based on the way his nostrils flared and his expression darkened, it struck a chord.

Rey continued to speak before Kylo had time to reply. “You say that killing Snoke was the first decision I made myself, but that’s not true. I choose the light every day. I’ve _chosen_ it every day since I first dreamt of myself as a Sith. That’s not going to change just because I was angry and hurt over losing my-- my father,” she said, her voice faltering slightly over the words. She’d never been able to say it aloud, not without a qualifier or a joke. _The closest thing I’ve ever had to a father_ , maybe. Or, _It’s almost like he thinks he’s my father_ , as an aside to Finn and Poe, after Luke asked her to do something in training that was particularly unpleasant or complicated.

But he _was_ her father, and that was the depth of pain that Rey was aching with over his loss.

“And it’s not going to change just because you’ve explained to me that I spent a majority of my life feeling isolated and broken for the sake of what you and Snoke have _decided_ is my destiny. If you don’t like that, then you’ll have to kill me, too. Try to become the Sith’ari yourself and ignore the fact that you don’t want that future, either. Not really.”

She looked Ben in the eye. Her oldest friend, practically a brother to her. There was a shade of unhappiness spreading across his features, but he said nothing.

Patiently, silently, she waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 Although I tweak the history of the Sith’ari for my plot, it is a part of Legends lore, which you can read up on [here](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sith%27ari) if you feel so inclined [BACK]
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=9LYqWZNKRhmYsPJe0uTmTA).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Way Out There" by Lord Huron  
> \- "Lightning Rod" by Laura Veirs  
> \- "Bird Set Free" by Sia  
> \- "Anger" by Sleeping At Last  
> \- "Death Star" by Sufjan Stevens


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news/less good news today, folks! I'm so excited to share this chapter that I'm dropping it earlier than I planned. _Oh boy_ do I love it.
> 
> In less good news, my semester started this past week, and I've decided to scale back my posting schedule to just once a week to give me a bit more room to breathe. I'm currently in the process of writing chapter fifteen, and I'd like to be able to keep about that same pace ahead of the release schedule if possible so that I can make sure to keep a few things neat and tidy as we come up on the final chapters. 
> 
> Soooo yes. Please enjoy the next piece of this arc, and we'll see each other again next Saturday.

With copious prodding from Poe, Leia agreed to give him updates each time Luke made his check-in. She made sure to express her exasperation – “Let’s not forget who gives the orders here, Dameron” – but… he knew that she understood. The fact of the matter was that he was just so _nervous_. Not because _he_ even anticipated anything going wrong, but it was hard not to at least worry that something was going to happen when Leia and Luke were being so cautious.

He stood by what he said to Rey: especially given their concern, it felt almost inevitable that Rey and Luke would encounter trouble.

Maybe Poe didn’t have any control over the situation once Rey and Luke left the hangar on Ossus, but at least he could stay as up to date on their safety – or lack thereof – as possible.

He was sharing a drink with Finn back in his friend’s room that first night after Luke and Rey left; when his commlink crackled to life, he was mid-swig.

“They’re still safe and sound.”

Poe grabbed the commlink from his pocket and rushed to respond. “Thanks, General.”

Neither of them said anything more.

Finn didn’t speak, not right away, but Poe could feel the words bubbling up to the surface, and he waited patiently. “You’re really going to keep doing this every six hours until she comes back?”

“Do you have a better suggestion?”

“Accept the fact that, short of going with Rey, there was nothing you could have done to keep her safe?” Finn paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. “Not that you could have done much of anything for her on Osssus, if Leia could have spared you at all.”

She couldn’t have, which Finn and Poe both knew very well. Poe had barely kissed Rey goodbye before he was in Leia’s office, being briefed on everything that he had missed during his suspension. There he learned that, in a matter of weeks, Snoke was planning to finally come out of the shadows, at least in a manner of speaking. The Supreme Leader had quietly established a hold on enough of the Core and Inner Rim worlds that he felt secure enough to assert a true military rule across the galaxy.

But since receiving this information from the spy, Leia had been busy. She’d mobilized forces in each system, on each planet where Snoke planned to attack. Now that Rey and Luke were gone, the plan was for the Resistance members on Ilith to begin scattering to provide support, contributing to stocks of weapons, med supplies, and fighters. While Leia was busy coordinating across the galaxy to ensure these transfers went smoothly, she wanted Poe to supervise within the base—oversee the loading of supplies, keep a careful timetable of departures and estimated arrivals at various planets to ensure that they didn’t raise suspicion when fighters began cropping up across the galaxy. Once nearly everyone was gone – and only then – he would take Finn, Rose, and Leia to Kuat, where they would meet up with the rest of Black Squadron. It was from there that Snoke reportedly planned to oversee the attack; if the attack was successful, he hoped to establish a full-fledged First Order base on the planet.

_“We don’t have the numbers to really take them on,”_ Poe had pointed out to Leia, once she had explained this all.

_“You’re right,”_ she’d agreed. She sounded exhausted—had been exhausted for weeks. _“We’re relying pretty heavily on surprise, here. The First Order doesn’t believe that our numbers have grown since D’Qar, and they certainly don’t believe that we’ve had access to so many weapons or supplies. They’re not going to be expecting a fight, not anything like what we can give them.”_

Even so, Poe knew that they both understood something that Leia seemed reluctant to articulate: it quite possibly wouldn’t be enough.

He also knew why she didn’t say it; they didn’t really have a choice. If they didn’t take advantage of the spy’s intel, chances were high that the First Order’s grip on the galaxy would become too firm for anything short of a miracle to make a dent in their power.

So yeah, Leia needed him. Regardless of his temporary demotion, the fact of the matter was that, since the Battle of Crait, he’d solidified his place as her second-in-command. She wasn’t going to let him go with Rey on her hunt for one crystal.

“I know there’s nothing I can do, Finn.” Poe muttered. He took another swig of hull stripper. “But at least this way, I can breathe a little easier every six hours.”

“For approximately two minutes.”

Poe scoffed and shoved Finn’s shoulder; his friend gamely tilted over before pulling back up to his full height. “But those two minutes are great.”

Finn nodded slowly, and it seemed almost possible that he was going to leave it there. But then he had to go and say it, flat-out. “How many times have you imagined things going wrong?”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

Many. Too many.

\--

After gradually losing focus to such an extent that he could think of nothing save for the silent commlink in his pocket, Poe left the hangar and practically ran to Leia’s office. Luke’s last check-in was scheduled for over an hour ago. Whatever window existed for leeway, for falling asleep or getting distracted or lost, Poe knew that it had closed.

Poe knocked on the door, and moments later added, “It’s me, General.”

“Come in, Poe.”

She was standing in a corner of the office, staring out of one of the few windows on the base at the snowy wasteland that was the surface of Ilith. Her features were lined with worry, as though Poe wasn’t anxious enough as it was.

“I was hoping that maybe you’d just… forgotten to tell me about the check-in,” he told her.

Leia knew that it was a lie, though she was courteous enough to pretend otherwise by simply shaking her head. “No, I haven’t heard anything.”

Neither of them knew quite what to say. Regardless of their caution, it seemed… unacceptable, unthinkable that they might now need to plan for the worst.

“Does-- does that mean we’re evacuating?” he asked at last.

“I’m not sure,” she confessed.

He bit his lip and looked down at his mentor, noting the _fear_ that radiated from her. Fear of action – of deciding that Rey and Luke were lost so quickly – and fear of inaction – of the possibility that their ability to keep the Resistance alive was rapidly disappearing purely because Poe and Leia were too attached to the people who were possibly putting them in danger. But they were also the only two who could make this decision knowing the full context of their predicament; they still had not revealed Rey’s curse to any of the other commanders.

Suddenly, Poe (selfishly) wished that someone else knew. Anyone else. Anyone who could make this decision more objectively.

But he knew what Rey would tell him in this moment. The Resistance could not survive an error in judgement, not when they were… so close to taking on the First Order. “I think it does,” he told Leia. His voice was barely above a whisper, and it was not on purpose. He just… struggled to get the words out.

They stared at each other for several beats. Finally, she nodded.

Over on her desk, a speaker crackled to life. “You there, sis?”

Leia and Poe were both huddling over the desk in an instant. Leia’s voice came out harsh as she answered. “Jedi really know how to keep someone in suspense.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I overslept.”

“So you’re fine?” Poe rushed to ask, pressing the button to trigger the mic. He saw Leia raising her eyebrows at him but felt no shame at all as he pushed on. “Rey’s fine?”

A laugh on the other end of the line. “More than fine, Poe. I heard from Rey a few minutes ago. We should be leaving within an hour. I’d have waited to check in until then, but I was worried that I gave you both a bit of a scare as it was.”

“Remind me to punch you once you get back,” Leia told him in response.

Poe, however, was eager for more explicit confirmation. “You’re coming back? It really all worked out alright?”

“You bet it—” Luke faltered. “What the hell?”

_What the hell?_ Poe’s eyebrows drew together as he frowned. He found that he couldn’t look at Leia, couldn’t look at anything but the desk. “What is it, Luke?” Leia pressed him to go on.

“Forget everything I said. Leave. Clear out of that base.”

The speaker went dead.

\--

Everything moved in… something of a vacant blur, after that.

Despite the continued secrecy around Rey’s curse, Leia _had_ made it known that Luke and Rey’s secret mission might put the Resistance in danger, and that a hasty evacuation might be necessary. As a result, she squeezed Poe’s hand tight and told him, “I’m sorry,” and then she leapt into action, putting the call out across the base, and everyone jumped into action in a flash.

He envied her ability to compartmentalize, even though he knew that it had hurt Rey in those first months with the Resistance. Perhaps she had allowed herself to lean into it too much… but it was moments like this that reminded Poe why. Because when he became a commander in the Resistance, he had believed, with absolute certainty, that his own feelings would never have any bearing on his decisions. No call would hurt him more than any other.

As it was, though…

Poe found himself in the pilot seat of the Millennium Falcon, pulling out of atmo on Ilith for what was likely the last time, and he suddenly realized that he was terrified of what was going to happen now that the evacuation was finished. Now that he had a few moments to stand still. They were operating under the assumption that Rey was as good as dead; even if she successfully evaded whatever threat seemed to have overtaken her and Luke, she would have no idea where to find the Resistance. How was he supposed to pick himself up again to fight in a revolution?

To his left and slightly behind, Leia sat, and Poe was taken aback when he realized she’d reached out and clasped his hand in her own.

“If something happened to her, you would probably know.”

_Something_. He knew what that meant. “Do you really think so?” He paused, taking in the empty space around them as Chewie booted up the hyperdrive. No star destroyers, no dreadnoughts had arrived. “Maybe… maybe they’re not with the First Order. If no one’s come yet…”

Leia didn’t answer, and at first Poe thought she was just being kind and allowing him his speculative daydream.

But her grip on his hand tightened and he turned sharply in his seat, eyes widening at the sight of her—almost doubled over, her free hand hovering over her mouth. Poe realized belatedly that she had let out a gasp.

He lost all sense of formality when he frowned and said, “Leia?”

For a long, long moment, she said nothing. Her eyes were still on the floor beneath her as she said, “No. They’re with the First Order.”

“How can you know that?”

Raising her gaze to meet Poe’s, Leia’s lips trembled. He was taken aback by the sadness in her eyes. “Because my brother is dead.” To think that there was a time when he wouldn’t have believed it possible for her to know that without seeing or hearing of it herself.

And oh, Poe saw her—the way that she immediately tried to steel herself. There was an echo in the back of his mind: _Just another loss_. But none of them had been _just another loss_ , and this one certainly was not. And it wasn’t that she thought otherwise; he simply felt the same conflict in her that he was struggling with. If she allowed herself to hurt over Luke right now, would she be able to stop?

Poe swallowed and rose to his feet, pulling Leia up along with him. “C’mon, General. No need for us to be up here right now; we’ve got a long trip in hyperspace ahead.”

It said something about the state that she was in, that Leia allowed Poe to pull her through the Falcon with no explanation and no interference, save to stop and give Chewie a good, long hug.

While he led her to the captain’s quarters – so that hopefully she could allow her composure to slip enough to mourn her brother – Poe found himself searching the Force for any sense of Rey. Was Leia right? Would he know if Rey died, with the same clarity that Leia felt it with Luke?

He felt nothing. Not her presence, not her life, but not a lack of life, either. It was as though she was still _somewhere_ , just barely out of reach.

\--

Kylo stood over Rey, and as she watched, his expression shifted from disappointment to irritation. “That’s not how it works. You can’t just _decide_ not to take the path that was meant for you. _This moment_ was set into motion thousands of years ago, Rey, and you’re trying to dismiss it because you don’t _want_ it?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but she found herself at something of a loss. Not because she agreed with him—and oh, she was fully equipped to tell him as much. But she was struck by the extent of his insistence that she couldn’t possibly refuse what he believed to be her destiny. She was struck by the fact that he was _so emphatically_ insisting that her path lay on the dark side, even though she had listened to his explanation and then rejected the idea flat-out.

Rey’s brow furrowed. Quietly, she asked, “Why do you want me to join you so badly?”

“It’s not about what I _want_ ,” he replied, exasperation saturating his tone. “You and I were meant for this. Everything that we’ve been through has been to shape us into the Sith’ari.”

“You told me that the purpose of my curse was to break free of the limitation of having no choice. If I’m not _choosing_ the darkness, that’s not freedom. That’s a Sith from millennia ago deciding for me. It’s Snoke. It’s you. But it’s certainly not me.”

Ben threw his head back and groaned in frustration. “Stop being so fragging _pedantic_. _You_ were destined to choose this!”

“Or so Snoke told you. Perhaps he believed in this prophecy, and perhaps he cursed me in an attempt to bring it about, but Ben…” Rey faltered as she said his name. She could not stop turning over something that Snoke had said: that Ben unintentionally opened their Force bond after killing Han because he believed that Rey would understand what he was struggling with. And it was with this in mind that she offered, “What if Snoke just saw a scared little boy and believed that he could mold you into what he believed the Sith’ari should be? What if that’s what he meant to do to me? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that that’s enough to make it truth.”

Silence hung heavy between them.

He let out a huff and turned on his heel, moving closer to the empty throne. He held his gaze on the throne—pointedly away from Rey. Quietly – so quietly – he finally replied, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Rey.”

Well. Something told her that wasn’t true. His tone, perhaps. The inklings she still held onto from her Force vision on Ossus.

And so she asked again: “Why do you want me to join you so badly?”

Ben said nothing. She gave him time, in case he meant to gather himself, but finally she decided that he likely was not going to give her an answer. She rose to her feet slowly, stepping around Luke and Snoke’s bodies so that she could draw closer to Ben. But she left a fair amount of distance between them when she finally stopped. “I don’t believe that you want to be the Sith’ari any more than I do. And you don’t have to be.”

He still didn’t answer. The only sound, the only movement in the room was the soft creak of Ben’s leather glove as he flexed his fingers at his side.

Feeling tentative and more than a little self-conscious, Rey took his silence as an opportunity to continue. “After Luke brought me to Ahch-To, I missed you, Ben. I missed you _so much_ , and Leia, and Han. But I envied you, too. I was so scared of myself and scared of the idea that I might never have a life beyond that tiny island, and you know Luke. For my entire childhood, he never really figured out how to comfort me about something that… he thought might be true, at least to an extent. Maybe I had reason to be scared of myself. And there _was_ a good chance that it wouldn’t ever be safe enough for me to leave Ahch-To. He was scared of lying, so he didn’t say anything. And that hurt, especially when I remembered Han and Leia as being… so refreshingly honest, in their own ways.”

In response to that last bit, a soft grunt from Ben revealed that he was still listening. Skeptical – understandably – but listening.

A ghost of a smile pulled at Rey’s lips, but she frowned again as she looked down at the ground. “I remembered that you’d moved on to Luke’s temple, but that didn’t matter. All I could think about was the fact that you could still see Han and Leia. You saw Luke for more than a smattering of days each month. He actually _trained_ you, when I felt like I had to beg and plead for each lesson. You had everything that I wanted.

“Please remember that I was young. I understand better now that your childhood can’t have been any easier than mine. They made all of the wrong choices about my curse, but they kept so much from you about your grandfather. Leia thought they were protecting you, just like she thought they were protecting me, even if they were actually…” She swallowed nervously, thinking of his words from earlier. “Even if they were just making you more curious about your family’s legacy.”

Still, Ben said nothing. Rey wanted to believe that this meant that he was earnestly listening, because he finally wasn’t arguing with her. Admittedly, she was reluctant to open herself up to the Force to try to gauge where he was at more clearly; not when he still didn’t even seem able to look at her. But this… this was good. She felt in her heart that it was good.

“Luke and Han didn’t know how to be fathers.” Rey remembered all too well, how quickly Han slipped from goofy playmate to smuggler who needed to be off-planet for an indeterminate amount of time. Save for the occasional political function where he put on a smile for Leia’s sake, those were his only two modes. It was fun and exciting for Rey when she was small, but even before Luke took her away, she’d begun to notice how Ben had tired of it. “And Leia…”

“I think you mean ‘Senator Organa,’” Ben muttered.

Rey grimaced. “Yes, I do.” She bit her lip, not sure whether she should say any more about that.

No. They both knew that Leia’s commitment to the New Republic – and then to the Resistance – was all-consuming. She knew that they both understood that pain, and she knew that Ben knew it, too.

“I didn’t understand those things when I was a child. All I knew was that they were your family, but they weren’t mine. And I never felt that before Luke took me away, but then it was all I could think about. I didn’t understand why they were willing to do that, not when they’d always treated me like family. You’d always treated me like family.” Rey swallowed nervously. “It left me feeling unwanted. Broken.”

“What is your _point_ , Rey?” Ben spun around and looked at her at last, and _gods_ , he looked like a wreck. He wasn’t crying – there wasn’t even a single tear in his eyes – but there was so much distress, so much loss all over his expression, even as he tried to sound angry.

“Just…” She hesitated. “Just that you were right. I do understand. I understand that it doesn’t matter how well-intentioned Luke and your parents were, because they hurt us anyway. I understand how difficult Jedi teachings were because of that, how difficult it was to be told that attachments were potentially a path to the dark side and to feel ashamed for wanting more from them anyway. And I understand how easy it would have been to just… listen, when I realized I had a Sith whispering in my ear that everything those people had taught me was just as wrong as I felt certain it was. I understand how comforting it must have been to be told that it all happened for a reason. I understand.”

Ben would not (could not?) look Rey in the eye, but again, he did not argue with her. He stood stiffly, and he did not cry, and he did not argue.

Gently, she told him, “That doesn’t mean that you don’t still have a choice. Your grandfather chose the light, in the end. There’s nothing to stop you from choosing the light now. You can help us to take down the First Order, and you can atone for your mistakes, and together we _can_ help a new generation of Force users to understand their abilities and rewrite the mistakes of both the Jedi _and_ the Sith.”

He inhaled and looked up abruptly. No, he still could not look her in the eye, but he frowned with his gaze somewhere in the vicinity of her chin. “You’re telling me that you want to devote your attention to the ones who will come after us, even after what you just did? Maybe you’re still keeping your feelings closed off to me, but I know that you must have felt that _power_ coursing through you when you killed Snoke. When we battled the Imperial Guard. Why in hell wouldn’t you want to hone that? Why would you waste that power on children when you could channel it into your destiny?”

Oh, Rey certainly noticed that; Ben was still talking about their destiny as an almost-inevitability. She didn’t like it, but she also could hear the way that his conviction was wavering. And so she took his question seriously.

Did she feel a power in her anger when she attacked Snoke and the Imperial Guard? Yes. Absolutely. She had never had to _use_ a lightsaber against anyone before, let alone against so many foes at once. The feel of Kylo’s lightsaber, too, had been all new, but she had fallen into battle easily. She had felt capable and certain and it had been _invigorating_ to experience that immediately after overcoming the curse that had ruled her entire life.

But she also found herself remembering another moment. Sparring in that clearing on Ajan Kloss, opening herself up to Poe completely for the first time and feeling the Force coursing through her, through him, around them both.

It didn’t matter, how much brute strength she’d felt when wielding her anger against those guards. She found that her battle with Kylo paled in comparison to the way she felt in the Force in that moment with Poe, and in countless moments since. Most recently back on Ossus, when she’d meditated with her crystal clutched in her hands.

“I don’t know if I believe that _was_ power. At least not a power that I want. That was the least connected to the Force that I’ve felt in a very long time. The Force is meant to uplift us, to guide and strengthen us without overpowering us. If that’s not what the darkness has to offer me, I don’t want it.”

“How can you say that so easily?”

Rey could feel her hands trembling just slightly as she thought again of the shift of Luke’s expression – from pride to shock – as Snoke murdered him. A senseless murder. And oh, was she angry. “Just because I feel certain doesn’t mean that it’s easy.”

“You say that,” Ben began. His voice shook, and when he began to move again – to circle her again – Rey couldn’t ignore the sense that he was doing it in the hopes that it would distract her from his distress. “But after everything the Jedi did, if you’re so quick to feel certain that you are choosing the right side, I can’t really believe that you’ve thought it through. After everything that _Luke_ did to _both_ of us, if you decided to _forgive him_ …”

And Rey suspected that, with this comment, Ben had stumbled into what was actually upsetting him by complete accident.

“Luke spent several months trying to repair our relationship,” Rey told him. She felt exasperation simmering beneath the surface of her tone, and she tried to rein it in, but _gods_ was she displeased that Ben had suggested that her choice to forgive Luke was also _easy_ ; as though it wasn’t one of the most difficult things she’d ever done. “He owned his mistakes to me and he asked me all the time what I needed from him, and when I told him that he wasn’t giving me the support I needed, he listened and he changed. I’m sorry that he didn’t give that to you, but he wanted to, Ben. He wanted to so badly. I felt it, how badly he wanted it.”

Ben nodded slowly, his gaze quite vacant. “So because Luke said he was _sorry_ , you’re siding with him.”

“You are the _only_ one talking about _sides_ , Ben. Wasn’t that at the root of most of the Jedi’s problems? I’ve done plenty of studying myself in search of answers about my curse, enough to know that the Jedi and the Sith were _constantly_ getting into trouble over their insistence that the Force was about a light _side_ and a dark _side_. That was exactly the mindset that Luke fell into when he allowed himself to think for even a _moment_ that your heart was turned forever, and it was one of his greatest regrets.”

Rey wrapped her arms around herself and, quite tentatively, told him, “I couldn’t care less about sides, not right now. I can see that you don’t want to be the Sith’ari, not without me. I can see that your place in the Force isn’t what you want it to be, and I want to help you change that.”

She loosened her grip on her own torso slowly, trying to gauge Ben’s response once again. Yet again, she took the long stretch of silence as a sign of… non-disagreement.

This was good. He wasn’t arguing.

Her mind raced as she began to imagine what it would mean, if he accepted her offer. Leia would have her son back. The First Order would lose one of their greatest weapons. He could make amends with everyone he’d hurt, perhaps give closure to Poe that would render his nightmares non-existent. And she knew, _knew_ , that there was so much she and Ben could learn from each other.

Unfurling her arms, Rey clasped her hands together and brought them before her mouth, taking him in. She knew that she looked as though she was pleading with him. Frankly, she was. _Gods_ , she wanted this.

Ben opened his mouth—

From the far end of the room, behind Ben, the door to the rest of the ship hissed open.

While she watched, Ben’s expression shifted from hesitation to resolve. He inhaled slowly and turned to face the interlopers.

A crew of stormtroopers flanked two people, one a tall, menacing figure decked in gleaming armor, the other a dour-looking man clad all in black. (No doubt to distinguish himself from the gray uniforms that Rey had observed on most of the other soldiers on both ships.)

“Get her,” Kylo said at once, his eyes on the troopers. Several of them raced forward to surround Rey.

The dour man frowned at Kylo for an instant before looking around at the carnage. “‘Get _her_ ’?” he echoed. “You two seem to be the last ones standing. You seriously expect us to believe that this _girl_ caused all of this damage without your help?”

Rey inhaled sharply, stewing over the implication. The reaction came at the wrong time; the troopers had just reached her and didn’t take kindly to her abrupt rise in anger. On either side of her, a trooper grabbed her arms, holding her stiffly while another trooper affixed cuffs back to her wrists.

“She did have help, but not from me.” Kylo nodded toward his feet, and Rey’s heart stuttered when she realized that Luke’s robes were now all that was left. This, too, was something that he’d told her could happen to Jedi once they died, but something about the physical loss of him made her hurt even more. “She and Skywalker managed to break free. They killed Snoke and the Imperial Guard. I’d just managed to disarm the girl and kill Skywalker before you arrived.”

It was a shoddy excuse, and, based on the way the man looked at Kylo, Rey knew that he could see as much. Even the large presence in the armor seemed skeptical, just from the way their helmet tilted slightly.

The armored stranger was the one who pushed. “And you… watched? Just let it happen?”

Kylo hesitated. “I underestimated them, and they overpowered me and knocked me out. I woke up to this carnage. I suppose they were too sentimental to kill me, but I won’t let it happen again.” He glanced down at Luke. “Not least of which because Skywalker is finally dead.”

Again, Rey couldn’t tell, for a moment, whether his excuses were enough.

But then she watched as Kylo stood to his full height. He cleared his throat. “Why is everyone just standing here? You,” he said, turning and pointing to the stormtroopers. Rey got the briefest glimpse of his expression, and oh, was she unnerved by the resolve there. Where did it come from, when he had just been wavering? When he’d been so close to admitting that he wanted something more than the First Order could offer him? “Take the girl back to my ship so that I can interrogate her. We still haven’t gotten any information on the Resistance, and I intend to change that. And you,” he pointed to the two strangers. “Tell me whatever it was that was so important that you interrupted the Supreme Leader.”

“We’ve been trying to reach the Supreme Leader for twenty minutes,” the one in armor said. “When we were unable to do so, we concluded that something was wrong.”

“And clearly we were right,” the dour man added. “Because the Supreme Leader is _dead_.”

Kylo strode forward with purpose, and everyone but Rey jumped when he reached out a hand and grabbed the man by his neck, lifting him up off the ground. “ _Snoke_ is dead. The Supreme Leader is very much alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=JPxCCsPMTC6p65hU_i3LWw).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Lonesome Whistle" by Mandolin Orange  
> \- "Grain" by Vraell  
> \- "Glide" by Pinback  
> \- "So Blue" by Frankie Cosmos  
> \- "Soft Sounds From Another Planet" by Japanese Breakfast


	13. Chapter 13

The Millennium Falcon pulled out of hyperspace, and Poe was immediately taken aback by the sheer amount of activity around Kuat. Part of it was certainly the shipyards, which circled the planet in a massive ring and made blatant the thriving industry of workers and pilots who lived and docked there.

But more importantly… It felt like a lifetime ago that Poe last made it to a planet so populated. Obviously the Resistance had been the only occupants of the planets where they made their base, but even factoring in the planets where he’d gone on missions for the Resistance, they hardly ventured beyond the Western Reaches and the Inner Rim. The First Order hadn’t had the gall to _truly_ assert themselves on these Core Worlds yet, so the Resistance hadn’t been there either. A few covert trips for supplies and meetings with contacts, perhaps, but none of those missions had been Poe’s.

So for the first time in years, he found himself remembering just how big the galaxy was.

_Was this how Rey felt when she first got to Ajan Kloss?_

Rey. Poe had tried very hard not to think about her on their flight, so he had obviously thought of little else. If Leia was to be believed, he would feel it in the Force, if she…

It had been hours since Leia felt Luke die, and Poe had still felt nothing. He had shared in Leia’s grief, but he had felt no sense of Rey.

A hail came in from the shipyards, and Poe took a moment to inhale slowly before answering.

In the years since the war, one of Leia’s old friends from the Rebellion had gotten a job at the Kuat Drive Yards and gradually worked his way up through the ranks. When Leia revealed this, it had been something of a surprise to Poe—the Kuat Drive Yards had been one of the largest providers of Imperial fighters and weaponry, and everything he understood from his parents, and from his time in the Defense Fleet, told him that it was the last place a Rebellion pilot would want to be even after the war.

_“Many members of the Rebellion believed that the Empire would rise again in some form or another,”_ Leia had told him. _“I doubt we’ll ever know quite how many laid the groundwork for the Resistance.”_

Lucky for them that they did. Her contact faked the work order that justified the Falcon’s arrival at long-term docking, and Poe put on his best performance of an upstanding citizen as he cheerfully read the bull shit credentials.

He’d barely gotten the go-ahead to dock and shut off his mic before Finn’s voice came from behind him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you sound so official.”

“Oh, uh, hey, buddy.” Poe twisted around, surprised by the fact that he… was surprised by his friend’s arrival. In the past several months, the two of them had become plenty attuned to each other’s presence in the Force. Not as attuned as Poe was to Rey ( _Rey_ …), but under normal circumstances, Poe should have known that Finn was there.

These were not normal circumstances, and Finn knew it.

But Finn also let it go. He leaned on the back of Poe’s chair and he stared out at Kuat, breathing, “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Gods, of course he hadn’t; Poe should have realized. He swallowed hard, trying not to feel irritated with himself for thinking, first and foremost, of the wonder that Rey would have experienced over this place, when she wasn’t even there to see it.

“I’ve heard the planet is beautiful,” Poe told him. His voice sounded wistful to his own ears. “They only really allow native Kuati onto the surface, as a way of keeping most of the riff-raff out. And even then, anyone who lives in the apartments on the shipyards is only allowed into Kuat City. The rest of the planet’s covered in sprawling estates and beautiful gardens… Just for the wealthy to enjoy.”

“Kriffin’ figures.” Finn scoffed and nudged Poe’s shoulder with a loose fist. “Even so, maybe we can get down there some day.”

“Sure, we’ll just put the Resistance on hold to play tourist.” Finn hesitated for a few moments, trying to gauge Poe’s mood, and _oh no_ —the pilot hadn’t even realized how irritable he’d sounded, just because Finn decided to make a small joke. A joke about the future, about a _some day_. They all leaned into those often enough. “Frag, Finn, I’m sorry, I just—”

Finn rushed to jump in then. “Hey, no, it’s okay. I thought maybe distracting you would be the best move right now, but I messed up. You’re on edge, and I… I get it. I’m worried about her too.”

Poe bit at the inside of his cheek. Yes, Finn had every reason to be worried about Rey; she was almost as big of a facet in his life as she was in Poe’s. That said, there was part of Poe that longed to point out that it was different. Neither Poe nor Rey knew quite how to describe the way that they experienced simply being in close proximity to one another through the Force—they felt and understood and _knew_ each other, and to not be able to sense her life through the Force now, to not know whether she was coming back to him…

It felt like half of Poe was gone, and he didn’t even know whether to mourn her or try to save her. He should know, Leia had said that he would know, but he didn’t kriffing know.

He did not dispute Finn’s claim, because the part of Poe that retained some sense – that didn’t feel like he was inches from crumbling – understood that Finn also saw that difference. The ex-stormtrooper’s concern in no way undermined what Poe was feeling.

“Why haven’t we heard from her?” Poe whispered at last. “Luke is dead, and we haven’t heard from Rey, but we didn’t even see a single First Order scout during the evacuation. Those pieces don’t fit together, not with Rey’s curse.” Slowly, gently, the Falcon creaked into the dock, and Poe tried to put a smile on his face as he gave Chewie a good-natured nudge to celebrate. “You’re a great co-pilot, buddy.”

_Not quite as good as Rey._

_Damn it_.

But Chewie replied with his gratitude in Wookiee before rising to his feet to go and meet Rose and Leia in the hold. Poe made to stand as well, but Finn put his hand on his arm and rushed to sit on the arm rest of the co-pilot’s seat. “No, hang on a second, let’s talk about this. Because I’ve been thinking about it too and you’re right, it seems like we’re missing something. Part of me… gods, Poe, please tell me I’m not crazy.”

_What if Rey broke her curse?_ The question nearly knocked Poe over with how hard Finn was radiating it—had been radiating it, Poe realized abruptly. It had clearly been on his friend’s mind for ages. Frankly, Poe understood why Finn was reluctant to voice the question aloud: the idea felt absurd. Fantastical.

Poe had been wondering the exact same thing.

“You mean while she was searching for her crystal?”

“Maybe.” Finn’s eyes lit up as soon as he realized that perhaps he wasn’t _completely_ delusional for imagining this as a possibility. “When she was searching for it, or when she meditated with it, maybe…”

Words could not describe how much Poe wanted that to be true. And he couldn’t have said, in the moment, whether it was foolish for him to feel it possible.

“So you’re saying that maybe the First Order has her, but they can’t use her? Can’t make her do anything or get anything out of her?”

“Maybe. It… it seems possible, right?”

Yes. Did it also sound like they were reaching? Absolutely.

But they needed to move into the flat that had been secured for them. They needed to get in touch with Black Squadron to coordinate picking them up from the nearby moon where they had temporarily stored their fighters, and after that, they needed to… well. Begin to pick up the pieces of planning for their strike against Snoke, which was due to happen in less than two weeks.

It seemed that perhaps they needed to embrace the fantastical possibility, for at least a few hours.

Poe risked a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, it seems possible.”

\--

Rey found herself retracing her steps with the stormtroopers—led back down dreary hallways, back onto Kylo’s ship, and back to the detention center. Except this time, when she was thrown into a cell, she was all alone. She glared up at the troopers from the floor of the cell, trying to maintain her fierce composure until the door eased shut.

As soon as that door was closed, everything that had just happened in the throne room hit her in a wave, and her body gave out. She dropped onto the floor, her hands still cuffed and her face against cold, hard metal, and she longed to weep, but no tears would come. Her body had betrayed her by crying in front of Snoke and Kylo as she resisted those orders, but now that she wanted nothing more than to cry, her eyes refused?

Instead, she trembled. She could inhale only short, breathless puffs of air.

Was Rey going to die here? If it had felt likely before, it felt almost inevitable now. Kylo had been her best chance at saving the Resistance, and the galaxy along with it, but he was just so _kriffing_ stubborn. So stubborn that, the moment he needed to let go, he held tight to what he knew. He held tight to the lie that he had been fed for years despite the fact that Rey had _seen_ it in his face when it clicked.

She tried to ground herself in the Force, but her heart was so troubled with all she had just learned and seen and done. Calm refused to come.

Now that her curse was broken, though – and now that her death seemed certain and the Resistance was undoubtedly long gone from Ilith – Rey felt no apprehensions about opening herself up to the Force more freely. Her eyes eased shut, and she reached out to the Force around her, seeking balance.

It still took what felt like an eternity, but gradually, her breathing slowed.

“You’re something else, kid.”

Rey looked up sharply. It was as though Luke was back in the cell again; he sat before her, clad in the same robes, his hair and beard just slightly unkempt. Only a lack of restraints set him apart from the figure she had just lost in the throne room on Snoke’s ship.

“Luke.” She whispered his name as though it was some great secret. “I’m so sorry.”

He frowned, and it felt… almost stern. “What do you have to be sorry for? You’ve done so well.”

Although she raised her voice to a more natural volume, Rey still felt as though she was saying something that she shouldn’t utter aloud. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, Luke. I’m sorry that you died because of me. I’m sorry that I lost control because of it. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t help Kylo back to the light. I thought he was faltering, but he… he just wouldn’t listen.”

“Oh, Rey.” Luke – Force ghost Luke – knelt down from the bench, joining her on the floor so that he could lean in close. “You talk like you’ve disappointed me.” Well, she certainly felt like she’d given him enough reason to feel disappointed. “That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

She bit her lip, scanning her eyes across his face. It was strange—she still couldn’t feel him, not in the way that she had grown so accustomed to. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

Luke chuckled. “Of course I do. Your desire to protect me and the Resistance was so strong that you broke the curse yourself. You are _so_ brave and _so_ strong. Everything that came after is just further proof.”

Rey held his gaze warily. “You resisted the pull to kill Vader, but I couldn’t do the same with Snoke. I was just so angry about losing you that I lost control and I…”

“And you understood at once that there was nothing for you in that pain besides empty promises. Seeing that after turning yourself over to it is… a remarkable feat, Rey.”

“Is that why Kylo refused to hear me?”

“Mmm.” Luke let out a low hum and held his hand out to her—oh, it was unnerving how solid he felt, even though there was no warmth or chill in his touch. He guided her to sit up, and she realized belatedly that her neck had been hurting from looking up at him. “I suspect my nephew heard you more than you think he did. Don’t forget that you were both raised by three of the most stubborn people in the galaxy.”

“I never do,” Rey murmured.

Her words seemed to hit Luke hard, from the way that he suddenly couldn’t seem to look her in the eye. Here she was, embarrassing a kriffing Force ghost. “That took a lot of strength too, Rey. To point that out to Ben. It’s been nearly 20 years since you last saw him, but you were vulnerable with him anyway. I know how difficult that must have been. I guarantee that Ben knows, too.”

Could that be true? Rey certainly wanted it to be true.

But she also found herself remembering something else, another conversation that she _hadn’t_ been vulnerable enough to have. Her gaze fell to the floor. Perhaps she couldn’t feel Luke’s emotions in the Force anymore, but her grief saturated the cell, filling every surface, each particle of air, until it was all that she could taste and breathe and feel. “Like you knew that Snoke was going to kill you.”

Luke didn’t answer, not for a few moments. Finally, the silence ate away at Rey enough that she looked up at him again, and something in his expression told her that it wasn’t because he was searching for words—he just wanted to give her a few moments to feel the grief of that statement, and it only made her ache more.

“I knew that, once your curse was broken, I was going to die. I knew that Snoke would be there. I didn’t know for certain that he was going to kill me, but yes, I saw how those pieces were likely to come together.”

She felt her lips trembling. “How long did you know? _How_ did you know?”

“The last day we were on Yavin, when I went to the Force tree to meditate. I felt it calling to me, and I saw… only glimpses, but enough to know what was coming.”

“You’ve known since we went to _Yavin_?” For a flash, Rey felt a hint of frustration. For months, he had believed that he was going to die, and he had told her nothing. He had suggested that they go to Ossus even knowing that they might be in great danger—that they might bring about precisely the events he had seen. Perhaps he had even believed that the trip to Ossus _would_ lead to their capture; to Rey’s freedom; to his death. But he hadn’t seen fit to discuss it with Rey? In fact, he’d allowed her to believe that he couldn’t have known what might happen to them, any more than Rey did.

Through her frustration, though, she thought of her reluctance to ask him about it when she was first brought aboard Kylo’s ship.

“I wouldn’t have believed you, would I?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so.” His lips quirked up. “Particularly after Snoke did everything he could to shape you and Ben into the savior of the Sith, foretold in prophecy millennia ago, and you won’t be the ones to bring it to pass because you _decided_ that you didn’t _want_ it. Something tells me that you wouldn’t have believed me.”

Rey might have laughed if the thought didn’t make her heart break.

And she was scared to say so, but what came out of her mouth hurt just as much. “How am I supposed to face the fact that everything I’ve been through was so easily rewritten?”

Luke’s expression fell into one of deep, _deep_ sadness, and it was enough that Rey finally felt tears welling up in her eyes. Before he had even spoken. “Nothing about your decision in the throne room was easy. _You_ said that to Ben, and every word was true. Don’t forget that, Rey.”

“Order,” she whispered softly. Automatically. And then she remembered, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch up for an instant.

Her mentor, too, smiled for a moment before continuing. “Snoke believed that he could manufacture your future, but that’s not possible, any more than I could have manufactured the circumstances that allowed you to break your curse. I brought you to Ossus knowing the likely result. That was all. Everything that’s followed has been the product of a _million_ different variables. Leading to my death, yes, but also leading to your choice to refuse the destiny that Snoke believed he’d laid out for you.”

She swallowed hard. Looking down at her own lap, Rey traced over her memory of Luke after she refused Snoke’s orders. She thought of the love and the pride in his eyes and understood anew that he was looking down at the child he’d been preparing to leave behind from the moment they left Yavin.

Her voice shook as she told him, “I love you so much, Luke.”

“I know.”

There was a feather-light hand smoothing over her hair, down to her cheek, and the gentle touch made Rey shut her eyes and inhale sharply.

When she opened her eyes again, she was alone, but the tender feeling of Luke’s hand lingered.

\--

Based on the way that Kylo spoke about Rey before the stormtroopers took her out of the throne room, she expected to be brought to an interrogation room at any moment. Thanks to Poe’s nightmares, she could already picture it—being strapped to that table and tortured by Kylo until she revealed whatever information he wanted. She could already feel the agony as he tried to reach into her mind.

Time marched on, and no one came to Rey, save to shove a small tray of food into her hand.

(Gods, when was the last time she ate?)

Finally, though, the door creaked open, and she was led away.

Rey couldn’t have known for sure whether it was the same room, but it was uncanny, to glance around and feel as though she already knew the circular walls, the foreboding look of the dim red lighting. She was strapped in (with the same straps that had wrapped around Poe’s wrists?) and left alone. Agonizingly alone.

She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, trying to steady herself in the Force.

Poe’s voice rang through her, a distant memory from months ago. _Stuck on that table while Kylo Ren broke into my head, running away didn’t sound so bad._

He’d had the Resistance to protect, a whole slew of secrets, including the mission to seek out Luke. He wore a lifetime of hating the Empire and the First Order on his sleeve. And Kylo had ripped that away from him, at least enough for Poe to still feel ashamed about it months later.

What did Rey have? A desperate craving to be back at Poe’s side and no knowledge of how to get there, or of how to even let him know that she was still alive.

The door slid open, and Rey’s reaction was automatic: she had her guard up again, hiding herself from the Force. From Kylo, who strode in and closed the door behind him.

No, not Kylo. The Supreme Leader, if his intimidation of the two strangers in the throne room had stuck.

“Whatever you think you’re going to be able to get out of me, it won’t happen,” Rey told him at once. “The moment Luke and I decided to go to Ossus, your _mother_ made sure that none of the Resistance’s plans made it… back. To me.”

Rey trailed off toward the end, because there was something peculiar about the way that he was looking at her which she couldn’t quite place. When it hit her, she didn’t know quite what to think.

Confused.

He looked confused.

“I don’t want to get anything out of you. I want to get you out of here.”

“You… what?” Rey searched his expression frantically for any indication that he was lying, but she saw none. “But… you… when those soldiers came into the throne room…”

Ben’s hands were at her wrist, and she realized abruptly that he was undoing one restraint—then reaching over and removing the other. “I lied, Rey. I’m sorry, I knew that you were still closed off to me, but I… I thought you would understand. Hux and Phasma were out for blood. If I had done anything else in that moment, we’d both be dead right now.”

“We’d both…” She began to echo his words, then faltered, running over them in her mind.

Had he heard her after all? He was certainly staring at her with a warmth, an openness that she hadn’t seen in his face since before Luke brought her to Ahch-To. His hands were twisting in front of him with what seemed to be genuine nerves. Before she could think better of it, Rey let her guard down.

She felt so much through the Force that she didn’t know what to make of it, not at first.

Above all, it was the honesty radiating from Ben. Utter honesty.

Luke had been right. “You really listened to me,” Rey said, incredulous. “Ben, I…” She reached out and grabbed his arms, holding them loosely. “I’m so happy, Ben. Leia will be so happy. We can get off this ship and I can figure out some way to get in touch with the Resistance and we’ll just…”

Rey faltered again. Because she realized that Ben had no plans of leaving. He was struggling with how to say it aloud, but he was decided. He _felt_ decided.

He said nothing, but he didn’t need to.

“I don’t understand,” she murmured after a pregnant pause. Her hands fell back to her sides. “You can’t honestly tell me that you still believe in the First Order if you understand that Snoke was lying to you.”

“No, that’s not…” Ben looked exasperated, and Rey felt like they were young and bickering again. “Yes. I listened, and I heard you, but I don’t-- The damage that I’ve done isn’t so easy to repair. The galaxy turned on my mother when they learned about my grandfather. You can’t honestly think that the Resistance would be any better if she took me in.”

To this, Rey had an immediate rebuttal. “The Resistance already knows about Darth Vader. They already know about you.”

But Ben was ready, too. “They know about me? Frag, Rey, do you think they have any interest in _embracing_ me? Think of the pilot who gave you that ring.” Rey looked down at her neck—she hadn’t even realized that the necklace was visible, but at the sight of it, she knew at once what Ben was going to say. Without thinking, without meaning to, she got another flash of Poe’s nightmares, and she _saw_ the way Ben flinched upon feeling Poe’s agony through Rey. “Would he _celebrate_ if you got ahold of the Resistance and revealed that you’d brought Kylo Ren along with you? Would anyone, unless your plan was to lock me up and throw away the key?”

“That’s not fair,” she whispered. “You know I said that any change would involve atonement, and I understand very well that that path wouldn’t be easy.”

Not to mention what a low blow it was to ask about Poe, specifically. It had been some time since Rey and Poe had _discussed_ Ben in any sort of depth, but she knew the gist. While Poe wanted to hope, for Leia and Rey’s sake, that Ben might find his way back to the light, he found it immensely, exceedingly difficult not to harbor resentment against the man who’d tortured him to within an inch of his life. What were his words from the very first night she spent with him on the Millennium Falcon?

_Part of me doesn’t want him to come back from the dark side because it’s easier to hate him for what he did._

Yes, mentioning Poe was not entirely fair. Ben made a valid point, but it was not fair.

Rey didn’t know whether Ben sensed that particular frustration in her, or whether he would have said the following anyway: “I’m not convinced that that path is _possible_. Certainly not while the First Order is taking up all of their time and resources. And even if the Resistance can defeat the First Order… I don’t know if I believe that I deserve a place in that world after everything I’ve done.”

Rey crossed her arms and turned away from Ben, trying not to allow her anger to rise. “That’s the whole point of a second chance, Ben. It’s you, doing what you can to prove that you _deserved_ the second chance that you were given. Proving that you can be better, and that you want better for everyone you’ve hurt. Leia and I know you can do that, and Luke knew it, too. I want you to have that chance.”

A stretch of silence hung over them.

“Gods, I admire you so much,” he told her at last. It was enough to startle Rey into looking back up at him again, frowning. “You have so much hope for the galaxy, and for me, even after everything you’ve been through. After everything we’ve been through.”

“Sometimes hoping for something is the bravest thing you can do.”

“That sounds like one of my mother’s platitudes,” Ben said with a smile. Perhaps Leia hadn’t said those precise words to Rey, but he was right; it was very much Leia’s influence shining through, and Rey couldn’t help but smile a bit herself. “But I think right now, we’re going to have to compromise, even if it means that neither of us is doing the bravest thing we can do.”

Well, that didn’t bode well.

Rey felt understandably wary, and she watched him carefully. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll need me to stay in the hangar to stop anyone from shooting you out of the sky before you can make a jump to hyperspace. And even if I could join you… it’s not happening. I meant what I just said: the Resistance wouldn’t know what to do with me, and after everything I’ve just put you through… after everything _Snoke_ put you through… I don’t want you to have to fight to defend me. I refuse. Nothing that you say will change my mind.”

“But—” He raised his eyebrows. Slowly, cautiously, Rey nodded and left the sentence there. Instead, she changed course. “What will that mean for you?”

“I’m not quite sure.”

That was not strictly true. Both of them knew that the likely consequence for helping Rey to escape would be death. By remaining with the First Order, Ben was limiting the chance that he would ever have to do that arduous work of atoning.

She bit her lip while she tried to take that in.

“We’ll see each other again,” she told him at last.

Ben raised his eyebrows. He looked unamused by Rey’s – being honest with herself – _absurdly_ bold claim, perhaps an indication of how much he wanted it to be true. (She could feel it, how much he wanted it to be true.) “You hope we’ll see each other again.”

“No, we will.” Rey swallowed hard, thinking all at once of Leia, and of Poe, and of every story she’d heard about the notorious Kylo Ren from other members of the Resistance. “So that you can see Leia again. So that you can apologize to Poe and give him an opportunity to punch you in the face like I think he might want to, if given the chance.”

“Are you sure that’s not just an excuse to get back at me for reprogramming Threepio to tell you scary stories before bed?”

“I never did get back at you for that, did I?”

That wretched senator from Kuat had happened before she could. Rey had spilled water on Ben, and her life had changed.

The suggestion was absurd and more than a little flippant—that Ben’s childhood prank did anything to rival the agony he had caused in the years since he left Luke’s temple. But Rey didn’t resent him for it. He didn’t believe that he stood a chance with the First Order, and if that was the case, he didn’t want their parting words to be an argument over it.

He wouldn’t agree, not even to appease her. Not if he didn’t truly believe it. She’d known that about him for as long as she could remember.

Luke’s fighter was apparently still in the hangar, and as Ben paced around the interrogation room, he explained what Rey would need to expect.

“Communications have been taken out, but the hyperdrive was left operational and a tracker was installed in the system. The hope was that if either of you even managed to escape, without comms you wouldn’t have any choice but to lead us straight to the Resistance, or to allies of the Resistance. I sabotaged the tracker, but the comms are still shot. I know you don’t know where the Resistance is right now, so you’ll… have to figure out how to reach them on your own. I don’t even know if I can promise you more than one trip in that thing after the way we tore it up. I’m sorry.”

Rey took a deep breath. She knew no one outside of the Resistance proper, and she had been almost nowhere. How was she meant to reach out to them? But that wasn’t even her greatest problem. “You should also settle on your destination now. The faster you can chart a course, the faster you can get away.”

Again, she was at something of a loss.

Finally, though, she settled on what she knew would be her best chance. “Alright. Tell me what we’re going to do.”

\--

Ben placed the cuffs back on her wrists and tucked the key into her hand. He informed the stormtrooper standing guard outside that he was bringing Rey back over to the other ship because “General Phasma wants to see her. We don’t need an escort.” Rey felt the influence of the Force on the trooper as he absently agreed.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that in front of me,” she whispered.

He glanced at Rey. Remorse hummed around them both. “We might run into more trouble if I don’t.” When Rey didn’t answer, he got the message. “Alright.”

\--

Blaster shots were coming from all angles, and Ben was breathlessly deflecting them with his saber as Rey clambered into Luke’s fighter.

She was taken aback when he shouted her name. Looking down at Ben, she saw him reach into his robes and pull out Leia’s lightsaber, tossing it up toward the cockpit. “I nearly forgot to give you this.”

When her fingers curled around the saber again, Rey felt a flash of warmth go through her. “This was your mother’s once,” she called. It was Leia’s, and Ben had used it to protect Rey from the Imperial Guard.

“I know.” Yes, she realized. He had felt it the moment he removed it from her satchel on Ossus. The knowledge had nestled into his gut and settled there.

Rey swallowed hard, then she booted up the fighter and closed the hatch.

\--

Not to brag, but Ben took down quite a number of stormtroopers and even stopped any pilots from reaching the tie fighters to pursue Rey in her escape. By the time he was overwhelmed, he had no doubt that she was gone.

It was more than a little comical that the troopers seemed to be at a complete loss for the most appropriate response. Certainly they outnumbered him, but they were terrified of his power, and many of them didn’t even seem positive that he’d betrayed the First Order. He’d just declared himself the Supreme Leader—perhaps he was executing some plan that they didn’t yet understand, in which case they would do well not to interfere.

Phasma and Hux arrived, and they knew better.

“I fragging knew it,” Phasma bellowed at once. “We should have killed both you and the girl the moment we discovered you _chatting_ over the Supreme Leader’s dead body.”

Ben gazed up at her, indifferent. “You were scared that we would kill you first. It’s not your fault that Rey and I have power that you couldn’t dream of.” Glancing at Hux, he smirked before looking back to Phasma. “At least you have _some_ power, I suppose, unlike General Hux, who hides behind any strongman who will protect him.”

“How _dare_ you!” Hux exclaimed. He stepped forward as though to strike Ben, but Phasma held her arm out across his chest, stopping him in his tracks. “Let’s kill him now, show all of our soldiers what happens when you betray the First Order for the kriffing Resistance.”

For a long beat, Phasma said nothing. She looked down at Ben, and he stared back, even though he couldn’t meet her eye through her helmet. But oh, he felt her thinking, and he knew that she knew it. “Ben Solo believes that we feel intimidated by his connection to an antiquated religion,” she said at last. Disdain saturated her voice as she said his name. “I think there’s a better way to prove to the galaxy that that religion has no power over us anymore.”

Well. Perhaps there was the _smallest chance_ that Rey was right after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=JTu6_k0nQMaZKz7dEs5uAg).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Our Light Miles" by Iron & Wine  
> \- "Do You Have To?" by Dan Croll  
> \- "Cascades (Dirt Road Version)" by Metric  
> \- "Heavy" by Birdtalker  
> \- "Dark Eyes" by Duncan Fellows


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mandalorian news has me in such a good mood that I'm dropping this chapter a little bit sooner than I planned. I love this one so damn much! I hope it's a nice catharsis after everything that's happened since Rey left to find her kyber crystal. :)

It was after nightfall, this time, when Rey reached the region of Yavin 4 where Poe’s village was located. She was grateful for her ability to lean on the Force to guide her over trees and around ruins until she arrived at the same clearing where she and Luke landed on their first visit, because she was hungry, and exhausted, and had only made this flight once.

She had no guess for how late it was, or whether anyone had heard her arrival as she passed over the village, because the houses seemed to mostly be dark. When she climbed out of her fighter and began her trek, there was no group to greet her. In the darkness, she had to use Leia’s saber to light her way through the trees.

Rey was still on the outskirts of the village when she heard faint footsteps coming from the direction of the Dameron farm. Her pace quickened as the sound grew nearer, and she felt relief course through her blood when Kes came into view.

“Goodness, Rey!” He was dressed for bed, in a sleep tunic and sleep pants and a simple pair of slippers on his feet that suggested he’d rushed out of the house in the first thing he could find. “I heard a ship pass overhead and I thought…” He’d _hoped_ it might be Poe, and while he was pleased to see her, she felt the shame hit him for allowing himself to hope. But as she switched off her saber, he pulled her close, and she felt the way that they both fell into the embrace, as well. “Should I have known that you would be here? Is anyone else coming?”

Again: she knew who he was hoping for. “No, I…” Her voice shook, and even though she paused in an attempt to calm herself, it wasn’t enough. “I just escaped the First Order. Do you have any way to reach the Resistance?”

“My dear girl,” Kes breathed. He pulled back and settled his hand on her cheek gently; the sadness and concern in his eyes might have broken her if she weren’t already worn down to what felt like nothing. He began to lead her back toward his house, and Rey allowed him to guide her gladly. “Let’s get you some food and rest. I don’t know how to get in touch with them directly, so it might take a few days, but yes, I can get you back to them.”

She’d worried that that would be the case. And even those few days stretched before her like an eternity when it had already been so kriffing long.

But on the flight to Yavin, another possibility had occurred to her. “I do think there’s something else I can try.”

\--

When Leia entered the dining room with the news, Poe, Rose, and Black Squadron sat huddled around the dining room table, in the middle of a meeting about the most updated count of ships and pilots that they could expect in their confrontation against the First Order.

“Snoke is dead.”

The room fell silent at once as they looked between Leia and each other. When she had left the meeting for her daily check-in with the First Order spy, they had not anticipated much news now that Snoke’s plan was set in motion. When the risk of contacting Leia at all was so great, Poe was half-expecting the spy to skip the scheduled call entirely so as not to raise unnecessary suspicion. But this…

“What do you mean he’s dead?” he asked.

Leia grimaced and shook her head. “Our spy didn’t know much more than that. Snoke is dead. General Hux and Captain Phasma have assumed shared control over the First Order. It’s unclear what happened to my son.”

Again, silence. Poe stared at Leia, appraising her expression. He couldn’t shake the sense that she knew more than she was letting on, although he wasn’t sure why she would be concealing it. He tried to search the Force for an inkling, and while it made him even more certain that he was on the right track… She remained inscrutable.

Rose spoke up next, startling Poe from his thoughts. “How is that going to affect the First Order’s plan of attack? Have we done all of this prep for nothing?”

“It’s unclear at this point. It sounds as though no one is outright challenging Hux and Phasma’s authority, but their grip on the First Order is still tenuous at best. At this point, we should assume that even if they don’t follow Snoke’s plan of attack, they’re going to want to find a very public means of asserting power. Once word of Snoke’s death spreads – which I plan to help along – a lot of people across the galaxy will begin to question whether there are cracks in the First Order’s armor. It should frighten Hux and Phasma into making mistakes.”

“So what does that mean for us?”

For a few long moments, Leia hesitated. “For now? Take a few hours. I don’t think we’ll have to start over from scratch here, but we don’t know enough for this meeting to be productive.”

Poe was on his feet faster than anyone, rushing around the table to her and saying, “General—”

“Yes, Poe, c’mon.”

Well. He supposed he was a little bit predictable.

Leia led him out of the apartment that was serving as their temporary base, through the churning crowd – it wasn’t even a shift change, but the crowds on the Kuat shipyards were always churning, which helped them to maintain their anonymity – to the nearby docking bay, where the Falcon sat waiting for them.

They reached the main hold, and Leia gestured for him to sit down at the table, but he told her, “I’m not really sure I can sit right now, General.” If it hadn’t been clear that she was holding onto more information _before_ , it sure as hell was now, and he was kriffing antsy about it. What did she know that she didn’t want to share with him in front of everyone else? He refused to imagine--

“Suit yourself, Dameron.” Leia grimaced when he simply leaned against the wall beside the table. Meanwhile, she felt no qualms about sitting down, and she dropped into the seat with a sigh. “I want you to know that this is just a rumor. I really don’t think I can emphasize enough that everything in the First Order is incredibly scattered right now.”

He couldn’t care less. “Tell me.”

She gave him a look – fine, maybe his tone wasn’t exactly appropriate for a commander to use with his superior – but she didn’t address his attitude aloud, probably because she understood exactly where he was coming from. “It _seems_ that the story circulating amongst the First Order is that Snoke was killed by the Jedi who were being held captive.”

“Oh,” Poe breathed. Suddenly he wished he _was_ sitting down. Maybe that’s why Leia had told him to sit. He slid down the wall until he landed haphazardly in the booth.

“It _also_ seems that one of those Jedi escaped with the aid of my son.”

Poe furrowed his brow and said, more bewildered this time, “Oh.”

Leia hummed in agreement. “Which means that, for the time being, I believe we should be operating under the assumption that Rey successfully got away.”

Somehow, that was not the thing that startled Poe the most, although he didn’t point this out to Leia. Rey had escaped with Kylo Ren’s help? He found himself once again puzzling over all of the things that they didn’t yet know or understand about what had transpired since Luke lost contact with them on Ossus.

But while he was truly baffled by the news about Kylo, it didn’t cling to him for long. Not at the thought that Rey was…

“Where would she have even gone?” Poe asked softly.

“I suspect you might be able to figure it out.”

He appraised Leia’s expression—her kind, encouraging eyes, the gentlest smile, and lurking beneath it all, the simmering sentiment that, _I know you can do this_. “I haven’t even been able to sense whether she was _alive_. What makes you think that I’ll be able to figure out where she is?”

“Just a guess.” Her eyes shone with affection. “Stay here a while and meditate, Commander. You _know_ what Rey’s presence in the Force feels like. Reach out for it, and I think you’ll be surprised by what might come to you.”

Poe didn’t argue, so Leia took that as enough of an agreement that she rose to her feet. Before she made to leave, she hesitated over Poe and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Trust the Force, Poe.”

He didn’t do anything at first when she left. He glanced down at BB-8 and muttered, “Do you think I can do this?”

The droid chirped its enthusiasm.

Well, BB thought that Poe could manage _most_ things, so its confidence wasn’t quite as inspiring as Poe had hoped for. But it did give him enough presence of mind to realize that there, in the middle of the main hold, might not be the most meaningful place to try to reach out to Rey again. Even though it seemed more than a little foolish to think that it would _help_ , Poe wound his way through the corridor to the cockpit. He sat down on the floor, closed his eyes, and tried to lean into the feeling of Rey in this space.

To be sure, the feeling of Rey lingered all over the Millennium Falcon. But when he thought of her on that ship, he thought of her there—piloting the ship at his side and beaming with delight as they maneuvered the Falcon as one.

He closed his eyes and sat up quite straight, taking in slow, deep breaths.

It astonished him, how easily he now turned himself over to the Force. The first time Rey had shown him how to meditate, it felt like it took an eternity, not least of which because a very pretty girl was talking him through it. But the better part of a year had passed; he’d had a lot of practice since. Perhaps it wasn’t as effortless for him as for Rey, but save for flying, not much was, as far as he could tell.

Gradually, he sank into it.

Poe felt and sensed and saw Kuat—the shipyard and the surface below, warm and pristine. He felt the entire Kuat system, the Kuat sector beyond, and stretching further and further, in a kaleidoscopic refraction of barely-there glimpses.

_Come home, Flyboy_.

The words didn’t hit him as words, really, but he knew them intimately. Knew them well enough to feel their pull and race toward them with the utmost haste.

“Oh,” Poe said at last. Surprise saturated his voice.

He couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her. He couldn’t even speak, not in a way that he thought she would hear. But he knew, undoubtedly, that he _could_ see and hear her, that she _could_ hear him. She was there, right there, filling him until he swallowed and felt with absolute certainty that she was swallowing, that their hearts pounded as one.

Why was she crying?

No, _Poe_ was crying. He was crying because she wasn’t dead, _she wasn’t kriffing dead_ , and he hadn’t really let himself believe it until that moment. He was crying until he felt like he needed to gasp for air and even as he gasped, he felt Rey stilling him, calming him.

She always calmed him.

And again, there it was: _Come home_. Words that were not words, not thoughts. A glimpse of ruins, of a tree. A perfect tree. His favorite tree. He saw nothing but knew it perfectly.

Rey knew that he knew it. Oh, he could kiss her, she was so good.

Poe’s eyes popped open. He wiped his eyes, gave BB-8 a breathless hug, and clambered to his feet. On some level, he knew that he should go back to the apartment and get a co-pilot, any co-pilot. Chewie or Finn or _any_ of Black Squadron, really. Hell, he trusted Leia or Rose to help him get the ship off the ground if they needed to.

Even waiting that long seemed unbearable now that he knew precisely where he needed to go. So he sat down in the pilot’s seat instead and booted up the ship.

\--

Poe saw Yavin Prime for the first time in over a decade, and he thought for a moment that he was going to start crying again. He’d been doing it on and off for the entire flight, as it kept hitting him anew that he was going home. He was going home to get Rey.

“Remember this place, buddy?” he asked BB-8 as they pulled out of hyperspace.

BB told Poe nothing that he didn’t already know—that they’d gotten into quite a lot of reckless mischief together on Yavin 4. Or, as the droid more matter-of-factly put it, Poe had gotten into a lot of reckless mischief, and BB-8 had had little choice but to go along.

“Yeah, yeah, very funny.” Poe rolled his eyes and swatted playfully at BB-8’s head. “But I’ve grown out of that.” It occurred to him, even as he said it, how reckless it was to try to pilot the Falcon all alone so that he could get to Yavin a little bit sooner. (Leia had been less than thrilled, but, given that he was already booting up the hyperdrive when he told her, there wasn’t much that she could do. _“This is what I get for bringing you to the Falcon for privacy.”_ So instead, she bade him farewell with a gentle, _“I knew you could do this,”_ and a, _”May the Force be with you.”_ )

“Mostly,” he allowed, before BB even had time to argue. “I’ve mostly grown out of it.”

\--

It was not Poe’s most elegant landing. But it was hardly the worst that the Millennium Falcon had been put through.

He was out of the cockpit and down the ramp in what felt like an instant, BB-8 racing after him. The sight of the fighter a ways away was breathtaking—it was not that Poe had doubted his sense of Rey, which had only grown stronger since they came out of hyperspace, but it was something different to receive true confirmation that a Resistance fighter had made it to Yavin.

The Falcon had inevitably drawn a fair bit of attention; it looked to be about midday, so many of the villagers were out working their farms and saw the ship fly overhead. Some of them had come running and reached the clearing as he was leaving it, and Poe’s breath caught as he recognized faces—as they recognized him. Childhood friends all grown up, surrogate aunts and uncles who were now graying and wrinkled. So, so many smiles and eager exclamations of, “Poe!” and, “Welcome home!”

“Hi,” he said, gently resting his hands on a few arms and shoulders as he passed by them. He tried not to sound dismissive, but he knew that he wasn’t really succeeding. “It’s… it’s wonderful to see you all, but I… my dad,” he concluded helplessly, more than a little breathless.

One voice said, “Of course,” while another told him, “He’s at home with the Jedi.”

Poe rushed past them, racing down the road on auto-pilot. Around corners that he’d sprinted around too-fast too many times, nearly tripping over a sintaril that was creeping back into the treeline after foraging in a garden. He peeled through the gate and—

Kes stood in the open entranceway of the house, and Poe froze a few meters away at the sight of him. Neither of them spoke for some moments; Poe bit the inside of his cheek, furrowed his eyebrows, tried to even out his shaky breaths. In his haste to reach Rey, he hadn’t fully processed what this would feel like. Since he left home, this exact moment had hung over him as an intimidating specter. A specter of, _Will he hate me?_ and _Will he even want me there?_ Sure, after Rey’s visit, she’d told him… But Poe had wondered anyway.

The answer was written all over Kes’s face.

No, of course he didn’t hate Poe. Of _course_ he wanted him there.

“Dad,” he whispered.

“If I’d known that stranding Rey here would be the way to get you back home, I might have sabotaged those fighters when she and Skywalker came to visit.”

Poe’s reaction was halfway between a laugh and a sob when he rushed into his father’s arms. Kes cradled the back of Poe’s head in his hand as Poe squeezed him tight, squeezed his eyes shut tight.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” he whispered. “I’m such an idiot.”

Kes chuckled in his ear, and Poe realized abruptly that he felt a few scattered tears landing on his neck. “Only sometimes.” He loosened his hold on Poe, but when they pulled back from each other, Kes kept a hand on Poe’s arm. “Falling for that Jedi might be the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”

“It absolutely was,” Poe agreed, his tone warm. Affectionate. Despite himself, he peered around Kes’s shoulder. “Is she—”

“She’s been asleep since she was certain that you knew where she was. Which you _will_ be explaining to me later; Rey was too exhausted to tell me much of anything.” When Poe didn’t react right away, Kes squinted at him and swatted his chest. “Upstairs, go on. I’ll keep my favorite droid company.”

Poe bit the inside of his cheek again and nodded.

When he reached the doorway of his old bedroom, Poe stopped for a moment and stared. It took him aback to realize that Kes had left it completely untouched, down to the clutter on his desk. His holobooks were still arranged perfectly on their shelf, his old guitar sat in a corner, no doubt abysmally out of tune. The only difference to it all was Rey, curled up beneath his blankets and sound asleep.

Maybe he was dreaming as he took unsteady steps toward her. As he knelt down beside the bed, reached out a hand to sweep her hair from her face. Hell, he felt like he’d been dreaming since Luke told them to evacuate the base.

Rey’s eyes opened, and she smiled. A million things rushed between them, and Poe was wide, wide awake.

He climbed into his bed with Rey and they clung to each other, Rey burrowing her face into his neck and breathing him in. He felt warm and solid in her arms, and as their hearts pounded in their chests – in each other’s chests – she whispered, “We made it to Yavin.”

In her ear, Poe laughed—something between a laugh and a whimper. “Not really the trip I had in mind.” He smoothed his hand over the back of her head, and Rey inhaled softly at the tender touch. “I’ve been so scared, Rey. After Leia felt Luke--” He faltered, hesitating over his next words as though perhaps they weren’t true after all. Rey pulled away from him, meeting his gaze with a sad frown and nodding just slightly. Poe’s words were shaky after that. “She told me I’d feel it if anything happened to you, but I couldn’t feel anything, not a hint of you anywhere, and I didn’t know why. But you’re…” The pads of his fingers pressed feather-light along her cheekbone. “You’re okay. You’re really okay.”

Poe was surprised to see a smile spread across Rey’s features. “I am.” She looked over his face, and with her thumb, she wiped away the tear that had traced its way down his nose—he hadn’t even noticed that he was crying again. “I have so many things to tell you, and not all of them are good, but I…” Rey bit her lip and pulled her necklace out from her shirt (his shirt, Poe realized, making his heart stutter), and she felt the way his stomach flipped at the sight of the glowing crystal.

“ _Oh_ ,” he breathed. “It’s beautiful. It feels like you.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” she whispered. She bit her lip and raised an eyebrow. “That’s not all.”

“More good things?”

Rey hummed and nodded. Tears were welling up in her own eyes, now. “Can’t you feel it?”

Frankly, Poe was feeling so much in himself and Rey combined that he felt almost intoxicated with it all, too much to really piece through much. But then he felt as though Rey was extending it out to him, offering her feelings of surprise and joy and sadness over—

_Oh_.

He didn’t even say it aloud this time, uncertain of how to get the words out, but Rey felt his heart soaring when the truth of her curse nestled into his mind. And she’d had a long flight to Yavin to think over how to tell him about it all; she was ready to fill in the blanks.

\--

Eventually, they realized that it was dusk, and the smells of a hot, home-cooked meal were wafting up from the kitchen, so together they emerged from Poe’s room. He trailed behind Rey, smiling to himself at the sight of her in his old shirt and sleep pants as she strolled downstairs and went into the kitchen to greet Kes. It wasn’t quite right to say that she seemed happy—Poe could see in the set of her shoulders, and feel radiating off her in waves, that she was still dwelling on everything that she had just been through.

No, it wasn’t quite that she seemed happy. But she seemed at ease and at home. She smiled at Kes and quietly thanked him for his hospitality, and all that Poe could think about was the fact that she felt safe on Yavin. He kriffing loved that.

Kes looked away from Rey to see Poe leaning in the doorway, watching them, and Poe knew that his father didn’t need to be Force-sensitive to understand precisely what Poe was thinking.

“I suppose it’s too much to hope that you two might stay for at least a few days,” he said, rather than comment on it specifically.

Poe grimaced. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly, both for himself, and for Rey; she deserved some quiet before running toward the oncoming storm. “Honestly, Leia wasn’t thrilled with how quickly I left, so the sooner that we get back, the better. But I was thinking we could stick around until tomorrow.”

His father’s eyes crinkled deep with his smile. “I’ll take what I can get from the greatest hero in the Resistance.”

“Oh, no, I’m not--” Poe flushed and looked to Rey, who was smiling amusedly. “What _exactly_ did you tell him when you came to see the Force tree?”

“Nothing that wasn’t the truth, I’m sure,” Kes chuckled.

“I just told him a few stories,” Rey told him. She shone with pride for him, and Poe would probably be able to feel flattered by that in approximately an hour, but as it was, he was mostly bashful. She pursed her lips to suppress a smirk, and glancing over at Kes, she said, “Poe thinks we’re ganging up on him.”

“We absolutely are.”

That, too, Poe would be able to appreciate in about an hour. He knew that it was endearing. He loved how quickly Rey had warmed to Kes. And he’d known even while they were still on Ahch-To that Kes would adore Rey, but he was pleased to see it confirmed.

But right then, he huffed dramatically and turned around. “I’m going to go check in with Leia before we eat.”

Poe was nearly out the front door when he felt Rey’s hand settle on his shoulder. He turned back to face her and instinctively ducked his head down, closing his eyes and smiling when she kissed his cheek. “Don’t be too long, Flyboy.”

“Never.” Poe kissed her right back.

\--

Rey and the Damerons sat, feeling pleasantly full as they finished their meal and chatted sporadically. Although Rey had still not described her experience to Kes in much detail – and Poe was following her lead – there was no way for his father to be oblivious to the fact that she had gone through some great unpleasantness. So he told them tales of recent trials and tribulations on Yavin, particularly a peculiar malady that had overtaken the herd of runyips that lived not far outside of the village.

It might have seemed frivolous, but it was exactly what Poe and Rey wanted. What they needed. It was a pleasant reminder that life in the galaxy had not been fully overrun by the threat of the First Order, not yet.

But eventually, Rey met Poe’s eye, and he nodded. Tentatively, she said, “Kes, I should tell you, there’s something I didn’t mention about what happened while I was with the First Order.” His eyes widened just slightly, uncertain of what to make of Rey’s tone. But he didn’t say anything; he just gestured her on.

“I wasn’t captured alone. Luke was with me, and he…” She hesitated. She hadn’t had to actually say it aloud since escaping, because Poe had already known. “He was killed. I’d like to go to the Force tree and give him a proper goodbye, and Poe and I thought you might want to join us.”

“Oh, Rey, I’m so sorry.” There was so much sadness in Kes’s eyes, for Rey, but for the Jedi Master, too, even if he had only known him a little. He was like his son in caring whole-heartedly for every person he met. “I’d be honored to join you.”

Rey tried to smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Poe reacted at once, tucking his hand over hers on the table. As he squeezed, it felt as though her heart was squeezing him back, thanking him.

\--

Poe found a piece from Kes’s old fence still lying in a scrap pile in the yard, and he cleaned up the wood a bit, clearing it of dirt and muck. There was only room to write out Luke’s initials, and Poe was somewhat apologetic about it. “We’ll put up a better marker when we come back.”

“I like this one,” she replied softly, smoothing her hand over the worn wood.

Both of them got a flash of an image, then, of the two of them standing beneath the tree, the marker at their feet. Rey had told him the gist of the visions that she had while meditating on her crystal, but she had also explained that the details only came to her in bits and pieces. Poe felt his breath catch in his throat at the brief glimpse of them, unencumbered by the weight of the First Order.

This was the most certain he had ever felt that there would be an _after_. That he and Rey would both be there to see it.

“Alright,” he agreed. Voice equally soft.

\--

They were walking back from the Force tree when Rey traced her fingers down Poe’s arm and reached for his hand. “Do you want to take some time with your dad, once we get back to the house?”

He looked at her in surprise. “Are you sure? It might… be a while, and after everything, I wasn’t sure whether you might not want to fall asleep alone tonight.”

“I’ll be alright,” she told him kindly. “We’ve been separated for a week. Your dad’s waited a lot longer to see and talk to you again.”

Their separation was not the only thing that weighed on him, was not the only thing that he knew was weighing on her; of course there was Luke, but there was also the truth of her curse, and everything that she had learned about herself and Snoke, and everything that had happened with Kylo.

(With Ben, not Kylo. He had betrayed Snoke and the First Order, so he had rejected Kylo Ren. Poe hadn’t had time to sort out how the hell he felt about that, but he knew that Rey was hurting, and with the confluence of everything that happened on the _Steadfast_ , it seemed like her hurt mattered more for the time being.)

Rey was not in his head, precisely, but she knew enough. So she squeezed his hand tight and reiterated, “I’ll be alright, Flyboy. I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t have a conversation with Kes that both of you really deserve to have.”

Oh. She was right, he knew she was right.

So when Kes offered to brew up some caf, Rey yawned – a genuine yawn, but also undoubtedly for show – and thanked him but said that she was going to shower and go to sleep.

Poe, however, said, “I’ll take some, Dad.”

Together, they went out to sit in the evening air, still somewhat muggy even though night had fallen hours before. For as long as Poe could remember, a set of chairs had sat right near the back door, overlooking Kes’s little flower garden and the koyo orchard beyond. Poe had countless memories of sitting out there with his mother and father after dinner on warm nights, chatting until they decided that it was time for him to be in bed. After losing Shara, they’d spent less time there together, although each of them certainly spent their fair share of evenings sitting out there alone.

But now, Kes poured their caf and steered them outside without comment or discussion. He sat down in his customary chair, and Poe followed suit.

“I like seeing you so happy, son,” Kes said, after a stretch of quiet sipping. Maybe it should have felt awkward, but it did not.

Poe smiled hesitantly. “I didn’t think I could be, not in this war.” He bit the inside of his cheek, glancing up at the stars as he tried to sort out how much to elaborate. “I didn’t want my focus to be split, knowing how hard it was on you and Mom.”

Kes didn’t let him slide so easily. “And on you.”

“And on me,” Poe allowed. He rolled his eyes at his father in exasperation; it was probably foolish of him to think that he could skirt around that particular detail. “Then Leia sent me to look for Luke, and Rey was there, and she… showed me the galaxy. Or at least she showed me the Force, but I’m more and more convinced that those are kind of the same thing, even if Luke is-- even if he was always a little more pedantic about it.”

“She showed you the galaxy, so you wanted to return the favor.”

The part of Poe that wanted to complain that that was sappy or sentimental was overridden by the fact that he had had that precise thought more than once. Even as early as when he asked her to leave Ahch-To with him. “And I keep trying every day,” he murmured.

His father hummed softly, leaving a beat of silence hanging between them. “I used to worry that you might be too fickle, with how much you just seemed to change your mind out of nowhere. Hobbies that you tired of overnight, not wanting to have anything to do with the New Republic until suddenly you _had to_ go off and join them… Resisting love during wartime until a pretty Jedi caught your eye.” Poe pointedly drank a large gulp of caf to refrain from making eye contact with Kes. “Shara swore it was something else, but it took me a while to see where she was coming from.”

“Glad you don’t think I’m fickle anymore…”

Kes swatted at Poe’s arm. “She was the same way. But she told me about all of it, every little thought she had about her decisions, all of the pieces that were coming together to orient her. She changed her mind all the time in ways that I don’t know if I would have understood if she hadn’t explained them to me. But she did, so I knew.”

Poe swallowed a little nervously. “What are you getting at, Dad?”

“I’m sorry that I insisted you not follow in your mother’s footsteps. You should have felt like you could talk to me when you were deciding whether to join up with the New Republic, but I didn’t make that very easy. It’s no wonder you lashed out and ran off.”

“Oh.” Poe’s heart pounded in his chest and in his ears and in his throat; he was taken aback by just how much it meant to hear that aloud, even if he had long forgotten his resentment. “Thank you. It wasn’t just you, though. I should have seen that it was because you didn’t want me to have to go through…” He hesitated, well-aware of the implications of his words as he continued. “Something like the Rebellion.”

“And _I_ should have known sooner that your mother’s kid wouldn’t be able to resist the call to stop something the First Order.” He grinned wide. “I’ve run through this conversation quite a few times since Rey and Skywalker came to visit, so don’t think you can out-apologize me.”

“Me too, so don’t think I won’t try.”

When Kes chuckled, Poe joined in, and that sat with them for a few long moments. Although neither of them said anything, it felt as though they had reached a truce.

“Tell me about the Force,” his father instructed at last. “And I mean more than just that little trick you did at dinner when you summoned the sauce from the other side of the table.”

Poe smiled, leaning his head against the back of the chair. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“We’ve got time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel so inclined, head on over to [(as if you were a) mythical thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727322/chapters/72406518) for a spicy missing scene; another important part of Rey and Poe's reunion. 😉
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=98WNBiHZRHSL-HWgQGa2RA).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Hovering" by Beulah  
> \- "Comatose" by Cape Francis  
> \- "Migration of Souls" by M. Ward  
> \- "So Brite" by Hovvdy  
> \- "Surefire" by Wilderado


	15. Chapter 15

It was the middle of the night when Rey and Poe reached Kuat, but when Poe let them into the apartment, Leia and Finn were still awake. Finn was watching a holofilm, and Leia was reading, but they each perked up as Poe opened the door, making it clear that they were actually waiting up for Poe’s return.

Leia and Finn pulled Rey into frantic hugs in turn, squeezing her tight and expressing their relief that she was alright.

“I should go get Rose,” Finn said eagerly, once he had let her go. “And Black Squadron’s next door, but they’d also—”

“No, that’s…” Finn had already turned toward the bedrooms when Rey interrupted him, but the moment he faltered, it seemed to register that he’d miscalculated, because his expression turned apologetic. “Let’s let them sleep. I really-- Leia and I should talk.”

“Gods, of course, that’s—” His eyes widened slightly as he looked between Rey and the general, who was looking down at the floor. Softer, he said, “We can talk in the morning.”

Rey smiled gently and nodded. “We will.”

Without having discussed it on the Falcon, Poe knew that this was a conversation for Rey and Leia to have alone—what with everything that had happened with Luke, and with Ben… Leia had a stake in it all that no one else did. So Poe kissed Rey’s cheek and told her, “Bedroom on the right.”

“Okay,” she murmured.

Finn gave Rey one last gentle squeeze on her arm, and then Rey and Leia were left alone. Rey was on the verge of asking whether they should sit down when Leia asked, “Tea?”

“Oh, that sounds… perfect, Leia, yes.”

While the water boiled and the tea steeped, Rey took in the apartment’s small kitchen with great interest. Kes’s home was built to be naturally lit, and what additional lighting he had was warm, comfortable. Meanwhile, Poe had explained to her that the Kuat shipyards were largely home to the employees of the Kuat Drive Yards factories, and she _felt_ it—that this apartment was more modeled after one of the Drive Yards’ ships, rather than a true house. Nothing about the sparse kitchen and harsh lighting felt like a home, and Rey was fairly certain that it wasn’t _meant_ to.

But she sat down at the small table with Leia, cradling her warm mug, and she felt a sort of comfort anyway.

“Poe told me you knew,” Rey said. “When Luke died.”

Leia wore a slightly pained expression as she nodded. “Yes. I think he would have been pleased, he always said that I didn’t lean into my Force sensitivity enough.” The two of them shared a sad smile. “But, of course, that was always difficult, when it just reminded me of…”

She couldn’t bring herself to finish, but Rey knew where she was going.

Darth Vader. Her father, whom she never _called_ her father, because as far as she was concerned, he was just the man who passed on his Force sensitivity and tortured her for information on the Rebellion.

“It was Snoke.” Rey’s voice was soft, and Leia kept her gaze on her tea, but it was impossible for Rey to miss the way that her mentor’s fingers curled a bit more tightly around her mug. “I broke my curse, and Snoke reacted by killing Luke.”

Now Leia looked up sharply. “You did _what_?”

\--

Rey couldn’t have said how long it took to describe everything that happened while she was being held by the First Order. She recounted her conversation with Ben in more detail than she had when talking to Poe—she had felt it over the past several months, as Leia’s hope for her son diminished until it was nearly gone. It felt important to convey the depth of his pain, as well as the strength of his resolve once he chose to listen to Rey.

“I don’t know quite how to feel about this,” Leia confessed, once Rey was finished.

With a grimace, Rey nodded. “I know.”

“I expected to be more relieved.” Her gaze was vacant, fixed on her now-empty mug. “Not that I necessarily gave myself much room to hope for Ben anymore, but I imagined that _if_ he found his way back to the light, it would be a source of joy.”

For a few moments, Rey hesitated, waiting to see whether Leia was going to say anything more. “But it isn’t?”

Leia shook her head. “It’s difficult to feel relief or joy knowing that you got through to him because of how we disappointed and hurt both of you. There’s no excuse for that.”

“I know,” Rey felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude for Leia’s tone, for everything radiating off of her. They had long since gotten through the apologies, gotten through the frank discussion that no amount of atonement would be enough for the scar of Rey’s childhood to disappear… but it would fade. It had been fading. As they found ways to be vulnerable and honest with each other, the hurt had been fading.

In this moment, that manifested in Leia articulating her regret, but expecting nothing from Rey in return.

Despite the fact that there _were_ no expectations, there was something that Rey felt it important for her to ask. “Did Luke tell you about what the Force tree showed him?”

“No.” Leia raised her eyebrows, exasperation spreading across her features. “We never quite reached the same level of honesty that he found with you these past few months. I always blamed it on his cryptic relationship with Jedi lore when we were younger, but no doubt I was actually just as much at fault as he was.”

Rey grimaced. She cast her gaze down at the table, thinking over how comfortable Luke and Leia had seemed with maintaining a certain distance from one another. Never asking too much of each other.

How easy it was to let a relationship stagnate.

“I was wondering, after he told me how long he’s known.” Rey bit her lip as she parsed through her next words. “Because the first thing he did after learning that he was going to die was encourage me to talk to you.”

Leia had clearly not considered this; the words knocked her over, filling her with remorse and sadness—hitting Rey with an inkling of remorse and sadness, by extension. “Oh,” the older woman said softly.

“So I was wondering whether maybe he told you that… maybe it was on purpose.”

“He didn’t, no.” Leia stretched out a hand across the table and gently smoothed it over Rey’s arm. Her gaze was warm when Rey met her eye. “But yes, Rey, I imagine that it was on purpose. If Luke knew that he was going to die, I suspect that he would have done everything he could to make sure that you had everything you needed to carry on without him.”

Rey raised her eyebrows at Leia. “And that you had everything you needed, too.” She settled her free hand over Leia’s, where it still rested on her arm. “I’m sorry that Ben might be killed, after turning his back on the Sith and the First Order. I’m sorry that you might lose him all over again after everything else that you’ve already lost. But I don’t…” Rey faltered for some moments. Once she’d realized that Luke might have tried to strengthen Rey and Leia’s relationship in case of his own death, another thought had occurred to her which terrified her to voice aloud.

But she was trying.

“I’m frightened that losing Luke and Ben will pull you back into your work. I really don’t want you to use the entire galaxy as an excuse to never mourn like you truly need to.”

Leia let out a shaky laugh. “I find it difficult to believe that Poe didn’t mention that we had a similar conversation.”

“Oh, he told me. But I think I needed to say it.” Her lips tugged up gently.

Because even though it terrified her, Leia’s eyes were warm, flirting with the possibility of tears, and Rey knew with certainty that it was good. That they had heard each other.

Just when their conversation seemed to have drawn to a natural close, Rey was bracing herself to stand up and go to bed when Leia asked, “Did Poe say anything about your saber?”

Rey faltered, surprised. As a matter of fact, neither of them had thought of it much beyond discussing her search for the crystal; so much had happened since that constructing her own saber had all but left her mind. “No, he didn’t. I wasn’t… I didn’t want to assume that anyone would have thought to bring the materials with them while evacuating the base on Ilith.”

“Poe insisted!” Leia told her with a chuckle. “I have them stored in my room for now, and you don’t need to do anything with them yet if you want to wait, but that saber is yours to build whenever you’re ready. Even as soon as tomorrow, if you felt so inclined.”

So soon? Rey’s heart stuttered at the thought. Perhaps she hadn’t thought much of building her saber since her escape, but now, her crystal pulsed warm against her skin and she _wanted_ it. For herself, and for Luke.

“Tomorrow sounds good.”

\--

When Rey awoke the next morning, she was troubled. Because despite the fact that she went to bed hours after Poe, he was still fast asleep. Moreover, he’d slept fitfully—not with nightmares of his torture, but with confused, disorienting dreams about Rey. She found herself getting glimpses, visions of Poe all alone in dark corners of space and wandering desolate, unfamiliar planets, desperately trying to find her but not knowing where to look.

He lay curled up toward her, his arm over her waist and holding her tight. Anxiety saturated her skin through him.

Rey’s heart in her throat, she turned onto her side to face him and cradled his face in her hand, gently caressing his cheek until he began to stir.

The tension seemed to leave Poe’s body the moment he opened his eyes and saw her. He smiled softly and asked, “What’re you doing awake?” Voice low and creaky from sleep.

“Your dreams woke me up,” she murmured.

Poe frowned. It seemed quite sincere when he replied, “Really? I don’t actually… remember much of anything about them.” He pressed the softest kiss to Rey’s nose. “I hope it wasn’t anything too unpleasant.”

She closed her eyes when his lips met her skin. Gods, he felt so comfortable, so steady now. As he always did. It was the only justification she could find for why she hadn’t noticed sooner. “You were dreaming about missing me, Poe. You were tearing apart the galaxy trying to me, and you were so anxious that you never would.”

_Oh_.

As soon as Rey described them, Poe was hit by the dreams all in one go. These were the same dreams that had overtaken him each time he’d allowed himself to sleep since they lost contact with Luke. (And partially because of them, he hadn’t really done much sleeping.) The night they spent on Yavin… it had been different. He’d slept soundly, filled with warmth and love for his home, for his father, for Rey. When he’d woken up, he’d assumed that the dreams were gone.

Now that he had her in his arms again, why should he feel her loss?

“Why didn’t you tell me how much you were hurting while I was gone?”

His breath caught in his throat at Rey’s expression—at the worry in her eyes. “I didn’t think it mattered. After everything you’d been through, I was just relieved to be with you again.”

But if his justification sounded weak to his own ears, Rey was even quicker to dismiss it. “Of course it matters, Flyboy. Wouldn’t you tell me that if I were in the same position?”

Rey was right; Poe knew she was right. He swallowed hard and looked over her face, thinking of how disoriented and lost he felt during and after the evacuation. But that wasn’t where he started. “When I talked to my dad, I told him that I hadn’t wanted any distractions from the Resistance. It was so hard on my family during the Civil War, and I knew that if I let myself fall in love, I’d… fall. Completely. I also knew how dangerous that could be as I came up in the ranks of the Resistance. And when we lost contact with Luke, I just-- Do you remember on Ajan Kloss, when you told me that you’d begun to understand why Jedi argued against forming emotional attachments?”

Her heart went out to him at once, and her answer was barely a whisper. “Yes.”

“This was like that. I was so frightened that the First Order would hurt you, that they’d force you to do horrible things, that they’d kill you and we’d never know… I tried not to think about it, but I could barely think of anything else. I didn’t cry, I just felt empty. And the Resistance deserved better from me, but I didn’t know how to give anything. I _might_ have just left to comb the galaxy for you if I thought I had any chance of finding you.”

It hurt to say this all aloud, things that he had refrained from sharing even with Leia or Finn before going to Yavin. It felt too much like something else they discussed that day on Ajan Kloss, when he admitted that his torture was enough to make him – however briefly – think of leaving the Resistance.

“Gods, Poe.” Rey’s eyes were wide as she curved her hand over his skin, threading her fingers through his curls where his hair met the nape of his neck. “I’m so sorry. You told me that you were worried, but I didn’t think-- We were so focused on what the First Order would do to me and Luke if we were captured that I didn’t think about what it would do to you to know that something went wrong, and not… not know what.”

Poe bit at the inside of his cheek. “Yeah.” Even so, he felt guilty that they were discussing the fact that he felt sad while Rey had watched her surrogate father die, while she was confronting the darkness inside of her and struggling with what it meant that her childhood was shaped by one Sith Lord who mistakenly saw her as the culmination of an ancient prophecy. “But it’s…”

“Don’t say ‘nothing,’” she instructed.

He blushed, not quite able to look at her. “I wasn’t going to.” In truth, he didn’t know what he’d intended his next words to be. But he took her words to heart. “I didn’t want to put more weight on you, not when you’re already carrying so much.”

Rey looked over his features for an eternity, her love for Poe filling them both, filling the small bedroom until it seemed ready to burst. “It’ll be lighter if we carry it together. I don’t think I’ve been good enough about reminding you of that.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t still need reminding.”

She rolled her eyes and leaned in close to press her lips to his in a long, lingering kiss. “Maybe you should try giving yourself the same amount of slack that you give me and Leia, Flyboy.”

While Poe felt a slight pull to argue with her – playfully, only playfully – the vulnerability and grace that Rey was showing left him feeling raw in the best way. Enough that he felt it only right that he admit something else aloud—something that he suspected she knew, in a vague way, through the connection they had built in the Force… But she deserved to hear it from him.

“Can I tell you something else, then?”

Rey smiled gently and nodded. “Mhm.”

Poe hesitated. His grasp on her waist tightened just slightly. This—this was the reason he was still feeling her loss. “I don’t know how to reconcile what Kylo Ren did to me with the fact that he’s the reason you’re back. I know how much it must mean to you and Leia, but I don’t think I can be happy about it. At least not yet.”

And as soon as he got the words out – something that had been on his mind since Leia first revealed that Kylo might have aided Rey in her escape – it was just as Rey had said: Poe felt some weight lifted from his shoulders.

Her response eased his burden more. “I understand, and I thought that you might feel that way. But I really appreciate you telling me.”

Yes. And he loved her for asking.

\--

Over breakfast that morning, Leia revealed that she wanted to hold off one more day before beginning to plan the Resistance’s next steps. “I’m reluctant to ask the Resistance to converge in one base again when it might still prove more useful for us to respond to the First Order’s next move from our current positions.”

It was with this in mind that Rey looked to the general and asked, “In that case, could Finn and Poe join me while I construct my saber? I was thinking, perhaps once I’ve finished, we could get back to our training.”

Poe leaned forward, suddenly more attentive, and Finn immediately sat up a bit higher in his seat, saying, “That sounds like exactly what we need right now.”

Leia briefly considered them. “I see no reason why not.”

So, after some brief discussion about where they could go that would offer more space and solitude than the apartment or the Millennium Falcon, the trio left together. Rey’s arm wound around Poe’s waist and she linked hands with Finn on her other side as they filtered through the crowd. She felt just as overwhelmed but transfixed by it all as she had been upon their arrival. The experience was uncanny when she had never had to confront such a crowd, and Rey knew she could easily get lost in the maelstrom, but she also felt secure and certain in between Finn and Poe.

It felt right, that she be moored between them after all that she’d been through.

All three of them – accompanied by BB-8 – gathered in the cockpit while Poe booted up the Falcon, and it was then that she said it out loud. “This is exactly where I need to be.”

Warmth coursed through her, through all of them, in the small space.

\--

They traveled to the small moon where Black Squadron’s fighters sat waiting for the Resistance to pick back up for battle, in orbit around a planet that, like its moon, offered little in the way of resources to truly support a thriving ecosystem. But the climate and atmosphere were safe enough, and when they stepped out of the Falcon, Rey’s first reaction was to feel relief. Compared to the chaos of the Kuat shipyards, they were blissfully alone.

“Can we see it?” Finn asked her eagerly, nearly as soon as they were on solid ground.

Rey looked between her friend and the saber in her hand, smiling playfully. “What, this thing?”

But she didn’t make him push, not really. With her arm outstretched, she ignited the new lightsaber, which she had assembled in the main hold during the flight while Finn and Poe remained in the cockpit.

While her kyber crystal had been a rich golden color when it hung at her neck, the saber’s glow was milder, a warm yellow that comforted Rey very much to look at. It was as Poe said when he first saw the crystal—it felt like _her_. Based on Finn and Poe’s intakes of breath, they were having a similar reaction. And then Finn asked, “How does it feel?”

Her lips quirked up. “I think we should test it and see. If you two think you’re up for it.”

They’d discussed this, as they made their descent onto the moon. Whether perhaps they should take advantage of the three sabers among them to attempt some training in two-on-one combat, as Luke had planned. Of course, they had initially discussed it as something that Luke was particularly interested in working on with Rey and Poe, but it had been over a week since they last sparred, so she’d posited that it might be best for her to take the two of them on, at first.

(Both of them had been affronted, but they had also agreed.)

And oh, she longed to learn what it felt like to fight at Poe’s side. If, as she suspected, it would feel as secure and natural as flying the Falcon with him. But that could wait.

“ _If_ we think we’re up for it,” Poe echoed, scoffing. He and Finn grinned at each other before turning on their own sabers, as well.

Poe’s expression changed almost imperceptibly, but Rey could not mistake the turn in his mood as he looked down at the saber in his hand—at Leia’s saber. Though he and Finn had shared Luke’s old saber until now, Leia’s had always been his preference, when he could use it against Finn or Luke. His mentor’s saber. Rey’s de facto saber, until she could craft her own.

Rey had described what happened in Snoke’s throne room, of course, but it was surreal to feel the slightest echo of it. Glimpses of hatred and anger and death rushed through Poe before he knew what was happening, but anxiety, too. So much anxiety and so much hurt.

He exhaled slowly, lifting his gaze from the saber to meet Rey’s eye.

A million things passed between them in an instant. Remorse from Rey, because she should have realized—she _should_ have. But Poe wasn’t upset; he was shaken, but not upset. Ever so slightly, he grimaced and shook his head.

No, he did not like the remnants of Kylo Ren clinging to the saber, echoing through his arm as he held the weapon aloft. It was unnerving, how he could _feel_ what it had done while Rey was being held by the First Order.

But that didn’t mean that everything he cherished in the feeling of the saber was gone.

“I’m up for it,” was all he said aloud.

\--

The three of them had barely returned to the shipyards when Leia caught Poe’s eye and said, “I’ve been wanting to chat since you got back from Yavin, Commander. Let’s go.”

He didn’t bother to conceal his bewilderment when she guided him toward the smallest bedroom at the end of the hall, where she had been sleeping in their time on the shipyards. He struggled to imagine what she might have to say to him that she didn’t want to say in front of Rey, Finn, and Rose, not unless she’d decided to chastise him more thoroughly for leaving for Yavin without communicating with her.

“Close the door behind you.”

Kriffing ominous, but he did as he was told.

“General, if this is about the way that I left the other day…”

Leia actually laughed. “You don’t think I’m angry about that, do you? I told you—I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but I can’t say for certain that I would have done any different. I’d tell you not to do it again, but I also think we’d both hope that you’ll never be in that _position_ again.”

“Oh.” Poe nodded carefully. “Alright. Then why—”

“I’m getting to it, Poe.” Leia’s lips pursed into an amused smirk. “Those were extenuating circumstances, but in general, I expect more patience from you than this. Why don’t you go ahead and sit down?”

She was gesturing to the solitary chair in the room, which sat beside the small window that overlooked the shipyards. The lights from outside shone on Leia as Poe sat down, and as she sat down as well on the bed across from him, and it prompted him to take an actual look at her for the first time since his return. Despite the present uncertainty surrounding the First Order, Leia looked more well-rested than Poe had seen her essentially since he joined up with the Resistance. It was something of a comfort to see her so at ease, even in this moment when it seemed that she was going to say something quite serious.

“When we first got word about the developments within the First Order, I thought we might need to have this conversation at some point, but after everything that Rey told me… it seemed worth doing sooner rather than later.”

Poe’s brow furrowed as he leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his thighs. “I can’t really figure out how nervous to be, here, Leia.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m not really accustomed to _discussing_ this.” Her eyes fell to the floor. “I think we should talk about Darth Vader.”

“ _Vader_?” Poe sat straight up again in surprise. To say that Leia wasn’t _accustomed_ to discussing him was putting it lightly—even given Darth Vader’s prominent role in the Civil War, he was rarely mentioned within the Resistance. Many of them remembered the turmoil that shook the New Republic Senate when Leia’s connection to Vader came out; an accident of birth had ruined all of her goals and aspirations.

But she had never felt any sort of allegiance to him, or even the slightest bit of connection.

“Yes,” she answered. Her voice was quiet. She hesitated, looking over Poe thoughtfully while she sorted through her words. “I haven’t even spoken with Rey about him, not really. I didn’t quite know how, since I knew she learned about him from Luke.”

Poe wasn’t sure what to say, because he didn’t quite know what she _meant_. What difference should it make, Rey learning about Darth Vader from Luke instead of Leia? He suspected, though, that Leia was getting there, so he tried to abide by her request that he be a little more patient. He sat, and he said nothing.

“My brother did everything he could to stop Darth Vader and the Emperor, and he succeeded. What he accomplished on the second Death Star is probably the reason that peace even lasted as long as it did. But Luke always insisted that he didn’t do it alone.”

At this, Poe remembered one of the first conversations he ever had with Rey on Ahch-To. He’d actually said as much—that Luke had single-handedly defeated Darth Vader. And even then, she had denied it, though he didn’t think much of it at the time.

“His success on the Death Star had just as much to do with Vader. When it mattered most, Vader defended Luke and killed the Emperor. Luke had no control over that decision. All he could do was encourage Darth Vader to lean into the conflict that he felt toward the Empire, and toward the dark side. And I agree with him, I do. Vader made a tremendous sacrifice to protect Luke and the rest of the galaxy.”

Poe didn’t miss the ambivalence in her tone; the other shoe was about to drop, he was certain of it. “But?”

“But the only time _I_ saw Vader was when he captured me and brought me aboard the first Death Star. He tortured me and made me watch while he destroyed my entire planet, including my parents. The only two people whom I’ve ever truly been able to think of _as_ my parents, regardless of what my bloodline connects me to.” Leia’s gaze drifted to the window, looking out onto the shipyards. “Even the _good_ things felt so separate and far away. As a Jedi, Anakin Skywalker did great things. He saved hundreds of lives and touched countless people. My birth mother was elected queen of her home planet as a _teenager_ , and she later became a senator. The more I learned about her, the more I saw myself in her and I _wanted_ that to mean something, I really did.”

Yes, this was another thing that the Resistance rarely discussed, but it hung over them anyway. Poe only remembered vague pieces of information about Leia’s birth mother from the controversy that put an end to Leia’s time as senator, but there were whispers about how that was the reason why many people came to believe it—without even meaning to, Leia had managed to follow in her mother’s footsteps.

Gently, Poe told her, “She sounds like a wonderful person.”

“I think she was,” Leia agreed, and she smiled sadly to herself. “But I resented her for choosing Anakin. I resented Luke a little bit for drawing out the good in him, because in some ways I think it would have been easier to cope with the darkness in our family’s past if Darth Vader had died on the dark side. And of course I resented Vader most of all.”

Poe Dameron was not oblivious. He knew there could only be one reason why Leia was thinking about Darth Vader’s return to the light right now.

“Did you ever get over it?”

Leia met his eye for the first time in some moments; her gaze was still so terribly sad. “No. It was tense between me and Luke for a while, though, because I felt like I had to. Why couldn’t I see the good in Vader that Luke had seen?”

“He was angry with you just because of that?” Poe was surprised. Of course, it had been decades since the Civil War, but that didn’t sound like the Luke Skywalker he knew.

“No, of course not. I put that weight on myself, Poe. Luke couldn’t have cared less whether I ever saw the good in Darth Vader, not after everything he put me through.”

Oh.

The pilot took in a long breath and exhaled it just as slowly. Because he’d voiced his uncertainty about Ben Solo to Rey, and she had understood, but in the back of his mind… there was Leia. Leia, who had held onto hope for her son _well_ past the point where it seemed reasonable. Yes, Poe had wondered whether Leia would understand.

“I assumed that you wanted to believe there was good in Kylo Ren because he was family,” he admitted.

Leia rose to her feet and crossed the room in a few short steps. She held her hands out to Poe, and he took them, allowing her to pull him to his feet. Gently, tenderly, she gave his hands a squeeze. “I believed because he’s my son, but not because he’s blood. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Poe told her. His voice shook.

It was precisely what he needed to hear.

Somehow, her next words were even more fulfilling. “Losing Luke, and nearly losing Rey… I’m too old for this. I need to stop while I still have something.” When she saw the bewilderment spreading across his features, she actually smiled. “Whatever the First Order’s next move is… I’ll take the lead. But after that, I think it’s well past time that I step back.”

Well past time to turn leadership over to him, she meant.

Poe hesitated, worry lining his brow. “Even after…” He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to cite as an argument against handing him more authority. The way he’d _run_ to Yavin? The way that Rey’s disappearance had shattered him to pieces before that?

“Every leader makes bad calls sometimes, Poe. But you made the call to evacuate the base on Ilith when I faltered. You’ve made a million other excellent calls before that. Trust me when I tell you that accepting this responsibility would be another excellent call.”

“You say immediately after telling me that it’s exhausted you.” But he was smiling. He knew how much she truly _loved_ her work, and she knew he knew it.

“Because I know that won’t be enough to dissuade you.”

He raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, trying to suppress a smirk. He supposed that she wasn’t wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=u7e5vvyGSqS4IbNgnfxDWw).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Thank You Light" by Florist  
> \- "Right Down the Line" by Sam Evian  
> \- "Onwards and Upwards" by Gold Celeste  
> \- "Stolen" by Worn-Tin  
> \- "ley lines" by flor


	16. Chapter 16

Unbeknownst to everyone, Leia received news on the First Order late that night, so when they woke the next morning, she had been at work for hours, contacting Resistance members and allies across the galaxy. Poe and Rey padded out of their bedroom to find her in the middle of a conversation with Connix over hologram. Poe blinked at Leia blearily – he desperately needed some caf – and asked, “What’s going on, General?”

“Oh, good, you’re up,” she said, barely glancing at him. “Go wake Black Squadron. The First Order is making moves.”

Poe looked at Rey with raised eyebrows, but he did as he was told.

Black Squadron crowded into the apartment’s sitting room along with Finn, Poe, Rose, and Rey, filling the seats and the floor, and Leia stood before them, her expression grave.

“It seems that Hux and Phasma have chosen to make Force sensitivity into a scapegoat once again,” she reported. “Honestly, I should have seen this coming. The Emperor ushered in the destruction of the Old Republic, and Snoke brought about the First Order. Now that there’s not a Sith in charge, the First Order can suggest that Force users were the problem all along.”

Rey’s stomach dropped. Of course, Luke had not been there in the fall-out of the Old Republic, but he had learned a great deal about the destruction that the Empire wrought upon the Jedi, and he’d told her plenty. Finn and Poe too, since he came to join them. It had been easy to point to the power that Jedi wielded – which most people didn’t truly understand – and frame it as something evil. Something not to be trusted.

Leia was right: they should have known that Hux and Phasma might do the same with the Force in general after Snoke died and Ben betrayed them.

“As a show of their resolution to rule the galaxy more justly than the Sith _or_ the Jedi – whom they’re referring to as _sorcerers_ …” Leia’s tone was saturated with contempt, and several others in the room reacted, scoffing or letting out low sighs. Rey felt Poe’s hand tighten on her thigh. “They’ve released a news briefing which has begun to circulate across the galaxy. They’ll be sending a number of ships throughout the galaxy, which they’re describing as _envoys_ , although there’s obviously an underlying threat there for anyone who tries to oppose their presence in their own system. And they’re planning a very public execution of the person they call ‘Kylo Ren.’”

Her voice shook just slightly with these last words, and the energy around them all immediately became tenser.

While Rey had not provided everyone with the same amount of detail of what had happened while she was gone, they all understood what Ben had done for her. With that information, combined with their obvious concern for Leia and her attachment to her son, no one seemed to know quite how to react to Ben’s imminent death. Not when taking into account their obvious animosity toward the boy who chose to ally himself with the First Order.

Finn spoke up first. “When? How?”

“In just under a week,” she said softly. “Here. On the surface of the planet right below us.”

Rose leaned forward, her eyes widening. “Right here? How is that possible?”

Although Leia seemed prepared to answer, Rey felt Poe, beside her, piecing through it all, and he was the one who jumped in first. “It’s the perfect vantage point for them to operate from, just like it was for us. Maybe even better.”

“Care to explain why, Commander?”

“The central location as one of the core worlds, first of all. We have plenty of allies here on the docks, but the planet was always loyal to the Empire, and they’re sympathetic to the First Order now. They must know that this will lure the Resistance out for a fight, but they have the upper hand. We can’t get down to the surface, and the planet’s atmo shield protects it from unwanted air travel. There’s… no realistic way to carry out a full-scale attack against them, not here.”

Leia grimaced. “That about covers it.”

Silence as everyone processed Poe’s words.

Again, it was Finn who dared to jump in. “Can I ask the thing that none of us want to ask?” No one said anything, and Leia simply raised her eyebrows and gestured for him to continue. “What’s the Resistance’s move here? Do we want to even try to stop the execution, or are we going to focus on those other ships?”

He was right—that was the question that nobody really wanted to voice, not even Rey.

Because given Kylo Ren’s reputation throughout the galaxy, it would not look good for the Resistance to help him escape what many would no doubt believe to be a just execution, even if it was being carried out by nefarious forces.

“Will Hux and Phasma be at the execution?” Poe asked. His voice was low, almost tentative.

“I’m not certain, but I believe so.” Leia actually rolled her eyes. “Given how much security the planet offers, I suspect they’ll want to use the opportunity to present themselves as the _new_ First Order.”

“Then we want to be there, too,” he said.

A _feeling_ coursed through Rey, as Poe rose to his feet and turned to face everyone. A feeling of him craving her, longing for her to uplift him, and she did. She radiated affection and comfort and when he spoke again, he sounded sure. “We interrupt that execution, and the confusion afterward will be our best chance at getting to Hux and Phasma. If the chain of command in the First Order is as shaky as it sounds, that’s probably exactly what we need to do.”

“Hang on.” Snap spoke up, now. “I think you might be right, Poe, but if the surface is as well-protected as you say, is it worth trying to send a team down there when we don’t even know whether they might get a shot at stopping Hux _or_ Phasma?”

Rey knew that there was a clear solution here, and she looked up at Poe, meeting his eye for a long moment before turning her gaze to Leia. “Ben might know.”

“Do you think you’d be able to reach him?”

“I haven’t exactly tried,” Rey conceded. She felt quite self-conscious, aware of the fact that, in an oblique way, she was admitting to her Force bond with Ben in front of Black Squadron after keeping it from everyone in the Resistance for so long. “But I think so. I should try, shouldn’t I?”

Leia gave Rey a concerned look. “Do you _want_ to try?”

Oh, what a complicated question. Because their Force bond felt deeply invasive to Rey, even now that Ben had betrayed the First Order. Regardless of any affinity that they shared, they had not cultivated a _relationship_ that felt like it really justified their connection. Not in the way that it felt right and good to allow Poe, Luke, and Finn to see into her heart.

Even so. It was their best chance of learning more about the First Order’s plan as quickly as possible, rather than waiting on intel from the spy that might take days, if it even reached them in time.

And regardless of her discomfort with their connection… she wanted Ben to know that she was still there, trying to help him.

She nodded. “Yes, I want to try.”

Rey stood up, glancing around tentatively before making her way back to the bedroom so that she could shut herself away. She tried not to think about everyone else in there; how someone was going to have to explain what she was doing.

She felt the confusion from everyone who didn’t understand what was happening, and she felt how much Poe did not like it. But he knew, as much as Rey did, that if they wanted to act against the First Order, they needed as much intel as possible, as quickly as possible.

Knowing all of this, she closed the door behind her and worked very hard to tune it all out as she sat down on the bed and closed her eyes.

In retrospect, Rey understood that her connection with Ben had emerged in moments of fear, or doubt, or anger. Moments when she’d felt isolated and alone. Now, for the first time, she tried to think consciously about the Force bond, calling out to him.

“I hope you don’t take it personally if I tell you that I didn’t expect you to use our bond again now that you understand it.”

Ben sat in front of her, his hands bound. His posture was sloppy, dejected. However, Rey was struck by the fact that there was a new steadiness to him, a certainty that he’d lacked even when they were both children. So different from every other time she’d seen and felt him.

“I wasn’t really expecting to, either,” Rey admitted. There was no point in sugar-coating.

“Hux and Phasma have made their plans public, then.”

Rey grimaced. “Yes.” A slow nod from Ben. “We want to help you, if we can. That’s why I reached out.”

“Ah.” He hummed and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. “Who would that be, exactly? The Resistance is clambering to rescue me from a well-deserved execution?”

“You don’t deserve to be killed for the sake of propaganda. Everyone in the Resistance will agree with that.” She hesitated. “We were hoping that stopping the execution would give us the opportunity we need to stop Hux and Phasma, too.”

He looked at her, and his gaze was indifferent. “Yes, Rey.”

“Yes, what?”

“They’ll oversee the execution. Neither of them can resist the idea of being as close as possible to watch me die.”

Rey nodded slowly, digesting this. It didn’t escape her notice that Ben seemed completely unmoved by the possibility that they wanted to save him, and though she struggled to surmise precisely why – the distance that stretched between them might not prevent them from connecting through their Force bond, but the depth of his thoughts and feelings were currently quite opaque – she understood enough.

“Leia and I aren’t the ones who made this call,” she told him. Her voice soft. “Poe said it, and one of our other top fighters agreed with him. I wish you would trust me when I say that no one would revel in your death, not knowing that you’ve turned your back on the First Order. You told me that you want to atone for everything you’ve done. Is that still true?”

Ben sighed and shook his head slightly. “That’s the last thing you should be worrying about when trying to pick up the pieces of the galaxy.”

“That’s not what I asked, Ben.”

It certainly weighed on her—the accusations of nepotism that Leia would face if the galaxy felt that she let Ben off too lightly. It didn’t matter if she stepped away from the role of general, as she’d told Poe she wanted to do. She’d made the Resistance what it was, so Rey knew it wouldn’t be difficult for questions to spread. Questions of how they were any better than the First Order, if they were willing to give Ben Solo the time of day. If they _could_ thwart his execution and defeat the First Order, the Resistance’s authority would be tenuous.

Differing opinions of what it would look like to carry out _justice_ against the First Order were already circulating, and those conversations would only become more heated after it was all over. Rey was certain of it.

She didn’t need Ben to remind her of what was at stake.

“Yes, it’s still true.”

“Alright, then.” Rey traced her eyes over his features. “Will you believe me, this time, when I say that I’ll see you soon?”

Gently, he chuckled. “I believe you. I also believe that it’s foolish, but I believe you.”

\--

The Resistance plan came together quickly after that. In many respects, their previous course of action still held water; their pilots would mobilize along with civilian fighters to attack the First Order ships across the galaxy. Black Squadron would lead the attack over Kuat.

After confirming with the rest of Black Squadron that their task would remain largely the same, Leia set them loose to take a few more hours—likely the last quiet moment they could expect to have at least until this confrontation was over, if not longer.

Rose and Chewie, too, she sent away, asking them to begin spreading the news of the new plan to their contacts across the galaxy.

It was then, with Finn, Poe, and Rey crowded around her, that she turned their attention to the mission to the surface.

“One of the first things I did this morning was ensure that we have the resources to send anyone down to the planet in the first place,” she said. “And it should be possible. We’ll owe one or two people some pretty big favors to get us faked papers in time, but if we’re in a position where we can’t follow through, I think a few debts will be the least of our concerns. Hux and Phasma will oversee the execution from the governor’s mansion, which overlooks the main square in Kuat City. His servants are sympathetic to the Resistance, so with their help, the team should be able to get in just fine.”

Finn and Poe nodded, taking this in, but Rey could see that they were still a step behind Leia, so she spoke up. “You want us to do it.”

While Finn perked up at once – receiving confirmation of precisely what he was hoping for – Poe looked startled. He’d been picturing himself up in the sky, so preoccupied with the image that he hadn’t even caught on to Leia’s intentions through the Force. “What, all three of us?”

“All three of you,” Leia agreed. “We have a great opportunity, here. The fact of the matter is that with your training, you’ll be able to do the work of a full squad without drawing anywhere near as much attention, which we’ll need if we want to infiltrate the execution undetected. But there are too many moving pieces here to risk sending just one or two of you. They won’t be expecting interference coming from the planet itself, and Hux and Phasma’s reaction will be… unpredictable. I think our chances of success are highest if the three of you can work together to handle whatever happens.”

Poe hesitated. He glanced from Leia to Finn before his eyes finally landed on Rey, whom he stared at for a few seconds. Reluctant to respond because he wasn’t _opposed_ as much as he was just… unconvinced. “You’re sure? I know I said that this mission should happen, but Hux and Phasma are just two people. Shouldn’t we have as many pilots in the air as possible to take down the _Steadfast_?”

“Take this as you will,” she said gently, “but I’m partially working off of Luke’s plan here. He told me that Rey and Poe would be a formidable team in battle.” Gesturing between them as she spoke. “He also believed _emphatically_ that your partnership would be at its best with Finn there at your side, as well. I’m inclined to believe him. And besides.” Her eyes twinkled as she paused, holding Poe’s gaze. “What was it you told me when you wanted to go to Yavin?”

Poe’s voice was quiet. “Black Squadron managed just fine without me while I was on Ahch-To.”

The truth of her words hung over the room for several moments, making the trio more than a little emotional.

Leia was willing to give him some grace, though. “Even so, if you think you belong in a fighter, I trust you, Poe. I meant it when I said I want to step back. You can make this call.”

He was quite slow to answer, and Rey, Finn, and Leia were in no rush.

More than once, Poe had brushed off the training that they’d done with Rey, and then with Luke, by saying that he was and always would be a pilot at heart. It was strange to imagine that in this, of all moments, he should be grounded—as one of the best pilots in the Resistance, he would _certainly_ be an asset to the fight in the air.

But there was also a nagging feeling in his gut that Leia – that Luke – was right. That perhaps, without knowing it, they had been preparing to face this challenge together since he and Finn each faced off against Rey for the first time on Ajan Kloss.

With a final glance at Finn, and then at Rey – whose hand was settled on his knee while she looked at him with no expectation and the greatest generosity – he said, “I guess you were right, Finn. We’re going to the surface.”

\--

“I can’t believe that after getting all of this planned out, we have to just sit around for three days.”

Rey and Poe had turned in for the night, but they were sitting up together, Rey settled in between Poe’s legs and leaning back against his chest. Their hands were clasped over her stomach together, one of Poe’s thumbs stroking her skin. And when she spoke, he leaned down and kissed her jaw softly.

“You know those days are going to go so kriffing fast.”

She hummed and squeezed his hands a bit tighter. “I know. I just…” While she puzzled over her words, the deeper, more complex sentiment behind it all simmered between them, and Poe kissed her again as encouragement. “I don’t mean to get so serious,” she told him apologetically, rather than continue.

“That’s okay,” he murmured. “Whatever you wanna talk about, love. Always.”

An offer that Rey could disregard if she felt so inclined, of course, but she took in a long breath before pressing in closer against him. Holding him tighter. “I don’t remember a single period in my life when I haven’t been waiting for something big. Everything when I was a child was all about just waiting to figure out the source of my curse. Waiting to figure out how to break it. At this point I’d give anything to be able to choose my path and just _walk_ it. Not necessarily knowing what’s at the end, but at least knowing that I’m moving forward. Does that make sense?”

“Mhm.” Poe nuzzled her neck, remembering the girl he’d met back on Ahch-To. She’d been so ready to leave, to do _anything_ , for reasons that he hadn’t fully realized—not even close. She’d decided that tagging along with a near-stranger was preferable to remaining on that rock.

Not that he thought the choice was wrong. (On the contrary, he was stupidly grateful for it every day.) But at the time, he hadn’t understood what he was offering her; what she was grasping at.

Understanding it _now_ , it gutted him. So yes: Rey’s current ambivalence made perfect sense.

“Can I ask you something?” he said then. Because Rey was leaning into the feel of his arms around her and the reassurance that he’d offered, but she wasn’t saying anything more.

She nodded. “Unless it’s a ‘carrying the weight of the galaxy’ question.”

“I can sing a few more tunes than that,” Poe retorted, poking her belly playfully. “And I don’t think that’s the one you need to hear right now.”

Her heart pounded a bit faster at the thought of him _knowing_. “Alright then.”

“Do you think the things you saw on Yavin, while you were meditating… Was that real?”

When Rey described the visions to Poe – what pieces she could remember – she’d been cautious around that precise question. Because her visions of Ben and Luke had been an uncanny combination of reality and dream, so it seemed foolish to imagine that the vision of Yavin was any different. And then, with the marker that they put at Luke’s grave…

It appeared there was at least some truth to her glimpse of the future, too.

“Parts of it,” she whispered. “I think.”

“How do you feel about that?” he asked.

Both because of what she’d just said, and because of the other parts of her absence that she’d told him about—the newly peculiar relationship that she had with beliefs about what the future would or could be.

“I don’t think I saw anything that I didn’t already believe was ahead of us,” Rey said carefully. “If we could defeat the First Order, I mean. I think that _is_ our future.”

“Us on Yavin.”

Rey heard the joy in Poe’s voice and felt the butterflies in his stomach at the thought, and she smiled. “Yes. And you doing the hard work of piecing the galaxy back together.”

“What about you?”

Yes, that was the more difficult question. It hadn’t escaped Rey’s notice that she’d seen a future for Poe, and Leia, and Finn, and while she’d seen herself as happy… what was actually _in_ that world for her? What purpose did she have, now that she wasn’t waiting to break that damn curse?

“I don’t know about me, Flyboy.” She exhaled slowly. “I think we’re the best people to save Ben and stop Hux and Phasma, but I’m ready to not be a Jedi for a while. At least not in the way that I’m worried the galaxy needs me to be.” Turning her head to look over her shoulder at him, she said, “No need to sing that tune.”

Poe chuckled and kissed the corner of her mouth. “I wasn’t going to. You’re probably right. The galaxy would be a better place if you took on that responsibility. That doesn’t mean you should.”

“No?” Rey shifted her body, turning to lean against Poe’s chest. She folded herself more tightly into his embrace at the same moment that he pulled her in tighter.

“We will find some way to carry on without you, I promise.” His tone was teasingly noble, just slightly performative, although he faltered and ultimately felt the need to qualify his statement. “The galaxy will carry on without you, I mean. You’re stuck with me.”

She giggled. “Good.” But after that, she faltered. Poe could feel that she wanted to offer up more, and he remained quiet, waiting. “I’d like to see new places. I’d like to see people living without the burden of the First Order weighing on us all. I’d like to do things with my hands.”

“Those sound like really good things,” he said gently.

“Don’t they?” Rey nudged Poe’s gut with her elbow. “And you know very well I meant _farming_ or _building things_.”

Poe scoffed. “That’s what I meant too, mostly.”

“Mostly,” Rey echoed. But she smirked and squeezed Poe’s hand gently— _she_ was mostly amused.

“I’m sure my dad would be happy to have the help,” he offered, rather than pushing that line of thinking any further.

What a lovely picture. Rey, working the farm on Yavin beside Kes. Perhaps Poe would join them, when he wasn’t busy with other responsibilities. That was a good future.

“You don’t think it’s strange?” she asked then. It certainly felt strange to Rey. “That I want to go everywhere and slow down to breathe, all at the same time?”

“No.” Poe’s breath caught in his throat, and Rey felt it in her own lungs when she inhaled. “I do too. That’s… exactly it.”

\--

Ben wasn’t certain when he’d last eaten, but he _was_ certain that, by now, he must be owed a meal. Of course, they probably didn’t care how lucid he was for his karking execution – maybe they even wanted him to look like a complete mess – but surely _starving_ him was overkill. They’d taken away his saber and whatever semblance of power he’d possessed before helping Rey. The least they could do was toss in a piece of bread.

Not that they were going to hear him complain, not for a second. So if that was what they were waiting for…

Well. At least he wouldn’t be starving for too long.

Even so, he couldn’t help but perk up just slightly when the door hissed open. _Finally_.

Armitage Hux entered, carrying no food along with him. His sour features were harshened by a severe scowl as he shut the door behind him without a single word to Ben.

“You could have at least knocked,” Ben told him. He kept his tone dry. Indifferent.

Hux rolled his eyes, and Ben had to refrain from chuckling. If they weren’t going to feed him, at least he could savor the general’s exasperation. “I have no interest in entertaining your sarcasm, Solo. I have more important things to discuss with you.”

Doubtful. Ben sighed and leaned his head back against the wall of the cell, his gaze focusing on the ceiling. “Do tell.”

“Against my better judgement, I’m here to offer you a deal.”

While Ben Solo did not _physically_ react to this in any way, he was irritated with himself for being at all intrigued. “Did you get Phasma’s permission first?”

This was an intentionally low blow, and the corner of Ben’s mouth quirked up when he felt Hux’s fury spread through the cell. “If I didn’t—”

“But clearly you _do_ need me,” Ben retorted before Hux could even finish the sentence. He sat up and leaned forward on the bench, looking up at the general with raised eyebrows. He spoke with a calm, measured tone, because at this point, what was at stake for him? There was nothing else Hux could threaten him with. “If you’re here at all, you need me. So go ahead and tell me what you want.”

Hux’s normally-pale face was red with anger, but Ben was right: clearly Hux needed him more than he wanted to punish him. “Despite what I said when we first captured you, I’ve come to realize that I might have been acting too rashly when I suggested that we kill you.”

Again, Ben wanted to laugh. Although he wasn’t trying to pick up on what Hux was thinking, it was difficult to miss—the man had always been more transparent than he probably wanted to be, but he was particularly tense, now, and it made his mood even more revealing. “Because you’ve realized Phasma is going to try to push you aside as soon as she has the chance? You’re right. She won’t need you after my execution renews the First Order’s confidence in you both. Honestly, killing you will probably gain her more respect.”

“I’m _aware_ of that, thank you.” His tone was irritated, his words clipped. “But maybe there’s another option.”

“Maybe I’m ready to die.”

“No, I don’t quite think that’s true.” Hux began to pace the cell, his hands crossed behind his back. It seemed that Ben’s goading had worn off, because now Hux watched him thoughtfully. “I might not understand what happened with that Jedi, but I’ve had the misfortune of coming to know and understand _you_ quite well in the past few years. Snoke has been charting your course for as long as I’ve known you, and I think you _liked_ it that way. That doesn’t mean that you have a death wish now.”

Frankly, Ben would never have guessed that Armitage Hux was paying such close attention, and he was a little annoyed to learn otherwise. Not least of which because both Rey and Hux had now suggested that Ben had been content to allow someone else to orient his life.

Rather than argue, though, he tilted his head to the side. “What are you suggesting, then?”

“Simple. I manufacture the circumstances for you to escape your execution. In the ensuing mayhem, you kill Phasma. I allow you to escape unharmed, and you find some far-off corner of the galaxy where you won’t cause the First Order any trouble.”

_Kill Phasma_.

There it was. Against Hux, Phasma would easily have the upper-hand—she was well-trained, and vicious, and Hux had spent very little time in combat.

But everyone knew that the Jedi and Sith could defeat a single non-Force-wielding enemy with ease.

“And based on everything you _think_ you know about me, I would agree to that deal because…”

Hux stared down at him with the utmost indifference. “Because for whatever pathetic reason, I think you want to find a purpose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Execution coming in the next chapter! Based on my other work -- both fic and academic -- there's a fair chance that I won't be able to stick to my schedule of getting it up in a week, but hopefully it'll be ready soon after. Thanks all for reading up to this point. 
> 
> \--
> 
> My newly-updated playlist for this fic is [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FPXk5OtimfO6uB3AUxjyf?si=CjPvqYD3RCeD8AtnziPK4w).
> 
> For non-Spotify users, the songs are as follows:  
> \- "Provisions" by Kevin Morby  
> \- "pacify "by Hand Habits  
> \- "Here and Now" by Flannel Graph  
> \- "Say We'll Make It" by Vacation Manor  
> \- "If I Am Only My Thoughts" by Loving


End file.
